Behind The Mask (Nurses Book 2) (15 page)

“I haven’t stopped living, Kim. I just don’t want people to notice me. I can’t help it, please just give me time. I’m working on it.”

“Sweets, I will give you all the time in the world. But I don’t know if everyone else can. Sweetheart, we just want you to be happy, now put the damn dress on!”

She’s giving me no damn choice. I go to my bathroom and quickly put the dress on. It doesn’t show the scars, but I still feel like it doesn’t cover my ass. Walking out I see Kim setting up her hair stuff. I’m drawing the line with anything of her having to touch me. I love Kim, and she is a great friend, but I still haven’t let her touch me. When I was in the hospital they would sedate me before doing any dressing changes or wound care. Towards the end, when they couldn’t keep sedating me they would restrain me because I would fight them so bad.

“Relax, it’s not for you, you are as tense as a guitar string, cut it out.” Kim has always been a straight shooter, tell it like it is girl. She always will give you advice, though, whether it’s what you want to hear or not.

Once we are done getting ready, me equipped with a long sweater, her with her hair and make-up done, we get into our cars and head on to Olivia and Damian’s. I’m surprised that Olivia is up for having guests over, hell she’s ready to burst. But when I talked to her this morning she seemed excited.

Pulling up to their house, I see that no other cars are here except Olivia’s car. Damian must be out somewhere, probably picking up Gage.

Instead of knocking, Kim and I just walk right in. Olivia always has an open door policy in her house. Doesn’t hurt that her husband is a giant cop so really you don’t want to mess with him.

“Look, it’s my bitches, coming to help the whale out?”

“Nope, where’s Jack?” I joke with her, she looks really uncomfortable. She’s ready to pop that baby out, but I dunno if they made sure there weren’t two in there.

“He went with Damian, that boy always wants to go wherever he goes. It’s cute and gives me some alone time.”

We hear Damian pull up, and Jack jumps out and runs inside. As soon as he gets close to me he stops dead in his tracks and asks, “Can I, Aunt Corny?” It hurts my heart so bad that he has to ask if he can hug me. The sadness almost brings me to my knees that this beautiful boy, only nine years old, has to ask. I just nod at him and open my arms wide as the tears  threaten to flow over.

He launches himself at me with a big smile on his face. “Aunt Corny, I can’t believe you are letting me hug you! This is so cool!”

As he holds onto me, Damian helps Gage into the house. My eyes immediately drink him in. He’s wearing a light green flannel patterned shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. The color of the shirt really makes his green eyes pop, and his jeans hug him in all the right places. The tattoos running down his arms are stunning. He’s using his crutches with Damian walking behind him with his wheelchair.

“Hey, Cori.”

An awkwardness settles over us, making me nervous. Jack is between us like a buffer, but even he can’t help the awkwardness.

“I take it your Gage?” Olivia comes waddling up behind him, her belly protruding out like a basketball. She’s really one of those gorgeous pregnant women, the ones who can do it all, only stopping long enough to plop the baby out and then keep on moving.

“Yes, and you are Olivia? Damian said you were beautiful, but that just doesn’t do you justice.” Gag me. Like seriously, gag me. I guess he’s trying to turn the charm on, little does he know that Olivia doesn’t fall for that shit.

“Ha, well aren’t you nice. Isn’t he nice, Cori?” The bitch is blushing!

“Sure, yeah, the nicest.” I turn to go grab a beer. I can’t take any more of this without booze.

“Gage, you want a beer?”

“More than life itself. It’s been a long time since I’ve had one.” He pops the top and in two long gulps, he’s done.

“I’m gonna make Damian start the grill in a few. All the other stuff is done, so help yourself to any of the food, and beer is in the cooler outside, too.” That damn Olivia, always too nice.

I walk outside to talk to Damian and to get away from all the niceness. Gage follows me out onto the patio and sits at the table next to me. I tense up because I know he’s going to talk, and I really don’t have much to say to him.

“You look breathtaking. You should wear that color more often, it looks beautiful against your skin.” I blush, nobody has ever paid me a compliment like that. “Especially when you blush. It’s like looking at the sunrise.”

“Well, I don’t know what to say to that. Nobody has every complimented me like that.”

“Well, people should. You’re a gorgeous woman, Cori, and you should be told every day, all day. I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner to start telling you, but I’m here now.”

Oh boy, this guy can lay it on thick, and well… when he says things like that my insides liquefy, and I become strung out on his every word.

“Gage, you can’t say things like that to me. I’m damaged goods, wounded, broken. I will never be normal again. You deserve normal.”

“Who says I fucking want normal? Who says you’re damaged goods? Why, because you have scars on your face? So what, big deal. Most of us have scars, hell even the ugliest of scars can happen on the inside. You, Cori, may have lines on your face, but you most certainly are not broken. A little bruised, yes, but not broken.” He sighs and looks away anxiously, almost as if he’s considering his next words carefully. “If you are broken, though, let me put you back together. Let me be the glue to your pieces.”

He stares directly into my eyes, and my tears cause a hazy blur. I want to believe him, hell I feel like I have to believe him for my own broken sanity. But I don’t know him, we have never hung out, he knows nothing about me. Unless, he does.

“Do you know what happened to me?” My chin trembles at the thought of this man seeing me in any different light. He seems to want to believe that I’m able to be fixed.

“I know enough, and one day I hope to know the whole story because that story is a part of you. That story shows the bumps in your road, but don’t let it become your road. You seem to be dealing with a lot from that time that you are letting it become your life, instead of just an obstacle you lived through. Hell, I dunno why I’m telling you all of this when I still get flashbacks and nightmares, I still wake up gasping for air. But I am doing better, and they aren’t coming as frequently as they were before. I think it’s because I’ve stopped dwelling on the broken pieces and started repairing them. Let me help you repair them, hell, let all of us help you repair them. It’s what we’re here for. You don’t have to go through this alone. You’re not on this journey all by yourself. Let us be the glue to your pieces.”

I feel his words breaking down the wall around my wounded heart. For what feels like the first time, through my hiccupped breaths from crying, I feel as if I’m finally taking a deep breath. The first real breath that I have taken since I woke up in that hospital room. Tears stream down my face, and they are welcome tears. They are tears of relief, tears of sadness, these are healing tears. Letting all of the bad, the pain and the heartache out.

Damian comes out at this most inopportune time, demanding to know why I’m crying. When I finally look up at him, I see the worry etched into his face. I look towards the kitchen window to see Olivia and Kim with their faces plastered to the glass, smiling.

“Calm down, D, everything is fine.”

“Then why the fuck are you crying?”

“Happy tears, D, happy tears. Now hug me, because I can’t imagine a more amazing big brother than you. Thank you for everything you have done for me.”

Hesitantly he walks over with his arms out. Shock is all over his face, his eyebrows have practically reached his hair. As soon as he reaches me he won’t put his arms around me until I do it. When I get my arms around him I feel his shoulders shaking. “Don’t cry, D. I will be okay, it’s okay,” I whisper into his ear. He whispers back, “I never knew you before the prison, but I have heard stories. Enough stories to know that I’ve missed you. You’re the sister I never had. Gage really seems to like you. Give him a chance.”

All I can do is nod through my tears. The girls still have their faces plastered on the window, but instead of smiles and giggles, they are crying, too. I wave them out here, and they come barreling through the door. Olivia about knocks me over with her belly. They hug me and together we cry fat, cathartic tears.

“Why is everyone crying? Sheesh, so, Gage, you said you wanted to see some of my wrestlers!” I guess being a nine-year-old, you don’t care that everyone is a basket case.

“Yeah, buddy, what ya got?”

Together they go off in boy land, with Jack sitting next to Gage talking something about finishing moves and championship belts.

Damian fires up the grill and the rest of the cookout goes off without a hitch. It’s good food, good company, and good beer. Although I cut myself off after two because I haven’t drank in so long. When I get ready to go, I ask Gage if he needs a ride and he happily accepts. Once he is settled in my car, nervous energy takes hold of my insides. He seems just as nervous as I am.

It’s now or never, Cori. Just invite him to your house. See where this goes.
I’m scared, petrified really. I have no idea what to expect. What if he doesn’t find me attractive once he sees my flaws?

“Want to come to my house?” There I got it out, the ball is in his court.

“Only if you want me to. Cori, if we give us a try I want you to be without a doubt comfortable before we do anything. I would be happy just to sit and talk to you.”

This man, I wish I could kiss him right now, just for him wanting to go at my own pace. Pulling up to my house I feel the urge to vomit. The food I ate at the cookout has become a rock in the pit of my stomach. “Cori, relax. Baby, I would just be happy to talk to you all night. I want to know you better. I think that together we could help the other heal. But, baby, I gotta get to know you. You stay constantly on my mind.”

I don’t even look to see if he needs help getting out of the car. He kept his crutches sitting up in his lap during the short drive. I just get out and unlock my door. Maybe it’s inconsiderate of me not to help, but sadly it’s the furthest thing on my mind.

When he finally gets inside he stands in my doorway, this hulking, hunched over figure standing there. He seems unsure of where to go. Or he’s just trying to ascertain my reaction to him being in my personal space.

“You can sit anywhere you like, want something to drink?” I throw over my shoulder as I walk into the kitchen.

“Come here, Cori.”

A worry sets in at the unease of his voice. I rush around the corner of the kitchen hoping nothing is wrong. He sees the question in my eyes and uses his crutches to come toward me.  I instinctively back up. As he keeps coming toward me, my back hits the wall. I’m surprising myself by not freaking out. Normally if anyone comes at me I would cower or shake. But not this time, not with this man. This time, I stare straight into those green eyes, holding my ground until he comes a few inches within my face. I have to bend my head back because he is so tall.

“Am I making you nervous?” His voice is husky and deep.

“N-n-no, you’re good.” I have to clear my throat, I guess the anticipation of the kiss has made my voice sound thick and needy.

He stares straight into my eyes, almost like he is looking for an answer to some unspoken question. Apparently satisfied with whatever my eyes said, he dips his head and kisses me. Feather soft, no tongue, just a dry peck. But it’s a hundred times more than that to me.

To me, it was possibilities, endless possibilities. It’s a kiss that gives me hope for the future. It didn’t make me scream or hide, or even shake in a bad way. Gage made me feel again.

I can die a happy man now. Just the touch of her lips on mine, even though it was just a peck, was everything. She let me kiss her, and I couldn’t be more excited. When she broke down at the cookout I was scared… scared of what it would mean when she finally spoke. I think she just needed to hear that everyone is going to be there for her no matter what. That we all knew she was tougher than she gives herself credit for.

I look deep into her eyes, seeing the clarity in them almost brings me to my knees. My crutches are pinching under my arm, but I would gladly stand here a lifetime just to see her. Is this love? Is this what it feels like? Two people coming together in an understanding of what the other needs? She knows what I need, now, I need her.

“Do you, um, do you want to sit down, maybe watch a movie?” She’s so nervous she actually kind of looks like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Anywhere you are is where I want to be.”

Sitting down on her couch I feel warm for what feels like the first time in forever. Not a temperature warm, but a warmness that only comes about when you’re home. Like this is the place I’m meant to be…I’m meant to be here with this woman.

She wrings her hands in an effort to quell some of her nerves, and it really is cute. She’s trying not to touch me, and it reminds me of middle school. I feel like I should fake a yawn to put my arm around her.