Bent Arrow (8 page)

He desperately wanted Erik.

L
UTHER STEPPED OUTSIDE
into the late-afternoon sun and smelled the fallen leaves that had been rustled around by the raw wind. He taped a Sale sign on the display of pumpkins, scarecrows, and hay bales the owner of the lumberyard had hoped would bring business in to sell more two-by-fours and doors. It hadn’t worked, hence the Sale sign.

A familiar gold Buick came into view, so Luther waved at his mom, resigned but prepared. It was nearing his lunch break, and right on schedule, she was there for their Wednesday lunch date that was now part of his new routine.

“Give me five,” he said when she rolled her window down and peered at him from over her sunglasses.

“I have a doctor’s appointment at 3:30, so no dawdling.”

He was in and out of the lumberyard before his mom could work herself up into a lather. After their meal had come, Luther sat back in the chair and released a dismal sigh.

“What’s that for?” she asked.

“I don’t know.” He looked around the near-empty diner and glanced at the clock. Two o’clock. “It’s good to be here, and I never thought I’d say that.”

“Good? But you’ve been so down since you moved back, and that sigh certainly didn’t sound happy.” She gave him her nurturing smile, so he knew she wasn’t going to be bringing up ex-girlfriends or grandbabies or settling down right then. She genuinely wanted to know what was bothering him.

“I’m missing someone. A lot. And no matter how many weeks go by, it’s not getting easier.”

“Did you leave someone behind?”

Luther nodded and took a sip of his water. “Not by choice.” He dipped his spoon into his cup of soup and stirred it around, watching the creamy concoction coat the silverware before he brought it to his mouth. “I left someone very important to me, but because of this place, the oil workers, all the people I’ve known in my life, I’ve never felt comfortable letting anyone know the real me. That was the deal breaker.”

“Why, honey?”

“I’m afraid.”

“Of what?”

“Of being pushed even farther out of the world than I already am.”

“Gracious. What could cause that? Are you dating a non-Christian?”

“What if I were?”

His mom shrugged, then twisted her wrist in a careless manner. “Well, you haven’t been to church in years, and no one holds that against you. Are you? Is she not a Christian?”

Luther shook his head. “I don’t know. We never got that far, to be honest. He never said.”

“Well that’s im— Wait. He?”

Luther pulled another spoonful of soup to his mouth and watched his mother’s face contort as she slowly worked her mind around his words.

“He?” she whispered.

“I’m gay, Mom. So settling down with any woman, no matter how sweet or kind, was never in the cards. I got out of here the minute I could because I needed to.”

“Why did you need to?” She had tears on her lashes that she carefully dabbed at with the corner of her napkin so her mascara wouldn’t smear.

Luther glanced around the restaurant and saw four sets of familiar eyes on him. Everyone was listening, even if they now turned away, pretending to be overly interested in their pie and coffee and checks.

By bedtime, news would be all over town. Rather than his chest collapsing and air being stolen from him, Luther could suddenly breathe.

“Maybe I never needed to, but I was scared. Never letting anyone get too close to find out my secret seemed easiest.”

“That’s not a way to live, pushing people away.”

“I know. It’s been lonely.”

“And now you’re back.”

She reached for his hand, smiling, and Luther squeezed her fingers. “I’m back, but without him.”

“No wonder you’ve been so subdued. He’s the one you want to settle down with, isn’t he?”

“Yeah,” he whispered. “But I messed that up.”

“If there’s one thing I know about you, Luther Almond, it’s that you are persistent and you always get what you want in the end. Go find that man and do whatever it is you need to get him back.”

I
T DIDN’T EVEN
take until bedtime for the rumors to fly, and Luther found out the hard way when Sarah’s fist connected with his cheekbone while his boss looked on.

“What was that for?” Bud asked as he handed Luther an ice pack from the first aid kit, staring after Sarah as she screamed, “Liar!” and slammed open the front door, making the bells on it jingle merrily.

“I’m not the man she thought I was. That’s all.” Dust billowed in the parking lot as she sped away. Luther’s cheek ached. “Damn. She can really pack a wallop.”

“What did you do to her?”

“Nothing since high school.”

“A woman doesn’t punch a guy for no reason.”

Luther grimaced as he pulled the ice pack away and gingerly touched his cheekbone. To test the pain and allow himself a few extra seconds of thought, he opened and closed his jaw a time or two. He could lose his job if he told Bud the truth, and no laws would protect him if Bud did.

Hiding still?

“We used to date and she just found out I’m gay.” Luther fisted the ice pack so tightly it nearly exploded.

“That’s it? She punched you for that?”

“Yeah.” His hand relaxed.

“That’s stupid. Go take care of that cheek. I need you making deliveries in the morning, so keep the swelling down. You need to see to drive.”

“All right.”

As Luther drove out of town and down the darkened highway toward the lake, he laughed at how surreal everything had been that day. Apart from Sarah, it had all gone so smoothly, despite not planning any of it, and he wanted to talk about his day. He wanted to share this moment with Erik—in his arms, but that wasn’t an option.

D
OWN ON THE
shoreline while the stars popped through the night sky, Luther texted Erik.

I’m out. Not only to my mom. By morning the whole town will know.

A few minutes later, the phone vibrated.
How’s it feel?

Like fresh air in wide-open spaces.

Good.

I miss you.

After twenty minutes and no reply, Luther climbed up the stairs beside the boathouse and up the steep incline of the yard. He stopped and turned to look at the lake, thinking about how lonely this place was going to be in the muted quiet of winter.

“I don’t want to be here alone,” he said, hoping the vibration of his voice would ease the ache in his chest. It didn’t. Instead, it made it tighten more, and tears formed.

He ate a sad ham-and-cheese sandwich before going to sleep, then woke up and went to work. He made mindless deliveries all morning and stoically dealt with odd, knowing looks from customers in the afternoon. At least he didn’t have a bruise, like he’d expected, so he didn’t have to answer probing questions about that.

Rather than taking the right off the highway to get to the lake that night, he took a left. The longer he drove, the more cars he saw. Flares lit up in the distance, burning off the extra oil as the familiar landscape came into view.

He drove up to door number seventeen and parked. Lights from the television flickered between a part in the drapes, and as he got closer, he could hear Erik’s low chuckle bracketed by studio audience laughter. The sound made Luther smile, and he closed his eyes to absorb it better in case this was the last time he’d hear Erik’s voice.

NINE

R
ELEASE

“
O
H HEY,” SOMEONE
said from behind him. “You’re Erik’s friend Larry, right?”

It was Erik’s roommate. “It’s Luther.”

“Right. Garth,” he said as he opened the door. Erik was on his bed, leaning against the headboard in nothing but a tank top and boxers.

“Luther?”

“Yeah.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Can we talk?”

“Sure. Give me a few minutes. I need to get dressed.”

Luther nodded and shut the door behind him, then decided to head to the motel office to see if they had an empty room. As he handed the manager his credit card, he had a moment of doubt, but he took the gold plastic key fob and headed back to Erik’s room. He leaned against the cool brick right outside his door and waited, using the extra time to find his words.

Erik slipped outside, barefoot but dressed, and smelling like he’d recently showered; his hair was still damp. Luther held up the key and said, “I got us a room so we could talk in private rather than out here where anyone can see.” He started walking down the covered walkway toward room twenty-three and said under his breath, “Not for any other reason.”

“You sure about that?” Erik said with a smirk.

“Positive.”

The room was dark and hideously decorated, but it was clean and well stocked with bottles of water, snacks, and even condoms and lube, ready for the hourly customers. Luther sat on one of the beds, and Erik smiled at him in a pained way as he sat on the other.

“What’s going on?” Erik asked.

“I… I’m not good with words and expressing my feelings, because I’ve spent my whole life trying to keep myself from spilling the beans, saying too much, afraid I’d give myself away. So I never let you know in a decent enough way that I… that I… I love you.”

Erik’s eyes widened. “What?”

Luther nervously licked his lips. “I love you.” His voice sounded more confident this time, and Erik smiled.

“So it’s more than you kinda liking me?”

Luther nodded. “Fuck yeah. Has been for months. I’m better at showing and doing, but I finally figured out you need to be told too. I was too late for that. I was always afraid I’d chase you off by running my mouth and sharing all the crazy shit that was going on in my head. But I ended up chasing you off by controlling my tongue.”

“I don’t want you to control your tongue. I want you to be able to say anything to me, share your craziest thoughts.”

“Okay. Like this?” Luther got down on his knees in front of Erik and framed his hips with his palms, looking into Erik’s shocked face. Only then did he realize what this looked like. He laughed. “No, I’m not proposing to you.”

“What then?”

“God, this is so hard.” Luther pressed his forehead to Erik’s breastbone and shook his head. “This would be ten times easier if we were naked. My feelings were barely contained whenever I was touching you.”

“You said you didn’t want to get me in bed.”

Luther looked up to see Erik’s teasing smile, and he pushed a few messy curls away from those beautiful green eyes. “I always want you in bed with me. I dream of your arms around me and your warm breath on my skin almost every night. But that’s not why I came here.”

“You came to tell me you love me and what else?”

“To tell you I’m sorry. Everything came out wrong at my trailer that night. I was asking you to move in with me because I couldn’t stand the thought of being without you, but it sounded like I wanted a handyman to move in with me to create the perfect getaway so I could live a dream life alone. I wanted you there as my boyfriend.”