Beside Still Waters (12 page)

Everything in him wanted to take the road to the left. To plead with her to reconsider, to give him a chance to prove his love for her.

Lily had been silent and shaken on the way back to town. But try as he might, Jonesy couldn’t convince her to open up about what Eva had told her that upset her so. Finally he’d given up and allowed her the solitude she seemed to need. Maybe that’s all Eva needed, as well. Perhaps if he gave her a little more time, she’d change her mind. It was too late for him to begin the four-and-a-half-month journey back to Texas now; he’d have to wait until after the winter.

If Eva needed time, he had it to give her. He turned the wagon to the right.

“Please, Pa,” Eva moaned. “Please don’t make me.”

Pa’s eyes clouded with indecision, but he remained as resolute as Ma. “I’m sorry, Papoose. But your ma’s right. I’ll hold your hand until we get to the kitchen. Then your ma will stay with you while you take your bath. Trust me. You’re going to feel much better after you’re clean.”

Eva stopped fighting. If Pa wasn’t on her side, then there was no hope. Her body shook with fear, and she clung to Pa as they walked slowly to the door. A step past the threshold, her knees buckled as fear gripped her throat. “Pa.”

“Shh, I’m here.” He swept her up in his arms and carried her the rest of the way to the kitchen.

“She’ll be all right,” Ma’s quiet voice assured as Pa set her on her feet on the kitchen floor. He nodded, pressed a kiss to Eva’s head, and walked back through the kitchen to the living room and went outside.

Eva glanced at the tub of water, and relief moved through her. Now that she’d left her room, a weight seemed lifted from her shoulders.

Ma helped her undress and get into the tub. Eva closed her eyes and sank down into the warm water. “I’ll be okay, Ma. I know you want to get my bedding.”

A smile spread across Ma’s face. “You sure?”

Eva regarded her mother. Circles darkened the skin beneath her eyes, and her dress hung on her as though she’d lost weight. “Are you all right, Ma?”

“I think I will be now, darling. If you’re all right, I will be.”

Eva reached out a wet hand and took her ma’s. “Thank you for forcing me to do this. I never would have left that room on my own.”

When she was alone, Eva closed her eyes once more and allowed the warm water to loosen the dirt caked onto her skin.

Lady Anne cantered as though she were aware that today was the Lord’s Day and she had the distinct honor of carrying Jonesy to the worship service.

A blast of colder-than-usual air whipped up, forcing Jonesy to turn up his collar. He shivered against the wind and glanced at the cloudy sky. It seemed as though Hobbs and the surrounding area might be in for a hard winter. Good thing he’d decided against trying to make it to Texas before spring. He might have gotten stuck in Wyoming.

It had been almost a week since he’d seen Eva, and he still couldn’t quite bring himself to believe what she had indicated. She could cook and clean but not share his bed? Hurt burned through him like a branding iron. Did she honestly believe he would harm her the way Pete had? Did she think it would be the same?

The thought that she could even consider such a thing filled him with shame. How did a single man explain to the woman he loved that he wanted to hold her in his arms until dawn? Bring her silky curls to his face and lose himself in the sweet scent of lilac that always seemed to cling to her? There weren’t words to explain those things to a young, unmarried woman. Tenderness, adoration, and love were things a young husband had to wait until the night of his wedding to express.

Father, I don’t want to lose Eva. How do I convince her that I mean her only good? That I would never harm her?

The answer didn’t come in the wind.

As he entered the churchyard, his heart leaped. Eva’s pa was helping her from the wagon. Jonesy’s throat tightened at the sight of her, frail and pale. She looked as though she might bolt at a loud noise or a sudden movement. She seemed positively terrified.

It took only a moment to tie Lady Anne to a post and meet the Rileys at the door. Eva’s eyes were guarded, and she gave him only a cursory smile when he greeted her.

“Nice to see you here, Eva.”

“Thank you.” She nodded as though to dismiss him.

Mr. Riley clapped him on the shoulder. “We’ll talk to you after the service, Jonesy.”

“Yes, sir.”

Jonesy fought the urge to stare at Eva all through the service. He wasn’t sure how many people knew what had happened to her. Certainly her family and friends wouldn’t have made it known. But one never knew what the town gossips were whispering about.

Pastor Greg opened the service with the answer to the question Jonesy had asked of the Lord. “Charity suffers long and is kind.”

After the reading of 1 Corinthians 13:5, everything else Greg said was tuned out of Jonesy’s mind. He zeroed in on that single, short verse that stated charity “seeketh not her own.”

Are you trying to tell me I’m selfish?
he asked the Lord.

Selfish? Him? Hadn’t he left his land to come help his pa? Hadn’t he been willing to put his own plans on hold for almost two years in order to honor his father and mother?

Selfish? Surely he was hearing the Lord wrong. He’d even been willing to wait until spring so Eva could have a proper wedding … before everything happened.

Deep in thought, he would have missed the closing prayer if his ma hadn’t nudged him. He stood as they sang the doxology.

The crowded little sanctuary left little room to move quickly. With the Rileys sitting close to the back of the building and his family near the front, by the time Jonesy exited the church, the Rileys’ wagon had disappeared. He knew he could easily catch up with them, but he wanted to speak to Eva in private.

“Don’t worry, son.”

Jonesy turned at the sound of his mother’s voice.

“You’ll see her tonight. Eva and her parents are coming for supper.”

A grin spread across his face.

She slipped her hand through the crook in his arm, and he escorted her down the church steps and to the wagon.

“How do you think she looked, Ma?”

His mother gave him a troubled frown. “Eva seems very frail, doesn’t she?”

He nodded. “I can’t bear it.”

“She’s getting better, though. Today was the first time she’s been in church in six weeks. Be patient with her, Ben. Eva loves you. She just has to get past the fear.”

“I know, Ma. I’m trying. I keep praying that she’ll learn to trust me again.”

Ma placed a hand on his shoulder. “Maybe it’s time to start praying that she’ll learn to trust God again. Seems to me all your praying is for your sake, not Eva’s.”

Jonesy considered her words the rest of the day. Ma was right. So was the Lord. He had been acting selfishly. It was time for him to stop thinking of how her ordeal affected his life and start thinking of how he could help her heal.

During supper, conversation remained lighthearted. Mrs. Riley and Ma discussed the upcoming Christmas dance, while Pa and Mr. Riley talked about the rising price of grain and the rancher who had recently bought land just a few miles to the north. Despite Pa’s experience as a rancher, he was a farmer now and worried that ranchers would come in and take up all the farmland with their cattle and horses.

Eva sat pale and still, taking only a few bites of her food in an effort, Jonesy suspected, to be polite. It was obvious her heart wasn’t in the meal, though she kept her eyes downcast.

Jonesy kept his own gaze fixed on her, hoping she would look up and catch his eye. She had come such a long way from the dirty, unkempt, angry woman of a week ago. But he could see she had a long way to go.

“Ben, why don’t you take Eva out to the barn and show her the new puppies?”

Eva jerked her head up at the sound of Jonesy’s ma’s voice. Interest flashed in her fawnlike eyes.

Jonesy winked at her. “Lord Byron’s a pa. Want to see his young’uns?”

A smile tipped the corners of her mouth. “I’d love to.”

Her eagerness sent a sense of relief through Jonesy. His chair scraped the floor as he pushed back from the table.

Eva stood, as well. “Dinner was delicious, Mrs. Jones. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Eva followed Jonesy outside.

“Trust Ma to ease a tense situation.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think she could tell you weren’t exactly enjoying the company.”

Horror widened Eva’s eyes. “Oh my. I didn’t mean to be rude. I’d better go back inside and apologize.”

Jonesy caught her arm.

“Eva, it’s all right. She isn’t offended. That’s why she offered you a way out of there. To tell you the truth, I was wondering how long I was going to have to sit there and make polite conversation so as not to be rude to your parents. Ma took pity on us both.”

Eva gave a soft laugh. Not the throaty, rich laugh that used to come from the depths of her belly. But the sound still sent chills down Jonesy’s spine.

Lord Byron gave an excited bark and nearly knocked Eva down when they walked into the barn.

Jonesy laughed. “Seems as though someone’s missed you.”

Eva ruffled Lord Byron’s fur. “So you’ve gone and found yourself a wife, you crazy mutt.”

“Mutt?” Jonesy said with mock offense. “Lord Byron is nobility. Keep a respectful tone in your voice, or we’ll be forced to banish you to the tower.”

“I’m sorry, old boy.”

Lord Byron pranced to the back of the barn, then came halfway back and stood expectantly. Jonesy nudged Eva. “Look. He wants to show off his puppies.”

“Well, that is what we’re here for. Let’s not disappoint him.”

The wiggling half-dozen puppies were a mix from a pitch-black mother dog and Lord Byron, whose white, brown, and black patches had no rhyme or reason.

“Ah, so this must be the missus.” Eva knelt beside the nursing litter. “And what is her name?” She smiled. “I know she isn’t Lady Anne. That name’s taken.”

“Her name is Beauty.”

“Beauty?”

“‘She walks in beauty, like the night.’ From the poetry of Lord Byron.”

“Ah. Appropriate.” She grinned.

One brown-and-white puppy detached itself from its mother and moved blindly on weak, wobbly newborn legs.

A breath of compassion left Eva’s throat. “The sweet little thing.” She reached down and took the fat, wiggling pup between her palms and cuddled it close. Jonesy held his breath as she rubbed her cheek against the soft fur.

On impulse, he reached forward to brush a curl from Eva’s cheek. She gasped and jerked back, her eyes alight with fear. “What are you doing?” she croaked out.

“You had some hair in your face. I was … I’m sorry.”

She set the puppy down gently next to its mother and watched while it nudged its way in among its warm, furry brothers and sisters. Standing, Eva gathered a shaky breath. “I’d like to go back inside now. I should help our mothers clean up.”

“Eva, I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right, Jonesy.” But he could see she was far from all right.

“Just a couple more minutes? I’d like to talk to you about something.”

“Please, Jonesy. I said all I have to say about marrying you. Don’t make this any harder.”

Charity suffereth long and is kind. It seeketh not her own
. “Here’s the thing.” Jonesy summoned the courage to say what he had to say. “I know things have changed. I wish I were the sort of man who could honestly tell you that I could still marry you and never think about taking you into my bed. But that’s just not true. As much as I love you, I’m still a man.”

“I don’t see why we have to have this discussion again.”

The sound of Eva’s anger spurred him on to explain before she completely cut him off and went inside without hearing him out. “I love you, Eva. And I still want to marry you. But I don’t want to lose my friendship with you. I’ve shared my dreams with you, my poetry, my hope for the future. I miss our rides together and our talks by the river. So if you’ll consider it, I’d like us to be friends again. As a matter of fact, I take back my proposal. Consider yourself unasked to be my wife.”

An uncertain smile tipped her lips. “You’re a little crazy, you know that?”