Believing Lies (32 page)

“I slept with her because of you.”

“Because of me? That’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard,” I chided.

“I kept thinking about you that night. I just wanted to get you out of my mind. She was there, and you weren’t. Even if you had been, you were engaged. Sleeping with her didn’t get you out of my mind. So I gave up trying and didn’t sleep with anyone else after that. I wanted you, and every other girl wasn’t you.”

Confusion muddled my brain. “Are you telling me that you went months without sleeping with anyone because of me? Because you wanted me?”

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you.”

I put my hands on his vest and tugged him to me. I popped up onto my tiptoes and kissed him passionately. When the kiss started to lead to more, I pulled back. As much as I wanted to just crawl into bed with him, I convinced Adam that it would be rude to not go back out to the party since he was the host.

Overall, the rest of the night was a pretty good time. I felt a sense of deep satisfaction when Sophie and Courtney pulled me aside and told me that they’d followed Lorna outside. Sprays of NA beer flew from my mouth when they explained that Cassie grabbed Lorna by the scalp on her way down the porch stairs and held her in place so Sophie and Courtney could have a nice little “chat” with her. Apparently, this involved a couple of finger pokes to Lorna’s chest. I was relieved that it didn’t get any more physical than that. Not because I thought Lorna didn’t deserve it, but because I knew that Courtney and Sophie would’ve ended up deeply regretting it if they caused real harm to another person. We might talk a big game at times, but none of us were actually “bitch fight” kind of girls. Well, maybe Cassie. I had to admit that I didn’t see Cassie as someone who would come to my defense. Maybe I really did have her pegged somewhat wrong.

Around four in the morning, either everyone was gone or passed out around the house. I was too tired to let Adam make good on his earlier promise regarding my fishnets and his teeth. He was quite drunk, and I was only pretending to be. Being stone-cold sober while your boyfriend was slurring his words was kind of a mood killer. After a few pleas, he gave up and was soon out like a light. I was tired, but sleep evaded me. I tried to turn off my mind, but Lorna’s words kept creeping in. Even after what Adam had told me tonight, it still didn’t mean that he wouldn’t get bored with me tomorrow. Lorna had planted a seed of doubt, and it had taken root.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Moonlight shone through Adam’s window, allowing just enough illumination for us to see each other. I curled up onto his chest and began to trace his tattoo. I was glad when he’d suggested we just go to bed early, instead of going to The Turning Point with Conner and Sophie. After the Halloween party last night, I just wanted some alone time with him—time I could use to work out the insecurities in my head. All day long, I’d thought about what Lorna had said, turning her words into reasons why I should wait to tell him about the baby. But the realistic side of me knew I couldn’t keep waiting. I had to find out where we stood, and then tell him the truth.

“Adam?” I said softly.

“Hmm.”

“Are we moving forward, or is this as far as you want to go?”

He sat up, subsequently pulling me with him. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I’ve been thinking about some things Lorna said.”

He dragged his hands down his face. “Crap. I knew you were mad.”

“I’m not mad.” I repressed a sigh. “It’s just that you don’t seem to want to make any real commitment.”

“I’ve told you I love you, Princess,” he said, as if that one sentence explained it all. When I didn’t immediately respond, he elaborated. “Other than you, do you know how many girls I’ve said that to? Zero.”

“And I love you too. You know that, but how long will that be enough? You don’t want to meet my parents. You never even talk about yours, let alone mention introducing me to them. It just kind of makes the words feel a little hollow.”

He didn’t say anything. Not. One. Word.

I tried to squelch the hurt in my chest. “I guess I have my answer.”

“My parents are dead. Actually my whole family is dead.” His voice was only a soft whisper, yet the impact of this revelation hit me with the force of a freight train.

“Oh, Adam. I’m so sorry.”

He lay back down and pulled me back onto his chest. Feeling skin to skin relaxed me. I wondered if it had the same effect on him. “I’m going to tell you a story. It’s one without a happy ending. Will you listen to it?”

“Of course.” I began to retrace his tattoos, to soothe both him and myself.

“My dad met my mom when she was eighteen and he was twenty. He came from a wealthy family, and his parents had expectations for him that did not include their only child falling in love with the dirt-poor daughter of a crack addict. They demanded he break up with her, but he went against their wishes and eloped. He was cut off without a cent.” Adam drew in a deep breath. His chest stopped moving under my cheek for several seconds before he exhaled. “My dad got a job at a gas station, and my mom got a job waiting tables. Add a baby to the mix, and I have no idea how they did it. Not that I remember it, but we lived in a shady neighborhood because that’s all they could afford. My dad died when I was only a year old. Gas station robbery when he was working a late shift.” He paused, and I realized that I had stopped tracing his tattoos. I resumed and did my best to hold back my tears.

“Mom raised me by herself. She never remarried or even had a long-term boyfriend. Her addict mother had overdosed, she never knew her dad, and she was also an only child. She had nobody to help her. That is until I started kindergarten. Mom got a P.O. Box for mail and lied about our physical address, so I could go to a much nicer elementary school than the one I should have gone to. On the first day of school, I made friends with Conner. His mom, Karen, and my mom became close friends despite their very different social and financial situations. She helped my mom when no one else did. She watched me when mom had to work, which was a lot. When I was in first grade, I remember hearing my mom turn down money from Karen and Conner’s dad, Tim. After that, Karen would take me shopping for clothes or school supplies, knowing that my mom would never make me give any of it back. She did that for years.”

“When I was probably nine or ten, Tim got my mom a job as a secretary at the company he works for. From there, mom worked her way up the ladder. By the time I got to junior high, we had enough money to move into a small house. I worked my ass off in school because she wanted me to go to college, and we knew that without some sort of scholarship it might not happen. I graduated with high honors and a scholarship to UW-Stevens Point. I’d wanted to go to school here, but of course I was going to go where the scholarship was. Not to mention, it’s a very good school.” He stopped speaking and shifted his body slightly.

After about a minute of pure silence, I said, “It’s okay, Adam. You don’t have to tell me any more if you don’t want to.”

“No, I want to.” I could feel his heart beat pick up under my ear. “Halfway through my junior year of college, mom came clean about the breast cancer. I didn’t even know she had it until it was too late. Karen forced her to finally tell me. Mom demanded I stay in school, but I came home anyway.” His voice was beginning to wobble. “She thought she was doing the right thing by hiding it from me, but all she did was take away from the time I had with her. She died six months later.”

I couldn’t help it, a few tears escaped my eyes and splashed onto his chest. He began to stroke my hair. How was it that he was the one consoling me right now? My heart was absolutely breaking for him.

“Remember when you had the flu, and you asked why I wasn’t grossed out?” I nodded, swallowing my guilt about him still thinking it had been the flu. “It’s because I spent those last months taking care of her. On so many levels, it was hard to take care of her, but I wouldn’t have traded that time with her for anything. After she died, I didn’t want to go back to school, but I didn’t really have anywhere else to go, so I stayed at Karen and Tim’s house for a while. I finally went back to UW-Stevens Point for about a month, but it felt wrong. I’m actually not even going to graduate this year. I still have a semester to make up next fall.”

His heartbeat began to even out. “Mom had a life insurance policy. Not a huge amount, but enough that I could pay to go to UW-Madison. My grades were enough to get me accepted, so Conner and I got a place together, and you know the rest.” He let out a small huff. “Well, I guess you don’t know all of the rest. About a month after I moved back to Madison, I was contacted by my grandfather’s attorney. I’d never met my dad’s parents, but it hurt when I found out that my grandmother had died a few years ago, and my grandfather had just passed. He was the last blood related family I had. I found out that he left almost everything to me. At first I was so fucking angry. Where was all of this money when my mom needed it? Now I was sitting on a house and money that I didn’t want. I put the house up for sale, but when I got an offer, I . . . I couldn’t sell it. I mean, it was the house my dad grew up in. I don’t remember my dad at all, but it felt wrong to get rid of the one thing that connected me to him. So I rent it out and use the money to live on. I don’t touch the rest of the money my grandfather left me.”

I tilted my head and placed a single kiss on his chest before laying my head back down. I once again traced my fingers over his tattoos. “Adam?”

“Yeah.”

“What were parent’s names?”

“Johnathon and Charlotte.”

“I wish I could have met them. Especially your mom. She sounds like an amazing woman. I’m sorry I pushed you on the subject . . . I’m sorry I pushed meeting my parents on you too.”

“It was never about me not wanting to meet your parents, Princess.” He hesitated, and then his next words were quiet and strained. “It was about me not wanting to tell you about mine because I didn’t want you to pity me or look at me differently once you knew.”

I climbed onto his lap, draping my legs around his torso. I brought my hands to the sides of his face, leaning in so he could see my face clearly, even in the almost dark room.

“I don’t pity you, Adam. I
hurt
for you. There’s a huge difference. I wish you’d understand that nothing you could tell me would change how I feel about you. I love you—all of you. Yesterday, you said that I could do better than you. Do you know how ridiculous that is? You’re
it
for me.”

I leaned down, cupping his face in my hands, and brushed my lips against his, inhaling the breath he released. He laced his fingers in the back of my hair and kissed me. It was a kiss of give and take; a synchronized dance of our lips and tongues.

I unlocked our lips and gently placed a kiss on the side of his mouth, and then his neck, and ended with a single kiss over his heart before laying back down. As soon as my head was back on his chest, his strong arms held me close, and it felt like home.

I heard his breathing slow, and his arms began to loosen and relax. He was on the cusp of sleep, whereas I wasn’t even close to drifting off yet. My mind was working on overdrive to process and sort everything he’d told me. I had to explain to him that he wouldn’t be alone anymore—that he would have a family again. God how I hoped it would include me, but even if it didn’t, he would have a child who would forever be his. I couldn’t keep this from him any longer. It was time to be honest. “Adam? Are you awake?”

“Kinda,” he said on a yawn.

“I need to tell you something.” My quiet voice shook.

“Can it wait until tomorrow?” His voice was so quiet and sleepy. “I’m really wiped out.”

I sighed internally. “Yeah. It can wait.” I pulled his arms around me tighter. “Adam?”

He yawned again. “Uh-huh.”

I pulled his hand to my lips and kissed his palm. I kept my voice a whisper, trying to hide the underlying feeling of desperation in my words. “I love you. I’m not just saying that. I need to know you believe me.”

“I believe you. I love you too.” He kissed the back of my hair. “Good night, Princess.”

Within a matter of minutes, Adam was asleep. But I couldn’t sleep. I was a bundle of nerves, petrified of how he would react when I told him about the baby tomorrow, hoping I hadn’t made a colossal mistake in keeping it from him for so long. Something in the back of my mind told me that I had.

Chapter Twenty-Six

How can two palms sweat so much?
I rubbed my hands on my jeans for what seemed like the millionth time. All through my classes, I kept thinking about how I was going to tell Adam the truth. By the time my final class was over, I was a sweaty mess.

“Are you okay? You don’t look too hot,” Drake asked as we walked out of the classroom together.

“Gee, thanks for the compliment.”

He nudged my shoulder. “You know what I mean.”

I chuckled half-heartedly. “Yeah, I do. Thanks for asking, but I just have a lot on my mind is all.”

“Care to unload?” He seemed genuinely willing to listen.

“Nah, but it’s sweet of you to offer.”

We parted ways once we left the building. The first day of November had officially arrived, and the air was crisp and chilly. Wisconsin was weird when it came to weather. One year there may not be any snow until after Christmas, while other years it was snowing on Halloween. You never knew what you were going to get. Sadly, my Mustang’s top was now up until spring. A foreign thought hit me as I slid into the driver’s seat.
Maybe I’ll never drive my pretty Mustang with the top down again
. I looked at my backseat, grimacing at how very impractical it was for a car seat. Did that mean I needed to buy a minivan?
Hell no
.
Ugh, just one more thing to figure out
.

“I’m home,” I bellowed as I walked into the apartment. “Sophie? Are you here?” I tossed my purse on the counter and went to her room. Hearing her shower running, I cautiously opened the door. The last time I walked into her bathroom while she was showering, I hadn’t realized that Conner was with her. Although you can’t see through her curtain, I still found it incredibly awkward. However, they thought it was quite funny. Today, I knew she was alone because she was belting out “Sexy Back” by Justin Timberlake very, very off key, and there was no way she’d ever let Conner hear her horrible singing.