Bella Summer Takes a Chance (18 page)

‘One more, my little cupcake,’ Clare said. ‘And then yes, we can go.’

‘I haven’t got the energy,’ I said.

‘Oh, petal, you can’t think like that. This is meant to be a bit of fun, you know. Surely there’s someone in here you’d have a drink with? Or snog? If you had a gun to your head, who’d you pick?’

‘Clare, really? I’d snog you with a gun to my head.’

‘Aw, thanks!’

‘Don’t mention it.’

‘Try being more male about it,’ she coached. ‘Every bloke in here is rating our shagability. They’d organise a line-up by breast size if they could. Look around. There’s a room full of men who’d love to take you out.’ She shrugged. ‘You don’t need to take it so seriously. You’re single now, have fun. That’s the whole point of being single. You’re pretty, and smart, fun and normal. You don’t realise what a rare commodity that is. You’ve got your pick of the chocolate box. Take a handful. Stuff your face. You can always spit out the ones you don’t like.’

‘Fine, I’ll give it another go. But please let me do it alone. I’m getting stage fright with you right next to me. I don’t care what the men think of me, but I don’t want you to hear me. Does that sound stupid?’

‘Not at all, honey bear. I’ll go crash in on Faith’s party. She looks like she wants saving from the old man anyway.’ She kissed me before making her way over to spoil Don Johnson’s evening.

Clare was right. I was single and my emotional baggage fit comfortably into the overhead compartment. I had nothing to lose by talking to someone interesting, or at least someone who didn’t look insane. Just one, and they’d let me go home. I could be in my pyjamas watching reruns by ten. Desperately I scanned the bar until one man caught my eye. Or rather, he didn’t. He was the kind of man who could commit crimes and never be picked out of an identity parade. He had nice bone structure, a strong jaw and full lips. His hairline didn’t suffer from erosion, and his dress sense didn’t tip into the forty-something uniform of chinos, loafers and collared shirt (double shudder).

I caught his eye as I sidled up, ready to pretend to ask for ice for my wine at the first sign that he’d ignore me. He leaned over to glance at my chest. Possibly a pervert, possibly reading my name badge. ‘Are you enjoying the evening?’ He asked.

‘It’s a little intense, isn’t it?’

‘Like dental work, but you get used to it.’

‘Not exactly your idea of the perfect evening either, then? Why come if you don’t like it?’

‘For the same reason that I go to the dentist, I suppose. Needs must. My milieu is populated with smug couples. I’m in danger of becoming one of those bachelors that hostesses invite just to make up the numbers. That’s too sad to contemplate. So here I am. That accent. It sounds American.’ His tone was one of realization rather than accusation.

‘Even after a decade here,’ I said. ‘Clearly my dialect coach is a waste of money. Actually, that’s very offensive to a Canadian, you know, to assume I’m American.’

‘I’m sorry.’ He clutched his chest. ‘Are you Canadian?’

‘I’m both. Very exotic, I know. I was really just warning you to avoid future faux pas. I’m doing my bit for international relations. You don’t want to know what a riled Canadian looks like.’

‘Is there such a thing? I suppose they might threaten me with a moose.’

His face was much more interesting in motion. ‘I think you’re safe unless you insult a hockey mum. I presume you’re English?’

‘I was born and bred in Devon but we’re all in the Big Smoke now.’

‘I’m a big fan of your cream.’

‘Thanks, I’ll let them know back home. They’ll be pleased to have the North American endorsement. What brings you to London?’

I was in my comfort zone with the question, so I relaxed a bit when I explained, capping off my story with the fact that I was a singer. He didn’t need to know that my musical CV had more holes than an unsold Christmas tree on December 24th. ‘As it happens, I just found out about a regular gig today. I’m pretty excited, actually.’

That was an understatement. I gave up hope of hearing back from any of the booking managers weeks ago. When he called to tell me that he wanted to try me out for a slot on Tuesdays, I nearly cried on the phone. As soon as I hung up I called Mum and Dad, and fully briefed Kat, Clare, Faith, Frederick and Mattias. I stopped just short of changing my Facebook status to ‘In a relationship’ with the venue. It wasn’t nearly enough money to live on, but I felt like I was finally, after a decade, going to get somewhere.

‘Congratulations. That must feel wonderful. What kind of singer are you?’

‘Mostly jazz, cabaret, ballads, that kind of thing. But I’m no Lady GaGa.’

Laughter lit up his face. ‘I’m glad to hear that. Although I didn’t figure you for the GaGa type.’ He waved his finger up and down. ‘You see, no dress made from entrails.’ He paused. ‘I’m an actor.’

He really enunciated. Ack-tor. ‘Wow. Full-time?’ I felt disingenuous bragging about my one little gig.

He shook his head. ‘I have built my shrine to Genesius but, no, so far the saint has not blessed me. I’m an accountant by day.’

His shoes gave him away. ‘Ah-ha. For one of the Big Four?’

‘No, though I used to be. I’m with a small footwear company. Oh, not one you’re likely to have heard of,’ he added, seeing delight dawn on my face as visions of a Manolo connection danced through my head. ‘We make riding boots.’

‘Oh, do you ride?’ I said this like I had any first-hand equestrian experience beyond my annual Grand National bet.

‘I learned a few years ago. I recently started doing some cross-country events. I like going fast. Do you?’

I shook my head, choosing to answer the non-suggestive question, thank you. ‘Can I ask you something? Please don’t take this the wrong way, but you seem normal. What are you doing here?’

‘On what are you basing your judgment exactly?’ He asked. ‘My ability to hold a conversation?’

‘Well, that puts you ahead of the man I was just talking to, so yes.’ I waited for his answer.

‘Ah, you see, the most proactive men are those that have the least chance with women. They make the first approaches, and after suffering through the round of losers, a woman’s defences are down. At that point she’s grateful for two eyes that look in the same direction. You only think I’m normal because your judgment is impaired. I could be Cyclops himself and you wouldn’t know it in these surroundings. There’s only one way to find out for sure.’ I waited for the punch line, smiling. ‘You could give me your contact details and if you’d like, we could meet another time, away from this distorting influence.’ He lowered his voice. ‘It’s really the only way to be sure of your judgment.’

‘Well, I’d hate to have doubts for the rest of my life about something as important as my judgment, so I guess I’d better give you my details.’ I handed him my card. ‘It was really nice to meet you. I’d better find my friends. Maybe we’ll talk again.’ I smiled all the way back to Faith and Clare. They gave me their thumbs-up, which I hoped The Actor didn’t see.

Later, I wedged in next to the girls at the end of the busy ice cream counter. What better way to celebrate my middling success in pulling a nondescript man at a lock and key party? ‘Thanks for making me go tonight. I wouldn’t have, if you hadn’t forced me.’

‘That’s what we’re here for,’ Faith said. ‘To bully you into humiliating situations. You’re welcome. Too bad Kat couldn’t come. I’d have loved to hear her running commentary.’

‘Kat doesn’t need to meet any more men.’ We were still reeling from her announcement and things hadn’t got any easier. She was even more determined to leave James. Unfortunately, her Majesty’s government didn’t make it easy to divorce just because you were in love with someone else. ‘James has to know something’s up by now. She hasn’t exactly been subtle.’

‘I think she’s slipping up on purpose,’ Clare said. ‘You know, if she’s caught then it forces the issue and she can get the whole thing out in the open without having to bring it up herself.’

‘When did you get a degree in psychology?’ Faith asked.

‘It’s common sense. That’s what I’d do. I’m not always a scatterbrain, you know. Present tummy excluded.’

‘I’m not sure,’ I said. ‘I don’t think she’s got any ulterior motives. Kat’s incapable of lying. I think she’s just doing what comes naturally.’

Faith laughed. ‘You’re a true friend, B., defending her when she’s doing the exact same thing she gave you such a hard time about.’

In the what-comes-around-goes-around stakes, it
was
quite ironic. I should have been resentful, considering how she lambasted me for leaving Mattias. I tried mustering some anger, but couldn’t. I was more worried that it wouldn’t end well for her and the boys. ‘We all want our friends to be happy, right? Besides, James isn’t exactly blameless. Maybe this’ll all be for the best. Everyone will end up with the man who’s right for her.’ I glanced at Clare. The Shag had figured into conversation a lot lately, most recently when he took her to some performance art thing involving chocolate and oboes. He really got her.

‘Stop it,’ she said, catching my eye. ‘I’m not looking for happily ever after. Life doesn’t just hand you great things on a plate.’

‘Wow, where’d our little optimist go?’ Faith said. ‘You accidentally fertilize one egg and suddenly you’re glum.’

Clare rolled her eyes.

‘And you’re wrong,’ she continued. ‘Look at B., she’s got a fabalicious new gig to play. She needed gigs for that manager to hear and hey presto, she’s got one.’

‘Well, it wasn’t exactly hey presto! I trudged all over town handing out my demos, and had to call every one of the bookers because they’d ignored me. It was quite a lot of work to get that gig.’ As soon as the booker hung up I’d called Sunglasses to invite him. ‘You’ll both come, right?’ I said to them.

‘Wouldn’t miss it, my little Star Bar,’ Clare said. ‘Assuming I’m not incontinent or vomiting or whatever other surprises this baby has in store for me. They don’t tell you all this beforehand. It’s a conspiracy. Faith, you’re a reporter. You could blow the lid off this whole pregnancy charade, tell women how awful it really is. I’ll be your informant.’

‘Sorry, your gestation exclusive won’t get any traction at the paper. We can’t have women refusing to breed. They’re making our future customers. In this we are complicit, for our own good and the good of the human race. Besides, they’d never let me do anything as interesting as that. My articles are confined to subjects that make grown men cry with boredom.’

‘I take it you got your next assignment, then?’

‘Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse than, yawn, council cuts. Ladies, you’re looking at the future expert on no-climb paint. There’s a chance the council used the wrong paint on a few walls in the park.’

‘What is no-climb paint? Does it have glass in it or something?’

Faith laughed. ‘It’s not even that interesting. No, it stays oily so it’s too slippery to climb.’

‘See?’ Clare said. ‘Your article not only provides the community with important health and safety information, you’ve gained knowledge that’s valuable in the wider world. You should be proud, Faith.’

‘Shut up, Clare.’

My phone began trilling in my handbag. Unlikely as it was that a booker would call at this time of night, I dove for it anyway. I didn’t recognize the number as I pressed Answer. ‘It’s the ack-tor!’ I mouthed to the girls when he said hello. Clare threw herself into Faith’s arms with her hand draped dramatically across her brow. ‘Hold on just a sec, will you please? It’s gone a bit weird in here. I’m just stepping outside. Still there?’

‘Still here. Listen, I know I’m breaking protocol by ringing. I’m supposed to wait three days or something, right? But “there is a tide in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune”. I enjoyed meeting you tonight and would like to see you again, if you’re free.’

‘I’m free,’ I said before I could stop myself. The Actor wasn’t the only one breaking protocol. ‘I mean, when would you like to meet? I’ll see if I’m free.’

‘Wednesday? Or Thursday?’

I didn’t have any plans for the week. ‘Thursday works for me.’

‘Wonderful. Shall I text you with some options? You’ve got my number now too, in case inspiration strikes on your end.’

‘That sounds good. Thanks for calling.’

‘A thousand times good night, B.’

I had a date with The Actor! How was I going to hide that from Mattias?

He was up when I got home, watching TV. ‘Still up?’ I asked as I kicked off my uncomfortable shoes, sighing with relief.

‘Graham Norton,’ he said. Ah yes, Monday night. Mattias always watched Graham on Mondays. He moved his feet, making room for me on the sofa. ‘How are the girls?’

‘Fine,’ I said, rubbing my feet. ‘Clare’s starting to show, just a bit. And she says she’s got terrible gas.’

‘She may not thank you for sharing that with me.’

‘Nah, it’s only you.’

He smiled. ‘“Only me.” Here, give me.’ He gestured to my foot.

‘Oh, that feels good, thank you. I didn’t mean anything by it. Just that she knows you, so she wouldn’t mind.’

‘I’m not offended. It’s nice. We’ve got a history. After ten years together, that’s bound to be the case. It’s very comforting.’

‘I like this side of you, Mattias. You’ve always been so reasonable. I was afraid that when we broke up we wouldn’t be able to be friends. I’m so glad we are.’

‘Definitely. And as long as you take a vow of chastity and never look at another man, you won’t break my heart and we’ll be friends forever.’

I stared at him.

‘I’m kidding. I’m making a cup of tea. Would you like one?’ He padded in his old slippers to the kitchen, whistling.

Chapter 15

‘I’m going now, Mattias, I’ll see you later,’ I called through his bedroom door. ‘Have fun with James.’

‘Hold on, I’m coming,’ he emerged in his dressing gown. ‘I was just about to shower.’ A smile crept into his face. ‘You look great! Is that new?’

‘No, no,’ I said. ‘I’ve had it for a while. So… goodnight, then.’

‘I won’t be home late,’ he said, seeming to expect an answer.