Better Than Chocolate (Sweet Somethings Book 1) (15 page)

Chapter 17

Letting Go of Past History

The jingle of Moxley’s collar bell greets me as I plod through my apartment door, emotional exhaustion overwhelmed by the physical exhaustion of a four-hour flight, followed by a four-hour drive. At least my car survived the parking garage at the Atlanta airport. I drop my messenger bag on the floor, shove my suitcase to the side, and crouch to gather my cat.

“I hope you missed me. But you’re probably just looking for someone to get out the cat treats. How much time did you spend on the countertops this week?”

Moxley purrs in response, squirming in my arms to expose his belly. With a short laugh, I deliver the expected rubs, then tumble him back to the floor. I should call MaMére to say thank you, but it can wait until morning. I also need to call my mom to let her know I’m home safe and sound, but I don’t feel like faking my way through a conversation with her right now. I settle on a text message, then put my phone on mute and go to sleep.

It’s past noon the next day when I finally drag myself out of bed, and only because Moxley decides to wake me up by kneading the back of my head. I make him wait until I take a quick shower and brush my teeth before I refill his bowls. While he munches on his kibble, I sit down at my computer, grab my phone, and dial Tess’s number.

“Hey there, Yankee-girl. You made it back alive.”

“In a manner of speaking. Are you home from Tybee yet?”

“Drove in this morning.” Plastic packaging rustles on her end of the line. “I assume you want to share all the juicy details. I know I can’t wait to hear them.”

A half-smile tugs at my lips as I put her on speaker phone and log into my cloud drive. “I thought you might be more interested in seeing the pictures. I uploaded everything from my phone while I was waiting in the airport yesterday morning.”

“You bet your ass I want to see evidence of Sadie Miller going crazy once and for all.”

My smirk turns into a chuckle. I start clicking through the pictures, weeding out the blurry shots now that I can see them on a full-sized screen.

Tess clears her throat. “So, I have to ask. Did you end up telling Sadie about Ryan? Running into him on the way down, I mean.”

My right hand freezes over the computer mouse for a moment. “I told her.”

“And?”

“Well . . .”

I pause, then heave a sigh and plunge in, clicking furiously through my pictures as I spill the whole story, beginning to end. I tell her about Ryan’s behavior on the beach in San Juan, how he sent the dolphin platter in my name, showed up at the rehearsal dinner, and then professed his unrequited love for me only a couple hours after Sadie and Nelson said their vows.

“Oh. My. God.” Tess sputters in disbelief for a couple seconds after hearing about Ryan’s kiss. “What are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know. Ryan told me to call him when I figure it out.”

Silence crackles over the phone line for a minute, long enough for me to quickly replay Ryan’s words and actions over in my head again. As uncomfortable as it is to admit to myself, I did spend most of the flight and the drive home from the airport thinking things over, drowning in furious pleasure every time I brought up the memory of that kiss.

“Carmella? You okay?”

Moxley rubs against my shin, and I reach down to scratch behind his ears with my free hand. “Yeah, I just . . .”

Half-stooped with my fingertips hovering above Moxley’s head, I stare at the picture on my computer screen. It’s one from San Juan, when Ryan and I explored El Morro. We had asked another tourist to take some pictures of us, posing in the archway of a garita on one corner of the old fort. Ryan stands at attention, right hand snapped in a salute while he pulls his best United States Marine expression. Beside him, I’m about to double over in laughter, but the look on my own face makes me stop breathing.

“You just what?” Tess prompts.

“Carmella, you idiot.” The computer chair spins across the hardwood floor as I shove away from the desk. I almost trip over Moxley in my haste to get to the mantle. I snatch up the picture of Ryan, Sadie, and me, staring slack-jawed.

“What? Carmella?”

Wandering back to the computer, I compare the picture in my hand with the one on the screen. For years, I thought Ryan was looking at Sadie in that old snapshot from college. But he’s not.

He’s looking at me.

And that same expression of adoration is plastered all over my face as I look at him in the photo from San Juan.

“Hello?”

My jaw works for a second or two, and I feel dizzy. Then I set down the college photo and clear my throat.

“Tess, I think I’m in love with Ryan.”

A clicking sound comes over the line, like she’s tapping one fingernail against her phone. “Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure.”

A brief pause. Then keys jangle through from her end. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes with pizza, Coke, and Snickers bars.”

I sprawl across my couch, one arm over my eyes. MaMére sits in my recliner with the foot rest up and my cat curled in her lap. Tess ran into her downstairs and enlisted her as reinforcements.

Tess, at the computer, clicks through my San Juan pictures. Every so often, she mutters something, or gives a short
hmph
. Finally, she leans back in the computer chair and pops open another can of Coke.

“I think you have to call him.”

Lifting my arm, I stare at her, then glance at the pizza, three-quarters gone, two empty Snickers wrappers, and five Coke cans littered across my coffee table. “Can’t I just avoid it and spend the next six months living on pizza and chocolate instead?”

“No. Among other things, you’ll gain thirty pounds.” She stands, drawing a long sip from her can, and returns to the couch. Lifting my feet, she plops down. “MaMére, you agree with me, right?”

“You should call this boy,” MaMére says. “Tell him you feel the same as him.”

With a groan, I sit up and pull my knees toward my chest, ankles crossed. “I can’t just call him, you guys. He’s Sadie’s ex.”

MaMére huffs. “Seems to me, if Miss Sadie didn’t want him and he wants you, there’s no good reason not to call. You let the devil in, so now you have to deal with him.”

“Exactly.” Tess frowns. “I think.” She reaches over to squeeze my forearm. “Besides, he’s also your friend. That’s not over and done with.”

“Isn’t it? If there’s one thing I did figure out this week, it’s that my friendships with Sadie and Ryan are both at an end.”

“Only if you let them be.” Tess sets her soda can on the coffee table. “Okay, let me ask you a different question. You said Ryan said he’s loved you since day one. You seriously never picked up on that?”

“I had no reason to. I thought the hand massages and hugs and being escorted to meetings and stuff at night was just Ryan being Ryan. Looking back on it, I see how everything he ever did hinted at how he felt. But at the time, I never thought he was interested in me. At all.” I flop against the arm of the couch.

“And none of it ever gave you tingles?” she asks.

“Not that I remember. I know it always made me feel safe, relaxed. It told me I was important to him.” I turn in my seat, propping my heels on the coffee table. “I definitely had some serious tingles this week, every time he touched me. I thought it was just me wanting reassurance things weren’t going to change, or something. But now I wonder if it was really me waking up.”

“Hmmm.” MaMére taps her chin with one finger. “Did he continue to do all these things—the massages, hugs, walking you places—after he started seeing Miss Sadie?”

I shake my head. “He did at first, when they were still keeping it casual. But after they made it exclusive, it all pretty much stopped. Except walking me places at night. But he did the same for Sadie, too.”

“Then that was just him being protective,” Tess says. “So to the outside observer, the fact that he stopped attempting any physical contact with you, however slight, would seem to prove he wasn’t interested in you anymore. But you know him better than that.”

My mouth drops open, but I rethink my response. “He’s loyal. He’s an honorable guy. He was committed to Sadie and wouldn’t have done anything to hurt her.” I level a look of conviction on both of them in turn. “He did love Sadie.”

“Just not as much as he loves you,” Tess concludes.

MaMére nods. “So, now it’s up to you, Carmella.”

Groaning, I lift a pillow to my face. “It’s not that simple! How can I say anything to him without totally betraying Sadie?”

Tess pulls the pillow away. “You said she knew and doesn’t blame you.”

“Yeah, but―”

“Of course, she wasn’t expecting him to show up at her wedding.” She smacks me with the pillow. “But you said she pretty much arranged for you guys to be together on that flight and in San Juan.”

I glare at her, grabbing the pillow back and hugging it to my chest. “So?”

“Sounds like permission to me,” MaMére says.

“Me, too,” Tess agrees. “She set it up so he’d have an opportunity to tell you the truth. And if you think about it, you owe it to Sadie to tell him the truth, too.”

Ignoring my stutters of protest, she digs my phone out from under some napkins and shoves it into my hand.

“Call him.”

“I can’t.”

With an exasperated growl, she takes my phone back and swipes her fingertip across the screen.

After a few taps, I realize what she’s doing. “Oh, my God, don’t you dare!”

“Too late.”

She tosses the phone back at me, and I stare at the caller ID. When the screen changes to indicate the call is connected, I whip the phone to my ear on reflex.

“Hey, this is Ryan. I can’t get to my phone right now . . .”

“It went to voicemail.” I lower the phone.

“Leave a message!” Tess and MaMére order in unison.

I start pacing as his greeting ends. Then I hear the beep. “Hey, Ry. It’s Carmella. I hope you got back home okay.” Grimacing at my overly cheerful tone, I shake my head. “I’m not calling for that. I just . . .”

Spinning, I glance at Tess, who gestures for me to continue.

I sigh and cover my eyes. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened, about what you said. And I think I know how to answer your question. But it’s not gonna be all cut and dry, and . . .”

My voice dies. I face Tess and MaMére and lower the phone a little.

“I can’t do it like this,” I hiss.

MaMére closes her eyes and shakes her head, but Tess stands up and points an admonishing finger at me. “Carmella Sannarelli, you need to finish this call.”

“I can’t. Not like this. ” I raise the phone to my ear again. “I’m sorry, Ry. Forget I called.”

Tess actually shrieks when I hang up. “What are you doing?”

“The devil brings fear where no fear needs to go,” MaMére murmurs.

We stare at her for a second, then Tess turns to me. “If you don’t tell him you love him, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. He put his heart right out there for you to see. He all but handed it to you on a silver platter.”

“Dolphin platter,” I whisper.

“What?”

“Never mind.”

My phone vibrates. Ryan’s smile beams up at me from the display. A lump rises in my throat.

Tess moves closer, arms folded. “Answer it,” she says gently.

Drawing a deep breath, I take the call. “Hello?”

“Carmella, don’t hang up!” Ryan pleads.

I let my breath out in a long rush. “Okay. But hang on just a minute.”

Pressing my phone against my chest to mute the sound, I glance at Tess and MaMére. I’ll never get anything coherent out of my mouth in front of them. MaMére’s eyebrows shoot high above her glasses as I approach her.

“Can I please have my cat?”

She offers Moxley with an understanding smile, and I gather him awkwardly in my arms before retreating into my bedroom.

Kicking the door shut behind me, I settle on my bed, legs folded pretzel-style with Moxley in the middle, and raise the phone to my ear again. “Hi. Sorry. I had an audience.”

“That’s okay. I’m sorry I didn’t catch your first call.”

“Probably better you didn’t.”

He pauses, waiting for me to speak. When I don’t, he starts the conversation. “So, you’ve been thinking.”

“Yeah.” I curl my body over Moxley, hooking my free arm closer around him, fingers seeking the comfort of his fur. Normally he hates this, but he must sense my tension. He goes very still. Just the tip of his tail twitches at my knee. “It’s a lot to process.”

“But you have processed it.”

“Yeah. But can I ask you something?”

“Anything you want, Carmel-cakes.”

The endearment brings unexpected tears to my eyes. I force a little cough to hide the hitch in my voice. “Sadie told me you two started dating after you realized I wasn’t interested.”

“That’s true.”

“Well, how did you know I wasn’t? You never asked me.”

“You―” He cuts himself off, and the sound of chair legs scraping on concrete filters over the phone. “Were you interested?”

“I can’t say for sure.” A careful answer, but a true one. “I think I always just assumed you were being friendly, showing me you cared. Nothing more than that. Not that you were in love with me, that’s for sure. And I always assumed your focus was on Sadie from the beginning. Everyone’s was.”

“You always thought you were in her shadow. No, that’s not really it,” he amends. “You and Sadie were two sides of the same coin. It’s just that you were content to be the unseen side. And she wanted everyone to notice her.”

I frown. “That makes her sound so self-centered. You and I both know that’s not true. Not really.”