Better Not Love Me (16 page)

Chapter 32

Nate handed Marcus a crowbar to wedge under the boards covering the outside of the new nursery windows. Marcus held it in place as Nate hammered the implement in, pushing the board away from the building. The two worked methodically board by board, slowly uncovering the windows of the room that would eventually become a nursery.

Nate had grown to appreciate Marcus as a hard worker. The skills he demonstrated building the deck were evident again today.

"Did you know this was your mom's plan?" Nate asked.

"To trick us into hard manual labor? Not a chance," Marcus replied. "But she has a way of getting what she wants."

"So I've noticed. Have you ever been to this place before—the Annex?"

"I came over one time with mom before, but never went inside. It's pretty gross. I think it needs a little more than a coat of paint."

Nate couldn't agree more. He could see that Pastor Isakson and Lori were doing the best they could with a limited budget. Tearing down the interior walls of the space and painting the outer walls would be an improvement, but it was leaps and bounds from what he would have imagined the ideal nursery would look like. Of course Nate had never been to a homeless shelter before and didn't have a strong reference point to determine if this was better or worse than anything else available.

But one thing was clear, the people who ran the place were doing more than most. Maybe if they had more funds, it would be easier.

Marcus was right about Amelia getting what she wanted. She obviously wanted Nate to see the impact of the donation program that he canceled. He was right to do it too. The stores were bleeding money and giving away profits didn't make any sense whatsoever. The almighty dollar reigned supreme at Riddell and he didn't see anything wrong with that. That was American capitalism. Heaven forbid that they take some of that money and give to those less fortunate. He wasn't sold on Amelia's plan to increase sales by donating more. He'd never seen any evidence that such a program would work. Riddell was a scrupulous organization, if there was some way to get more money out of people, they would have already tried it.

Nate's thoughts were interrupted by two women walking toward them. One was a thin 20-something blonde who was obviously pregnant. The other was a teenage girl with messy brown hair, who couldn’t have been more than four or five years younger than the pregnant girl. She wore a purple hoodie, despite the heat. The younger girl's eyes were downcast. She didn't make eye contact.

"Excuse me," the pregnant woman said. "Can you guys use a hand?"

The woman's tee-shirt strained to contain her belly.

"I wanted to help in the nursery, but I can't be around the paint fumes," she said, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand. "They said you two might need some help out here. So Denny and I thought we'd try to help. Sorry, I'm Gemma."

She shook both their hands, then stepped aside for Denny to do the same. The younger girl didn't move. Denny? Short for Denise? Nate wondered.

"Don't worry about her," Gemma said. "She gets antsy around new people. What can we do to help?"

There were only three windows left to uncover. Nate and Marcus had a steady rhythm going and really didn't need any help, but Nate wasn't about to tell the woman that. She wanted to pitch in and that was admirable.

"The windows we uncovered are pretty grimy," Nate said. "They could use a good washing."

"I think we can handle that," she said.

Nate sent Marcus inside to get a bucket of soap and water and some rags for the women to use. When he returned Denny retrieved a hose from around the side of the building.

Marcus hid it poorly, but every chance he got, he was glancing toward Denny. Nate chuckled to himself. He thought Marcus had a thing for Chloe. But Chloe was his daughter of course, so he welcomed the boy's interest in the girl who wouldn't make eye contact.

Marcus had suddenly lost interest is prying boards off the remaining windows. He and Denny walked to the far end of the building and started washing the grime off the newly exposed windows. Shy Denny was talking up a storm now. Nate couldn't hear what they were talking about but he could see them both smiling.

He took the opportunity to take a break. He downed a bottle of water in the shade and stretched out his aching back. Gemma joined him. He gave her a bottle of water too.

"Can I ask when you are due?" he said, nodding toward the woman's belly.

"Last week," Gemma said. "Unfortunately, this little guy doesn't seem to want to start his life yet. I'm going stir crazy waiting and we'll probably induce labor in the next day or two if it doesn't happen on its own."

"They probably told you to be active. Is that why you're helping the project today?"

"Yes, that's part of it," she said. "Never in a million years did I think I would be living in a shelter when my baby was born."

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to pry."

"Not at all," she said. "I'm kind of a walking advertisement for this place. Hard to miss." 

"How so?"

"I'm from Spokane, but I was living in Oregon with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he wasn't as excited about this little bundle of joy inside me as I was. As soon as he found out I was pregnant, he broke it off; which meant I was completely alone in a city that I had no desire to stay in. So I came home. My parents didn't approve of my situation, seeing that I wasn't married to the jerk who knocked me up. So the one place I thought I could get help—my parent's house—was no longer welcoming to me. I bounced around staying with friends, but you know, things happen and for one reason or another, it just didn't work out."

Nate listened, but inside wondered what kind of parents turn away their own child when she needed them most.

"I met Pastor Isakson at St. Mark's Church. I wasn't much of a bible-thumper, but I guess attending services grounded me or something. It was good. He told me about this place and how they were even planning to have a nursery built, so I moved in about two weeks ago."

"It doesn't look like the nursery is going to be ready in time," Nate said. "Unless you can hold out a while longer."

"Well, that's not going to happen!" Gemma said, laughing. "I've got a quiet little corner now, with some other moms. They're nice people, so it'll all be fine."  

Nate had trouble imagining raising a child in this place, yet he felt blessed, but embarrassed at the same time, for how fortunate he was in life. Sure, he was a cancer survivor and he'd lost his wife; but Chloe was healthy, and he was always able to provide for her. They didn't have to face living in a shelter or rely on others to help. He worked hard and earned everything he had; but now, talking with Gemma, he felt guilty for not doing more to help others. He just hadn't put that much thought into it before.

"So it's a boy?" Nate asked.

"That's what they tell me."

"Have you got a name picked out?"

"I'm kicking around a few, but I decided that I'd like to meet this person before I brand him with a name for the rest his life."

"Good thinking," he said. "How long are you going to stay here? Is there a limit on how long you can stay?"

"There isn't a hard date. They're pretty relaxed about the whole thing, but to stay I have to show that I'm working toward finding a permanent place to live. I can take classes or show that I'm saving up some money. Stuff like that. It works out pretty good." 

"You seem like a pretty smart woman," he said. "I'm sure everything is going to work out great."

"I hope so," she said. "I'm not sure what I would have done if Pastor Isakson and this place wasn't here to help me. Sometimes people come into your life at exactly the right time. You wouldn't know you needed them so bad until they were right in front of you."

Nate looked through the window and saw Amelia applying paint to a wall.

"Yeah, it's funny how people can do that."

* * *

Nearly half of the nursery was painted by the time the windows were uncovered and washed. The dingy room was transformed. It wasn't perfect, but it was looking better by the minute.

"Nice work," Nate said to Amelia.

"Yeah, I think this place is going to be pretty neat."

The volunteer painters were just wrapping up for lunch. Lori brought in sandwiches from the cafeteria. They sat on folding chairs or on the bare paint-splattered floor.

Chloe leaned over and whispered into her father's ear.

"Dad, we need to get moving for your appointment," she said.

He looked at his watch. They should have already left by now.

He set his sandwich aside. He had no appetite to eat anyway. Something inside him was off.

"Can I borrow your car?" Nate asked Amelia. "For Chloe's appointment? We'll be back in a few hours."

Amelia's mouth was full, but she nodded her consent. What Nate didn't realize was that Chloe didn't whisper very quietly. And Amelia was now wondering why Nate needed a doctor's appointment.

Chapter 33

Two days later

Amelia and Amy sat on blankets at the water's edge in front of the cabin. Amelia listened to her sister drone on about how good the UPS delivery guy looked in his little brown shorts. Something about a man in a uniform got her all excited. It's not that Amelia didn't agree. She saw the man too, but she just wasn't in the mood.

"What did you order anyway?" Amelia said.

"What do you mean?" Amy replied.

"The UPS driver dropped off a package. What did you order?"

"Oh, it wasn't for me, the guy got the cabins mixed up. It was for Nate. I'm not sure what it was, but I took it over next door. It shook like it was full of marbles. What's with you guys anyway? I haven't seen him around."

Amelia wasn't sure how to respond.

She hadn't seen Nate for the last two days. The drive back from Spokane was eerily quiet. Amelia knew Nate had lied to her and she didn't understand why, nor did she have the courage to ask. Nate, for his part, didn't offer up any explanation; so she stuck to her guns, kept quiet and let the awkwardness fill in the gap. He looked flushed during the drive, but she imagined that was just a part of working outside at the shelter in the heat of the summer. Chloe was quiet too. She just stared out the window and picked the nail polish off her fingers.

Amelia tried to push the thoughts from her mind, because there was nothing she could do about it anyway.

So she shifted her focus to Susanna and Marcus, which was the whole point of renting this cabin anyway. They played board games and watched cheesy movies on cable TV. Marcus seemed to be rejuvenated from the visit with Pastor Isakson. He even mentioned Denny and said he'd like to see her again. Susanna, as usual, was cool as a cucumber. Nothing seemed to bother her, which was a relief.

She wondered if Nate was waiting for her to come see him. It drove her crazy to think about it. We're both adults, why should it matter who goes to see the other one first?  But it did. If she went over, she was needy. If he came over, she'd think he wanted something. It was maddening and all the more heightened because she truly cared for this man who had only recently revealed himself as a decent guy. Or had he? She didn’t know.

"Nate and I are just taking it easy," Amelia said. "This summer isn't about finding love."

"Who said anything about love?" Amy replied. "How about a little happiness to go with it?"

"I'm happy," but even as she said it, she knew the words were not convincing.

"OK then. Let's pretend that didn't sound like total bull crap for just a minute, all right? Good. What makes you happy?"

"I'm not playing this game."

"It's not a game, Little Sis, it’s life. And if you can’t rattle off the few things in this world that make you happy, then you're in a world of hurt. And not happy."

What did make her happy? Her children, obviously. She liked running. She got a nice high from that. She enjoyed the customers at Mr. Z's. She liked being busy and having a goal to achieve. She liked it when Nate brushed her hair back from her eyes and when he kissed her . . .

"Lots of things make me happy," she finally replied.

"OK, keep that list to yourself, but I get the feeling that sitting around this cabin all summer isn't on the list despite your best intentions for coming here."

"No. It's not," Amelia admitted. "I've never had any downtime in my entire life. I thought I would enjoy doing nothing. A couple months’ vacation with no responsibilities whatsoever."

"It's not so easy to unwind is it?"

"Maybe there's something wrong with me."

"There something wrong with all of us," Amy said. "We get used to getting up at the crack of dawn, punching the clock and fighting our way toward the weekend. We keep our heads down and, when we do, the world passes us by. When we stop to take a breath and ease up on the work, we see the important things in our lives and it scares us. It scares me."

"How do you mean?"

"Imagine what it would be like if the only thing that mattered was being healthy, happy and surrounded by the ones we love and by those who love us just the same."

"That sounds like a fantasy," Amelia said.

"No, it sounds like the summer you had planned," Amy said. "So what's missing?"

Amelia knew what it was. It was the drive. Work. The job she hated so much was lingering in the back of her mind every minute. What would have happened to Mr. Z's if she hadn't walked away? Would they be closing? Was it all her fault?

Amelia was scared too. Scared that if she put her time and effort into trying to save the toy stores that she would fall into the same vortex that swallowed her up last time. She'd be away from the kids too. Marcus was turning 18 in just a few days and Susanna needed her mom, even if she was cool as a cucumber.

And besides, she had no idea how to save Mr. Z's. She had hoped that their visit to the Annex would have convinced Nate to join her in hatching a plan to save the company, but that didn't happen. He was nowhere to be found.

To keep the stores open she needed two things: money and control. Unfortunately she had neither. Control was in the hands of Graham Barnes, a man she knew by reputation only and the reputation wasn't good. She was stumped on the money too. She had a nice nest egg saved up, but she'd need 1,000 nest eggs to get any attention. It was infuriating.

* * *

Amelia decided she had waited long enough for Nate. Maybe they could work through this problem together. At least she could feel like she was doing something.

She excused herself and told Amy she needed to stretch her legs and headed toward the neighboring cabin. So she wasn't completely obvious, she avoided the dirt path from the beach and took the access road behind it. She walked past the tree stump near the edge of the road. The tree that a young Nate shot. She wondered what it meant to him, seeing that reminder of his own fears. She wondered who cut it down and why.

She was nervous when she reached the front door of the cabin and knocked. It was quiet and the UPS package was still sitting on the step. She knocked again and waited. After a few lingering moments, she circled the cabin toward the deck and to peer in the window to see if maybe they just hadn't heard her knocking.

On the back deck, the patio furniture and BBQ grill were gone—put away for the season. She looked down at the dock and noticed for the first time that Nate's boat was missing too. How had she not noticed that? Then she looked in the cabin window. All the furniture was covered in white sheets. The ghostly shapes in the room told the story, but she couldn’t believe it. Nate was gone.