Benjamin (12 page)

That anger hadn’t dissipated three hours later. He was holding onto it and she didn’t know why. After this morning when she’d confessed that being with him kept her going, and he’d dismissed her, she’d not wanted to speak to him. Now she didn’t know how to break that silence. It grew bigger and heavier with each passing moment.

When they stopped for the noon meal, her stomach had tightened to the point she didn’t know if she could eat the food they’d purchased. She didn’t want to fight with Ben, but she didn’t know what she wanted from him. She expected he felt the same.

The beautiful weather seemed to contradict the mood between them as they did such mundane tasks as opening a can of peas and a tin of crackers. She ate without tasting, washing it down with water.

It wasn’t until she had finished eating and started to clean up that she realized Ben had disappeared. She noted his dinner had gone uneaten. Concern raced through her. How had she sat there while he’d walked away? His horse was still there nibbling on the nearby sweet grass, but her worry about his mood grew stronger.

She got to her feet and checked to be sure the horses were tethered securely, then she walked into the small patch of trees nearby. There was nowhere else he could be unless he simply walked off. She didn’t want to believe he would leave her and his gelding, as well as all his belongings. Then again, she hadn’t known him long, although she’d searched for him for four months and had painted a picture of him in her mind. It had been partially correct.

Otherwise she’d been completely wrong in who she thought Benjamin Graham was. He was so much more than what she thought. Deeper, more wounded, angrier. He was the saddest person she’d ever met besides herself.

A small sound greeted her from within the trees. She stopped and tried to identify it yet all was silent. She picked her way carefully forward, trying to be as quiet as possible. The noise echoed again. She cocked her head to listen. A grunt of a stag or perhaps an animal caught in a trap?

Grace crept forward until she saw movement. Horrified, she could only watch as Ben punched a tree with one fist than the other. Blood ran down his skin, onto the ground. The sound of flesh slamming into the hard bark echoed through her as though it was her flesh being ravaged.

She ran forward and slammed into him with one shoulder, putting the full force of her strength and weight behind it. It was like slamming into the tree, but this one moved. He toppled over and their bones crunched as their bodies rolled together. She had a snarling bear in her arms and she was in a fight for her life.

He growled and tried to throw her off but she held on tight.

“Ben, stop!” Her voice sounded rough to her own ears as she grappled with a big man who was determined to hurt himself.

He managed to buck her off for a moment, but before he could get to his feet, she rolled and straddled his stomach and wrapped her arms around him.

“Let me go,” he whispered. “Just let me go.”

Tears sprang to her eyes at the pain in his voice. “Never. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me, Benjamin Graham.”

A sob broke from his throat and she held on tighter. This was a man with so much eating him from the inside out. Demons that rode his back every second of every day. She knew she couldn’t wipe away what he’d endured, but she could show him that life was worth living.

“You know when Henry was first born, I was terrified. He was so tiny and I knew nothing about babies. I wasn’t the motherly type.” She closed her eyes and remembered the feel of that tiny body in her arms. “I managed to figure him out and that’s when I realized there was nothing more important than love. You see, I didn’t have the family you did, and my husband wasn’t in love with me. We were more friends than husband and wife. He and I didn’t have relations very much. Henry was a miracle baby. He is everything to me. He is my family.”

Ben had quieted beneath her, listening.

“When those bastards took him, I knew I couldn’t live until I found him again. No matter if he’s—” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “If he’s dead, I’ve lost everything. I don’t have seven brothers and sisters. I only have him. And without you, I can’t find him. Please, Benjy, please help me.”

Her heart pounded so hard, her ears hurt, but she held on, her arms aching from wrestling with Ben. He sighed, the warm breath gusting past her ears.

“I’m sorry, Gracie.”

The nickname was a first for her and it warmed her heart. Calling him Benjy had been a natural thing and it had been the right thing to do. Right now, he was Benjy, her friend and partner.

“Are you with me?”

There was a few moments pause before he answered. “Yes.”

She sat up and looked down at his face. Whiskers covered his jaw and his ridiculously long eyelashes and blue-green eyes were wet. It was what she saw in his eyes that gave her confidence he was telling the truth.

“Promise me you’re done punching trees and I’ll let you up.”

His mouth twitched. “You know I could flip you over in a second.”

He was at least twice her size and had muscles honed from hard work. Somehow she’d managed to keep him on the ground but she doubted she could keep him there for more than a minute or two.

“That doesn’t mean I’ll let you.” She found a shaky smile. “Now let me tend to your knuckles and we can eat.”

“Fine. You’ve got to get off me first.” His gaze slid down to where her legs were spread, pressing the center of her womanhood against him.

A shiver of awareness slid down her spine. The heat between them flared and her racing heart took a turn. She bent down and pressed her lips to his for one, two, three beats before she straightened up and jumped to her feet.

Now wasn’t the time to act on what she wanted. Now was the time to dust themselves off and move forward.

*

Ben shook inside
so hard, he was surprised Grace couldn’t feel it. She held his hands and cleaned his ravaged knuckles. He’d lost control again. This time the end result was he had hurt himself instead of someone else. He almost lost control in the store in that town, but he hadn’t. Instead he turned the fury inward.

Grace had saved him.

She worked with precision but caused him very little pain. His knuckles had healed from the beating he’d given Manfred Cunningham but now they would have scars on top of scars. She used one of the half-eaten shirts to make bandages for him.

“No going back now. I have no more Duffy clothes left.” She gave him a small smile. “Your plan worked to get me back in female fripperies.”

He shook his head. “Grace was always there under Duffy. She hid behind him. Now you stand on your own.”

She blinked. “I, uh, you’re right. I think I forgot about Grace.”

He leaned forward and kissed her. He’d never felt anything like softness of her lips. She breathed out as he breathed in and in an instant, she was in his lap. He held her close, kissing her again and again. Their tongues danced and he found he really, really liked that kind of kissing.

Her body was soft and warm in his arms, yet she was also sleek and muscled, the perfect combination. She turned and straddled him, pressing her heat against his throbbing cock.

Ben hadn’t expected to react to a having a woman in his arms. Not like this. He was on fire, eager and trembling for more. He couldn’t keep his distance from Grace. Hell, he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

She shimmied closer and pressed herself against him. A surge of raw heat thundered through him and he thrust upward.

Grace gasped. “Do that again.”

Who was he to say no? He complied with her order and both of them were short of breath and they didn’t even have their clothes off yet.

“I need.” Her words were jerky. “Please, I
need
.”

Ben had a choice. He could lose himself in her arms, let himself feel and experience. Or he could back away and continue on as they had been. He wished for the thousandth time he had one of his brothers to talk to. For now, Ben was on his own.

Or rather, he had a woman in his arms he cared for, somehow through all of it, and he wanted to be with her. For now. Perhaps for always.

He reached for her breasts, his decision made. She moaned low in her throat and pushed her breast farther into his hand. So incredibly soft, enough to make him moan right along with her.

She unbuttoned her blouse, revealing the cream-colored chemise she wore. The outlines of her nipples were visible beneath the soft material. If possible, his cock grew harder, pushing against his buttons almost to the point of pain.

“Take it off.” He surprised both of them, but she was quick to react, shedding her clothes within a minute. She stood before him, naked and exquisite.

His hands shook as he wondered if he could go through with this. She helped him again by taking his clothes off, starting with his boots. A beautiful, naked woman kneeling before him was like a dream.

Soon they were both unclothed and she could see him, and all his imperfections, inside and out. Grace glanced at the circular scars that peppered his chest, white against the color of his skin. She stepped closer and kissed each one. Instead of the shame and anger he felt each time he caught sight of the burn marks, he only felt the softness of her lips.

She made her way up to his mouth, and he lost himself in the sparkle of her green eyes. They made their way, still attached at the lips, to the cushion of grass nearby. She pushed him to the ground and lay on top of him. Skin to skin. Heart to heart.

The sensation of touching her from head to toe stole his thoughts. She was warm while the breeze was cool and the peeks of sun between the leaves of the trees shone on them. It was idyllic. His life was about to change in this little slice of paradise.

She braced her hands on the ground and lifted up, displaying her hardened nipples. He cupped them and her eyes closed.

“Mmmmm.” She pulled her knees forward until she knelt above him, her heat inches from his throbbing staff.

Ben pulled her down for a kiss, to seal their mouths together as she moved to push his cock into her heat. Inch by inch, she joined the two of them together until he was fully embedded inside her.

Time stopped.

He forgot to breathe at the sensation of her body around him. It was the most perfect moment of his life. And it was because of Grace. She was exquisite.

She sat up and he moved even farther within her welcoming body. She pulled his hands to her breasts and smiled at him. Then she began to move. The delicious friction sent shards of pleasure through him. He kneaded her breasts and plucked her nipples as she rode him. Her sleek thighs gripped his hips with each movement.

Too soon he felt a release building as his balls tightened. “Gracie, I can’t hold on.”

She rode him faster, harder, slamming down onto him. Small noises escaped her as he grew seconds away from exploding.

Grace shouted his name. Her pussy clenched his cock like a fist and an orgasm ripped through him like a bolt of lightning. Every inch of his body tightened. He lost track of everything except the sensation of being inside her and reaching a peak of pleasure that made his teeth buzz and his head swim.

He never knew this would happen, never knew how close he could be to another person. Ben pulled her down to wrap his arms around her. As his heart thundered in time with her, he tumbled into love. Harder than he expected.

Grace had taken a step forward toward healing his soul and his heart.

‡

B
en awoke slowly
as the pinpricks of dawn teased his eyelids. Grace lay in his arms, warm and soft beneath the blanket. He had slept fully last night for the first time in his memory. His life had been a series of snatches of sleep.

After making love to Grace, they’d spent the afternoon riding toward the compound, toward his past. Instead of feeling sick to his stomach and worried shitless about what would happen when he met the third Cunningham brother, he had fallen into a deep, dreamless sleep.

He could attribute it all to Grace, the angel who had saved his life. Or he could tell himself he’d finally started to come back to life. He’d forgotten what it felt like to be alive, to feel anything other than the darkest of thoughts and feelings. By no means was he healed, but he was definitely not the same man she’d forced into helping her.