Beginnings (The Trifectus Series - Book One) (15 page)

After a few minutes of fighting, school faculty came and broke up the fight.  Derek and James stopped, and they were both taken away to be disciplined and cleaned up.  They both had bruises and cuts all over their bodies. 

James looked at me as he was being taken away.  He had a disgusted look as if this was my entire fault.  He was blaming me for what had taken place.  I never wanted him to get violent with Derek.  I just wanted to know if they were involved and what we could do about it.  James could’ve walked away when he was pushed, but he didn’t.  He didn’t have any self-control.  He wasn’t the man I thought he was.

I didn’t see James for the rest of the day.  I had no idea what had happened to him.  I worried they found something out and were arresting him.  They both could’ve been arrested for fighting in the first place.  I thought about James for the rest of the day until it was time to leave.

I got in the car and saw Emma as I was driving away.  She looked distraught, as if something bad had happened.  She cried and waved as my car drove away.  I felt horrible.  This was my entire fault for suggesting it in the first place.

On the way home, my phone beeped.  It was Marcus.

“Hey Juliet,” he wrote.

“Oh, hey Marcus.  How are you?” I replied.

“I’m good.  Miss talking to u,” he said.

“Miss talking to u 2,” I replied.

I really did miss talking to Marcus.  I bet Marcus never would’ve fought Derek.  He just would have let it all go and walked away from the fight.  Marcus was like that, though.  He was more passive and didn’t like confrontation.  Sometimes I wished that James had a little bit of that inside of him.

I got home and nobody was there.  I sat on the couch and immediately started crying.  Why did things have to be this way?  I thought I knew James but I clearly didn’t.  My eyes were beet red from crying.  I knew what I needed to do.  I knew that James wasn’t the man I thought he was.  Things needed to change and they needed to change fast.  I had to do something drastic.

Chapter Seven

Break

I had waited my entire life for somebody like James.  Somebody to love me, hold me, kiss me, and want to be with me.  That wasn’t always enough though.  I needed someone I could trust.  I wanted someone not only to hold my secrets, but also to hold my life and safety close to their heart.  I saw what James did to Derek and I didn’t like it one bit.  He was somebody I had never seen him be before.  He was ruthless and cruel.  The look that he gave me alone was enough to send chills through any person’s spine.

I sat in my room all night thinking of what to do about him.  I loved him more than my own life, but was it enough?  Was pure love enough to mask the fact he was a ticking time bomb: a man who at any moment could snap and hurt me just like he hurt Derek?  I couldn’t take that risk.  That night I made the hard decision to leave James.  I didn’t want to, I really didn’t.  I wanted to marry this man.  I wanted to be his loving wife and move away with him for all eternity. 

Right before I lay down to go to bed, I heard a tap at my window.  James was standing there looking at me, and I was scared.  What was I going to do?  What if he went berserk and attacked me here?  I opened the window and let him in.

“I wanted to come and talk to you,” he said.

“I’m not sure what there is to talk about,” I replied.

“I don’t know what came over me today.  I tried to be nice and talk to him but he pushed me to my limit.  I kept thinking of what happened to Brittany and what will happen to others and I snapped.  I lost control of my body and remember hitting him until I was removed from him.  I have never been so out of touch with reality in my life.”

“I’m just scared you’ll do that to me.”

“Juliet, I would never.  I love you with all that I am.”

“You said you didn’t know what came over you today.  What if something came over you when you were with me and you hurt me?  I can’t take that chance.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I think we should take a break,” I said with a single tear running down my cheek.

“No, don’t do this, please.  I will do anything for you.  I can’t lose you.  My breaths flow through my lungs because of you.  My heart races when you walk into the room.  I can’t lose you.”

“I’m sorry.  I just think until I am able to find myself and find what is best we should take a break.”

“Why would you do this to me?  Don’t you love me?”

“Yes, more than you know.  But today, I saw a different side of you.  The look you gave me right after your fight was too much, James.  You looked at me with disgust as if I did this to you.  As if I was the one to blame.”

“Don’t lie.  I never did that!”

“James, yes you did.  You were so out of focus with everything you don’t even remember.  You scared me, James.  You scared me so much,” I said, crying hysterically.

“No, Juliet, no.  I won’t give up on you.  I won’t give up on us.”

“James, it’s over,” I said while kissing him for the last time.

As he kissed me back, I could feel a tear fall onto my cheek.  I had broken his heart, just like he had broken mine.  He put his head down and went back out the window, stopping to turn around and look at me.  He smiled and then jumped.  I had never been so broken in my life as I was in that one moment.  My world was over.

I couldn’t sleep that night.  I lay awake crying until my head was throbbing.  Why did I do that?  He couldn’t help what happened.  I was so stupid to let him go.  As I started to drift off, I felt a void covering me in a cocoon.  The darkness seeped into my soul and started to tear me apart.  I was going to be alone for the rest of my life.  I gave up the best thing that ever happened to me.

I started having thoughts and visions of James and me in the future.  We had children and were smiling and laughing.  We were in the French countryside with fields of wheat everywhere.  Just as the happiest part came, the darkness enveloped me as I woke up screaming.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” my father said as he busted through my door.

“Nothing, just a bad dream,” I replied.

“Are you sure nothing is wrong?  It sounded like you were being murdered!”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

I really wasn’t sure.  I was dying inside and just wanted to go back in time.  I just wanted to take back what I said and tell James I loved him and he was the only man I will ever love.  My heart was his and I would let him have it forever if he would just hold me.

My father hugged me and then went back to bed.  I had so many people I could talk to, but I felt so alone and isolated.  I started slipping deeper and deeper into a depression.  I had never felt so cold and dark, as if I was caught in deep space drifting on for eternity.

The next morning I woke up exhausted and cold.  I had barely slept at all last night and couldn’t seem to get warm no matter how many blankets I had.  I felt like all of the life and warmth had been sucked right out of me.

I went downstairs and saw my mom had breakfast ready.

“Juliet, you have to leave for school in fifteen minutes.  Aren’t you going to get ready?”

“What’s the point?”

“Well, don’t you want to look your best?”

“No.  I don’t care about looks or anything else.  Just leave me alone.”

“Oh, OK, dear,” my mother said as she walked away.

As I watched her walk away, I wanted to scream.  I wanted to empty my lungs of all the screams I had built up inside of me.  I didn’t want to be like this anymore.  I didn’t like it.

I got up after seeing what my mother had made.  The sight of food made me sick.  I got my things and left for school in my pajamas.  My old self would have never have left like this.  I would’ve called in sick before I even left with a pimple.  The old me was gone though, and had no intentions of ever coming back.

When I got to school everyone looked at me and whispered.  You would think I was growing a horn by the way they gasped.  I walked around the corner and James was not at my locker.  This was the first time he hadn’t been there in a long time.  That dug the knife a little deeper into my already scarred heart. 

“Are you okay?” asked Ariel.

“Just dandy,” I replied.

“Are you sure you’re dandy?  Because you look depressed.”

“I’m fine, Ariel.”

“You know I’m always here for you if you nee—“

“I said I’m fine, Ariel.  Now drop it.”

As I finished, Ariel walked away.  What was I doing?  I was pushing away the people that cared about me, and I couldn’t stop.  I had no control over what I was doing or what I was saying.  I was broken.

I didn’t see James the entire day.  Even at lunch, he was nowhere to be found.  All I wanted to do was talk to him.  Maybe I could be with him again and change things.  Maybe his anger was a one-time thing and he just lost control in the fight.  Maybe he was right when he told me he would never hurt me.  I knew he loved me, and he could be telling the truth.

People looked at me the entire day.  I was the freak of the school: the girl who showed up with her hair gone wild and no makeup on.  The girl in the polka-dotted sweatpants that couldn’t even bother to shower.  Their opinions didn’t matter, though.  All that mattered was James and if he still loved me. 

The day seemed like it was over as soon as it started.  I went home to see my father already there.

“Honey, did you just come from school?”

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you get dressed?  We don’t pay good money to have you go to school in your pajamas.”

“Sorry to be such a disappointment.”

I hated when he did this.  I could get dressed up 99.9% of the time, but when I didn’t get dressed up it is all he focuses on.  I had never not gotten ready for school and he is acting like I do this every day.

“You aren’t a disappointment.  I just wish you would take more pride in your appearance.”

“I’ll try harder next time, colonel,” I said as I walked upstairs.

Why did I even bother with anything?  It seemed as if I was just one big disappointment.  I disappointed my parents, James and my friends.  They tried to help me but I pushed them away.

I turned around to get my computer and I saw James standing there, staring at me.  Just as fast as I saw him, he vanished into thin air.  What was happening to me?  I was starting to go insane.  I fell to the floor and cried as I curled up into a ball.  My walls were crumbling and I was feeling it deep inside myself. 

The void grew darker and darker as I squeezed myself tighter.  I could feel the crushing darkness draw the air out of my lungs.  I was losing myself.  I was losing control of everything.  As I looked up, I saw him standing over me.  It was as if he was staring at me while I was dying, not even wanting to help.  He shook his head and disappeared again.  As he vanished, I could breathe again.  I gasped for air as sweat dripped down my face.  I started coughing as I regained my composure.  What was happening to me?  Why was I so numb?

I sat against my bed in disbelief.  My hands were shaking from the sheer anxiety that I felt.  I needed to get over him before I completely lost my mind.

As I was wallowing in my own self-pity, my phone vibrated.

“Are you okay?” asked Marcus.

“Yeah,” I said.

I couldn’t bother Marcus with what I was going through.  I wasn’t the kind of person to ask for help or let people know I was hurting.  I thought I could deal with it myself, even though deep down I knew I couldn’t.

“I miss you,” he replied.

“I miss you too,” I replied.

I really did miss him.  We had drifted away, and it hurt deeply.  He was one of the best friends I have ever had, and I tossed him away for a man who broke me.  I gave up the nice guy for the wild one. 

“I think we should try to hang out sometime,” he said.

Those simple words made me break a little smile.  I really could use a friend right now, especially in person.  I had always wanted to meet Marcus and now I might have the chance. 

“I think so too,” I replied.

He replied with a smiley, but I didn’t reply back.  While I wanted to meet him and talk to him, I was still scared.  I wanted to be with James, I wanted to feel whole again.

As the night went on, I saw visions of James.  He was everywhere.  I would turn a corner and there he would be.  Why was this happening to me?  Why couldn’t I just be normal? 

I went to bed earlier than normal.  I couldn’t deal with being awake anymore.  I couldn’t deal with the images and thoughts of James haunting my every move.

I had one vivid, haunting dream that night.  I was standing in the middle of the woods.  I was walking and looking around at the dropping trees.  The branches were slowly falling down as if they were drops of water sliding down the side of a wall.  As they fell further and further, they turned darker and darker.  I started hearing crying noises and screams as I started running.  The entire forest was falling down on top of me, trying to pull me in.  As I was running, I saw figures in the distance: shadows.  As I got closer, I saw it was the pack of rogue werewolves.  They chased me, toying with me.  I screamed and screamed, but nobody could hear me.  As I was running, I tripped over a black, dripping tree root.  I flipped around and there they were, standing over me.  They laughed as I crawled backwards, trying to get away from them.  I looked to my right to see James standing there watching them.  He wasn’t helping me.  He was letting them get closer to me.  He shook his head as one came in to bite me.  Right as he bit me I woke up in a cold sweat.