Begin to Begin (16 page)

I’m supposed to be staying away from her but I can’t. I can’t stand being away from her and the more I thought about it, I feel she is safer if I’m around. I don’t trust Sonny and J.R. They may be trouble but they aren’t stupid. They will figure out that if I’m not with her I’m just avoiding her so they will stay away. That will make them want to get to her more.

But I'm not sure what I was thinking when I called Liam today and asked him to bring me here. After lunch, I didn't even go home. I drove around for hours and then ended up at Marin's house. Thank god none of her neighbors were home because I'm sure I would be in police custody by now if they were.

I’m sure I would have been perceived at the crazy stalker guy in the neighborhood.

But today, the need to see her again overtook everything else. After this afternoon, I didn't want to take the chance of going days without seeing her again. Not talking to her for the last week and a half has been a brutal necessity with everything transpiring between Sonny and J.R. But I needed to make sure she was safe. I needed to be close to her again.

All I want to do is shelter her from all the wrong that consumed my past and all that sadness that has consumed hers.

We drive to her house in silence. A nervous tension clouds the atmosphere. I'm not looking for anything from her tonight or any night for that matter. I would never want more from her than what she offers to me. Just to sit next to her and hear her breathe while she looks out that window is enough to make me happy. Enough to ease my mind.

As we pull into her driveway, Marin lets out a soft sigh. If I wasn't already so tuned into every sound and movement she makes, I probably wouldn't have heard it.

"You OK?" I ask.

Nodding, she looks to me and smiles. It's not her easy smile that I'm used to. This one seems more forced. "Maybe I should ask you that?" She turns her body to me as she asks.

"Yeah, I'm good. Perfect now that I got to see you one more time tonight." I smile awkwardly at her, not really sure where she’s going with this.

Turning back to face the front, she stares out the front window of the car not saying anything.

What seems like minutes, but is probably only a couple seconds, pass by before she says anything. "What are we doing, Dalton?"

"I'm dropping you off at home and then getting in my vehicle and driving home … if that’s what you want." It’s not what
I
want.

"I think you know what I mean." She turns fully to face me. "What is this thing—" she motions between the two of us "—that is happening between us."

Letting out a deep sigh, I lean my head back on her head rest and then tilt it to the side just enough that I can get a good look at her deep chocolate eyes.

Sometimes I see the sadness melting away from them, but most of the time, it’s still there. But tonight, there’s more. There’s confusion and worry in them too.

"I don't know, Marin. I really don't. But I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not enjoying whatever it is. You bring something to my life that I’ve never experienced before. But I'm not asking you to be anything more than that. I'm not asking you to be more to me than you are ready to be. Even if it's just friends."

Tears start to form in her eyes. The last thing I wanted to do was make her cry. "I don't know what to say. I'm so confused. I know I like you. Maybe even more than a friend, but every time I admit that, I feel like I lose another piece of him. Another piece of Benji."

I'm not going to let her feel this way anymore. I will do everything I can to make her feel comfortable with me and still feel like she has a hold on Benji.

Opening up my door, I jump out of her car and make my way around to her side. I can feel her eyes follow me as I go. I open her door and reach my hand in for her, unsure if she will actually take it or not.

She pauses for a second, but then finally does. Once out of the car, she stands before me and I take a moment to drink all of her in. Her wild, dark hair blows in the wind, eyes glistening with unshed tears and lips the color of a rose petal that I would love to touch again and see if they are as soft as I remember.

Reaching around her, I grab her purse from the floor of the car and with her purse in one hand and her dainty palm placed in my other hand, I walk her to her door. I place her purse on the small table beside the door and with my free hand I place it softly to her cheek. She leans into my touch.

It's amazing how the feel of her soft, cool skin can ignite a fire under mine.

Stepping closer to her I lean in to place my lips to her ear, breathing in her scent of apples and blossoms and then whisper so softly that I'm not even sure she will hear me, "I don't want to take his place, Marin, I would never want to do that." I know she heard me by the way her body tenses. I move my lips away from her ear and look back into her eyes. Looking between them and her lips. "I'm not asking to be your everything, Marin, just let me be your something."

Closing the short distance that remains between us, I softly place my lips to hers. I don’t kiss her like I did before, though. I don’t want to take too much from her. But I kiss her so she knows I’m not going anywhere.

"OK," she says simply.

"OK," I whisper back, not sure if I am hearing her correctly.

"I'm not ready to give you my all. I'm not sure if I can ever give that to anyone again. But I do know that I want to give you something." She places her soft palm to my cheek. "You make me feel alive again. No one has been able to do that."

Pulling her to me, I wrap her up in my arms, not wanting to let her go.

"Just promise me that we will take this slow. I'm not ready for too much too fast. I do know that," she pleads.

I run my hands through her dark locks and place a small kiss on her forehead. "Absolutely. I would never rush anything or push for anything you weren't ready for."

"OK," she replies with a smile. "I better go in and get to bed. I have a long day tomorrow." She turns to walk in but then turns back around and throws her arms around me. "Thank you, Dalton. For everything." She breaks away from our embrace and turns back to the door.

"Sweet dreams, Marin. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

******

I have to admit that I have a little skip in my step heading back to my Bronco. Nothing in my life has ever felt this right. There was always a missing piece. I feel now that Marin will complete the puzzle. Taking it slow is totally fine by me. That just means that I get more time with her.

I jump in and turn on the vehicle and turn the radio up. There is an old Motley Crue song on the radio. It must be flashback eighties night.

As I drive toward home, tapping my hands to the beat on the steering wheel, I hear my phone beep the all too familiar beep. It's the tone I set up for when Sonny or J.R. text. I pull off to the side of the road because whatever it is will surely piss me off, and the last thing I need is getting in or causing an accident.

Sonny: Call me I have a run

"Fuuuuck!" I should have known he wasn't going to let up. But that's fine. I'll set up this run with him. Hopefully, it will be the last one and this entire situation will be long gone from my life. For good.

Not even bothering to text back, I hit the little call button. He answers after the first ring.

"Well, well, well. That's the quickest you have called back in a long time. You must be liking the work you have been doing."

"Yeah, don't bet on it. What's up?"

"I have a huge job for you. I would have J.R. do it but he would probably fuck it up. You may have pissed me off when you wanted out but you never fucked up a run … Well, except that one time last year but that wasn't entirely your fault."

"Get on with it, Sonny." I don't feel like sitting here and wasting my time listening to his bullshit.

"Fort Lauderdale. Huge run. Six figures." I can't help the raise of my eyebrows at the words six figures. Just a few months ago, that's all that I would be thinking about. Money.

"That's a lot of money. What does this run involve, exactly?"

"Custom SLR McLaren with a package to go along with it." This exudes another lift of the eyebrows.

"Really? And where would you have acquired a machine of that magnitude, Sonny? That's not really either of our style." I don't bring up the package that goes along with the car. It's not unlike him to have his drug trades going on in the middle of a car run. I'm sure the package has something to do with drugs. Well, at least, I hope it does. That will make this whole process go a little bit smoother.

"Don't you worry about it. Just a little something new I'm trying my hand at. And this car is a beauty, if I do say so myself." I hear him rattling around with something on his end. "So, I need an answer. Are you in or not?"

Pausing for a moment, I think of the consequences if I tell him no. He isn't likely to accept that answer and then will be back on Marin's tail. It will also be harder to nail his ass to the wall.

But, if I say yes, it could fuck up everything that I fixed with Marin. I don’t know if I can fix it if I screw up again. If she found anything out before I was ready to tell her, I know I would lose her forever.

Letting out a long sigh, I give him the answer he wants to hear, "Yeah, I'm in."

"I knew you would be," he answers gladly. He continues to rattle around with something on his end. "I'll have the burner phone dropped off for you tonight and text you in the morning all the information that you will need for pick-up and meeting point."

"OK. I'm on my way home now so I will be there in about twenty minutes." I start my truck back up and pull back onto the road, hoping that Uncle Mel and Aunt Dot are fast asleep.

"Good. And Dalton?" He pauses to make sure I understand his next words. "Don't screw this up. I still know where that pretty little friend of yours lives." He ends the call as a chill goes down my spine.

I throw my phone on the seat next to me. Laying my head on my steering wheel, I ask myself over and over again, “What the fuck am I going to do?” I stay pulled over along the side of the road for a few more moments, coming to terms with all the decisions I have made over the past few weeks. Hell, all of my decisions over the past couple of years are running at warp speed through my brain. But these ones right now, they are all for her. She may not understand and she may not want anything to do with me after all is said and done, but at least she will have the answers that she needs.

Hopefully she will be able to be happy again. Even if I’m not there to see it.

The next morning, I don’t do anything until I speak to Detective Merritt. I don’t even get my smelly ass out of bed and showered before dialing his number. I can only hope that everything he told me is the truth and that this is all going to work out as planned. If so, everything will be over soon.

Once he knows all the details and I am somewhat confident that Marin will be safe in all of this, I shower and head down to the garage to go through some of the previous days’ paperwork. I’ve really been slacking on my garage management duties over the last week, and I need to get caught back up before Uncle Mel catches on and assumes the worst. Because he will.

I don’t even make it to the bottom of the stairs when I see him waiting for me though.
Great
.

“What’s up, Unc?” I call down to him.

“We need to talk,” he huffs out.

Wonderful. He’s already pissed. I guess we can just get this over with now.

“I’m only going to say this one more time Dalton. If you fuck around with those thug assholes Sonny and J.R. anymore, you’re done here. I’m not going to have it bring this place down. Your aunt and I love you but she can’t deal with it anymore. It will break her heart. And quite honestly, I’m not going to stand by and watch you go down that road again.”

The look in his eyes breaks me. I never cared before what anyone thought about my activities with Sonny and J.R. But something has changed in me. I feel and see the hurt it causes now. His eyes are pleading and disappointed as he continues his lecture. I almost want to tell him the truth. About everything. Marin, Sonny, J.R., and Detective Merritt. But I could be putting him at risk.

“I saw one of those shit heads here last night. They dropped a package through the drop box. I didn’t touch it because god only knows what the hell is in it. I
don’t
want to know. Just end it.” He turns angrily to leave but I feel I need to give him some explanation. I owe it to him after all I have put them through. All the times they have bailed me out of jail. All the times that Aunt Dot sat with me and bandaged me up after a fight. All the times they had no idea if I was dead or alive.

“Unc, wait!” I call. He pauses mid step but doesn’t turn. “I have to explain a few things to you. But … but, you can’t say anything. It could have major consequences if you did. But I owe it to you.” He turns to face me now. “Come sit down in the office, and I will explain everything.”

Turning around, I walk into the office. I see the package lying on the floor that he saw get dropped off. I know it’s the burner phone I will need for the drop I planned with Sonny. The last drop. Though Sonny doesn’t know that.

Sitting down on the crappy chair in the corner of the office, I drop my head to my hands and start to tell him everything.

We talked for about hour. I told him everything and why I was doing what I was doing. He was silent the entire time. Never even tried to breathe a word.

After I was finished, he stared at me. He then stood, crossed his arms over his chest, and only said four words before turning to walk out the door.

“Don’t fuck this up.”

He walks out with a huff but I can see relief replace the disappointment in his eyes.

I look up and see Liam standing in the doorway staring at me. “What was that all about?” he asks.

“Nothing you need to concern yourself with. Just me getting myself into messes that I can’t get out of.” He gives a curt nod and then turns to leave. I know what he’s thinking, though; he doesn’t have to say anything. He doesn’t like Sonny and J.R. any more than Uncle Mel does.