BegMe (14 page)

Nick gave her a puzzled glance.

Jared shifted in his seat. “Tessa?”

She repeated her safeword.

“Tessa, look at me.”

She wouldn’t. Jared gripped her chin and forced her to look
his way.

“It’s over. I’ve used my safeword. I’m going home.”

The wounded look in his eyes almost brought her to her
knees, yet she knew it was an act. If he even thought for one second she would
consider screwing his friend, he wasn’t the man she thought he was.

“Tessa, it’s not what you think.”

Gathering her resolve, she glared at him. Inside, her heart
became a crumbling mess of betrayal. “Goodbye, Jared.”

She rose as gracefully as her shattered emotions would
allow. She wove through the room, not once looking back. He called her name but
she ignored him.

Lydia stepped in her path. “Your Master calls your name,
slave.”

Tessa’s anger rose full force, aimed directly at the woman
in front of her. All she wanted was to go home and lick her wounds. “Look,
Lydia. Get out of my way before I bitch-slap you.”

Lydia raised her eyebrows. “A slave never talks to a Master
like that.”

She was tempted, oh so tempted, to do exactly as she
pleased, but half-naked and tired, she didn’t have the energy. Instead, she
sidestepped the woman. Lydia grabbed her and Tessa yanked her arm back. “I’m no
person’s slave.”

In the hallway, she pulled on her shawl. She needed to get
out of the house, away from all the people, away from Jared. She was mad as
hell but it was Jared’s betrayal that pierced right through to her heart. Her
head ached, her body was numb. She could barely stumble outside, into the cold
night air.

Hailing a cab, she let her resolve crumble. The tears
slipped down her cheeks in silent rivulets. How could she have been so stupid,
so naïve to believe a man like Jared could ever want something more meaningful
than sex?

She cursed herself. And him.

Chapter Eight

Jared stood on the steps and watched Tessa’s cab drive away.
He’d been surprised at her abrupt departure and the cancellation of their
partnership. For a few moments, he’d been too stunned to react. Rousing himself
into action, he’d pushed past the onlookers and rushed after her. But he’d been
too late. She’d left him.

He stared into the night. There was a chill in the air but
he didn’t feel it. The pain of losing Tessa made his body numb. It had been a
mistake to bring her here but he’d wanted to show her off. His woman. He wanted
everyone to know she was his. Unfortunately, she hadn’t been ready.

Nick snorted. “Your new submissive appears to be a real
bitch.”

The pounding in Jared’s ears became a roar. No longer able
to contain his anger, he turned and pointed a finger at Nick. “Don’t ever,
ever
,
talk about Tessa in that tone again, you hear me?”

The urge to crush the conceited son of a bitch’s larynx was
almost too much to resist. The bastard had forced Tessa to leave him. He’d
driven away the one woman Jared cared about. Thinking he had enough time to
confess his feelings in the future, Jared had never approached the subject with
Tessa. Now it was too late.

She was gone, and Nick would pay for his indiscretion.

The look of disgust and contempt Tessa had thrown at Jared
was etched into his mind forever. Granted, she’d started out as just a
challenge. She’d fascinated him on a number of levels. Now…now she was much
more.

“You son of a bitch.” Jared clenched his fist and took a
step toward Nick. He wanted to cause pain. He wanted Nick to bleed.

“Jesus Christ, Jared! What the hell has gotten into you?”
Lydia’s high-pitched screech assaulted his eardrums as she stepped outside.

Taking a deep breath, Jared stopped. He dragged huge gulps
of air into his lungs. The force of his feelings for Tessa swam into startling
focus.

He loved her. He loved her fiercely. Completely. And he
would do anything to get her back. “I’m sorry. He just… She left me.” All the
adrenaline seeped from his body.

Nick mumbled something unintelligible under his breath and
beat a hasty retreat into the house. Deflated, Jared sank onto the top step,
dropping his head into his hands.

Finally, his past had caught up with him. He wasn’t ashamed.
What happened in the past with his previous lovers had been purely consensual.
He would never force a woman to do something she was uncomfortable with. But
the way Nick made it sound—seedy, sordid—Tessa had gotten the wrong idea.

She couldn’t have been further from the truth. He’d never
share her. The thought of another man touching her made him want to kill
someone.

He almost had.

“I’ve told you taking inexperienced partners would get you
into trouble. They don’t understand the game. And you…” She slapped him across
the head. “You obviously brought her here before she was ready. You haven’t
talked about your previous lovers, you haven’t explained, have you?”

Jared shook his head. He hadn’t wanted to sully what they
had by describing his past in detail. It seemed tacky, tasteless. Especially
when she was so fragile, so defiant about giving into her own needs. Usually he
was a good Dominant. He was good at sex, at teaching women to embrace their
needs. With Tessa, he’d done everything wrong, yet he didn’t regret a single
moment until now.

When he didn’t say anything, Lydia stroked his hair. “Oh my
god, you’ve fallen for her, haven’t you? I mean, really fallen for her?”

Jared nodded. “I think I love her, Lydia.”

She frowned. “You
think
? Boy, me and you need to have
a talk. Now.”

A cough sounded from behind the partially open door, and
Lydia’s slave stepped from the shadows. He walked on two feet, and not tied to
a leash. Jared glanced up at Lydia, noting the gentle smile playing on her
lips.

Lydia placed a hand on his arm. “Ben, can you see to the
guests? I’m sure the melodrama has caused a stir but I need to talk to Jared.”

Ben gave her a small smile. “Sure. Are you okay?”

Lydia returned his smile and placed a tender kiss on his
cheek. “I’m fine, baby.”

Ben nodded and returned to placate the guests.

Jared startled with surprise. Lydia had fallen in love.
Something he never thought possible. She lived for the chase, for the thrill of
breaking in a submissive and moving on to the next. If only Tessa had been
here. He could have shown her what a truly loving experience dominance and
submission could be.

He didn’t want any other woman.

With Ben gone, Lydia walked down a few steps and sat. It
felt strange to be here now. The silence of the night echoed in his ears. There
was a big, gaping hole in his heart and he didn’t know how to fix it.

“You think you love her?”

He raised his gaze to Lydia’s. “I am not having this
conversation with you.”

She snorted. “Why? Because we’ve had sex a few times?
Please, Jared. You know how this works.” She leaned over and patted his arm.
“You love her. You wouldn’t have brought her here before she was ready if you
didn’t.”

Jared frowned, confused. “How did you figure that one out?”

“Female intuition.” Before he could make some snide remark,
Lydia held up her hand. “Let me finish. You haven’t taken a woman in months.
When you do, it’s obviously one who is into the game but not into the
lifestyle. It’s obvious in the way you look at her, the way you touch her,
she’s someone special.” She leaned back, resting her elbows against the top step,
and pushed her long legs out in front of her. “You’re scared of commitment.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re afraid of commitment. You’re afraid of hurting her
like your father hurt you.”

“My father left.”

“Exactly my point. You have severe abandonment issues. Now that
this woman has taken your heart, you’re afraid of what could happen if you let
yourself love her.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “Thanks for the psychoanalysis, Dr.
Phil.”

Lydia’s face became serious, almost grim. “You are not your
father.”

“If you added my name after that sentence, you would have
sounded like Obi-Wan Kenobi.” Jared tried to jest but deep down he knew she was
right. He did fear commitment. He did fear that, somewhere inside him, he was
exactly like his father. A no-good lowlife who would abandon his wife and kids.

“Look. I know what you are going through. Ben and I…well…”
It was the first time in many years Jared had seen a blush color Lydia’s
cheekbones. “I love him. He loves me.”

Jared gave her a whimsical smile. “I kinda guessed that.”

Shaking her head, she continued, “I don’t think you
understand. You know me, you know I need to be the Domme. Ben allows me to be
that person but he also fills a hole in my heart. If you’d asked me six months
ago, I’d have said you were crazy. Love and me don’t mix. Seems we do. We mesh.
We just mesh so well.”

“I’m happy for you, Lydia.” His heart felt like it was
breaking, his chest tight, making it difficult to breathe, but he was happy for
his friend.

“Thanks. But Jared, you have to go to her. You have to explain
to Tessa a Dominant and submissive can find an equal, fulfilling relationship
in the real world, outside of the bedroom. You have to explain you’re not into
the lifestyle. Yeah, you like a little Dom/sub sex play, but you don’t live the
lifestyle 24/7. You have to give each other a chance.”

He raked a hand through his hair, contemplating her words.
“I don’t know what to say to her.”

“The truth. You have to tell her the truth.”

* * * * *

Tessa slammed the door with such force, they probably felt
it down in Mexico. Anger, hurt and betrayal surged through her body. She wanted
to scream, lash out and cut off Jared Campbell’s dick with a blunt knife. On
the other hand, she wanted to lock herself away and sob uncontrollably for a
month. Or two.

Jared had done a real number on her emotions. Losing herself
and her dignity was what she’d been afraid of. She hated him. More than that,
she hated herself for thinking they could share something other than lust.
Someone who loved her would never give her to another man.

Running up the stairs, she stripped off her shawl. The slave
outfit repulsed her. She unhooked the skirt and let it pool on the floor. She
stepped out of the material and tried to undo the eyes of the corset, fumbling
with the laces. Tessa clawed at the fabric, not caring if she ripped the
garment.

Frustrated, she grabbed a pair of scissors from her dresser
and cut. Small sobs escaped her throat as she worked. Finally out of the
offending material, she balled it in her fists and threw it against the wall.

Once she bundled herself into an old pair of jeans and a
baggy sweater, Tessa sat on the bed. She hugged a pillow to her breasts.
Closing her eyes, she let emotions wash over her. Jared had wanted to share
her, her body, with another man. She imagined them laughing about it,
high-fiving each other.

Tears spilled over and she dashed them away. She would not
cry for that bastard, not ever. Yet her heart ached for what could have been.
She was a fool to think in terms of emotion, of love. To Jared, she’d been an
amusement. Icy shards of pain stabbed into her heat. It was irrational to be so
involved. As a rational person, she knew it was impossible to consider herself
in love, but there was no denying it.

It hurt so much.

She mumbled a string of swear words. Jared had never once
given any reason to indicate he cared about her. Sure, there were times while
having sex when he’d mumble words of affection. There were times when they
shared a meal or a conversation and she would catch him looking at her with something
like rapture. It meant nothing. He’d never actually spoken of love, of his
feelings. It was all in her poor, deluded mind.

A thumping at her front door broke her gloomy self-pity
routine. She scowled, wondering what the hell could be so urgent.

“Tessa! Open the goddamn door!”

Her foot froze on the stairs. How dare he? She narrowed her
eyes, imagined heading into the kitchen for a meat cleaver and burying it right
between Jared Campbell’s thighs.

“Tessa! I know you’re in there. Open the door and let’s talk
about this. I have some things I need to say.”

Her fury boiled over. “Oh you have some things you need to
say, huh? Some things like, ‘Get your panties off, slave’? Some things like,
‘Fuck my friend, slave’? Yeah, those are things I
really
want to hear
right now.”

Jared stopped the thumping. “Please, Tessa. Just open the
door. We need to talk. Nick was an ass. He was wrong. Please.”

“Fuck off, Jared.”

Yeah, the comeback was real big of her but she didn’t have
anything else to say. Maybe if she ignored him, he’d go away. She could go back
to her room, bury her head in the sand and eat ice cream. Maybe she’d cry a few
tears…

Who was she kidding? She’d need to do a major repair job on
her heart. No way in hell would she ever let him know that.

“I’m countin’ to ten. If you don’t open this fuckin’ door,
I’m gonna break it down.” His Texan accent was heavy and thick. Her heart
clenched as she remembered it was just another thing she loved about him.

“Touch that door, and I will call 9-1-1.” An empty threat,
just like his threat to kick down the door. No sane man would kick down the
door for a conversation.

As the wood splintered, she realized Jared Campbell was not
quite sane.

He battled his way through the flying wood and chippings.
Looking around, he searched the hallway and adjoining rooms. In a heartbeat,
his gaze fixed on hers. His face set in a grimace, lips slashed thin, eyes
blazing with fury.

Tessa took a step back, up the stairs. She’d never been
afraid of Jared, not once in all the time they’d spent together, but now, now
was different.