Behind Closed Doors (Season One: Book 7) (Jessica Daniel) (14 page)

‘Weapons?’

‘Not specifically but there are axes and machetes in there. Things that could be used as weapons. It’s locked.’

‘Who has the keys?’

‘Glenn definitely, probably Moses too. They both carry keys around.’

‘That’s really good, Jessica, you’re doing so well.’

Jessica knew Charley had used her name as a way to reassure her. That was one of the first lessons when you wanted to calm someone – say the person’s name, keep saying it. It was why
999 operators asked for your name first and then kept saying it. The problem was that they were tricks Jessica was entirely familiar with. The fact Charley was praising her, trying to keep her
composed, must be because she hadn’t sounded sensible in the first place. That only made Jessica worry more. She had barely been here two days; was she really starting to fall apart
already?

The surface of the sink was beginning to warm, so Jessica adjusted her position, resting her forehead further around the bowl. The coldness made her think clearly.

Charley spoke slower, the over-pronounced syllables of her accent more precise than ever. ‘Jessica, unless you have anything else to say, I should really go. You know that once that phone
battery is dead, then that’s the end.’

‘I know.’

‘You can leave any time you want. Either walk away or call.’

‘I know.’

‘Okay then, I’m going to hang up.’

‘Adam . . .’

Charley cleared her throat again. Jessica could tell she was thinking that they had sent in the wrong person. They wanted someone single, a person who didn’t have ties to the outside. If
their positions were reversed, she would have never sent in someone like herself.

‘I gave him your message.’

‘Did he say anything?’

‘No.’ Charley paused for a moment, before adding: ‘I really should go.’

Jessica didn’t reply, unable to press the button herself. She wanted someone to talk to; someone away from the house, someone like her. It was only when she heard the click of the bathroom
door and the padding footsteps that Jessica stood up rigidly, spinning on the spot in one movement to see Heather standing in front of her, eyes narrow, hands on her hips.

‘Who were you talking to?’

Jessica’s heartbeat jumped from normal to racing so quickly that she felt a pain in her chest. Somehow she had known the lack of locks on the doors would catch her out at
some point but she hadn’t expected it to happen like this. She was about to say she had found the phone when she realised that Heather hadn’t seen it. If she had, she would have been
staring at Jessica’s hand; instead she was looking her in the eye. Carefully, Jessica reached behind her, sliding the phone into the back of her trousers, hoping Charley had followed through
with her promise by hanging up.

‘I was just feeling a little upset,’ Jessica said.

One of Heather’s eyebrows was raised. ‘It looked like you were talking to the sink.’

‘I sort of was,’ Jessica replied, thinking quickly. ‘When I was a little girl, I had a pet goldfish. One morning, I found him floating on his side, dead. My dad flushed him
down the toilet. He said that the fish had gone off to fish heaven. One of my friends at school told me they talked to their dead fish through the toilet but I didn’t want to do that. I used
to sit on a stool and talk to him through the sink. I was only about five or six.’

She giggled, trying to play it down but Heather, unsurprisingly, seemed even more confused. ‘So you were talking to your fish?’

Jessica shook her head as the phone slipped lower in the trousers, lodging in her underwear. She straightened her back, tightening the muscles, trying to make sure it didn’t slide any
further and fall out of the leg. She was relieved when it didn’t move.

‘No . . . I suppose . . . It’s complicated. I wasn’t talking to my fish, I was thinking of my dad and I suppose that moment was in my mind. I was only at the sink for a few
seconds. I didn’t hear you come in. I can’t really explain it.’

They stood staring at each other for a few moments until Heather’s face fell. ‘I’ve been missing my dad too.’

At first Heather sat on the edge of the bath but then Jessica rested an understanding hand on her shoulder and led her back into the bedroom. As soon as the young woman’s back was turned,
Jessica slipped the phone under her mattress, pulling a flap of sheet down to cover it, before crossing the room and sitting next to Heather on her bed. It was slightly softer than her own and
Heather lay back, feet still on the floor, staring at the ceiling.

‘I know all the rules about leaving and not being able to come back but it doesn’t stop you thinking of people on the outside, does it?’

Only when she allowed herself to flop backwards on the bed too did Jessica’s heartbeat begin to slow down. She took Heather’s shaking hand in hers, gripping it tightly.

‘Sometimes these thoughts will just pop into your head. It’s up to you what you choose to do with them.’

‘I wish he hadn’t come to the centre at the weekend.’

‘What happened between you?’

Heather sighed and Jessica knew she was about to tell her everything. ‘It’s as I told you before – it was all about an ex-boyfriend. I was doing my A-levels at the time but me
and some of my friends could look old enough to get into the clubs if we wanted to. We’d tell our parents we were sleeping over at each other’s houses and then get dressed up and go
into the centre. Most of the bouncers wouldn’t think twice about letting you in but even if they did, you’d just hoist your bra up a bit and try again and they’d wave you through.
There was this one night we were out and this group of lads all came in together, sharp, shiny suits, bright white smiles. We found you in the city; you know the type.’

Jessica squeezed her hand. ‘I know.’

The dickhead type.

‘I was only seventeen but, for whatever reason, this one guy came straight to me. His friends were all off with older women, which made me feel even more special – simply because
he’d picked me. Even now, I remember that night perfectly because it was the first one where I really felt like a woman, instead of a girl. It’s strange but the one thing that sticks in
my mind is his cufflinks.’

Jessica couldn’t stop herself interrupting. ‘Really?’

Heather laughed slightly, although she sounded close to tears. ‘I know. They were these big square things with some sort of stone in, a diamond I think. It wasn’t glittery like all
the fake ones you see, it was duller, but that’s how you can tell it’s real, isn’t it? I couldn’t stop staring at them, thinking how expensive they must have been. He was
saying such nice things . . .’

‘What was his name?’

‘Dan.’

‘And what happened?’

Heather unlinked her fingers from Jessica’s, wiping her face. ‘It’s not what you think, well, it wasn’t at first. Everyone thought the same – some hotshot guy with
loads of money preying on a teenager. I wasn’t naive, well, I didn’t think I was. Each time we met up, I kept thinking that he was going to break up with me. I couldn’t believe my
luck. It wasn’t just about . . . y’know . . . either. He’d take me places. We went to the zoo once on a Saturday when it was packed with people, just because I said I liked
snakes.’

‘You like snakes?’

‘Yes.’

‘I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone that likes snakes. Do you like spiders too?’

Heather giggled again, sitting up and wiping her eyes with her finger. Jessica sat up too, resting against one of the four posts and crossing her legs. ‘Who likes spiders?’

‘I don’t know. Who likes snakes?’

Heather shrugged. ‘Anyway, you wouldn’t do that for someone unless you actually cared for them, would you?’

‘Probably not.’

‘Exactly, but my dad never saw it like that. At first, I kept it secret because I knew how he would react. When he found out, he was annoyed that I hadn’t told him. They’d not
even met but my dad said we had to break up because my exams were coming up.’

The talk of fathers left Jessica blinking rapidly, trying to halt her own sobs. ‘Dads are like that. They’re protective over their little girls.’

Heather nodded, tears now flowing fully. Jessica went to the bathroom, returning with tissues and handing the box to the other woman.

‘It was more than that though. As soon as he found out Dan was a lawyer, he was furious. He’d say things like: “He’s only after you because you’re young”.
“I’ll get the police onto him, he must be some paedo”. I was almost eighteen, so there was nothing illegal. I was never forced . . .’

‘I get it.’

‘When it was clear I wasn’t listening, he’d move onto even worse things, saying Dan was only buying me things so that I’d sleep with him and that made me the same as a
whore.’

Jessica shuffled across the bed, putting an arm around Heather. She could never imagine her own father saying anything like that to her. He certainly would not have approved of Jessica having a
boyfriend when her exams were on, but would have simply explained that life lasted a long time and that those couple of years would count for very little in terms of relationships. Jessica could
hear his voice in her head, soothing but firm. She would have ignored him, of course, as many teenage girls did when their fathers tried to speak to them. But she would have appreciated it years
after, when it was too late to matter.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Jessica said, as Heather rested her head on her shoulder.

Heather snivelled loudly. ‘I think he was trying to be hard on purpose, to try to make me concentrate, but that only made me go the other way. I started skipping school, even though Dan
was at work anyway. Then the teachers began getting involved. I’d been predicted straight As and they were concerned, so they’d write letters. I’d try to intercept them before my
parents read any, so then the school started to call. Eventually Dad told me I had to stop seeing him or move out.’

‘What did you do?’

‘What do you think? I was in love with him, well, I thought I was. It was only a few years ago. He let me stay at his flat.’

‘What happened?’

‘I got pregnant.’

Before she knew what she was doing, Jessica found her hand creeping down to her own abdomen, catching herself before Heather noticed.

‘Did you have . . . ?’

‘No . . . It was a difficult time. Dan had been promoted at work and made new friends at other law firms. There were some evenings when he didn’t come home and he wasn’t
answering my calls. I’d be all alone in his flat, unable to leave because I didn’t have a key to get back in. He’d come home the next day as if nothing had happened.’

‘Was he doing that because you were pregnant?’

‘No, it was more than that – he didn’t even know at that point. The new people he met changed him. He had more money but nothing to spend it on. I was so blind at first. We
were at this party in this amazing apartment overlooking the city that belonged to one of his friends. It was a few days after I’d found out I was pregnant and I hadn’t told anyone. At
first he was annoyed because I wasn’t drinking but then he drifted away with his other friends. There were all these women there – tall, blonde, thin – in these amazing dresses.
It was like he had outgrown me. I was some eighteen-year-old about to take my exams, they were like models.’

Heather stopped to dry her eyes and blow her nose before continuing. ‘I’ve never told anyone all of this, not even in the evening sessions.’

‘I won’t tell anyone anything you don’t want them to know.’

‘I know, it’s just we’re supposed to share with each other and I’ve been holding back this whole time, giving away bits and pieces. Everyone else is so honest.’

Jessica had to be careful, seeming loyal to Moses but at the same time sympathetic to Heather. ‘Everyone deals with things in their own way. I’m sure there are others who have taken
their time.’

Heather snivelled again, pulling away from Jessica and puffing up a pillow to rest on. Her eyes were red and swollen and she started playing with her hair, tugging it tightly and tying it,
before undoing it and starting again. ‘At that party, things started getting out of hand as the night wore on. It began with people drinking bottles of beer and a few hours later, they were
downing bottles of vodka and all sorts. I already felt out of place because I was sober but then the guy who owned the flat pulled out this bag of white powder. They were cutting it up into lines
on the table in front of everyone, taking it in turns and cheering. I’d always been a good girl at school – I didn’t even smoke – and suddenly that was happening.’

‘Did Dan get involved?’

Heather shrugged. ‘He was one of the worst. It was only then I realised he’d been acting differently because he’d been doing drugs with his new friends. He was pestering me,
going on about how I was spoiling everyone’s fun by not joining in. We had a massive row in front of everyone and I ended up running out. I couldn’t go home because I’d been
thrown out and I couldn’t go back to Dan’s because I didn’t have a key to get in.’

‘So you slept rough?’

‘Underneath this stairwell in a tower block where the door was left hanging open. It was warm at least.’

‘But you were pregnant at the time?’

Heather looked away towards the window, blinking rapidly, rubbing her nose. ‘Yes.’

‘What about the next day?’

‘I didn’t have any money so ended up walking across the city in between rain showers. There was no one at Dan’s flat, so I sat against his door for hours. I tried calling him
but there was no answer. When it started to get dark, I eventually phoned my dad.’

‘Was he pleased to hear from you?’

‘Sort of. He picked me up and drove me home. I cried the whole way and he didn’t say anything. Most of my stuff was at Dan’s but he wouldn’t answer his phone. Eventually
that night, I ended up telling my parents that I was pregnant.’

Jessica could tell from the way Heather gulped that she was about to recall the most important event of her life. She couldn’t blink back the tears quickly enough and her nose was running
but she didn’t bother trying to clear her face.