Better Than Me (8 page)

Chapter 10
: NOW-Halloween

Boxwood has gained a mini following in the weeks since school started.  They have been playing small gigs down on the Loop as they perfect their sound.  Now, the guys have scored big, though.  They have been asked to play the Weldon Halloween Bash.  It’s a notorious blow out held every Halloween and sponsored by Bored Board.  There is no Greek System at Weldon to hold parties.  Bored Board is just what the name implies.  A board of people that plans events to keep everyone from getting bored.  Halloween is Bored Board’s premiere fall event.  In second semester it’s Springfest, a giant outdoor party.

The Halloween party is being thrown in the Alumni Hous
e, also known as The Lum.  It’s the only place on campus where liquor can be served.  Supposedly, you can only drink if you are 21 and have a wristband.  That’s the theory, anyway.

Beside
s Boxwood playing, there is a DJ for breaks.   Charlie, Jake, Simon and Colin went over early to set up and sound check.  Jules went with Charlie, of course.  Davis told me he is running their lights and sound, so I’m sure he’s there, too.  The Lum is only a short walk from the dorms, but Smitty is going to come by and walk with me there.  When he arrives, I survey his costume.  Either he is dressed like a nerdy drag queen or Garth from the Wayne’s World movies.  Long blonde wig, black framed glasses and a fancy camera around his neck.

Finally, it hits me, “Oh…
I get it… Annie Leibovitz.”   Of course, what would a photographer go as but another photographer.  I am dressed as a bunny.  Not a sexy bunny.  Just a bunny.  I have on a white velour track suit and I’ve made ears out of a pair of white tube socks and coat hangers.  I’ve sewn them to the hood of my jacket.  On my feet are a pair of very fluffy white sheep skin slippers I’ve borrowed from Suzette, authentic Uggs, a gift from her parents when they went to Australia.

We talk and joke on
the walk to The Lum.   When we arrive the party is already pumping.  Boxwood is on a makeshift stage on one end of the large main room.  I smile and wave to all of them and blow a kiss to Jake.  He takes a hand off his guitar to catch it.  So cute.  I indicate that I am going to get a beer from the kitchen and will be right back.  It might be the relief of sharing my secret shame with Davis and getting it off my mind or just the celebration in general, but I decide to drink tonight.  I don’t have to drive so I might as well go for it.

Beer in hand, I wander around the party.  One of the best things about this school is the level of talent and creativity.  The Halloween costumes are outrageous.  I can’t decide my favorite.  The
couple dressed as voodoo dolls – anatomically correct voodoo dolls with giant stick pins included; the guy dressed as Slash; or Buddy the Elf.  Everyone seems to be really enjoying themselves and letting loose.  I down my first beer like it’s water.  Heading back to the keg for a second, I run into Jules.  She is dressed as a 60’s go-go girl.  Mini dress, go-go boots, silver wig.  She could not be more adorable.  She matches Charlie, who’s channeling Mick Jagger a la 1969.  When I look more closely it appears that the guys in Boxwood are all dressed like famous musicians from different eras.  Jake is Eddie Van Halen.  He looks so different with dark hair.  Simon has on nothing but his whitey-tighies.  Guess he’s Flea from Red Hot Chili Peppers.  Colin, recently recruited as the permanent drummer, has on a pair of ear phones duct taped to his head.  Aaahhh, Keith Moon.

“Hey,” Jules shouts over the music, “Are you drinking tonight?”

“Yes, yes I am.”

“Hurray, Party Biz!  I like your costume.”

Ever the wise ass, I tell her, “I’m a bunny.”

“Duh!”

Beer number two leads to numbers three and four.  I am having a great time.  Dancing with Jules and then Smitty for many songs.   Standing in front of the band and singing at the top of my lungs.  I haven’t cut loose in so long. It feels freeing.  I remember that Davis is supposed to be working the sound.  I look around the large room and spot him in the back.  He is all in black and wearing earphones, too.  No duct tape.  No costume.  His eyes are already on me as I find him and move toward him.  He motions for me to come over to the sound board by him. He watches me the entire time I walk toward him. Hugging me with one arm when I get to him, he kisses my head through my hood.  The vibration, the spark, the zapping buzzing electricity never lessens, only gets stronger and more intense when I’m with him.  You’d think it would go away but it doesn’t.  I have gotten so I look forward to it.  Crave it. 

Davis takes my red cup full of beer and puts it behind him on the table, telling me it wouldn’t be good to spill it on the equipment.
I frown as he takes it from me, but stop as he pulls me into his arms for a bigger hug.

“Hey, little Lizard Bunny.”

I correct him, “I am Alcohol Bunny!  Drink up!”

Davis chuckles at me,
“Wow, you are really enjoying yourself, aren’t you?”

“Yes, because I am NOT
the DD.”  He smirks at me and nods his head, as I add, “And I need to PAARRRR-TEEE.”

I dan
ce with Davis for a few songs behind the sound board.  Occassionally I step away from the board to drink a bit more, but come right back to be with Davis.  Boxwood has announced that they are taking a break.  Jake comes to the sound board, greets Davis, and wrapping an arm around me, gives me a kiss square on the mouth.  I am about to take it up a notch, when Jake pulls away and asks, “Bizzy, are you....drunk?”

“Maybe.”

Davis nudges me and pipes in, raising one of his eyebrows at Jake, “She’s Alcohol Bunny.”

“I’m Alcohol Bunny.”

“Lucky me,” Jake says under his breath, sarcastically.  Davis’ eyebrows have pinched together. “I think I’ll go get a drink,” Jake informs me.

“Good idea, Jakey.” I slur and then shout, holding my beer up, “Drink up!” Davis is smiling to himself and shaking his head.

Jake tells me he’ll see me in a bit.  The DJ has taken over and is playing a slow song.  I dance with Davis, melting into him.  He feel SOOOO nice.  I nuzzle his chest a little.  Davis sighs. 
Whoa, Biz.
  Where the hell is Jake?  He hasn’t come back. I pull back from Davis’ arms.

“I’m going to go look for Jake.” 

Davis protests, but eventually allows me to leave.  I grab my cup and head for the kitchen.  No Jake.  I wander all over the house and cannot find him.  There is a small salon on the other side of the house that is less full and quieter.  I decide to sit there for a while.

Looking up from…wherever it is I am lying, I see Davis leaning over me.
  When did I lie down?  He is moving me to sit up.  I shoot him a smile.  He is so FUCKING HANDSOME.  I wonder if I said that out loud?  I just sit and stare at him.  Both of him.  They both shoot their panty-scorching smirky smile at me. 
Whoa! Two Davis’
. I think I’m drunk.
Focus. Now there is only one.  Still Hot.
  He is kneeling in front of me, holding both my arms near the shoulders and scanning my face.  He has taken off his black hoodie.  The t-shirt he is wearing has one word on it, TRICK. 

I point at his shirt, “TRICK
, cute.”

“See? N
ot wordy.”  He points at himself and the word on his shirt.

Leaning forward,
I move my face close and put my forehead right against his. Throwing my arms over his shoulders I tell him, “I think YOU are the trick, Davis.  One big trick on me…So where’s the TREA…T?”   Mmm.  Sliding my face down his cheek,  I rest my head on my arm by his face and turn to admire him.  Gorgeous face.  I feel his hard muscled upper back with my hands.  Whoa.  Sleepy.  He smells so yummy.

***

Where am I?  Oh, I’m in my room.  I’m sitting on the floor.  I hear loud talking outside my room.

I hear Davis’ voice.  He sounds angry. 
“NO.  You are not!  She’s…”

I fall back
on the hardwood floor, OW and, look, there’s the ceiling…

***

I awake facing a wall.  I think it’s the wall next to my bed.  I hope it’s the wall next to my bed.  I see that yes, it is, and I sigh with relief.  My head is pounding.  I swear I can hear the sunlight bouncing off the wall.  Even light is too loud.  I smack my lips.  Yuck, cotton mouth.  I reach back to turn over and feel… ohmigod. Shit, shit, shit.  Someone is here in bed with me.  I am sweaty and some of my hair is sticking to the side of my face.  I haven’t even lifted my head and I am paralyzed with fear.  What did I do last night?  I look under the sheet and light blanket that are over me.  I am wearing a black tank top and pink boy shorts.  My bra is still on.  That’s a good sign, right? I close my eyes and roll over.  I don’t know what I’m hoping to see when I open my eyes.  Jules, I’m hoping it’s Jules, but I have a sneaking feeling it’s not. 

I
turn, take a deep breath, open my eyes and see…Davis.  I look at him questioningly. Then I exhale in total relief. 

His eyes are already open.  He looks at me softly,
“Good morning, Alcohol Bunny.”

I don’t want to lift my head, pretty sure that if I do, I’ll be very sorry. 
“Oh, shit, I got good and wasted last night, didn’t I?”

“Ummmhmmm.”

“Did I do anything stupid?  Did we???”  I point back and forth between us.

“N
ot really stupid… and no, we didn’t.”  I believe him.

“Why are you here?”

“I found you passed out at the party.”  I notice he is still wearing his TRICK t-shirt and recall seeing it last night.  “Brought you home, cleaned you up a bit and put you to bed. I thought I should stay in case you woke up sick or confused.”

“Did I vomit?
”

Davis shakes his head no,
but indicates “a little” with his thumb and forefinger.

“I am so sorry you had to see that.”
I prop my head up on my hand to check to see how badly I’m going to feel when I get up.  It hurts. This is going to suck.

“It’s okay, happens to the best of us.  I only took your clothes off because I didn’t think you’d want to sleep in them after you… you know.”  He mimes barfing.
  “I think you ruined your fuzzy slippers.” 
Oh, crap, Suzette’s Uggs!

“How come you brought me home?  Where’s Jake?”

“I couldn’t find him,” Davis says a bit angrily.  Then changing his tone to one full of concern, adds, “And you really needed to get to bed.”

Moaning while falling back onto my pillow, I tell him,
“Thanks again.  My head hurts and I want to die.”  This makes Davis laugh.

“Ow!”  I say,
folding my arms across my face and covering my ears.

“Sorry.”

Davis tells me I need coffee and carbs.  He runs down to the coffee stand to get some.  I clean up in my bathroom while he is gone.  When he returns we sit on my bed leaning against the wall and he recalls my evening for me.  The way he describes it and what from what I can remember, it sounds like I had a really good time, until I didn’t.  He suddenly gets very serious, “Lizard Breath?”

“Yeah, Mavis?’

“Can I ask you to do something for me?”

“Sure.  Anything.”

“Could you please not get that drunk again without me or Jules or Charlie around to take care of you?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get that drunk again.  I am regretting it today.  But, yes, I promise, I will
not drink without a buddy in the future.”

Davis repeats the word “Buddy,” softly, takes a sip of his coffee, chuckles a bit and shakes his head.
  He  reaches over, grabs my phone from my nightstand and begins scrolling through my contacts.  “Okay, Charlie…aaand Jules.”  He’s reading through my contacts to make sure I have phone numbers in case I get drunk again.  “Hmm, no Davis OR Mavis.  Well, we can fix that right now.”  He punches something into my phone and then hands it to me. 

It reads: DAVIS/MAVIS/ICE and then his number.

“ICE?” I ask, confused.

“In Case of Emergency.”

“You’re my ‘In Case of Emergency?’

Davis gives me a pleased nod. 
He’s my In Case of Emergency.

CHAPTER
11: NOW-November

Since the Halloween party, I’m enjoying even more attention than I got when I was RA of the all guys floor.  I still have Chinese food one night a week with Charlie and Jake.  I like those dinners best when Jules can join us.  They are like double dates.  Game Nights continue, when I can make it.  I am much busier at The Space since Othello opens the week after Thanksgiving.  I know Jake goes to Game Night religiously.  I think he is helping Suzette out with the organization of them when he doesn’t practice with Boxwood.  More than all the activity, though, I always have an escort back to the dorms at the end of every evening at The Space.  One or two times a week, Jake is there as I finish up.  He will help me with the last few things and then we walk to Lawrence. A few times he brought Suzette with him.  I prefer when he doesn’t, because when he’s alone he walks me to my door and some nights comes in for a while.  He’s been much more physical since Halloween, but not to the point where I feel uncomfortable.  I wonder to myself how long he will wait before he pushes to go further than making out.  We’ve gotten to the point where shirts have come off and there is considerable groping.  I wonder how much longer
I
can wait.  I have to admit, all the macking on each other is getting me more than a bit riled up. 

Davis always checks, every night
, to make sure I’m okay.  If he sees Jake there, he generally winks at me and leaves.  It makes me a little sad.  Most nights, though, it’s Davis that comes to collect me and take me home.  I’m always so happy to see him.  I anticipate his small touches and friendly hugs so much.  I feel anxious and can’t relax until he nudges my shoulder in jest or picks up my chin to tell me something.  One of the things I look forward to the most is when Davis comes to get me and I’m listening to my iPod not paying attention.  He will slowly come up behind me.  And I know it’s him, without even a glance over my shoulder.  I can sense it when he comes into a room.  He’ll gently cup both my shoulders with his hands and pull me back, and husk into my ear, “Ready to roll?”  He has no idea how ready.  Davis has me completely on edge.  I keep thinking about what he said about asking for what I want.

I know it’s not exactly cool, since he is with Kathleen and Jake is being so sweet, but neither one of us seem to want or know how to stop.
  Since he lives off campus, Davis generally drives me the few blocks to the dorm.  The electrical zap is magnified when we are sitting side by side in his SUV.  I can’t believe he can’t hear my heart bumping around in my chest.  If he accidently touches my arm to get my attention or pushes my hair off my face to check my expression, I have to squeeze my legs together or squirm around in my seat, his proximity is so…SO.

Tuesday before Thanksgiving is a partial dress/tech
rehearsal of Othello.  I already informed Jake it would be a late night, so he is not coming to get me.  He told me the band is having a final rehearsal tonight before the short time off we have for Thanksgiving, so he’ll be busy with that.  It’s after midnight when Davis shows up in the costume shop.  He looks pale and exhausted.

“You look seriously beat.” I tell him.

“I am and I have to drive home tomorrow.”  We hadn’t talked about plans for Thanksgiving.  I am staying in town.  I’m not up for the trip home and I really don’t want to endure my parents watching me like a hawk the entire time I’m there—monitoring my sleep and eating and every move like I’m about to fall apart.  Like last summer.  I’m staying here and having an “Orphan’s Thanksgiving” with Mel and Kris at their apartment.  I think Suzette and Smitty might be coming, too.  Jake is driving home.  Jules is taking Charlie to meet her parents and is a complete wreck about it.  I can’t wait to hear how that goes.  Bringing a rock singer home for turkey, ha!   She lives in one of the outer suburbs of the city so I’ll probably see them over the weekend, too.

I hadn’t know-
about Davis’ plans until just now.

“I know home is in Illinois.  How far away?”

“Outside of Chicago.  Kathleen is texting me every hour on the hour.  My mom is so excited to see me.  I haven’t seen her or my father since the beginning of the semester.  I think mom can’t wait for me to get there so she can have a break.”

“A break from what?”

There is a long pause.  I wait for Davis to elaborate.  After a few weight shifts in his seat and rubbing his hands across the steering wheel he finally begins, “I don’t talk about it much, Lizard…”  Slowly, painfully Davis divulges details about home.  His dad is in a wheelchair.  He is a quadriplegic with partial use of his arms.  Some sort of accident.  Davis can’t or won’t elaborate.  I had no idea.  I don’t push for more as it appears to be upsetting him.

“That’s why I am a bit older than the average
Weldon student.  It happened at the end of my senior year in high school.  I delayed college to stay home and help my mom with him… and stuff.”

If I wasn’t already a big
fan of Davis’, that statement shoved me right into super fangirl status.  He is way more than gorgeous and talented.  He might be one of the sweetest, most responsible people I know. 

“There is no other family to help out?”

“No, I had a brother, but…he…died.”  Davis’ words start to sound strained.  I think he is tearing up.  It kills me to see him like this and I slide over closer to him, turn into him and hold him.  He lets me and soon his head is on my chest.  I feel him gasp for breath, trying to keep from crying, I think.

“Cole?”  I ask.

“How did you know his name was Cole?” 

“I guessed.  I’ve seen your
tattoo.  I have wondered about it, but didn’t want to ask.  Mostly since I’m not supposed to be looking at your chest and also because you never volunteered.” 

He pulls away to look at me and in a deep voice with an edge of tease, says,
“You’ve been looking at my chest?”  Still emotional, he wipes at his eyes and smirks, trying to distract me from a conversation that is obviously difficult.

I am not going to let him go off track.
“Stop.  Stop embarrassing me.  Stop deflecting. Talk to me.” 

We sit there a bit more
, my head on his shoulder, holding hands, as he calms himself and finally says, “It’s a really long, ugly story, Biz.  There still isn’t an ending.  There probably never will be.  I… I don’t think I can go into the whole thing tonight.  Someday.”  I let it go.  That will have to be enough for me for now.  I really don’t want to push him and it’s really late.

“So, no Jake for the weekend?”
  he says, changing the subject none too subtly.  I shake my head no.  “So, no action, huh?” he questions sarcastically.  What?  What is Davis saying?

“Not that it’s any of your business.”  I snap.

“What?  I was just saying… I thought…since… I mean you and Jake are together a lot… he takes you home a lot.”

“So do you, Davis.” My temper is rising. 
Obnoxiously, I continue, “What about you… what about Kathleen?  It will be some kind of reunion, won’t it?  I mean, you haven’t seen each other in weeks?  That’s gotta get to a guy? And I’ve heard you’ve cut down on your extra-curricular sex this semester. I’m sure you’ll barely see the outside of her bedroom.”  I have never spoken to Davis like that, but I’m frankly mad at his insinuations and well, jealous.  I want to hurt him.  I remove my head from his shoulder and am sitting up straight.

I am expecting him to yell at me.  Call me a bitch.  He doesn’t. 
Davis says softly and almost apologetically, “She’s my girlfriend, Lizard.” Glancing over, I see him swallow hard a couple of times. Then he adds, “I’m sorry I said anything about you and Jake. You’re right, I have no right to pry.  I like you, so much.  I just don’t want to think about you with… about you hurt again, ever.”

I pull my hand away
and slide back to the passenger side of the car.  “I’m working on that, Mavis. Not getting hurt. And I like you, too.  You might be my best friend.  Thank you for caring about me.  If you weren’t wi…” I can’t finish that thought.  I try to wordlessly wave it off with my hand, but I am dying inside.  I know he is going to sleep with Kathleen while he’s gone.  Why wouldn’t he?  They are engaged.  I hate it.  And I wish I didn’t.  And I wish he was mine.

“If I weren’t what?”  he pursues
, taking my hand back and rubbing his thumb across my knuckles.

“Hers
,” I whisper so quietly he can’t hear.  Collecting myself, I turn and tell him, “Never mind.”

“
Have a good Thanksgiving, Mavis,” I say forlornly, looking at his amazing green eyes.

He reaches over and puts his hand on the side of my face and I lea
n into it. “You too, Lizard Breath.”  Then he leans over and kisses me softly on the other cheek.  It feels like more than just a “see ya” good-bye.  The thought saddens me.  “You, too,” he repeats.

Thanksgiving D
ay comes and goes.  I go through all the motions of being a good guest at Kris and Mel’s.  We eat a delicious, if not slightly bizarre, meal.  It’s a potluck and everyone has brought something that is traditional from their own Thanksgivings back home.  Mel, being from the south, has brought corn casserole and bourbon sweet potatoes.  The strangest thing is a strawberry-pretzel jello salad, which sounds gross, but is surprisingly awesome.  Smitty’s contribution.   Charlie notices my mood.  When he asks I tell him I’m homesick.  But really I’m boy sick.  Jake sick.  And terribly, terribly Davis sick.  Dammit.

I muddle through the
rest of the holiday weekend, looking out for the residents that have stayed over in the dorms for the holiday.  We are short staffed for the weekend, so I am looking after several floors and am on call for Saturday and Sunday.  I take the time to clean my room, do the back load of laundry I have and write a paper for Linguistics.  It’s almost enough to keep my mind off Davis.  I think about Jake, too.  I ponder what I am doing with him.  Why I am with him?  Why do I think more about Davis than Jake?  Logically, it doesn’t make sense to be thinking of Davis so much.  I guess relationships aren’t really logical are they?

Monday
’s is a relief.  I’m happy to be back to a normal schedule to fill up my time and my too-busy mind.  Classes are getting down to the wire with projects and papers.  We are in tech for Othello the first four days of this week and open on Friday.  Things with Davis seem, okay.  A little tense.  Not as lighthearted.  Jake has made a point of picking me up every night from The Space.  I notice that Davis hasn’t even come by to check on me.  I confess, I’m disappointed.  I see him talking animatedly on the phone during the tech rehearsal intermissions.  I just know it’s Kathleen.  He seems excited and a bit agitated, but he occasionally laughs and smiles.  His laughs and smiles are for Kathleen, not me.  He hasn’t touched me or really smiled at me since he got back.  Jake, on the other hand, is super attentive.  He holds my hand whenever he can.  He gives me little kisses on the cheek and by my ears.   When I am alone with Jake, I find myself dreaming it’s Davis instead of him.  It’s these thoughts of Davis that trigger my physical responses.  It’s so pathetic.  I have to get over this Davis hang-up.  It’s almost like the more I push it away the more it stays.  And it’s not fair to Jake.