Beloved Pilgrim (11 page)

There was no surprised intake of breath from
Hans, but when Elisabeth peered into his face she saw a wide grin
growing wider. "Jesu Christe!" he breathed. Reaching in he lifted a
gold chain and weighed it in his palm. "Beautiful." He went on
digging through Elisabeth's mother's jewelry, necklaces, rings,
bracelets, all made of precious metals and adorned with precious
stones like amber, carnelian, and lapis lazuli. "Ouch!" he cried as
he found the pin of a silver brooch the hard way. He put his
bleeding finger in his mouth and looked up at her. "Where's the
rest?" he asked around the finger he sucked.

"The bottom is false."

He returned his attention to the box. He
poked about the bottom until he was able to get a fingernail
between it and the edge of the box. Lifting it, he said, "Hey,
what's this?" The only thing in the bottom was a folded sheet of
vellum. He opened it and stared at the writing, which was upside
down.

It struck Elisabeth that he could not read.
"It's instructions on where to find the gold." It had not occurred
to her that he could not follow these instructions. She was glad,
as it happens, because it meant she could slow his search by
telling him something slightly different from what she'd
written.

He glared. "What does it say?" It was clear
that he thought he was being tricked somehow.

She reached for the small slip of vellum and
held it up to read. "It says, 'In the bake house in the oven that
is never used is a section in the back where a tile is loose. Look
there," she continued, "'to find the gold,'" although it actually
said, "to find another sheet of instructions." This was going to be
better than she had hoped. He would have to think of a way to get
the second message deciphered. That would give her and Albrecht
plenty of time to get away even if he changed his mind about
keeping silent.

"Oven they don't use, all right, that's not
hard to remember," he said to himself. "How do I know you are not
tricking me?"

She put her hands on her hips and gazed at
him. Pointing to the jewelry lying on the dirt next to the casket,
she said, "If I was going to trick you, I would not have given you
all that. I admit I wanted to slow you down, so you would not
follow me." She had almost said "us," but then she realized he
believed she and Albrecht were heading off for a tryst, so it would
not have mattered. "I think you should go back and make haste. What
if someone else finds it first?"

Open-mouthed he stared at her. Then he leaned
forward and started stuffing bits of jewelry into his clothing. The
slip of vellum he hid last. Picking up the casket he stood and
flung it away into the stand of ferns nearby. "Go with God," he
said quickly, turned and soon was out of sight.

Elisabeth sighed. Magdalena's cottage was a
good half hour's walk from here and she wasted no time making her
way.

She let Albrecht be gone for almost a week
before she declared that she would go to Magdalena's woodland
hermitage for a retreat to think and pray about all that had
happened in the past years. No one thought twice about it. As a
girl she had gone to Magdalena's place any number of times, whether
to truly go on retreat or just to get away from the unpleasantness
of her mother's illness. Her disappearance would only become
noticeable if someone happened to visit the woman or when her
absence went on longer than usual. She prayed Reinhardt was not
coming back any time soon. He need not even know she had gone.

At Magdalena's small cottage she looked about
for the holy woman and for Albrecht. There was no sign of either of
the horses she expected to find. A growing panic seized her. What
might have happened?

Blessedly a matter of minutes later she heard
the sound of laughter. Turning in its direction she saw the small
woman come out of the trees with a smiling Albrecht at her elbow,
toting firewood.

"Elisabeth!" the woman called.

"My lady, you made it!" echoed the squire. He
looked about with some concern. "Are you alone?"

Elisabeth ran up to the two, smiling. "Yes,
alone. I sent Hans scurrying off to find the gold I promised. It
was delicious, really. But I am foot weary. Might we sit while I
tell you?"

Albrecht took the firewood to the box next to
the mud and clay oven set a short distance from the cottage while
the reclusive woman took the younger woman's arm and led her to the
neck in the shade where they had sat so very many times before.

The young people shared their tales of flight
amid laughter. Finally Magdalena broke in. "It was a terrible risk
you took, my children. It still is."

Subdued, the runaways looked anywhere but at
the woman. She went on, "Albrecht, I need to speak with Elisabeth
privately."

He jumped up, bowed, and made himself
scarce.

Magdalena adjusted so she was turned more
toward Elisabeth on the bench. "Have you really thought this plan
through, my darling?" she asked.

Elisabeth started to nod firmly, but stopped
with her lips parted to speak. With a resigned sigh, she shook her
head. "No, I haven't."

"Do you know where you are going? What you
are going to do?"

Leaning forward, Elisabeth reached for the
grass growing at her feet and pulled some stalks out of the ground.
"No, I mean, I have some ideas. I just haven't made up my
mind."

Magdalena considered her for a while and then
said, "You just had to get away."

Elisabeth looked up and her face was bright.
"Yes, and there was no time to be cautious. Albrecht's life was at
risk." She looked away. "And Reinhardt is back. He used me, more
than once, and I swear I will die ere I let him do that again."

The older woman reached to rub the young
woman's back. "Oh, my dear. I am so sorry." She felt the tension in
Elisabeth's muscles. They did not relax as she rubbed. "You know
you have family, do you not? In Lombardy, your mother's people."
Magdalena reached a hand to stroke her hair.

"Yes, I have never met any of them. But I
suppose that is where I will go. But, will they just turn me over
to Reinhardt?" Her eyes pleaded with Magdalena.

Magdalena shook her head. "I know not."

They sat on in silence. Finally Elisabeth
spoke up. In what she hoped was a lighter tone, she announced,
"Hans thinks Albrecht and I are lovers. Isn't that ridiculous?"

Magdalena gave her an anxious look. "It's not
impossible, you know. He's quite attached to you."

Cocking her head Elisabeth started, "But . .
. but he's . . . "

The woman put her arm around her shoulders
and pulled her head to her neck. "It isn't just one or the other,
you know. A man like that, like your brother and his friend, they
can make love to women too. It isn't about what you can do but what
you want to do."

Elisabeth thought about this. "Does that mean
that Albrecht will change and get married?"

She felt the woman's shake of her head. "Not
likely. He knows what real love is for him now. I just mean he's
not . . . well, unable to be your lover." She pulled her head away
from Elisabeth's and tried to peer into her lowered face. "Are you
in love with Albrecht, darling?"

Elisabeth thought about it. She sat up and
crossed her arms about her chest. "No, I don't think I am. I would
like to be, but there just isn't that sort of spark. The one I
think means you love someone." She looked over at Magdalena. "How
do you know so much about all this, I mean, love, making love, men
who love other men and all?"

Magdalena stood and wandered to the back of
the bench.

The younger woman continued, "Magda, did you
love someone once? I mean . . . before . . . ?"

The woman gave her a resigned look. She
turned her back so she was facing the shading tree behind the
bench. "Yes, I did love someone once. It was a long time ago. I was
young and vain. There was a lad I wanted, oh how I wanted him! But
as far as I could tell, he did not know I existed. I started
following him about, out of sight. I finally found him, rather like
when you found your brother and Albrecht, kissing another man. I
watched them all the way through, saw everything they did. I was
horrified and so angry. I met my fellow on the path as he came back
to the village. I told him what I saw. He begged me not to tell
anyone else. He said he would do anything for me if I kept
silent."

"What did you do?" Elisabeth urged when the
woman's voice trailed off.

Magdalena turned back to her. There were
tears on her face. "I told him I would not tell anyone if . . . he
married me."

"Did he?"

Magdalena came around and sat by her again.
"Yes he did. We were truly man and wife. But I made it clear he was
not to go with his lover any more. It broke his heart. He took his
own life."

"Oh no, dear, dear Magda!"

"That is why I became a recluse, in penance.
I selfishly stole a man's heart and soul. If I live to be one
hundred I shall never forgive myself. I can only pray that God is
one who understands about love, all kinds of love."

Elisabeth nodded thoughtfully. "I always just
accepted what you said about love, because you were kind and wise.
I see now you have a reason to believe what you said. Love should
be free, should be a gift. It should never be forced. I don't think
it can be." She hesitated. "No, I am not in love with Albrecht.
Even if he wanted to love me, it just would not be right. I don't
know why not. Something just tells me there is someone out there
somewhere for me. I don't know where or when I will meet him, but I
shall. And then I will know."

Magdalena smiled sadly and put her hand on
the young woman's cheek. "You are well on your way to wisdom
yourself, darling. You are right. There is someone out there, I am
sure. And something tells me that when it comes you will indeed
know."

Albrecht hovered just out of earshot.
Elisabeth called, "Don't just stand there! Tell me where the horses
are."

"God, it's heavy!" Elisabeth cried as
Albrecht and Magdalena struggled to redistribute the weight of the
chain mail coat on her shoulders.

"You get used to it," Albrecht reassured.
"Wait until you try the helm!"

It was the next morning, and Elisabeth and
Albrecht were readying to leave Magdalena's tiny hermitage. The
rest of the day before Magdalena had plied her needle making
adjustments to Elias's clothing so they would fit his sister,
though in fact there had been less need than she anticipated.
Harder was how to deal with the armor, something becoming apparent
now that Elisabeth had the mail coat on.

"Your arms are too short," Albrecht said as
she shook out her arms so the links would fall into place. "And
your legs too, even though you are almost as tall as Elias."

"Women are shaped differently from men,"
Magdalena observed.

The squire gave her a look. "No, really?"
There was a humorous sparkle in his eye.

"Can they be shortened? Not my arms and legs,
the mail?"

He looked at the older woman. "Do you have
any sort of metal cutters?" When she shook her head, he went on.
"We will have to wait until we can get some. I had not thought of
it. In the meantime, let's hope you don't trip, my lady."

"Now the helm?" Elisabeth asked.

He shook his head. "We should wait until you
are on your horse."

"I think you should let her try it while she
still has two feet on the ground. On the horse she might lose her
balance."

"You are right," Albrecht responded. He
leaned to lift the heavy metal helm from where it sat on the
ground. "No, don't lean over. You could break your neck."

Magdalena had shorn Elisabeth's hair the
evening before. The young woman exulted in how cool and free she
felt. Now she stood with the mail hood covering what was left. She
stood straight, as the man had advised.

He lifted the helm over her head and slowly
lowered it as far as it would go.

"Ouch! The mail is biting into my scalp!"
Elisabeth cried.

Magdalena quickly snatched up the quilted
coif that lay nearby. "She needs this under her mail hood."

Already taking the helm off her, Albrecht
apologized. "I forgot that. I am so sorry, my lady."

Elisabeth chided, "You better start calling
me 'my lord' so you get used to it."

She pushed her mail hood back so Magdalena
could fit the quilted head covering over her hair, tying the
strings under her chin.

"No, bring the strings around to the back of
her neck. Otherwise the knot will get uncomfortable under her
chin." Albrecht lifted his own bearded chin to show where the
strings crossed and wrapped around to the back.

With her mail hood back in place, Albrecht
lifted her helm over Elisabeth's head again. "It is heavy. I don't
have to wear it every minute, do I?"

"No, just in battle, or if you anticipate
battle. And I will put the gorget on next time. That will even out
the weight. Mostly you just carry the thing, strapped to your
saddle."

Elisabeth tried to shrug her shoulders but
the helm was weighing too heavily to allow her to do that.
Nevertheless she felt exhilarated. "Why do I feel like I've done
all this before?"

Magdalena smiled. "Perhaps it's not so much
that you have done it before but that you were meant to."

Albrecht stepped back to survey his
handiwork. He took a deep startled breath. The two women looked
quizzically at him. "You look so much like Elias." He turned and
walked a distance away to cover his sudden surge of grief.

She did look just like her brother as she
stood there in his clothes and armor. She did not have Elias's
short beard showing between the cheek plates of his helm, but her
form, already angular and now sheathed in the thick layer of
clothes, padded jerkin, and mail, and the bearing with which she
held herself made her truly her brother's twin. She looked like a
very young man.