Being Human (31 page)

Her face turned confused. “About what?”

I hissed at myself. I said I wasn’t going to apologize without explaining first, had everything I wanted to tell her prepared. But, as usual, my vampire instinct got in the way and I said the only thing that really made sense to me: I’m sorry. I licked my lips and tried again. “I wanted to say I’m sorry because I realized if the monster hadn’t…” My voice died and for the first time in my life, I struggled with words. “If the monster hadn’t taken you, I wouldn’t…”

“You wouldn’t have had to save me,” she finished.

I looked away and nodded. “I’m sorry.”

Her fingers brushed my chin and turned my face back to her. A warm smile filled her face. “I have my life because you saved me. Thank you.”

My guilt dissolved into a smile.

Sunlight’s gaze dropped and her cheeks flushed red. “Do you want to come in or hang outside my window all night?”

Energy hummed and faded as I crawled into her bright and colorful bedroom. Toys filled a rocking chair near her bed and a computer sat on a desk by a bookshelf that overflowed with books. Clothing hung neatly in a closet – a stark contrast from my niece’s overflowing closet. Everything looked neat and in its place. Except for one thing. It hung invisible to human eyes, but filled every inch of the room with its smell.

Fear.

I was by her side in an instant, searching for whatever scared her and ready to kill it. “What’s wrong? Where’s the monster?”

“There’s no monster.”

“Yes, there is, I can smell your fear. Don’t worry, I won’t let it get you.”

She smiled sadly. “Nothing is going to get me. I just get jumpy easily. Before you showed up, I heard a noise that turned out to be a towel falling to the floor in the bathroom.”

“You sure?” I insisted.

She smiled and pressed her palm against my cheek. “Promise.” For a moment her gaze stayed on her hand and her cheer faded. “Is there something wrong with me?”

“Why?”

She shrugged. “Because after ten years the only connection I make with another is a vampire.”

Her words cut deep. I rested my hand against her cheek. “Please don’t say that. I don’t want you to be ashamed you speak to me.”

She placed her hand over mine and squeezed. “I’m not. It’s just sometimes I feel like you should be human; that if you were, we’d be the same.”

“If I was human, I’d look like my brother.”

She dropped her gaze from mine. “I guess.”

I lifted her chin and gave her a prolonged smile. “My niece says since I was a teenager when I was turned, I’ll always be one. Besides, if I wasn’t a vampire, then I wouldn’t have been able to rescue you.”

“You wouldn’t be you either,” she said with a smile.

A warm feeling filled my chest at her words. Sunlight understood. Even my brother didn’t always understand me.

My gaze wandered down to her arm, noticing a mark stretched across her skin. Carefully, I touched the mark. “What is this?”

She pulled her arm away and tugged her sleeves to cover the mark. Head tilted down, she moved to her bed and sat. The change in her scent accompanied her withdraw and happiness faded into shame. “It’s nothing.”

I joined her on the bed, knowing her words were a lie, but feeling no anger towards her. I caught her chin in my fingers and showed her my confusion. “You did those to yourself, why?”

She shrugged, her eyes flickering to and from mine. I didn’t try to catch her thoughts, but I couldn’t stop the words from sneaking into my head. Words like,
So ashamed
and
I needed to feel alive
.

“I can hear your thoughts and they don't make sense to me. I want to understand.”

She rubbed at the marks hidden by her shirt. “Sometimes I felt crushed by everything and everyone. There was so much pressure to get better and I tried, I really did, but I never felt better. Pretending wore me out, especially during holidays when visiting family. I’d have to smile like nothing was wrong when all I wanted to do was scream. It hurt so much and I needed to get the pain out and that felt like the only way. To physically feel pain was a relief from the pain crushing my heart.”

Her explanation was complex, beyond what I knew of humans. Dan would know how to explain it, but I understood this was her secret she needed to keep.

“I’m trying to understand,” I replied. “Did this help you to survive?”

“Yes,” she whispered without a doubt.

I nodded, still not quite grasping her explanation. Hurting oneself felt counterproductive to survival, but if she said it helped her survive, I believed her.

Still, the marks were bad memories for her and I hated seeing the shame on her face. I wanted to do something that made her smile when she saw the marks. Replace the bad with something good.

She tensed when I bit the first mark. I moved onto the next, quickly popping my fangs through, but not giving her rhythm enough time to pulse blood into my mouth. I repeated the process down both her arms and forced myself to ignore her yelps of pain. Once each mark was bitten, I looked up and smiled. “Now when you look at them, you’ll think of me and not the pain.”

A puzzled look flashed across her face, and then she smiled. She held her arm out and happiness bubbled in my chest. As I drew on my bite, she leaned closed to my ear and whispered. “Now I’ll be with you all day.”

I hugged her tightly. “I think about you all day anyways.”

Her cheeks flared red. “And what about me consumes your thoughts?”

“I think about hugging you, feeling your pulse, seeing you blush, hearing your voice and.” I paused, wondering if my next confession would scare her. I peered at her, gauging her reaction. “I think about kissing you.”

The red deepened and her eyes instantly looked away.

“I know you don't want me to because the monster tainted kissing for you, but I like thinking about it,” I quickly explained.

She gave me a gentle smile. “You sound a little worried.”

“I don’t want you to be afraid I’ll do something you won’t like.” I tilted my head. “That is odd, being afraid to do something because it will upset another.”

“It’s not odd,” she assured me and placed a hand on my cheek. A thrill bolted through me as she leaned in. Was she going to kiss me? Slight disappointment flashed when she brushed her nose against my cheek instead. “After all you’ve done for me; I hope you can help me get over my fear of kissing.”

“I'd like that.”

“And…” She dropped her gaze, her voice turned more timid and red spread across her cheeks. “And you better know what you’re doing too.”

“I have kissed before. You pucker your lips and stick your tongue out,” I replied.

Her embarrassment faded and uncertainty filled her eyes. “Who taught you that? Not Mackenzie?”

Blank eyes flashed before me and the guilt churned as hotly as it had the night I killed my friend. “I had to,” I replied softly.

“Had to what? Tommy?”

I turned my eyes to Sunlight, seeing the life and trust burn in them. “I had a friend once and she helped me understand why humans made friends. She lied to me to make me her friend, but that doesn’t bother me anymore.”

“What happened to her?”

“She wanted me to make her a vampire and I refused. She found where I rested and spent the day with me. When night fell, I killed her because it hurts to be touched during the day and I get hungry faster.” I pulled Sunlight close. Her nose grazed mine and I felt the heat from her lips. “My friendship with her ended badly, but I won't let anything ruin ours.”

****

I paced my cellar, irritation rolling through me. With a growl, I slumped to the floor, then sprung to my feet and resumed pacing. Where was she? Sunlight said she would come visit me. Why wasn’t she here yet? Maybe something happened to her…

Maybe another monster took her.

I bolted from the cellar, racing through the night, my thoughts flying. How much time did I have? The monster could have taken her anytime during the day.

A snarl escaped, anger glowing hotly. It shouldn’t matter if the sun sapped me of my energy or having Sunlight near during the day would make me boil with need. All that should matter was protecting her, all the time. Day and night.

Lights glowed along the streets, in the windows of houses and everywhere else as I ran. Rhythms thumped around me as the humans moved in the early hours of the night. This wasn’t a good place for me to be, the risk of getting spotted and caught high.

I didn’t care if I was caught.

I reached Sunlight’s house and scrambled to her closed and dark window. I knocked on the glass, but unsurprisingly, the other side remained dark. Dropping to the ground, I followed the trails her scent left. They led to and from her house, the freshest ending in the middle of the driveway. I tried to follow the trail of exhaust, but by the time I reached the street, I couldn’t distinguish one car from the next.

Hurrying back to the house, I pounded on the door, not caring how stupid or reckless my actions were. I knocked until footsteps stopped outside the door and the knob slowly turned. A face peeked around the edge and I shoved everything I had against the human’s will.

“Where is she?”

The human staggered as if struck, but answered in a flat voice. “Who?”

“Sh… Ja… Sunlight… Your daughter!” I struggled with Sunlight’s name. Over the years I had become comfortable using nicknames, but I still feared the power names held.

“She was taken and I have to rescue her again,” I finished with a hiss.

“Her friend Mackenzie came and picked her up,” the human replied.

Confusion filled me. My niece took Sunlight? Why would she do that?

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Jamie said she was going to spend the night.”

Relief rolled through me. I focused my will on the human and gave one last push. “Forget I was here. When you opened the door, no one was here.”

The human stared past me as if I wasn’t there and shut the door.

I headed home, eager to see Sunlight. The house was dark and the door unlocked when I arrived. Rhythms beat behind the kitchen door as faint light glowed along the bottom. I had barely set one foot in the room when the lights flared to life, bodies jumped up and voices yelled.

“Surprise!”

My fangs shot out and I jumped back into the darkness of the living room. I hissed as I searched for the threat, but found only my family and Sunlight.

“I told you he wouldn’t like that,” Dan chuckled. He held his hands out and slowly moved towards me. “Easy, lil’ bro. Do you know what day it is? What time?”

My eyes darted to the kitchen. A cake sat on the table near Sunlight and my niece. Rissa stood off to the side, camera in hand and trying hard not to smile. A small pile of presents sat on a chair and a banner above read,
Happy Birthday
.

I whirled around at a noise, hissing at the living room shadows. Warmth touched my shoulder. I jerked away and my teeth snapped inches from Dan’s hand.

“Easy, Tommy,” he ordered. “It’s almost 12:32.”

“It’s my birthday?”

Dan nodded. “Yup, come on, the girls spent all day preparing.”

I relaxed and climbed to my feet. “I don’t like surprises.”

“I know,” Dan replied as he urged me into the kitchen. “And I warned them vampires are easily threatened.”

My niece huffed at his words, then bounced to me and threw her arms around my neck. “Happy birthday, Uncle.” She grabbed a present and pressed it into my hand. “This is from me.”

I tore the colorful paper off to reveal a plain, black box. “Thanks.”

“Open it,” Dan whispered.

Finding the seam, I pried the box open and a thin, silver chain snaked onto my hand. Dangling from the chain was a tag with the world
Love
engraved on it. I looked at my niece. “What do I do with it?”

She grabbed the chain and secured it around my neck. “You wear it.”

“Why?”

“Open Jamie’s next.” Rissa handed me another present before my niece could attempt to explain.

Sunlight’s cheeks turned red as I opened her present. The box contained thick, woven threads in red, black, silver and gold. My niece sighed loudly at my confusion and tied the threads around my wrist.

“You’re so clueless, Uncle. You wear this too.”

Dan laughed as he handed me the largest present. “Here’s one you’ll know what to do with. It’s the usual.”

The usual meant clothes. I glanced at my own, hole-covered clothing, then set the present aside without opening it. “Thanks.” I looked at the cake. Why was that here? We celebrated my birthday every year at my niece’s insisting, but usually without a cake. That was done the day before when celebrating Dan’s birthday. I caught his gaze when I looked up.

He grinned at me, a mischievous look in his eyes that reminded me of when we were young and looked identical – except that I looked dead. “You’re not getting out of the birthday song this year.”