Better Than Before (RightMatch.com Trilogy) (15 page)

“Do I have a choice?”

“No, you don’t.”

“Then can I ask you to consider something that might change your mind?”

Fatigue caught up with Spence and he tried to summon his usual business verve. “It would take too much to make me reinvest in your firm.”

“Saving the environment isn’t motivation enough?”

That’s the exact question Annie would have asked. They’d had conversations about going green in business, but it was related to his fictional construction work. Damn it to hell! As he’d feared before, she was invading his professional life. So he said, curtly, “Not now,” and requested the relevant AllGreen files, to be sent to his computer. “I also want to talk to your accountant and your inventory manager on Monday.”

“You’re staying the weekend?”

“I’m staying however long this takes.”

Spence settled in the conference room and received the files on his laptop. As he went to click into the inventory statistics, he saw an icon called
New Product Development
had been enlarged. Henderson meant to fight, a trait Spence admired in people, so he opened the folder and read it without much interest—for only a few paragraphs. Then some data caught his attention—the research they’d done on all-green uniforms.

They’d found a production company that would make the clothing part of AllGreen for almost half the cost of the firm they used now. Was it quality material? He studied the current customer reports. Yes, maybe even better than the more expensive fabric—it was totally green and the durability factor was higher than the current stock. He got up from the computer and walked down to Jacob’s office. The man was staring out the window at the street. “Mr. Henderson?”

He turned around. “Yes?”

“Let’s have a seat.” Spence took the chair in front of the desk and after a moment, the CEO dropped down behind it. “I opened your new product-development folder.”

“I was hoping you would. I told you my son, Eli, is intent on saving the company. He went ahead with the research, despite the hard line you took.”

“I don’t want to get your hopes up, but why don’t you call him and see if he can join us? I’d like to hear more about the new uniforms.”

Henderson restrained himself remarkably, though the despair disappeared from his expression. He sat more erect and held his head high. Using the phone on his desk, he called Eli. Spence tried not to listen to the joy in his voice, but he couldn’t help but overhear.

Nor could he help it when a totally unwelcome thought invaded his head. Annie would like that he was considering his options.

o0o

Annie spent the days after she’d found out Spence’s true identity in a whirlwind of activity, trying to keep any thoughts of him at bay. But she couldn’t. At first, he’d sent her emails begging for forgiveness. Then, probably because she’d deleted them, he’d left her voice messages. When she hadn’t responded, he’d given up. Which was good. It was what she wanted.

At night, though, when she had trouble sleeping, the recriminations came. She wasn’t getting over him as fast as she should. And doubts plagued her. Should she have agreed to see him again? But dawn always brought the same answer. She was better off without the man.

 Lauren called her on the third weekend after the one she’d spent with Spence. Lauren’s husband, Nick, was away at a medical conference, so she asked Annie, Hope and Alex to come for dinner and spend the night with her and her girls.

“We’re a little old for a sleepover,” Annie had tried to joke, but her quip fell flat.

“I know how bad you still feel. Come on, it’ll help.”

 The kids got excited about the prospect, so Annie went willingly. Maybe time with Lauren would distract her from the constant gnawing in her stomach and the tightness in her chest.

They arrived at six. Lauren had assembled the ingredients for individual pizzas and they enjoyed putting dinner together. She picked at hers—her appetite was zilch—but perked up when they played card games with the kids and she and Alex skunked the others. Then it was bedtime.

At ten, the four kids were in the attic playroom the Lanahans had remodeled, supposedly asleep, and Annie and Lauren curled up on her big bed with
The Mentalist
on DVD. Annie sipped the tart Chardonnay she’d brought and Lauren picked out another piece of Godiva chocolate from the box that sat between them. “Hmm. This is decadent.”

“Candy and wine can fix any problem.”

Annie loved Lauren dearly and suddenly felt guilty for obsessing on her own issues and not being more solicitous after what Lauren had told them at Corn Hill. So she picked up the remote and hit the pause button. “Lauren, all we’ve done for weeks is talk about me. I want to know what’s going on with you. You wouldn’t tell us at Corn Hill, but like you said, maybe talking to me about it will help.”

“You’re right. I can’t keep this to myself anymore. I was waiting for the best time to tell you.”

God, Annie hoped Nick wasn’t sick or that they weren’t splitting up. She liked the handsome doctor who had always seemed to make time for his family. “What is it, honey?”

Falling back on the pillows, Lauren sighed. “Nick’s an alcoholic, Annie. He got a DWI about six months ago and has finally admitted he has a problem. He goes to AA, but I worry constantly he’s going to drink again. Like maybe this weekend, at the conference.”

“I’m so sorry. He’s gotten sober?”

“For now. I’m seeing a counselor. Helen says we have to take this one day at a time. Which I’m doing, but it’s tough.”

“I can understand wanting to protect Nick, but I wish I’d known. Julia, too. I hate to think of you handling this by yourself.”

“That’s what Al-Anon preaches. They call it the veil of secrecy and say it’s enabling. But Nick and I have been married for almost twenty years, and he has the right to work on his problem privately.”

Annie took Lauren’s hand and squeezed it. “What can I do for you?”

“There’s not much anyone can do. I have to live through this. But I’m glad you know. I’m tired of pretending my life is fine.”

“I’ll bet.”

Lauren sighed heavily. “I’m exhausted. I think we should call it a night.”

“If that’s what you want.”

When she started to get off the bed to go to the spare room, Lauren patted the mattress. “Stay here. It’s big enough.”

“Sure, why not?”

Annie switched off the TV, then the lamp, slid under the covers and snuggled in. Cool air floated in from the open window.

In the darkness, Lauren spoke again. “I know you don’t want to discuss what happened with Spence, but let me say this. In order to make it work with Nick, I
have
to believe I’ll eventually be able to trust him again, after he lied so badly to me. I have to believe a person can rebuild trust in a relationship once it’s broken.”

“It’s not the same situation with me and Spence. As you said, you have a history with Nick, a life together to salvage. I have two months of deception to forget.”

Sniffles from the other side of the bed. “You can’t imagine the cover-up Nick had to orchestrate. The lies he told to keep this a secret. I feel so foolish, not knowing he was drinking so much. But my decision was to try to make it work again between us.”

“I’m glad you did.”

“Maybe you should give Spence another chance, too.”

“I don’t know, Lauren.”

“Think about it.”

Annie was still awake long after Lauren fell asleep. Before she drifted off, she thought about Lauren’s situation, how she could help her, and if indeed it had any relevance to her relationship with Spence. Since the moment she’d found out who he was, she’d believed there was no hope for a relationship with him. But she couldn’t stop thinking about him, and if she was honest with herself, she longed to have him back in her life. She wondered if Lauren’s situation
was
relevant to her situation with Spence.

As she drifted off, she remembered when Spence had confessed. There was true pain in his eyes. Or what she thought of as true pain. Still, could she believe anything he said, any way he reacted?

Now, that was the question to ponder.

Chapter 8

“I’m going on a cruise,” Spence told his brothers weeks after his fatal showdown with Annie. Periodically, the three of them got together without their mom so they could do the guy-thing. Joe had chosen a popular sports bar near his house and they were seated at a table ostensibly watching a ball game on the overhead TV.

“The cruise for work?” Joe asked.

“Uh-huh.”

“You said you weren’t going.”

“Plans change.” Not that he’d expected to, but Spence hadn’t heard from Annie in weeks and the message that sent was loud and clear. She was done with him.

Which had its benefits. The notion that Annie might have influenced his actions with AllGreen was unacceptable. He tried to convince himself he was going forward with the company for the time being because Eli Henderson’s input had been persuasive. In the end, Spence had made a sound business decision. And now that his relationship with Anne was over, he didn’t have to worry about the root of his change of heart.

Cole looked over at him from across the table as he nursed a beer. “What about Annie? She’s why you weren’t going to begin with.”

Every May, his firm booked a cruise ship and took themselves and their most lucrative clients on a four-day excursion in the Caribbean. Spence had begged off this time around, much to his Board of Directors’ chagrin, because he’d decided to stay in Rockland with Annie. See, now that wasn’t good, either. What the hell had he been thinking all these weeks?

“I told you that Annie and I aren’t seeing each other anymore.” Spence had been vague and evasive with his brothers’ questions, once again overcome by the shame of what he’d done. He slugged back a double malt Scotch so he wouldn’t think about her. “There were still open cabins on the ship, so I snagged one."

Joey and Cole exchanged glances.

“What’s the big deal?” Spence asked with a nonchalance that wasn’t quite genuine. “The relationship ran its course, which I knew all along it would. I’m back to my old life now.”

“And you’re lying through your teeth.” Cole wasn’t mincing words tonight.

Spence hadn’t realized how transparent he’d been about his feelings for Annie. “There’s something you don’t know, Cole.”

His younger brother frowned. “What?”

“I didn’t tell her right away who I was. I know I said I would, but I stalled, and when I finally confessed, it was too late.”

Cole’s gaze narrowed on Joe. “Did you know this?”

“Only the first part. I didn’t know he finally told her.”

“She reacted badly, as she should have. Tricking her was indefensible. I shouldn’t have done it. Case closed.” When Cole started to speak, Spence added, “And I don’t want to rehash this. Now, tell us about Mindy and the Diva, Joey. Did you decide which one to meet?”

“I’m still emailing with both of them. Stop changing the subject. What happened when you told Annie?”

The old Spence would have gotten angry, intimidated his brothers into silence, but some of his other side, the one Cole said Annie brought out, hadn’t gone away. Yet. “She got angry. Furious. And underneath it, she was hurt and incredulous that I could do something like this. Rightly so. No one should treat her like I did.”

Cole said, “Your relationship doesn’t have to be over.”

“She disagrees with you.” Though this was hard, Spence forced himself to open up more to the guys. Maybe it was because he’d done so with Annie. “I asked for another chance. Begged really. She’s not having it. I wouldn’t either if I was her. Now, could we enjoy the meal?”

“Have you tried to contact her again?” Cole simply didn’t give up and it was starting to grate on Spence’s nerves.

“Yes, initially. She wasn’t having it. I tried for two weeks to get her to talk to me but I’m done with that. I’m not going to stalk her.”

“That’s stupid,” Joe stated. “Go after what you want.”

“You know what the problem is? I don’t even know if I want a relationship with her. I’m not sure I like who I was changing into, the side of me she elicited. Maybe this is all for the best.”

After a moment, Cole put down his glass “I liked him. The guy you were with her.”

Anger was easier. “That’s a fucking shitty thing to say to me.”

“Don’t go on the offensive because you’re upset. I love you, you know that, but you were more accessible, to me at least, when she was in your life.”

“I became more like you, you mean.”

Cole chuckled. “Yeah. Maybe.” Then he sobered. “You and Joe have always been so close. I’m jealous of that. When you were with Annie, you confided in me more.”

“I didn’t know you felt that way. Joe and I were closer in age, is all.”

But that wasn’t true either. Cole was so much the opposite of Spence it was hard to connect with him, which had precipitated the freaking bet!

“I’m not sure about that. But at least my feelings are out in the open now.”

Leaning back in the chair, Joe studied Spence. “You have choices here, bro. You can find a way to convince Annie to give you another shot or you can simply give up.”

“I have given up.”

“I’m going to make one more point,” Cole put in, “Then I’ll let it go. I’ve been worried for years that you’re going to end up like your father, Spence. Maybe being with Annie would preclude that.”

As insults went, it hit the mark. All his life, Spence had hated the kind of man Bradley Wickham was. Had he, unknowingly, become that man? Could Annie have changed that? Did he want her to? And what the hell did it matter? He’d tried, she’d balked and it was over. Best to face that unvarnished truth.

o0o

Annie sat out in her backyard beneath an umbrella table, proofreading the very last paper of her post-graduate work. The topic was autism in the classroom, and she’d worked hard to make her findings interesting and relevant. She should be thrilled about her imminent graduation, but in the time since she’d found out Spence’s true identity, she’d only grown more morose. The kids were upset about her obviously dark mood, her friends kept calling, and when her mother picked up Alex and Hope today for an outing, she’d grilled Annie on how she was feeling.