Behind Closed Doors (4 page)

“
It’s
early for you to turn in. Are you okay?”

“
Not
entirely, but I need to make a call. He won’t bother me if I’m
in my room. I need to find a good lawyer. Our family lawyer won’t
do, he’ll err towards Harry’s side.”

“
I
know somebody,” he started, and then stopped himself. “I
shouldn’t get involved, I’m sorry.”

“
Alex,
if you know somebody,” I stopped. “I don’t mean to
drag you into this.”

“
I’ll
get you their number,” he said. “I should leave. I’ll
see you to your room, and make sure the nightshift knows to keep an
eye on Mr. Michaels. If you need anything,” he started.
Reaching into his pocket he pulled out his wallet. Inside he removed
a card, “This is my personal number. Don’t hesitate to
call if he bothers you tonight.”

“
That
shouldn’t be necessary, but thank you. Harry stays as far away
from my room as possible. He’s afraid he’ll have to be
intimate with me, and we both know he saves that for his whores.”

Alex
held out his card, “Take it in case you need something. You can
reach me at any hour,” he said.

Walking
to my room, my mind was spinning. What was I doing? I couldn’t
divorce my husband could I? It would hurt his chances and his career.
Was I being selfish, wanting a life of my own, wanting to feel things
again? I’d lived this way for this long, what were a few more
years. Maybe I should just settle my jets and let him get the bid.
He’d worked hard for this, and I was about to dangle it in
front of him like a carrot. That didn’t seem fair.

Sitting
in my room after saying goodnight to Alex, I realized I’d
spoken in haste. It wasn’t right for me to step away just yet.
He needed a good showing, to look like we were a stable couple, and
if I divorced him now it would cause a controversy that he didn’t
need in his political career. I resigned to the fact that I wasn’t
going anywhere – not yet.

When
Alex showed up the next morning, Harry was less than amused, but said
nothing since I agreed to stay on as his wife for now. I made it
clear that if I saw one of his mistresses at my home, I’d
create a huge scandal and any dreams he had of advancing his career
would be finished. We settled on some living arrangements, and I
quietly kept his dalliances to myself. In return, if Harry so much as
attempted to remove Alex from my side, I’d be loud and hit
every news agency in town with the news of Harry’s infidelity.

“
What,
are you sleeping with the help now?” He spat out, looking
between myself and my bodyguard.

“
Unlike
you, Harry, I respect our marriage vows.”

Alex
said nothing.

I
hated Harry, hated this position I was in, but sat and accepted my
fate for now.

I
looked to Alex and caught him looking at me. There was something
different today, something in his eyes – it was almost warmth
and affection. I wondered if Harry saw it too.

When
Harry left the room, Alex spoke. “Today will be my last day,”
he admitted. “They have somebody I trust filling my spot. I
wanted to make sure you were okay,” he finished.

“
You’re
really leaving?”

“
I
have to, Elle. I can’t work for you anymore,” he
answered. “I’ve got emotions tied up, and that makes me
the wrong candidate to do the job.”

I
nodded; there was nothing else to say. I’d miss him terribly,
but we both had to do what we had to do. It came as a surprise. I
know he’d said something, but I didn’t expect him to
follow through when I secured his position.

“
You’ll
be missed,” I finally said and stood to leave the room. My
stomach was in knots. Alex was the only friend I had here. I wasn’t
sure what I was feeling, but the thought of him leaving had me in
turmoil.

I
went to the library and chose a book off the shelf. I don’t
know why, I knew my mind would be too distracted to read. I didn’t
expect Alex to have feelings, and I didn’t know what I felt. I
was attracted to the man, but I was married. It wasn’t like
anything could happen, but my mind tangled on the news. I didn’t
remember what it felt like to be cared about, and his simple words
earlier warmed my heart. At least somebody gave a damn. Harry
certainly didn’t.

His
harlot was here again, and it was the push I needed to follow through
with divorce. It only took him six weeks to break his pledge. I guess
he wanted sex with his tramp more than he wanted his career. I was
through, and refused to be his door mat any longer.

When
anger settled in, it made life easier to deal with. The sadness and
pain hurt too much, and watching my marriage dissolve was shockingly
weird. I never dreamed we’d end up this way, as I guess most
people don’t. But here we were, settling things and going our
separate ways.

I
can’t even explain what it felt like to see his floosy in my
own house, or leaving through the front door, and now I don’t
have to accept that kind of treatment anymore.

I
was upset when my parents suggested I hold off until he got the bid.
I felt betrayed. They cared more about his potential huge career for
what it could do for them, than the fact that the man had walked all
over me and played me for a fool.

I
decided not to make a huge scene, and if he settled quietly I’d
be discreet with media outlets. We’d call it irreconcilable
differences, rather than what it truly was - adultery. Where he went
with his career was now up to him, and I was free to start my life
over.

I
had no idea what I would do in my mid-thirties, with years before me.
I considered going back to school, but truly lost track of who I was.
My own identity had been so closely tied to his career; I almost
didn’t recognize myself anymore. I needed to be alone and
rediscover what inspired me before I could make any decisions.

Alex
found me at the coffee shop, and he was the last person I expected to
see.

Standing
as I entered the small café, Alex spoke. “Elle,”
he said, jutting his hand out, “I was hoping to run into you.”

“
Alex?”
I smiled warmly, happy to see him. I shook his hand, wishing I could
hug him instead. It’s just that we’d never had that level
of comfort. “How are you? How have you been?” It had been
a couple of months since I’d seen him. Since my divorce, I’d
moved on with my life, and while I had his card in my wallet all this
time, I didn’t think it was right to contact him. I thought of
him often. It was a pleasant surprise seeing him here.

“
Brielle
said you still come in time to time,” he said with a smile. I
wasn’t used to seeing him this way. He looked relaxed in jeans
and a t-shirt, and the smile, it was a nice smile.

“
What
a nice treat to see you here,” I said. “Let me go grab
something, and I’ll join you.”

“
Let
me,” he said, joining me at the counter. “I’m
buying.”

I
thanked Alex and found his new, more open demeanor pleasing.

Sitting
with Alex, I felt like a new person. I was no longer a married woman,
and an incredibly attractive man was waiting for me.

“
When
I heard,” he started. “Well, I thought I should let some
time pass. I didn’t want to bother you. I’ve been
wondering how you’ve been,” he said.

“
I’m
good,” I started. “It’s been interesting being on
my own again, but I feel like I lost the albatross hanging from my
neck.”

“
What
have you been doing?” He seemed almost comfortable talking to
me.

“
I’ve
done a little bit of consulting to get by, but I’m thinking
about going back to school, maybe law school.”

“
Really?
That’s great,” he hesitated before saying the next part.
“You look,” then stopped, trying to find our new balance.

“
And
you,” I said, stumbling over my own words. There was a mutual
attraction, but we’d once been employee and employer. We were
gently trying to find the transition.

“
The
thing is,” he started, “I came here looking for you.”

“
Do
you need a recommendation? I’d be happy to supply you with
one,” I jumped in.

“
I’d
like to ask you out for dinner,” he finally said.

I
blushed, “Dinner?”

“
Is
it too soon?” He rushed to get out; almost thinking it was a
mistake to have asked.

“
No,
not at all,” I finished.

“
Not
seeing you,” he said and then paused, unsure how to finish that
sentence. “Anyway, I hoped to see you again.”

This
other version of Alex was charming. He was warm, but also a little
nervous. Who knew he could be this way. He was always strong and
confident as my bodyguard, but as he sat there cautiously asking me
on a date, he seemed a tiny bit anxious, thinking maybe I’d say
no. And his smile, he was relaxed – and so very handsome.

We
sat making small talk for a while, and as he finally excused himself,
he left me with his number again. “Are you free this weekend?”

“
I
am,” I said, and after setting a time with him for our first
date, I had trouble wiping the smile off of my face.

We
made arrangements, and after giving him my new address and number, I
sat in amazement as he walked out the café door.

Alex,
imagine that. I hadn’t seen him during the last couple of
months, but I’d thought of him often. There was a quiet
strength he carried, and I couldn’t help but notice how
attractive he was. He was the last person I expected to see here
today.

Standing,
I headed for the door, realizing I walked just a little taller in
that moment. My posture spoke of a happy woman.

I
was still figuring out what I wanted out of life, and rediscovering
little things that mattered to me. I’d never lived alone
before, and I liked it more than I knew I would. I’d gone from
my parent’s house to college, and then into Harry’s life
and home. Here I was, a woman in my thirties trying to find out
exactly who I am.

It’s
not that I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror, but my
identity had been filled with who I needed to be for Harry’s
career, and I fit a mold. Now that I didn’t have a mold around
me, I had to redefine what Elle Michaels stood for.

None
of the luncheon or event ladies called to see if I was okay after my
divorce. I was glad to be away from the plastic people, all trying to
be something they weren’t. It was all about outward appearances
and how you fit in – and now in the quiet of my life, I was no
longer forced to fill expectations.

Thankfully
I had time and money on my side. I got a very nice settlement, and it
allowed me the ability to leisurely play around until I knew what
direction I wanted to head in. I’d been contemplating law
school, but the amount of work overwhelmed me. I honestly didn’t
know what else I wanted to do with my life. I had a simple degree
from my years in college, but I never pursued anything once Harry and
I decided we’d marry. I knew my job would be to be there for
him – old fashioned I know, but in the political arena it was
often times a man’s game, and appearances are a big part of the
dog and pony show.

I
smiled walking down the sidewalk, realizing I have a date, a date
with the very handsome Alex “Hunter” Stone. Heck, I
hadn’t gone on a date since Harry, and after years of marriage,
this was all new to me again. I wondered if Alex went on many dates,
not that it was my business, more curiosity than anything.

As
the weekend rolled around, I found myself more nervous than I
expected. I hadn’t gone on a date in ages. I even knew Alex,
was used to being around him daily, but this was different. Suddenly
our roles had changed, and it would simply be the two of us sharing
dinner. I don’t know what came over me, but the butterflies
flipping around in my belly kept me in turmoil.

Would
it feel natural? What would we talk about? He seemed so reserved in
the past, would it be awkward? Were some topics off limits? Should I
discuss the time at the Governor’s mansion? I felt incredibly
awkward and thought maybe it was a mistake. Sitting, fidgeting with
my hands, I felt like a little girl. What should I wear? This is
ridiculous, I’m a grown woman, and it’s simply dinner.
I’m overthinking things. I finally took a deep breath and shook
my insecurities off. He’s obviously interested; he tracked me
down and asked me out. I can do this.