Bent Not Broken (A Cedar Creek #1) (18 page)

Definite.

“Are you shitting me?” Grant hissed menacingly under his breath, as his face was turning hard. “Are you fucking shitting me?” He asked again, this time louder.

“Grant, please calm down,” I tried to soothe him.

“Fuck calm down! You have got to be shitting me!” He was now shouting at me.

“Man, you need to calm down. Now,” Cal’s voice rumbled. His hand was going up to Grant’s chest with the intention of holding him back as Grant again tried to get past him to get to me. Grant viciously pushed Cal’s hand away and kept shouting, this time at Cal, “Fuck you! Do you know she’s been fucking me for a year and a half?”

Oh. My. God.

This wasn’t happening.

My body froze in embarrassment and anger as my eyes swept the store.

Yes.

Everyone was watching.

And yes.

Everyone had heard what Grant had just said.

“Grant, keep your voice down,” my voice was angry.

Grant’s head whipped around, and what I saw in his eyes made my stomach clench. And not in a good way. The pain in his eyes was so evident it almost brought me to my knees. Pain and betrayal. My anger instantly evaporated and I felt remorse.

Shit. What had I done?

“Grant,” I whispered, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” But he continued sharing as if he hadn’t heard me.

And again, he did this loudly.

“And I’m sure you know she can give it good. She is hot. And wild. Best fuck I’ve ever had. But shut down tight and cold outside of bed. A cold and hard bitch.” Hatred mixed with the hurt was shining out of his eyes now. He was lashing out at me because he was hurt.

I got that.

But I had never given him any indication that I wanted or would ever invite more with him. I had always been honest. The fact that he was talking to me like that in front of other people at my place of business and the harsh words he used, turned my remorse again into anger. I didn’t deserve this. I opened my mouth, ready to kick him out of my store when Cal re-entered the discussion.

“You believe that then why’re you here?”

Grant’s jaw got hard and he narrowed his eyes at Cal, but said nothing.

But I had enough. Nobody called me a bitch. Especially not when I didn’t deserve it.

“Out!” I screamed at him while I advanced, “Get the fuck out of my store!” I was almost upon him. I could see Cal’s arm come up to ward me off, but I twisted quickly to avoid it. When I was almost nose to nose with Grant, I let fly.

“How dare you,” I hissed under my breath through my clenched teeth, trying to keep my customers from hearing me. “How fucking dare you. You don’t know me. You say you love me, but that is bullshit, Grant. You can’t love someone you don’t know. I told you from the beginning sex was all you were ever going to get from me and you agreed. Jumped at the chance of uncomplicated sex. So don’t you dare come into my store and make a scene.”

I had felt Cal’s arm wrap around me from behind when I had gotten close to Grant, trying to hold me back. It had tightened when I had mentioned Grant supposedly loving me, but that did not penetrate my anger. He kept holding me close after I was done laying Grant out, then murmured in my ear, “Baby, calm down,” and pulled my back further into his front. Hearing his voice made me relax a little and hold onto his forearm at my waist with both my hands.

Grant’s eyes snapped up at Cal, then whipped back down to me, then down at my hands holding onto Cal.

“
Baby
?” Grant voice was low and full of rage. He had stopped shouting, but the rage was unmistakable. “He can fucking call you
baby
? I don’t believe this shit.” He shook his head and looked down at the floor. Then looked up at me with stone cold eyes. “Not even two weeks ago you cut me loose, because I dared to call you
baby
and begged you to give us a chance, to date, to get to know each other outside the bedroom. Now you’re standing in front of me in another man’s arms, and not only does he claim you as his woman in public, but you let him call you
baby
,” the tone of his voice matched his cold eyes. “I can’t fucking believe this shit.” He moved his eyes to Cal and said, “Advice. Get out before you get addicted to that sweet and hot pussy of hers and you convince yourself that she is worth fighting for. You get too close or cross that line she’s drawn by even an inch, she’ll drop you. No hesitation. Good luck not getting your heart ripped out,” then he turned and left.

But I didn’t watch him leave.

My mind stuck on what he had said, my body was frozen solid. Afraid that if I moved, it was going to shatter into a million pieces. I didn't even dare to breathe.

Grant was right.

Cal had been calling me
baby
.

And I hadn’t even realized it.

My breath started coming out in sharp and fast pants, but still, I couldn’t get enough oxygen into my lungs.

Panic.

Raw and pure panic.

I was blind with it.

I could feel Cal turn me in his arms so we were front to front, but I didn’t see anything.

I was consumed by my panic. With no way out.

I was lost.

Lost and terrified.

It was all coming back to me, hitting me hard. I hadn’t had enough time after telling Macy to bury it deep again. It was too close to the surface for me to fight it.
Baby, you are mine. All mine. And I can and will do with you whatever I want.

I heard and saw
him
in my head and my heart was racing. Pounding so hard I thought it was going to jump out of my chest. Then I could feel the pain. Not just the physical pain
he
had inflicted on me but the emotional pain of shock and hurt and betrayal, then the devastating pain of knowing I had lost the baby that had been growing inside of me.

It consumed me completely.

I was drowning.

Drowning in pain and devastation.

Tears were streaming down my face, my breaths turning into painful sobs.

I was lost.

Utterly lost.

Then, like looking through a long and dark tunnel, I saw eyes through the veil of my tears, eyes so blue I wanted to drown in
them
, disappear in
them
. I just knew that drowning in those eyes would take away the pain, so I focused on the deep beautiful blue in them.

So very beautiful.

Like a whisper, I heard a voice from far away calling my name.

It was not
his
voice. No, this voice sounded warm and gentle, worried and concerned. I blinked the tears away to see those blue eyes more clearly and saw that the eyes I was trying to drown in were Cal’s eyes.

As I slowly came back into my body, I felt warm hands cupping my cheeks and shaking my head softly. Cal’s eyes were all I could see, all I wanted to see, they were my anchor. I kept staring at them, hoping they would swallow me up, hoping they could make all the pain go away.

Another soft shake.

Then the voice again.

I blinked one more time and came fully back into myself. Cal’s eyes were still holding mine.

“Ivey, can you hear me? Ivey!” On another soft shake.

“I can hear you,” my voice sounded croaky.

Cal pulled my body into his, one hand going to the back of my head holding my face in his neck, the other hand going tightly around my shoulder blades, keeping me close.

“Jesus, baby,” he whispered in my ear. There it was again.

Baby
.

But coming from him, it wasn’t ugly. It didn’t hurt. Because it wasn’t
meant
to hurt, it wasn’t meant to be demeaning. It was gentle and caring.

I pulled my head out of his neck so I could look into his deep blue eyes again. He moved his head back to let me.

“You call me
baby
,” I whispered, my voice still croaky as if I had been crying for days.

“Yeah, I do,” he whispered back, still holding the back of my head, his fingers in my hair, his eyes roaming my face, concerned. So very concerned. And apprehensive.

“It doesn’t hurt,” I kept whispering. I saw confusion in his eyes so I tried to explain, “When you call me
baby
. It doesn't hurt.” Understanding seeped into his features together with something else.

Anger?

Rage?

Seeing the emotion that had taught me to brace for the worst in Cal’s eyes, strangely enough, didn’t scare me at all. Because I knew it wasn’t directed at me. It was
for
me. And that realization had me shove my face back into Cal’s neck, put my arms around him, and hold on tight.

I had never experienced anything like that. Someone as strong as Cal being concerned and worried for me, being angry not
at
me but
for
me. I knew anger and rage, had grown up with it being directed at me, had suffered from the effects of it all my life, but I hadn’t known what it felt like to have someone not use their anger to hurt me, but to protect me.

And that is exactly what I felt at that moment standing with Cal’s arms held tightly around me.

Protected.

And safe.

The warmth I had felt this morning watching Cal and Tommy in my kitchen settled in my stomach and intensified. Yes, I had made the right decision to give this a chance and enjoy it for as long as it lasted.

After a few minutes of standing like that, my body completely relaxed surrounded by his, I mumbled into Cal’s neck, “I need coffee.” His body started to shake and I heard his soft and relieved laughter. He gave me a light squeeze, loosened his grip on me to pull back an inch, and looked down at me.

“Coffee,” he stated in a quiet and proud voice and I smiled up at him. There was still worry in his eyes. Wanting to show him I was okay thanks to him, I rolled onto my tip toes to press a soft kiss to his lips, where I whispered, “Thank you, honey.”

“Anytime,” he whispered back, then
he
kissed
me
softly first on my mouth, then my nose, then my forehead, before he pulled me back into a tight hug. I was so exhausted from this cathartic episode that that’s all I wanted to do for the rest of the day. Stand in Cal’s arms and enjoy the feeling of safety. Unfortunately, that was impossible, and I realized this when I heard people murmuring and whispering all around us. Cal gave me a light squeeze in preparation to let me go, then took one arm from around me, and pulled me into his side.

“Ivey? Are you okay?” I heard Tommy’s voice asking hesitantly and a little scared. My eyes found his and I realized that he was standing close to Cal and I. “Yes, honey, I am,” I assured him and gave him a small smile to back that up. He kept staring at me for a minute, his head cocked to the side, assessing the truth of my words. Seemingly satisfied, he nodded at me and said, “Good. Dad?” He asked and swung his eyes to my side to look up at his father.

“I’m good, bud.” God, he was such a good kid. I wanted to give him a hug, but wasn’t sure if that would be welcome, seeing as he was an eleven-year-old boy. Deciding it wouldn’t be, I remained at Cal’s side and gave him a squeeze, which Cal returned.

“You good to get Ivey some coffee?” He asked his son.

“Sure,” Tommy answered and held his hand out for money. Cal reached to his back pocket with his hand that was not holding me and gave his son his wallet. Tommy gave me one last assessing look, nodded at me, apparently reassured that I was okay, before he turned around to go and get me some coffee from
Lola’s
.

The rest of the afternoon passed by without another incident. Tommy returned with my coffee and surprised me with a cookie, then again disappeared into the bookshelves. Cal stayed close by, watching me. I could tell he was still worried and probably waiting for me to lose it again or retreat from him, but he didn’t need to be. I had made my decision last night. And the incident with Grant solidified that decision. Not Grant being here throwing a fit, but me coming to the realization that words only had so much power over us if we let them. With the amount of books I had read in my life and therefore words I interpreted every day, this should have been clear to me. But figuring out that I hadn’t reacted to Cal calling me
baby
made me realize that.

Since Kyle had beaten me so badly that I wanted to die on that kitchen floor with my baby, his voice ugly and sinister in my ears when he had told me I was his; his possession to do with as he pleased; to not defy him ever again or next time I wouldn’t come out breathing; calling me
baby
in that dark and ugly voice. Since then, I had connected a man calling me that with that day and the absolute terror and pain I had felt. But the fact that I hadn’t even realized that Cal had been calling me that all along, meant something.

It meant that I had been trusting him from the start, if only subconsciously.