Beneath His Darkness (Healing Hearts #3) (34 page)

I walk over to him and lift my hand to his face, needing him to feel my words.  I’m not prepared for him to grab my wrist and slam me against the wall, his face going red with anger.

“Goddammit, Cammie!  Why are you here?”  The words fly from his mouth in a fury-filled stream.  “I’m a fucking monster!  You should be running from me, not looking at me with hope in your eyes!  Why can’t you see that?  After everything I’ve done…”

His voice deflates and he drops my wrist.  Exasperation is evident in everything he does.  From the way he sighs, to the frustrated ripping at his hair, and even his sagging shoulders when he turns his back to me.  It pains me to see him caving in on himself.  Grant has always been confident, cocky even, but right now, he’s just…defeated.

A tears slips down my face and I quickly wipe it away before he can see.  I don’t want him to think I pity him and I know that’s what he’ll believe.  Others may pity him—hell, others may look at him and see the monster he insists he is—but when I look in his eyes, I see a man drowning in a lifetime of disappointment.  He’s been lost to it for so long, the pain has warped him into someone new.  I want to help him find the person who has snowball fights with me and creates picnics on his living room floor.  Every so often, I’ve seen sparks of a playful boy pushing through all the seriousness he shows everyone else.  He’s been sweet and funny and kind.  The last thing I’ve ever felt is that he’s a monster.

I just have to figure out how to get him to see that about himself.

I stand in silence as he crosses the floor and slumps against the island.  I argue with myself over what the best course of action is and what words to say.  The man I know is in there and there has to be a way to coax him out.

He purposely keeps his back to me, dismissing me.  I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt.  I can tell he’s running from his feelings.  I want to tell him that the further he runs, the worse it’s going to be when his demons catch up, but I know he won’t hear me.  He’s blocked off hearing any advice about himself.  Whatever I say has to be about me.

Breaking the distance between us, I walk over and lay my hand on his shoulder.  My heart aches when he visibly winces.  “Grant, you can’t get rid of me by yelling.  It won’t be that easy.  I—”

He reels on me, forcing the words I was about to say to fall flat.  His brown eyes have gone black with rage and his chest is heaving.  What is wrong with him?  This is not my Grant.

“I was fucking Melanie the entire time you’ve been in my life.”  His face is contorted and I don’t recognize the man standing in front of me.  “Do you want me to continue my long list of indiscretions, because trust me, they get worse.”

I cower at his words and the fury emanating from him.  I can’t do this.  I rush for the door, hearing him say, “Thank fuck.  She finally gets it.”

His words stop me.  He’s trying to hurt me so I’ll run away.  How could I be so stupid?

I turn and the surprise that flickers across his face is quickly replaced with annoyance.  Good.  I’m getting pissed.  I care about him and it’s about time he hears it.  He fucked Melanie and that makes me want to vomit, but I was never his girlfriend.  I was the one who told him being his friend was enough and that I loved him.  I need to put my money where my mouth is.  I will not be another person who walks away or hurts him.  Fuck that.  I will show him how it’s supposed to be when someone truly cares for you.

I step toward him and his eyes widen.  “I understand you’ve done some shitty things and I won’t tell you I condone them or that I am in any way okay with them, but I am not going to give up on you.  When I told you I loved you, that didn’t come with conditions.”

He starts toward me, his mouth opening.  I can just imagine the hatred he’s about to spew.

“Shut your mouth, Grant Andrews, and fucking listen to me!”  I’ve never been so forceful in my life, but I’m determined to get through to him, so I try a new approach.  “You seem to think you aren’t worthy of me, but I bet the caterpillar feels that way as he eats his way through life, too.  The butterfly is proof that you must live through a great deal of darkness to emerge into beauty.”

“Don’t think some pansy ass talk about butterflies, rainbows, fucking unicorns, or any of your girly shit is going to suddenly make me think I’m a good guy.  I know who I am and there is nothing redeeming about me.  Now, get the fuck out!”

“No!” I scream.  “I will not leave until you hear what I have to say and when I leave, it will be with you understanding that I will be back.”

“Don’t push me, Camilla.”

“Or what?  Do you think I’m afraid of you?”

“You should be,” he hisses.

“Maybe I should be,” I say, taking another step toward him, “but I’m not.  You wanna know why?”  I hesitate for a second, watching his face.  That’s when I see it.  He falters.  “You love me, Grant Andrews.  I don’t give a fuck if you can admit it or not.  I know you feel it.  I love you, too.  That will keep me coming back, again and again.  I’ll keep fighting to help you find the guy I know is in there.  Push me away all you want.  It will only make me push back harder.”

He starts pacing, his hands ferociously gripping his hair.

“You are a good man.  I see it every time I look at you.  You made me that picnic when I was missing home and when I was questioning you, we had our snowball fight.  I have no doubt in my heart about the man you are.  Please let me show you what I see.  Don’t disappear into despair.”

“Cammie, please go away,” he begs.  His eyes start to mist over and I can tell he’s hitting his breaking point.

“I’ll go for today, but I will be back, Grant.  I will never give up on you.  Please take care of yourself and reach out to Tucker or me if you need anything.  We both care about you.”

He doesn’t say anything.  He just watches me leave his apartment and I’m not sure whether my words have any impact.

I call Tucker as I’m waiting for the elevator and I’m glad he answers on the first ring.  “You need to talk to him.  He’s so lost,” I say as I step through the opening doors.  “I tried to get through, but I think I may have made things worse.  I’m scared for him.”

Tucker assures me he’ll give Grant a call, but he has to pick Adriana up from the airport, so he can’t head to Grant’s right now.  My heart drops knowing he’ll be spending more time alone.  I thank Tucker for checking in on him and ask him to call me after he speaks with him.  Our call ends as I’m walking off the elevator onto the ground floor.

Benny waves me over with a smile.  “Hello again, Ms. Richards.  Mr. Andrews called down and asked me to make sure you get home safe.”

My heart soars thinking that Grant thought of me.  That is something the old Grant would have done.

“I’ve called the town car we reserve for special occasions to take you wherever you need to go.  It will be here in just a minute.”

“A cab would have been just fine,” I assure him.

“When a resident asks for a favor, we make sure to take the best care, ma’am.  It’s pulling up now.  Let me tell Terrence the car is for you.”

He walks past me and begins speaking with the doorman I’ve come to be so fond of.  Terrence is one of the kindest people I’ve ever met.  Maybe I’ve been a little harsh in my judgment of Benny.  Normally he creeps me out, but tonight, he’s being so sweet.

Benny motions me over and wishes me a goodnight as I walk out.  Terrence opens the car door for me and we say our goodnights.  I tell the driver my address and lay my head back on the seat.  Knowing I have a little drive ahead of me, I close my eyes and try to let go of some of the tension from the night.

Too bad all I can see is Grant’s bloodshot eyes.

Chapter Thirty Nine

Grant

As if the visit from Cammie wasn’t enough of an emotional drain, I get a call from Tucker.  He wants to know what I did to upset her.  I want to tell him it’s none of his fucking business, but what I say is worse.  I tell him to get her to leave me alone, that he owes me at least that.  I didn’t mean to say it.  It was a kneejerk reaction and I wish I could take it back the second the words leave my mouth.

Apparently, my brother is sick of my shit, too.  He tells me he doesn’t owe me a fucking thing and to stop acting like a fucking baby.  We have a few more choice words, mine said out of anger, his all truth, before he finally tells me he’ll call me later and hopes I’ve smartened up by then.  I stare at my phone, wondering why I’m such a douche.

When my phone chirps, I hope it’s Tucker texting to tell me I’m a piece of shit.  It seems crazy, but I just need him to start the conversation for me to make things right.  The message I get makes my blood run cold. 
No!  God, no!  This can’t fucking be happening!

Davyd: I have Buttercup.  Get in the town car outside.  Don’t contact anyone or I kill her.

If he hurts her, I’ll never forgive myself.  That motherfucker said he wasn’t done with me, but I never thought…this…I can’t believe…

If u hurt her I will find u and kill u slowly.

I have to be smart here.  If I get in the car outside and no one knows, she and I are both in danger. 
Think, Grant.

Davyd: Don’t threaten me or I will start cutting her now.  Go get in the car.  I’m watching u.

Watching me?  Fuck.  What does that mean?  I need more time.  I need to know whether he actually has her and I need to get a message out for help.  What do I do?

I start to type back to Davyd when another text comes through.

Davyd: I said no contacting anyone!

How the fuck does he know I’m sending a message?  Did he hack into my phone?  I hit send so he’ll see I was texting him.  I don’t know what to think.

How do I know u have her?

Davyd: I knew u wouldn’t go easily.

A picture of Cammie with a gag in her mouth pops up on my phone.  I feel like I’m going to be sick.  I have to force back the feeling.  She needs me to get her away from this maniac.  I put the phone on my coffee table, head for the island to grab my keys, and leave my apartment without looking back.

I wave at Benny as I walk by and say goodnight to Terrence as I duck into the car.  I have no time for small talk tonight.  Cammie’s life depends on me playing Davyd’s game.  There’s dark glass dividing me from the driver.  I want to ask him where the fuck he’s taking me, but I know he either hasn’t been told or he works for Davyd.

“Put the blindfold on,” comes through the speakers.

“Excuse me?” I ask, not understanding.

“The blindfold on the seat beside you.  Put it on and keep it on.  You are not allowed to see where we’re going.”

I hesitantly grab the eye cover and place it over my head.  A few seconds later, I hear a
pfft
and a weird scent fills the area around me.  I rip the blindfold from my eyes, but it’s too late.  A shimmery mist surrounds me and I realize I’m being drugged.  I grab the door handle, but I can’t get out.  The locks must be controlled by the driver.  I start to bang on the windows, but the effects of the drug are kicking in.  I feel myself being dragged under—my eyelids are becoming heavy and there’s a horrible metal taste in my mouth.

I hope this wasn’t done to my buttercup.

It’s my last thought before everything goes black.

I don’t know how long I was out, but when I come to, I’m chained to a wall in only my boxer briefs.  My head is pounding and it feels like my mouth is full of cotton.  My vision is swimming, but I’m trying to blink things into clarity.

“Grant, are you okay?”

I know that voice.  I’m trying to find the source of the sweetest sound I know, but I can’t seem to lift my chin off my chest.

“Grant, please talk to me.  I need to know you’re alright before they come back.”

They?  Did she say they?  Who’s coming back?  My brain is a muddled web of confusion and all I can seem to focus on is I’m in my underwear, chained to a wall, and the voice of an angel is talking to me.  Maybe I’m having a weird sex dream.

“Dammit, Grant!  Look at me!”

Somehow, I loll my head to the left and partially open my eyes.  What the fuck?  Why is Cammie in her bra and panties, stuck to the wall?

“Grant, please.”

She’s begging me.

“Are you real?” I slur out.

“Oh, God.  How much of that drug did they use on you?  Grant, I need you to fight this.  Open your eyes and see where we are.  Please.”

Her words are starting to make sense.  ‘Drug’ and ‘fight’ work their way into my muddled brain.  I start to blink rapidly.  My head hurts so badly, but things are starting to become a little more clear.  Oh, shit!  Davyd brought me here and he has Cammie, too.

Cammie.  This isn’t a dream.  I bring my eyes to her and I let out a roar that would rival the biggest king of beasts.  When I get my hands on Davyd, I’m going to rip the thing people call a heart from his chest with my bare hands.  That bastard better pray he kills me first or I am going to make him suffer.  How dare he strip her down, degrade her, and chain her to a wall?  He has no idea the ways I plan to torture him.

“I see you’re awake.”  His cocky voice slithers across my skin, waking me up the rest of the way.

“I’m going to fucking kill you, you filthy piece of shit!”

“Tsk, tsk, lover.  You are going to do exactly what I allow if you want Cammie to leave here with nothing missing from this lovely body of hers.”  He walks by her, running his fingers across her bare stomach.

I pull at my chains, growling and hissing like a crazed animal.  When he stops in front of me I spit in his face and watch his disgust at my behavior.

“That’s your final warning.  Next time, I take it out on her.”

We have a silent battle while I hear Cammie’s sobs in the background.  Nothing could have made me back down until I heard that.  Son of a bitch.  He knows she’s my weakness.

“I can see why you took such an interest in this one,” he starts.  “She is quite lovely and look at that body.  Mm-mm-mm, delicious.”  When he licks his lips, I want to rip his goddamn tongue from his mouth.  He’s lucky I’m chained to this wall.