Beneath This Man (10 page)

It’s just gone one o’clock. I thought he would be longer than this, but maybe he’s still at The Manor and just checking in on me.

‘Hey, I love that track!’ Dan exclaims. ‘Let it ring.’ He starts singing along to it.

I laugh. ‘I just need to take this.’ I leave the table with my phone and Dan with a furrowed brow. I know he’s going to be suspicious that I’m removing myself from his presence to take this call. I’ll say it was Kate.

I walk out into the sunshine. ‘Hey.’ I say cheerfully.

‘Where the fuck are you?’ he bellows down the phone.

I pull it away to save my eardrums. Oh, overreaction. ‘I’m with my brother, calm down.’

‘Calm down?’ he yells. ‘I get home and you’ve ran out!’

‘Stop fucking shouting!’ Is this really necessary? The man is impossible. I never said I was going to be waiting around for him. Jesus Christ, I’m hurling towards the ground after being abruptly tossed off of Central Jesse Cloud Nine.  

‘Watch your fucking mouth.’ he yells.

I look up to the sky in despair. ‘I’ve not ran out. I’ve come to meet my brother. He’s back from Australia.’ I state calmly. ‘I was supposed to see him yesterday, but I got a little caught up elsewhere.’ I didn’t aim for sarcasm, but it comes naturally.

‘I apologise for inconveniencing you.’ he hisses.

‘Excuse me?’ I’m stunned by his hostility.

‘How long will you be?’ His tone hasn’t changed; he still sounds like a pig. I might just go to Kate’s now. I’m not prepared to have strips ripped off me for seeing my brother.

‘I said I would spend the day with him.’

‘Day!’ he shouts. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

Why? Because I knew he would trample it! ‘Your phone interrupted me and you were sidetracked with problems at The Manor.’ I spit.

It goes quiet down the phone, but I can still hear his laboured breathing. I can imagine he’s been running around his penthouse in a frenzy searching every room. Oh hell, this is going to be hard work. That corner I thought we had turned has just been trampled.

‘Where are you?’ His voice has softened slightly, but he’s clearly still unhappy about my undisclosed outing.

‘I’m at a café.’

‘Where?’

There is not a chance in hell I’m telling him that. He’ll turn up, I know it, and then I will be left explaining to Dan who he is and where he came from. ‘It doesn’t matter where. I’ll be back at yours later.’  

‘Come back to me, Ava.’ It’s definitely a demand.

I drop my shoulders. ‘I will.’

A silence spreads between us and I’m very abruptly reminded of the small part of Jesse that sends me crazy. Did I really wish this back?

‘Ava?’

‘I’m here.’

‘I love you.’ he says softly, but it’s strained. I know he wants to rant and probably haul me back to
Lusso
, but he can’t do that if he can’t locate me.

‘I know you do, Jesse.’ I hang up and exhale an exhausted breath. I’m beginning to wish I didn’t know about Jesse’s alcohol issue – the issue that everyone else seems to be brushing off as no consequence, whatsoever. I, on the other hand, am now worrying myself stupid that I will push him to have another gorging session. I’ve always been an advocate of
knowledge is power
, but at the moment I’m favouring
ignorance is bliss
.  Then, I could just hang up and think he’s an unreasonable control freak and be content to let him stew. But now I know, I’ve hung up and I’m worried that I’ve just dangled the proverbial bottle of vodka under his nose.  

‘Is everything okay?’

I turn and see Dan approaching with my bag over his shoulder. I give a small smile. ‘Fine.’

‘I settled the bill. Here.’ He hands me my bag.    

‘Thanks.’

‘Are you all right?’ He frowns.

No, I‘m bloody not. The stretched truth is stretching my patience. ‘Yeah, fine.’ I plaster on a cheery face. ‘So, what do you want to do?’

‘Tussauds?’ he asks with a big smile.

I return his smile. ‘Absolutely, let’s go.’

He holds his arm up for me to link and off we go. I’ve lost count of the amount of times we’ve roamed the halls of Madam Tussaud’s. It’s tradition. There is not one waxwork that we haven’t got a photo with. We’ve snuck around the place, entered restricted zones and done whatever it took to get the photographs we needed to keep our scrapbook up-to-date. Childish, but it’s our thing.

We have an amazing day. I’ve laughed so much my cheeks ache. As it turns out, the only new waxworks’ in Tussaud’s are royalty. I had a photo with William and Kate, and Dan was captured squeezing The Queen’s boobs. We had dinner at our favourite Chinese in China Town and a few cheeky wines in a bar. I felt slightly guilty when I took my first sip, but I could hardly ask for water – Dan would have asked why. Besides, once I got the first glass down, the second was easier.

I hug Dan tight as we say our goodbyes at the tube. ‘When are you going back?’ I ask.

‘Not for a few weeks. I’m going up to Manchester tomorrow to catch up with some university friends, but I’m back in London next Sunday so I’ll see you again before I leave, okay?’

I release him from my squeeze. ‘Okay. Call me as soon as you’re back in London.’

‘I will, take care, yeah?’ He kisses me on the cheek. ‘I’m on my mobile if you need me.’

‘Okay.’ I smile. He’s worried.

He strides off and leaves me wishing he could stay forever. I’ve never needed him so much.

As I enter the foyer of
Lusso
, Clive is on the telephone. I walk straight past his desk on my way to the lift. I really don’t feel like chatting.

‘Thank you, goodbye. Ava!’ he shouts after me, and I stop and roll my eyes before turning to face him.

‘Yes?’

He shoves the phone into its cradle and hurries towards me. ‘A lady stopped by. I tried calling up to Mr Ward, but he didn’t answer. I’m afraid I couldn’t let her up. Mature woman.’

 ‘A lady?’ I ask. He’s got my attention now.

‘Yes, nice woman with blonde wavy hair. She said it was urgent, but of course, you know the rules.’ He raises his eyebrows.

Oh yes, I know the rules and for once I’m relieved he has stuck to the rules. Blonde, wavy hair? Not Sarah, surely. ‘How mature?’

He shrugs. ‘Mid-forties.’

Okay. I don’t like Sarah but she definitely doesn’t look like she’s in her forties. ‘What time was this, Clive?’

He looks at his watch. ‘Only half an hour ago.’

‘Did she give her name?’

He frowns. ‘No, she didn’t. I met her at the gate. She was expecting to go straight up to the penthouse, but when I wouldn’t let her through and said I would have to call Mr Ward, she started getting a bit vague with me.’

‘No worries, Clive. Thanks.’ I pivot and carry on towards the elevators.

I board the lift and punch in the code. A lady? And a vague lady who thought she could march up to the penthouse unannounced?

The elevators doors open and I step out to find Jesse’s front door open. Does this man have no regard for home security? Granted, he has a twenty four hour concierge downstairs to monitor the comings and goings, and a team of security, but a bit of common sense wouldn’t go a miss. I shut the door behind me and instantly feel on my guard. The sound system is playing. It’s not as ear piercing as last time, but it’s the track playing that has me on edge. It’s the same one I walked in to last Sunday when I found Jesse drunk.

Angel
.

I run through the penthouse, leaving the music on. Finding Jesse is more important than turning off the tormenting song which reminds me of that awful day. I head straight for the terrace, but he’s not there. I dump my bag and take the stairs two at a time and bolt into the bedroom. Nothing. Where is he?

Panic starts to flood me, but then I hear the shower running. I fly into the bathroom and come to an abrupt stop when I see Jesse sat on the floor of the shower, naked except for a pair of running shorts that are soaking wet and clinging to his thighs. His back is against the cold tiled wall, his knees pulled up and his arms resting on top of them. His head in slumped as the water crashes down around him.

As if he senses I’m here, he lifts his head and meets my gaze. He smiles mildly, but he can’t hide the torture in his eyes. How long has he been like this? I exhale a long breath of relief, mixed with a little exasperation, before walking straight into the shower fully clothed and settling myself in his lap, wrapping my arms and legs around his soaking body.

He buries his head in my neck. ‘I love you.’

‘I know you do. How many laps did you do?’ He has done this before. He runs circles around the Royal Parks to distract himself…from me.

‘Three.’

‘That’s too much.’ I scold him. We’re talking twenty miles here. It’s not a quick jog around the park to alleviate some stress. His body is not strong enough for this at the moment.

‘I freaked out when you weren’t here.’

‘I kind of got that.’ I say with only a light dash of sarcasm. He shifts his hands to my hips and tweaks my hipbone. I jerk.

‘You should have told me.’ he says sternly.

Perhaps I should have, but he probably would’ve trampled it, and he can’t be running a marathon every time we’re apart. ‘I was always coming back,’ I assure him. ‘I can’t be joined at your hip.’

He exhales on a long breath and snuggles deeper into the crook of my neck. ‘I wish you bloody could be.’ he grumbles. ‘You’ve had a drink.’

I suddenly feel awkward, uneasy. ‘Have you eaten?’ I ask, not knowing what else to say. He’s probably burnt off a million calories running like Forrest Gump.

‘I’m not hungry.’

‘You need to eat, Jesse.’ I moan. ‘I’ll make you something.’   

He tightens his grip on me. ‘Soon, I’m comfy.’

So, I let him be comfy for a while. I sit on his lap, my dress clinging to my body, my hair sopping wet, and just let him hold me. It can’t be like this every time we’re apart, I’ll never settle. We most certainly haven’t turned a corner, and I’m sorely disappointed. What happens now?

‘I hate this song.’ I say quietly, after we’ve sat in a tight clinch for an age.

‘I love it. Reminds me of you.’

‘It reminds me of a man I don’t like.’ I never want to hear it again.

‘I’m sorry.’ He nips at my neck, drawing his tongue up the length to my jawbone. ‘My arse is dead.’ he mumbles.

It’s the longest shower I’ve ever had. ‘I’m comfy.’ I mock. He moves his hand and grasps my hipbone, causing me to flinch and yelp. ‘Stop!’ I cry. ‘I need to feed you!’

‘Yes, you do. And I want my Ava, stripped naked and laying on our bed so I can binge on her.’ He stands himself up with me wrapped around his body, and with little effort, considering his injured hand and depleted body.

My Ava? That’s fine. Our bed? I will file that away for now.

‘I’m all for that, but I need to feed my man.’ I’ve already caused him to run himself into the ground with no fuel in his body. I’m not going to be the cause of him starving to death as well. ‘Food now, loving later.’

‘Loving now, food later.’ he challenges as he walks us out of the shower and positions me on the vanity unit.

‘I’m feeding you. End of.’ I inform him sternly. I mean it. ‘Where’s your bandage?’ I ask.

‘End of, ah?’ He picks a bath sheet up from the pile on the shelf and starts rubbing the wetness from my hair with his good hand. It could do with a shampoo and condition. ‘It was getting in my way.’ He brushes off my worry.  

I start to shiver, my clinging dress rubbing on the goose bumps that are engulfing me. Jesse drapes the towel around my back and uses the corners to pull me into him, kissing me hard on the lips. I catch him wince.

‘Yes, end of. My man is rubbing off on me.’

‘Your man wants to rub onto you.’ he whispers, pushing his groin into my thigh and taking my mouth gently.

‘Please, let me feed you.’

He pulls back on a little pout. ‘Okay, food now, loving later.’

Another submission? This certainly is progress. Nothing usually gets in the way of him taking me wherever and however he pleases. ‘How’s your hand?’ I ask.

He flicks his eyes to his fist that’s clenching the corner of the towel. ‘Not bad. I was a good boy and put some ice on it.’

‘You brave boy!’

He smirks and nuzzles our noses, then kisses my forehead. ‘Come on, you need some dry clothes.’ He goes to lift me off the unit, but I brush him away. ‘Hey.’ He scowls at me.

‘Your hand. It’s never going to heal if you’re hoofing me all over the place.’ I jump down, kick my sodden ballet pumps off and undo the side zip of my dress before pulling it over my head.  I’m then thrown up over his shoulder and carried out of the bathroom.

‘I like hoofing you about.’ he declares, chucking me onto the middle of the bed. ‘Where’s your stuff?’

‘In the spare room.’ I say, recovering from my flight.

He makes a point of demonstrating his disgust with an audible grumble before he stalks out of the room and returns moments later with all of my stuff spread between his good hand, under his arms and in his mouth. He dumps it all on the bed. ‘There.’

I reach into my bag and retrieve some clean knickers and my oversized, black sweatshirt, but my comfortable cotton knickers are soon snatched out of my hand. I frown as I watch him riffle through my bag and pull out a pair of lace replacements.

He hands them to me. ‘Always in lace.’ He nods in approval to his own demand, and I comply without hesitation or complaint, putting the lace knickers on, and then my oversized jumper. I watch as Jesse ditches the wet shorts and swaps them for a blue jersey pair. I can see new definition in his back and arms as his muscles roll and flex when he pulls them up. I sit and admire from my position on the bed before he picks me up again and carries me down to the kitchen.

First, I turn the music off on a little shudder, then I stand in front of the fridge scanning the shelves. ‘What do you want?’ Maybe some eggs, he could probably use the protein.

‘I don’t mind, I’ll have what you’re having.’ He comes up from behind and reaches past me to grab a jar of peanut butter, dropping his lips to my neck.

‘Put that back!’ I make a grab for the jar, but he evades me and beats a hasty retreat to the barstool, shoves the jar under his arm to unscrew the cap before dipping his finger in to scoop a dollop out. He smirks at me as he slides his finger into his mouth and forms an O with his lips as he pulls it out.