Beloved Outcast (18 page)

The alarming pictures Logan was firing in her fevered thoughts frightened Victoria. She sensed she was on the edge of a precipice that would forever change her life. She was a good woman. Despite the innocent mishap that had destroyed her reputation and sent her halfway across the country.

But she was a good woman who yearned for a bad man.

“We won’t do anything you don’t want to,” he said softly.

Well, goodness, she
wanted
to do everything, and therein was the dilemma. If she did…everything with Logan, she would be unfit to assume a trusted position tutoring an innocent girl. That was how society worked, and despite her woeful desire to lie with Logan Youngblood, Victoria believed firmly in following society’s strictures. It was those strictures that kept the world running as it should.

“I fear you have the power to make me want to do things I shouldn’t. The truth is, you’re a terrible influence on me.”

“Am I?”

“And I had such high hopes for our association,” she said, with a pitiful whine that grated on her own ears.

“What hopes were those?”

“That I could rehabilitate you, of course.”

“And you think you’ve failed?”

“If I allow you to pull me from this water, with you as naked as the day you were born, I most certainly have failed. I hate to say it, but I’m afraid you’re a lost cause. There doesn’t seem to be a thing I can do to prick your conscience. And you, on the other hand, have me contemplating a disastrous fate.”

“If I have to sacrifice morality and honor for the chance to have you in my arms, I’m willing to make the trade.”

“But it shouldn’t be that way!”

“Give me your hand, Victoria.”

She looked into his darkly compelling eyes and, as if hypnotized, raised her arm. Within seconds, her dripping body was lifted from the pool and engulfed in Logan’s hot embrace. None of her imaginings could have prepared her for the sensation of her wet flesh rubbing against his lightly furred skin.

She braced her palms against his chest to protest against his drawing her any closer, but the texture of the black, springy hair dusting his muscular torso proved her undoing. There was no way she could prevent herself from running her fingertips across the lush pelt.

He lowered her onto the disheveled heap of their clothing. “Oh, honey. I didn’t plan on feeling this way. I thought I could look at you, hold you and. and not take it any further.”

She stared at his roughly bearded, leanly sculptured features. The dark hunger radiating from his possessive gaze banished resolve and reason.

“I—I didn’t plan on feeling this way, either,” she confessed tightly. “I suppose we must resign ourselves to the inevitable.”

A savage grin slashed his harshly stamped features, making him look for all the world like the fierce pirate she’d silently called him. “Such a brave little soldier.”

“Kiss me, Logan.” Her boldness astonished her, but she was desperate to feel his mouth against hers.

“In a minute,” he said. “Before we go any further, there’s some things we have to settle.”

She knew for a fact that it was his rigid manhood, not a pinecone, that was pressed against her hip. Since it was perfectly obvious that he was as aroused as she was, she didn’t understand why he would pick now to have a chat. Besides, she needed him to sweep her up into a maelstrom of physical
ardor, so that she wouldn’t have time to think about what she was about to do.

She wanted passion, not debate.

She ran her fingertips across his powerful shoulders. “We can talk later, Logan.”

“I like your spirit, honey. But there’s some things you need to know about me before—”

She moved her fingertip to his mouth, to forestall any confessions. “There’s nothing more I need to know about you.”

Other than that I’ve foolishly lost my heart to you, and I’m going to steal this moment from fate and let you love me the only way you’re probably capable of loving. And it’s going to be enough for me.

A barrier seemed to go up behind his eyes. “I see.”

She smiled encouragingly at him. “It’s very noble of you to remind me of your tarnished past. I—I know we have no future together. But we have now, Logan. This minute.”

His gaze remained ominously brooding, yet a mocking smile curved his mouth. “And here I thought you’d already insulted me all the ways a man could be insulted.”

She looked at him in bewilderment. “What do you mean?”

He leaned forward and brushed his lips across her shoulder. The unexpected contact sent a sizzling current of fire rushing through her. “It’s going to take me a lot longer than a minute to make love to you.”

More delicious heat gathered within her. She felt as if he were setting a hundred fires beneath her skin. She recalled that he was very skilled at getting a spark to catch.

“Lord, you’re beautiful.”

The husky compliment was more dry grass laid upon the blaze.

“You’re beautiful, also.” It was the truth, she thought dazed. Logan Youngblood was a beautifully created man.

“I was right about your freckles.”

His head bent over her breasts. Abruptly Victoria glanced down to what seemed to hold Logan’s hot gaze enthralled. The sight of her bare bosom right under his nose seemed the most scandalous thing she’d ever witnessed.

In the passion of the moment, she’d forgotten about her freckles. She knew men preferred women with creamy, unblemished complexions, and here she was, virtually covered in spots. She stiffened beneath him. If her appearance displeased him, then it was time to call a halt to this lovemaking business.

“So beautiful…” The tip of his tongue flicked over a nipple. A hundred…nay, a thousand pinpricks of tingling energy swept through her. She trembled, of course. And kept her attention avidly focused on the thrilling sight of Logan’s mouth moving across her breasts.

“It’s as if your skin has been sprinkled with gold dust,” he breathed, raining more sultry kisses across her flesh.

A thief would be attracted to gold dust…

“Your nipples are exactly the same shade of pink as the roses in my family’s garden.” He suckled lightly. “Every bit of you is perfect, Victoria.”

He raised himself and moved the callused palm of his big hand to the part of her that had turned to bubbling honey. His fingers probed gently, then deeply.

She couldn’t speak. Instead, she turned her head into his shoulder and closed her eyes. Logan’s clean, musky scent, laced lightly with the fragrance of roses, filled her senses. She’d never felt anything like the sensations tugging and pulling at her.

“Have I told you how much I love your red hair? When I first met you, you reminded me of a little red-feathered bird.” As his deep voice washed over her, his fingertips continued to work their mysterious magic.

Victoria yielded to the growing forces that gathered within her. She knew instinctively that something quite extraordinary was about to happen and made no effort to control the way her hips moved beneath Logan’s caress.

“I’ve found your nest, little red bird. It’s soft and silky and shelters something very special.” He changed the rhythm of his strokes. Victoria arched toward him.

“That’s it, honey. Spread your wings and fly.”

She nipped his shoulder and wondered whether she was losing her mind. Then, without warning, a pulsing convulsion seemed to grip her within its spinning center. It was as if one moment she hovered on the brink of some delicious torment and the next she was sliding into paradise.

“Logan!”

“Yeah, sweetheart, let it take you…” His gritty voice became a part of the wild splendor burning out of control within her. She shuddered against his embrace, savoring the cast-off embers of the tumultuous blaze that had just swept through her.

Caught up in a wondrous glow, Victoria was dimly aware of Logan shifting his position above her so that she cradled him between her upraised thighs.

“I thought I could take you this far and stop without—” He pinned her with a tortured stare. “I thought I could bind you to me, but I’m the one who’s been captured, honey.

I…I can’t keep from loving you.”

She looked into Logan’s harshly sculpted features and was struck by an incredible feeling of inevitability, as if this moment between them had been destined to happen, and nothing that she or he could have done would have prevented fate from having its way.

She reached up and ran her fingertips across the bunched muscles of his strong forearms, gazing at him with all the unspoken love that filled her heart. “I think you’ve waited long enough, Logan.”

“Oh, honey.”

With that, Logan Youngblood surged into her with one possessive stroke that took her breath away. There was pain…brief and soon forgotten. There was rapture…hot,
sweet and pulsing…brought to shattering fulfillment by the wild cadence of Logan’s deep, powerful thrusts.

And there was regret….

A
ll at once, it was as if time had sped up. One moment Victoria was sharing Logan’s fevered embrace, and the next they were dressed, back at the clearing and standing beside the wagon.

Logan looked toward the sun. “There’s enough sunlight left in the day to see you to Trinity Falls.”

A sense of bereftness cut through her fragile defenses. She felt so exposed that she had to remind herself she was fully clothed. Confused, she studied Logan’s profile. In the aftermath of his powerful possession, there had been no further expressions of tenderness, no endearments, no whispers of affection—not even a measly “honey” to assuage her shattered sensibilities.

There had only been his determined rush to see them both dressed and on their way. She sensed a barely checked anger on his part, but was unable to guess what had caused it. A hot flush stung her cheeks. From his exultant shout of satisfaction when he convulsed on top of her, she’d assumed she’d pleased him well enough during the blissful throes of mindless release.

But now that the fury of the storm was spent, Logan seemed a stranger. A grumpy one, at that.

“Victoria!”

At his sharp tone, her head snapped up.
A damned ungrateful stranger!

“What?”

“It will be better if you ride in the wagon for this part of the trip.”

She ignored the closed expression that discouraged debate on the matter. “Why?”

His scowl indicated that she’d been right. He wasn’t in a talkative mood. She frowned back at him. That was just too bad. Clearly, not only was this man a reprehensible blackguard, he was also a lackluster lover. Oh, not when the actual moment of coupling occurred, she conceded. It was after the deed was dispatched that he fell far short of her expectations.

Victoria sighed. For the time being, he was
her
blackguard, and she supposed it was up to her to tell him what a woman yearned for after his fiery brand of lovemaking. On the heels of that thought followed the realization that she would be a fool to instruct him in the ways of making other women happy.

“In just a couple of miles, this trail will take a steep downward drop onto the main road into town. After that, the oxen will be moving at a brisk pace.”

She’d believe that when she saw it. By her observation, oxen had only one rate of speed. Sluggish.

She allowed Logan to assist her into the wagon, assuming he’d forgotten the other times she’d managed satisfactorily on her own. When one’s heart was bleeding from a mortal wound, one hardly quibbled over small issues.

Victoria knew what she had to do. And she would have to do it soon. It struck her that in the space of a single day she would violate the central core of everything she’d ever believed.

“Uh, Logan…”

He’d already gathered the bullwhip with one hand and taken the reins in the other. “Hold on, honey. It’s going to be a rough ride.”

Now, when it was too late to soothe her ragged nerves, the endearment flowed from his mouth with a smoothness that
made her want to cry, or gnash her teeth, or strike him over the head with a thick book.

The oxen lurched forward. One of Logan’s arms curved around her, and he anchored her to his side. For the next half hour, Victoria thought she’d been tossed back in time. Pine branches tore at the wagon’s canopy as Logan guided the team through a wild stretch of hilly terrain that left her feeling battered. Then, mercifully, they came to a stop, poised on a bend that overlooked the flat valley below. Clearly visible was a jumble of tents and buildings that seemed to have sprung up from the sagebrush.

“There it is,” Logan announced.

Victoria stared in dismay at the sprawling conglomeration of wood edifices and haphazardly placed rows of dingy tents.

“Trinity Falls?”

He shot her an amused glance. “Don’t tell me, you’re disappointed.”

Victoria noticed that whenever Logan began a sentence with “Don’t tell me,” he seemed, annoyingly, to have guessed her thoughts.

“It’s different than I expected.” She wondered if he had any idea how much of an understatement her observation was. “Bigger, too.”

“Trinity Falls boasts twenty-two saloons, four general stores, a doctor’s office, a newspaper, four hotels, three churches, a school and a branch of Western Banks United. Recent gold strikes have made it a bona fide boomtown.”

One would have thought, from Logan’s obvious pride in the fledgling community, that he was selling town lots. “And does it have a jail?”

His expression clouded. “Naturally.”

“Logan, there’s something I have to tell you before we go any farther.”

“Go ahead, Victoria.”

He looked if he were prepared to hear something significant. A painful possibility occurred to her. Did Logan believe
that, because she’d given herself so completely to him, he could play upon her sympathy and induce her not to turn him over to the authorities? Was that why he’d unleashed his wildly splendid ardor upon her? Were the kisses, the caresses, the visit to the hot pools, all an effort on his part to make her forget her duty?

Reason suggested that it would have been easier for him to push her off a cliff to rid himself of her. But would it have been as enjoyable for him? She gazed into his eyes and wished she could read his thoughts, wished she could see beyond his shuttered expression, wished her doubts didn’t inflict such pain upon her.

“When you were talking to Night Wolf, I—I saw a troop of cavalry soldiers. There were watering their horses at the river.”

“Were they?”

She nodded. “I…I know I should have called out to

them.”

Belatedly it occurred to her that if she’d done so, she wouldn’t have been seduced by Logan.

“Why didn’t you?”

“I was afraid of what they might do to you,” she replied honestly. “I just couldn’t turn you over to them.”

A hard smile edged his lips. “If I’m such a despicable felon, you should have.”

“I realize that,” she said morosely. “There’s something else you should know.”

“Yes?”

“When we arrive in Trinity Falls, I won’t be able to bring myself to turn you in to the sheriff.”

“You won’t?”

She shook her head miserably. “So, if you made love to me so I wouldn’t—”

His strong hands came from nowhere and closed around her shoulders. A scowl as menacing as a mountain thunderstorm contorted his face. “Don’t push me too far, Victoria.”

The rawly palpable anger simmering in his eyes convinced her, as nothing else could have, that he’d had no ulterior motive in claiming her.

“I was just wondering,” she whispered. “I mean, it did seem possible that a man on the run would do just about anything to escape punishment.”

His ominous gaze blistered the thin veneer of her brittle composure. “It always comes back to that, doesn’t it?”

“Well, your being a criminal is bound to be a significant factor in your dealings with other people, Logan.”

“I’m not.”

His tight, almost gutturally voiced denial touched Victoria profoundly. She smiled sadly. “That’s the spirit. All great journeys begin with a single step.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Think about it, Logan. You were left in that stockade to die. Night Wolf told you that the Indians burned the fort to the ground. That means, to the army and everyone else, Logan Youngblood is dead. You can start over. You can choose a new name, a new life and a new place to live.”

He loosened his grip. Disbelief and frustration seemed to move across his features, along with residual traces of anger.

“So you’re going to let me…escape?”

“I
do
believe in you, Logan,” she said thickly. “I know that if you try hard enough you can mend your wayward ways. You must remember, though, not to yield to temptation.” She hesitated. “This love you seem to have for gold needn’t be a bad thing—as long as you’re willing to put in an honest day’s labor to earn it.”

He stared off into the distance for a moment, then leveled another sharp stare at her.

“Then this is goodbye?”

“I’m afraid so.” She blinked rapidly, trying to stave off a deluge of useless tears. “I—I want you to know that I shall remember you always with great. affection, Logan.”

“Suppose I told you this isn’t goodbye, that I’ve been a law-abiding citizen of Trinity Falls for almost six years. I own the town bank—I own all of Western Banks United. And the city council appointed me mayor when—”

“Stop!” Victoria couldn’t bear to hear any more of Logan’s outrageous lies. “If you’re truly going to start a new life, you must be scrupulous in telling the truth.”

“Hell.”

“And excessive profanity is not conducive to forming associations with respectable people, either.”

“Well, my little doubting Thomas, you’ve left me no choice but to let you discover the hard way that first appearances can be deceiving, and everything isn’t always as it seems.”

Logan’s words struck a sympathetic chord within Victoria. On the one hand, she knew that his exaggerated claims of who he was were patently false; on the other, she understood that someone like Logan probably felt he had to lie to receive any praise.

“I know that appearances can be misleading,” she said carefully, reluctant to share her past, but suspecting that her experience could help him. “You asked me once why I came west. Well, I was
forced
to make the fresh kind of start I know you’re capable of achieving.”

“What happened?”

“I was caught in a…compromising situation.”

“What kind of compromising situation?” The words were evenly paced, like gunshots fired in a precise order.

“An innocent, completely harmless incident that could have been easily explained, had anyone been interested in discovering what had transpired,” she informed him. “The point I’m trying to make is that I know what it’s like to be misjudged. A person cannot use that unpleasant circumstance, however, as an excuse to justify subsequent misbehavior.”

“You have an answer for everything, don’t you?”

She shook her head sadly. “Not everything. I fear we did not use our time together wisely, Logan. And I must bear much of the blame for that. We wasted so many days not speaking to each other, when they could have been put to a better purpose.”

His eyes gleamed faintly. “Hmm…I wonder what better purpose that could have been.”

With his free hand, he brushed his fingertips across her cheek. The gentle gesture was almost her undoing.

“I could have taught you how to read and write.”

Abruptly he dropped his hand. “So now, among all the villainies of which I stand accused, you’ve decided I’m illiterate, too.”

“Logan, I don’t speak to wound your pride,” she assured him. “But I’ve been finding the books you’ve tried to throw away.”

He arched an eyebrow. “Have you?”

“They’ve been the same few volumes over and over again.”

“And from that you concluded I wasn’t able to read the titles?”

“What else could I have thought?”

“That I
do
know how to read and we were playing a game?”

The wry, faintly ironic question caught her by surprise. She concluded Logan was telling the truth. He’d discarded the books and tossed them in easy-to-find locations, as part of a game.

“I can see I’ve rendered you speechless.”

He handed the reins to her. She looked at them stupidly. With a casual ease she had yet to achieve, he climbed from the wagon’s high bench seat.

She stared down at him in dismay. “What are you doing?”

“Leaving.”

“But…but…”

“But what? You said you were setting me free. You haven’t changed your mind, have you?”

An oppressive chill squeezed her heart. This was it. Logan was well and truly going. “I suppose it’s better this way.” She regarded him gravely. “But how are you going to survive out here alone?”

“I’ll manage.”

He turned.

“Wait! Don’t go yet. I have something to give you.”

She laid aside the reins and clambered into the wagon. She tossed aside various items, searching for the one thing she could offer him that might help him begin a new life. Her frantic search ended when her fingers closed around the small pouch she’d secreted in a remote cubbyhole.

She was breathless when she emerged into the sunlight. Logan remained exactly as she’d left him, looking impatient to be on his way. His easy acceptance of their imminent parting stung deeply. It would have eased her own burgeoning anguish if he’d evidenced the slightest trace of regret. Unfortunately, he appeared to be a man with nothing more pressing on his mind than an afternoon stroll.

Suppressing the urge to berate him, she climbed from the wagon and thrust out her hand. “Here, take this.”

He eyed the extended pouch with a flicker of curiosity, but didn’t reach for it. “What is it?”

“Some gold coins to help you begin your new life.”

“And here I was expecting you to offer me a book as a parting gift.”

“That would hardly be practical.”

He shrugged. “You must have a copy of the Holy Bible among your collection. I figured you were going to give it to me as part of your quest to improve my character.”

“I do have such a volume, but I fear it’s too heavy to carry on your travels.” She jiggled the small drawstring bag. “I’m sure the money will prove far more practical.”

He crossed his arms. “I don’t want your damned gold.”

A thief who didn’t want gold? She would have liked to interpret Logan’s actions as an indication that he truly was turning over a new leaf, but she feared the truth lay in another direction. He was simply too proud to accept money from a woman.

“Don’t think of this as charity. Consider it a loan until you can repay me.”

His gaze narrowed. “From the future you have mapped out, the odds are we won’t see each other again.”

Her eyes filmed with hot moisture. A jagged lump rose in her throat. “You could always mail me the funds.”

“Then you plan to remain in Trinity Falls?”

“I. I don’t know,” she confessed softly. “I’m not certain that as things stand I’ll be able to honor my contract with Mr. Pritchert.”