Behind Closed Doors (Season One: Book 7) (Jessica Daniel) (23 page)

‘It’s not the same in here any more,’ she said, staring at the floor. The soaked strips of paper were mashing into the previously pristine carpet, creating an ugly, thick
creamy pulp. She dropped the steamer onto the ground with a clatter.

‘We don’t know what went wrong,’ Adam said. ‘You heard what they said; we’ll have to return to the doctor’s for the test results. Then we’ll
know.’

‘It’s still not the same in here.’

Jessica felt Adam gulp. ‘I know. If you want to start again, then we can. We’ll tear everything out until it’s as empty as it was before and then we’ll have another go.
But you shouldn’t do things like this when you’re angry. You might regret it tomorrow.’

‘Why aren’t you angry?’

‘Who says I’m not?’

Jessica balled up her fists, pulling away from him and leaning against the wall. ‘You should be furious. You should be doing this, not me. After everything that happened with your parents,
you should be screaming, shouting, tearing your hair out, telling everyone how unfair it is.’

Adam glanced away and Jessica knew she’d gone too far. It wasn’t fair to bring up his parents. He’d never known them, his mother dying when he was two, his father killing
himself at the prospect of not having his wife around. She wanted to say sorry but couldn’t; the only pity she felt was for herself.

She saw the hurt in his eyes but he shook his head, letting it go. ‘We’re not all the same, Jess.’

‘We are for things like this.’

‘We’re not. Just because I’ve not said things out loud, it doesn’t mean I’m not as upset as you.’

He reached out to stroke her abdomen, but Jessica stepped away, not wanting anyone else to touch her there. Not today.

‘You think it’s my fault, don’t you?’ Jessica said, her anger returning, stronger than before.

Adam pushed back, resting against the crib. ‘No I don’t.’

‘That’s why you were nodding and taking notes when they were talking about going to the doctor’s to find out what went wrong.’

‘No it wasn’t. It was because I was worried about you – I
am
worried about you – I want you to have all their tests so we know you’re safe and
well.’

‘It could be you – perhaps you’re the one who’s got something wrong and you’re the reason this happened.’

Adam nodded wearily. ‘Maybe it is. If they want to test me, that’s fine.’

Still he didn’t raise his voice, still he didn’t do anything other than look at her, reach for her. Jessica pushed him away, raising her voice. ‘Stop being so fucking
nice.’

‘Jess . . .’

‘Just be angry. Shout at me. Tell me it’s my fault. Scream. Do something. Don’t just stand there looking dimwitted.’

‘Jess . . .’

‘Come on, say something. I know you want to. Call Georgia and tell her what’s happened. Call my mum and tell her. Why don’t you just—’

Jessica didn’t get a chance to finish raging before Adam interrupted, his words soft, his eyes fixed on the floor. ‘It was my baby too.’

‘What?’ she snapped.

‘It was my baby too. You may have lost it but it was both of ours.’

‘You didn’t have to see what came out.’

‘I know.’

‘You didn’t have them poking, prodding, scraping—’

‘I know.’

Jessica stopped speaking, raising her fists in frustration at not having the words. She wanted to hit him, to make him feel the pain. ‘You can never understand what it feels
like.’

‘But I can be here and it was still my baby.’

‘Then why aren’t you angry too?’

‘I am but I’m not the same as you. We deal with things in different ways and we have to find a way to get over this. I know it’s too soon but I want you to be happy in the end
and the only way that’s going to happen is if you can find a way to not be angry at the world.’

Jessica took a deep breath but the rage was ebbing away. She willed it to return, wanting to feel something other than the emptiness she was left with. Adam stepped towards her and this time she
didn’t fight, allowing him to cup her head under his chin.

‘It’s just so unfair,’ she whispered.

‘I know it is,’ he cooed into her ear. ‘But at least we have each other.’

THURSDAY

When the alarm went off to wake them the next morning, Jessica found herself flashing back to the din of the previous evening. It was a lot quieter now but she could still feel
the far reaches of her inner ear hurting.

She tried to work out which day it was, working backwards until she remembered it had been market day – Wednesday – meaning today was Thursday. She had only been in the house for a
short while and yet she was utterly disorientated by it. Everyone’s weeks were defined by recruitment day on a Sunday and market on the Wednesday. Without those, it really would be complete
confusion.

At breakfast, it was as if the previous evening had not happened. Kevin was already standing behind his chair, the wider cuts on his face stitched up with neat zigzags and a bandage around one
of his arms. As everyone entered, he bowed to them, whispering an apology over and over until they had all heard it.

Nobody mentioned what had happened to him, the same as nobody acknowledged the alarm and the people outside – that was if they had even noticed them.

Moses walked in behind his two women and then read a passage from Hebrews which Jessica completely tuned out. The meal began as usual but they were disturbed midway through by a faint humming
sound. Without checking with Moses, Zipporah stood, striding out of the room.

‘What was that?’ Jessica asked Heather.

‘There’s a buzzer at the front gate for people wanting to come down the driveway.’

Jessica remembered ringing it herself and thought it was strange being on the other end, knowing someone else was trying to get in. It occurred to her that the gang last night must have jumped
the fence, something she had missed at the time.

A few minutes later, Zipporah rushed back into the room, worry etched across her face. Glenn noticed it too, dropping his fork and crossing to Moses, where Zipporah crouched and whispered
something low enough that only he could hear. Moses must have known all eyes were on him but he couldn’t stop his eyebrows arching downwards in annoyance. Glenn leant in closer, whispering
something which Moses nodded at, before standing.

Zipporah and Glenn returned to their seats and this time Moses left the room, although he was walking noticeably slower than Zipporah had, trying to maintain an air of calm, even though it was
clear to everyone that something had happened.

Glenn picked up his fork and continued to eat, followed quickly by Naomi. Everyone else took the hint that they should continue as normal. Jessica risked a few glances towards Zipporah, who was
angling herself away from Katie, watching the door.

When Moses returned, Jessica could tell something wasn’t right. He was trying to adopt his usual serene attitude but there was something lacking. His eyes kept darting towards Glenn as he
walked around the table until he was in front of the fireplace. He opened his arms out wide, embracing the room, and then began to speak.

‘Brothers, sisters, it is a grave day. Our dear friend Wayne left us a short time ago and I regret to tell you that this morning he was found dead.’

There were gasps around the table and even Jessica was shocked. She didn’t believe that Wayne had simply left but the fact his dead body had now been found confirmed her worst fears.

Moses held his hands higher, silently and successfully demanding quiet.

‘The police are here and they wish to talk to everyone one by one.’

More gasps of horror. This time Moses let them continue a little longer before raising his hands.

‘I know. You have every right to be concerned about this but they assure me they simply want to ask what you may know about Wayne.’

He glanced over the table towards the door where there was someone in a suit standing, one hand on her hip. The sight of an outsider within the house brought more gasps and the people at the far
end of the table started shuffling their seats away in horror.

The officer in the doorway remained still but was clearly taken aback by the obvious shock reverberating around the room. Jessica glanced towards Moses, who stayed silent, not exactly enjoying
the spectacle but doing nothing to stop it, or allay anyone’s fears.

‘I have been assured that the police officers mean you no harm whatsoever,’ Moses said, emphasising the words, even though the statement was utterly unnecessary. By saying the police
meant them no harm, he was only putting into people’s minds that it could be a possibility.

People were still moving their seats away from the door, the scrapes and screeches creating such a din that Moses stopped himself midway through a sentence, knowing he couldn’t be
heard.

Shouting wasn’t his way, so he raised his arms, demanding silence again.

‘Because the police have asked to see everyone individually, they have requested that we do not remain in here. They suggested that everyone returns to their bedrooms and I will then come
for you when they are ready.’

Jessica knew the reason was to prevent people conferring. There was no way they would be able to control everyone’s movements in such a large, unfamiliar setting, so this provided the next
best solution.

‘I would ask you all to cooperate,’ Moses added, now looking from person to person, rather than focusing on the whole room. He concentrated on her and the other new people, as if
they needed telling in particular. The officer at the far end of the room might not have noticed the significance but Jessica did: ‘Don’t say anything stupid’.

Things were already bad enough with two dead bodies connected to the house, plus Kevin and the man from Jessica’s initiation looking as if they had been in a battle.

Unsurprisingly, given his stitches, the officer indicated towards Kevin, saying they would like to speak to him first. Moses and Zipporah started to lead everyone else out of the room. Glenn and
Naomi got into line behind Jessica and Heather, walking up the stairs at the same pace as everyone else. Jessica clocked it straight away – if it wasn’t for her tipping Charley off, no
one would know he had any central involvement. Zipporah was known because she owned the house; Moses because they were married. Glenn was an unknown and doing his best to fit in under the watching
eyes of the officer, meaning the illusion would be kept.

Moses stayed with them the entire journey up the stairs, promising: ‘I’ll return soon,’ as Jessica and Heather entered the bedroom.

Jessica moved across to the window, looking down to where three police cars and two unmarked vehicles were parked across the turning circle.

Heather was sitting on her bed, knees tight to her chest, arms wrapped around herself. ‘What do you reckon they’re going to do?’

‘Who? The police?’

‘Yes.’

‘I guess they’ll ask us what we know about Wayne.’

‘But we don’t know anything.’

‘We know he was here.’

‘But he left!’

Heather was getting louder, rocking herself back and forth. At first Jessica had thought she was simply toeing the official line Moses and everyone else would no doubt be spouting but now she
realised the young woman was genuinely scared. It was similar to the spontaneous reaction downstairs, with residents moving their chairs away from the door. Moses had spent so long telling everyone
to be fearful of outsiders that they all were.

Being on the streets recruiting was different because it was on their terms. Actually having outsiders in the house was the thing they had all been told to be scared of. Even Jessica felt it a
little; seeing the officer in the suit standing in the doorway felt unnatural, an invasion.

Jessica tried to sound as reassuring as she could. ‘All you have to do is tell them what you saw.’

‘I didn’t see anything.’

‘So tell them that.’

Heather was tugging at her hair, eyes wide. Jessica moved across to the bed and sat next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

‘It’s going to be just me and them, in a room on our own,’ Heather said.

‘There will be people outside,’ Jessica replied. ‘If there is anything you’re uncomfortable with, you can say that. If they keep on, you can call for help.’

Heather stopped pulling at her hair but was clinging onto Jessica’s arm so hard that it was hurting. Jessica clenched her teeth, wriggling until she was free, placing her arm around the
younger woman instead.

‘What if they try to corrupt us?’ Heather whispered.

Jessica didn’t know how to respond at first but the chilling way Heather had said the word made it sound utterly terrifying.

‘Why would they try to corrupt you?’

‘Because that’s what they do. You haven’t been here long enough to know what it’s like yet. You haven’t sat in the sessions where they tell us what it’s like
beyond the gates. They bring in newspapers. You must know what it’s like out there.’

Jessica knew that you could make most things seem scary if you were selective enough in the elements you chose. If they had been picking newspaper reports of the worst possible crimes with the
most graphic images and discussing only them, then it was no wonder Heather was so worried.

‘Just remember to call for help if there is anything you are unhappy about,’ Jessica said. ‘I’m sure they’ll just want to talk about Wayne. If you tell them the
things you know, there isn’t anything else they can do to you.’

Heather struggled to compose herself, running through a whole host of increasingly unlikely scenarios of what might happen if she was left alone in a room with the police officers. Jessica
stopped trying to shoot down her theories for fear of seeming too much like the outsider that she was. In the end, all she could do was try to comfort the other woman.

When there was a knock at the door, Heather jumped so much that she and Jessica banged heads. Neither of them had a chance to say ‘Come in’ before Moses entered.

‘It’s your turn, Heather,’ he said.

It took a little persuasion but he eventually convinced her that he would do everything he could to ensure that she would be safe. Heather dried her eyes and washed her face before following him
out of the room.