Being Kendra (3 page)

I
don’t want to sound like a whiny little celebrity saying, “Imagine never being able to just up and go to the beach or the mall,” but really just for a second try to imagine that you can’t go to the beach. We’ve tried it—me, Hank, baby Hank, carrying tote bags full of sunblock and toys, buckets and shovels. And before we can get the umbrella up and baby Hank’s T-shirt off, fans approach us asking for pictures and autographs. It’s an amazing feeling to be loved like that, and I appreciate having fans who take the time to come say hello. I wouldn’t trade that for anything. But actually, I guess I would just for a day so I can take my kid to the beach to build a sand castle. For us, sand castles will have to be built in the backyard.

I always struggle with finding that balance, between wanting to protect baby Hank and letting him explore the world for himself. And I also look for balance between my personal life and work. I love what I do and the amazing experiences and opportunities I have in front of me, but sometimes I want to stay home with my family. So to have more time for both, I find myself giving up my time and personal needs.

My job doesn’t end when the cameras leave. It’s an all-day, every-day thing because my image and reputation follow me everywhere I go. I know this is the life I’ve chosen, but sometimes I question whether I am making the right choice as a parent for my child. This is how we live our life. Hank and I try to make sure that if we have a night out on the town it’s on a Monday night, the
least
crowded night in a restaurant. We rarely go out to restaurants on a Saturday night because they are too crowded and it’s a lot harder to have privacy. That is not a complaint—it’s just a reality. Lucky for us, we
love
renting movies and kicking back in our home, no matter where that happens to be!

We are obsessed with parks and getting Hank Jr. outside and exploring. It’s his world!

Our new home in Calabasas is what I like to call “celebrity-ready.” Lots of actors, producers, and families in the entertainment business live in Calabasas. They couldn’t care less if the Basketts move in. We are no different from anyone else. Right now I’m in the process of getting to know my neighbors. It’s funny because in my head I always assume they know who I am, and they probably think, “Oh God, Kendra.” That’s just my insecure side, but I feel I need to show them who I really am, not just who they see on TV. I feel like I have to really work to have people like me for my real self. That’s my
real
job right now, showing my neighbors I’m not a stripper. I’m more than just an outgoing, outspoken blond girl on a reality show.

Sometimes people don’t know who I am and I love that. My new neighbor across the street kept saying she didn’t know who I was. She doesn’t watch TV and had never heard of me. The first time I went over there I stayed until one
A.M.
and we just chatted about everything. She didn’t ask one question about a sex tape, or Hugh Hefner, or
Dancing
with
the
Stars
! She didn’t know anything about that stuff. Of course, in the back of my mind, I’m thinking she must have Googled me. But even if she did, she didn’t act any differently toward me, and I love her for that.

That’s my biggest fear: that everywhere I go, especially among my neighbors, everyone has Googled me. The first things that come up about me on Google are disgusting. It’s like my résumé, and it’s not a good thing—links to a sex tape, pictures of me in compromising positions from
Playboy,
etc. So I have to make sure I talk about who I am so they know that’s not me. I party for a living, not in real life, and I need my neighbors to know that. Last May, I was hired by a company to go down to the Kentucky Derby to host a party. My job was to look hot, drink, and party—so that’s what I did. But believe me, if that wasn’t my job, I probably wouldn’t have just randomly been there. But you know what? I’m going to have fun while I’m doing it. A lawyer doesn’t come home to his family and talk about the law all day. I don’t come home to my family and party all day. But a lot of people I meet think I do.

For my fans, I feel like I’m the link to the celebrity life and people can live vicariously through me to know what that lifestyle really is like. I’m a completely normal person who gets to experience some of the perks that come with fame. And, of course, the downside. Most Hollywood stars aren’t going to say how it really is. They’re going to say they can do as they please, and it doesn’t bother them. But do you ever see Hollywood stars fly coach? They don’t.

I can still fly commercial (oh, wouldn’t it be nice to have to fly in private planes all the time!) but I do need some security assistance to get through the airport. I totally get it; you see someone you are a fan of and you go approach them to say hi! I still do that myself. So we hire airport greeters to take us through the lines and straight to our gate and stay with us. They greet me right when a car drops me off, with my ticket, and then they’ll rush me through the lines. It’s not bad to avoid the security lines and airport aggravation, but it’s not free.

Balancing celebrity life comes with a high cost. You pay extra for everything you need to ensure a little privacy and safety. And balancing personal life comes with a lot of exhaustion, guilt, and effort. I see a lot of moms today who are living two lives at once. On the one hand they’re taking their kids to the park, or a class, or for a walk. But at the same time, they’ve got their Bluetooth in their ear, or they’re typing furiously on their BlackBerries, or even BBM-ing with other mommy friends. I can’t pull that off. Kudos if they can. I love that moms today have their own lives and aren’t tethered to their kids 24/7. But I can’t do that. One thing I am when I’m with Hank Jr. is present. Maybe I’m feeling guilty because I’m gone a lot for work or so busy doing a million different things for my career, so I feel like when I am with baby Hank I really need to
be
with
him. When I’m spending time with the baby, I make sure the computer is off and the cell phone is gone. It’s all about him.

Every once in a while we get to ride in style. Of course, if I’m paying, we’re going commercial!

I’m a person who holds on to my cell phone religiously. I take it everywhere I go. But I don’t text, return calls, or even pick up calls. That phone is basically in case of emergencies; it makes me feel safer to know that if something happens I have my phone in hand to call for help. I always check out all of the exits in a room and scope out strangers within my vicinity. It might seem like overkill, but I know there are some crazy people out there and I’d rather be safe than sorry.

I don’t use the phone for long chats or casual conversations. I like to get my business done quickly, even with friends. So I usually use it only if I get lost or if I have plans, and then it’s a quick thing, like “I’m almost home” or “I’m running five minutes late!” That’s why I have my assistant, Eddie, make calls for me. He checks my texts and voice mails from friends, family, and my team. I’ve always been bad with keeping in touch and communication, but now that I’m a busy wife and mom, I think it might be getting even worse. If I’m driving, or working out, or busy, it’s just so much easier for me to dictate to Eddie what to say. Any free time I have is spent worrying about Hank Jr., stocking the fridge, or taking care of my family. I just don’t have time for small talk and that’s what I’ve found I’ve usually used my cell phone for.

If I need to schedule an appointment I freak out. It makes me nervous! I don’t know how to leave messages or voice mails, so I never leave them for anyone. I just hang up and call back and hope the person picks up the phone. I hate being like, “Hi, this is Kendraaaaa and I’m coming in for my gynecologist appointment.” I have a phobia of what people think of me. I always picture five people in an office sitting around playing my voice mail message over and over again and laughing at it. One of the main reasons I hired Eddie was to help me make appointments, pick up cell phone calls, and leave messages, and keep me in touch with the world!

That’s not to say I don’t have a little me time. But it’s more necessity than luxury. I go to the gym to stay in shape and look good—not to pamper myself—because that’s part of my job. But I haven’t always had time for that. Especially the first nine months or so after Hank Jr. was born. I was shooting
Kendra,
writing my first book, moving across the country and back, so I really had no time to do anything for myself. Plus it’s not always that easy to just go to a spa one day without feeling like the whole world is staring at me. I know I’m not Angelina Jolie, but I do get recognized. With my luck I’ll go into a spa dressing room on the same day as a bachelorette party and I will be butt naked and one of them will scream, “Oh my God, it’s Kendra!” and they’re all drunk and it’s just creepy. People want to take pictures of me in the weirdest places. I’m not trying to sound conceited, but there is a time and place for taking a picture on your camera phone and it’s not in a spa dressing room when I am naked! (Full disclosure: That’s never happened, but mostly because I refuse to go to the spa and let it happen. My fear is that it will!)

Besides, when I became a mom, hygiene, relaxation, and personal space became things of the past.

I don’t even have enough energy to bathe baby Hank every day; I have even less energy (and time) to bathe myself. I don’t know how some of these moms do it; kudos to them! I think I’m pretty young and fit, and Hank is definitely fit, but by the end of the day we are pooped. So we bathe him every two to three days. People make such a big deal over bath time—“Oh, I have to bathe him every night before bed,” they say. I’m like, “How the hell do you bathe your kid every night? You’ll be a hunchback!”

I work really hard so that I can get my stuff done quickly and spend time with Hank and the baby. That’s why I eat my breakfast and drink my coffee in the shower pretty much every morning of my life. I don’t like to waste time on necessary things, so when it comes to anything to do with myself, like showering, I rush through it. I’m not big on manicures or pedicures, and I don’t relax when going to the bathroom. I think all that stuff wastes time I could be using to accomplish something else more important. So I try to avoid taking a shower as much as I can because it’s such a time suck for me.

But if I’m going to take a shower I’m going to make the best of that time and multitask. While I’m in the shower, I eat my breakfast, drink my coffee, and brush my teeth all at the same time. If you think about how much time we waste on showering, blowing out our hair, going to the bathroom, getting our nails done, it’s probably a good eight hours a week. That’s practically a full day’s work!

Usually, I make toast or an egg sandwich and a coffee and smoothie and bring it all to the shower with me. I kind of have it all scattered around like a buffet. Some things on the bath ledge, some things on the sink counter, some stuff on the floor. I’ll put my coffee (in a covered to-go mug) on the soap dish and my sandwich right by my razor—close enough for me to grab but still not get wet. Maybe I’ll leave my smoothie on the sink and kind of peek out from the curtain and grab a few sips here and there. I’ll be shaving with one hand and have a coffee in the other, or have a loofah in one hand with soap suds trying to wash my body while I’m chowing down on an egg sandwich in the other hand.

Here I am scrubbing myself, eating my breakfast, drinking my coffee. After I’m done eating I brush my teeth and there we go, done deal. I put my clothes on and I’m out the door. That’s something I do almost every time I shower in the morning, and I do it all so quickly and efficiently that it allows me so much more time each week to spend with my family.

I rush through all of that because there are so many more things I’d rather be doing—like playing with Hank Jr. Things like eating breakfast in the shower may seem bizarre, but it gives me that extra edge to have enough time during the day. I don’t do things by the book. I just try to do what works for me.