Better Than None (10 page)

“Stephanie?” It became clear that something was seriously wrong as he
came towards me, real concern in his face. My breaths were so shallow, the
harder I tried to get air, the more it felt like I was suffocating. I gulped
and panted, just making it worse. The more I tried to suck in air, the less I
got.

Brad grabbed my arms. “Steph!”

I looked up at him, gasping.

“STEPH!” He yelled this time as he squeezed my upper arms and shook me
slightly, jarring me, in a good way. When he saw that I was somewhat present,
his face softened.

“Steph, calm down, try to steady your breathing. Think about each
breath slowly going in and out, in and out. Visualize it, that’s it, in through
your nose, out through your mouth, good, good.”

I forced myself to focus on his words and it actually worked, my
breathing started calming down just as our floor dinged, panicking me again and
I froze as the metal doors opened, the bright lights jarring my fragile state.

“Let’s just get you a seat and some water.” He gently led me out of the
elevator but I froze again once we got into the hallway.

“I’ll just stay here.” I barely whispered, my breathing still somewhat
ragged.

“Here? In the hallway?” He asked incredulously, pulling his brow
together as he looked at me and then up and down the hall.

I nodded.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I might be a cold jerk, but I’m
not going to take advantage of you if you come to my room, if that’s what
you’re worried about. So don’t be an idiot. Let me help you.”

I chuckled, his infamous bedside manner helped snap me out of whatever
I was in. “You sure know how to make a girl feel special.”

He rolled his eyes again, but he couldn’t hide the hint of a smile, no
matter how hard he tried to bite it back. In the span of a minute, this man
went from sweet to worried to brusque. No wonder I panicked.

“Are you coming or not?” he asked as he held out his hand. I looked
down at it but decided following him was better, safer.

When we got inside his room, I felt more naked than when I’d actually
been so. This man had now witnessed two brief emotional breakdowns of mine.

While he retrieved some water, I sat on the couch staring into space,
trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. He handed me the water,
but made sure to sit across from me, giving me room. Still, the way he sat,
leaning forward, his elbows on his thighs, staring at me, I felt so exposed.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened.”

“Has that ever happened to you before?” He asked, sounding like the
doctor that he was.

I shook my head.

“So it’s just me?” He smirked.

I smiled and shrugged. “If I told you that you make me feel things I’ve
never felt before with a man, would it make you feel better?”

He chuckled, “Not when those things are fear and panic.” He finally
relaxed and leaned back into the couch.

“Sorry. Look, we can still, you know…”

He furrowed his brows.

“I mean, I don’t want you to think I’m a tease. So if you still, ya
know…”

“You can’t be serious.”

“I don’t know. Part of me is I guess. I… I feel guilty. All you wanted
to do was forget all the shit and then I go and have some panic attack.”

“So you think you owe me somehow?” He shifted back to resting his arms
on his knees, no longer relaxed but seeming ready to pounce, and not in a good
way.

His words made me feel even worse than I already did.

“Look, you’re a prick and I’m a mess. I guess I’m not very good with
these types of things. We’ve both got our crosses to bear.”

“You know, you’ve called me a prick almost every time we’ve been
together.”

“Could you think of it as a term of endearment?”

He laughed. Each time he laughed he looked so light, he reminded me
there was a soft side to him. He steepled his hands as he considered it. “Tell
you what. Sit out on the balcony with me until you finish your water and I’m
sure you’re ok. The fresh air will do you some good. And the view is
breathtaking. Once I’m sure you’re ok to drive, you can go.”

“Yes, doctor.”

“And if you call me Dr. Rosenberg or a prick then I’ll take you back
into that elevator, press the stop button and make you stay in there.” His tone
was harsh but his smile belied it.

“Shock therapy?”

“Something like that. Now come on.”

His brusqueness was somehow endearing and I followed him out to the
balcony. He wasn’t kidding, the view was spectacular. We were high enough up in
the hills of Bel Air that we overlooked most of the Westside. At night, the
twinkling lights of LA masked all the smog and crap that was really there. We
sat in comfortable silence for a bit, but after a while, I felt the need to
fill it.

“So how do you choose which hotel to stay at?”

He chuckled. “It depends on where I end my day. If my last appointment
is at my office, then I come here. If it’s at the hospital, then I go to the
Bungalow.”

“They’re not that far from each other. You don’t want one place to call
home?”

“I have a home.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

I wasn’t sure what else to say. Home life was off limits. I didn’t want
to talk about his work because that would lead to talk about my mom. The longer
we sat there, I realized, I didn’t really want to talk at all. I wanted to lose
myself in him, in something where my brain would turn off. 

“Brad?”

“Hmmm?”

I stood and held out my hand. It was dark on the patio, which made it
easier to say what I was about to. I could make out his features, but not
seeing all of him helped.

“I’d still like to forget if you would.” I said so softly I wasn’t even
sure he’d hear me. But he did, as a slow smile spread across his face.

“You know you don’t have to, Stephanie.”

“I know that. I want to.”

I know he couldn’t see my expression in the darkness, but he obviously
heard something in my voice. Typical Dr. Rosenberg, he stared at me for a while
before determining my sincerity, and when he did, he stood, took my hand and
pulled me to him. He was so warm, and set against the cool night air, I
shivered at his touch. I didn’t know why it felt so right being with this man
who was probably so very wrong for me.

I was still nervous as we walked back inside, but it wasn’t like the
panic in the elevator. This time, it was a combination of excitement and
nerves. He led me, my hand in his, to the bedroom and once there, one corner of
his mouth turned up as he looked down at me and tenderly freed my hair from its
ponytail holder. Then, with both palms on either side of my face, he brought
his lips down to mine and kissed me. This wasn’t like the kisses in his office,
there was no urgency, no frenzy, just warmth and tenderness as our lips and
tongues danced and explored.

I’d probably never spent so long just kissing, I typically always just
wanted to get to the main event. Plus, kissing could be so intimate and I’d
never been intimate in the true sense of the word with anyone before him.
Finally, he undressed me, slowly. The bedside lamps were on giving him plenty
of light to study every inch of me. I was proud of my body and comfortable
naked, but the way he looked at me wasn’t just with appreciation, he made me
feel desired and wanted as he caressed my skin kissing my cheek, my shoulders,
my breasts. It was so sweet, so loving and so slow I was starting to go nuts.
Whether he was taking his time to make sure I wasn’t going to freak out and
hyperventilate again, or whether this was just another side to the good doctor,
I didn’t know. But what he was doing was making me feel like I was on fire.
What he was doing was making me want more.

So I started undressing him, unbuttoning his shirt, sliding it off his
broad shoulders and running my hands down his chest and stomach before I
unbuttoned his pants and slid them and his briefs down. I was greeted with a
very happy man and decided to stay down there. As I did, I looked up at him and
smiled as I licked my lips. If I thought his looks were intense before, the way
he stared down felt like he could burn a hole right through me. I held his gaze
as I took him in my mouth, getting used to the feel and size of him. It had
been so long since I’d done this, and this was the first time I wanted to
please a man not to impress him, but simply to make him happy and make him feel
good. I wanted to do for him what he did for me in his office. 

“Oh God, Stephanie, that feels so good.”

His hands started fisting my hair, holding on tighter and I knew he was
close. I was so lost in it and so eager for him to come in my mouth that I was
shocked when he abruptly stopped my head and pulled back.

“Stop, wait…” he panted.

“Didn’t, um didn’t you like it?”

“Are you kidding me? I liked it too much. I almost came.”

I chuckled, “that’s kind of the point.”

He smiled and reached down to pull me up and into a kiss. I was
surprised he’d want to taste himself on me, my mouth was so wet from sucking
him, but he didn’t seem to care. When we broke apart he told me he’d be right
back and disappeared into the bathroom. As he came out he was rolling a condom
on and I must have smiled.

“This is kind of the point.”

He stalked towards me, backing me up until I hit the bed, and when I
did, he lifted me up and back then crawled over me, pressing my thighs apart
with his knees as he leaned in to take a nipple into his mouth. I arched up
into him feeling the sensation all the way down. His fingers mirrored what his
mouth was doing and as good as it felt, I desperately wanted more.

“Please, Dr.” was all I got out before my eyes snapped open to see him
scowling and I grinned sheepishly. “Please don’t put me in the elevator, Brad.
Please fuck me. Please.”

“That was a close call. I’ll let it slide, this time.” He said as he
rubbed the head of his cock against me. Once it was clear I was more than
ready, he slid all the way in, and hard.

“Ohhhh.”

“That’s for calling me doctor while I’m sucking on your beautiful
tits.”

“Oh, doctor.” I teased and he thrust hard again. I couldn’t help but
smile, it felt so good, and I felt him so deep. “Doctor, doctor, doctor.”

That was it. He pounded into me so hard I felt like I could feel him up
in my throat, and when he tilted my hips up I felt that feeling again. I
couldn’t believe it but as he continued thrusting I felt my orgasm rising, I
felt tingling all over, even my face was tingling as I moaned and he pounded,
grabbing my hips to get deeper and deeper until I shattered. This time, there
was no crying, and thankfully, no squirting, just an amazing orgasm. He
continued driving into me as I rode it out, slowing his pace as I came down to
earth.

“I should punish you for calling me doctor, but you’re so God damned
beautiful when you come.”

I couldn’t believe those words were being said about me. I blushed,
though I was already flushed. Silly as it was, his comment embarrassed me. He
pulled out, and I realized he hadn’t come yet.

“Turn over, Stephanie.” He growled sounding sexier than ever as he
knelt above me. I did as I was told and he slid in behind me. What I thought
would be another hard pounding turned into a slow, languid rhythm. We stayed
like that on all fours for a while until he told me to lie down. We moved as
one as I extended my arms and legs, grateful for the rest, and then he rolled
me onto my side so we were spooning as he continued to take his time as he slid
in and out of me, his hand exploring me, rubbing my ass, then my stomach and up
to my breasts where he stayed. When he pinched my nipple I could feel myself
clench around him making us both moan in unison. He continued to pinch and I
realized what I did to him when he did that so I started purposely clenching and
releasing as I made small circles with my hips while he continued to fuck me.
The pace started to increase and his breathing started to become more and more
shallow, and with his hand still on my breast he squeezed hard as he grunted
and growled as he came.

When his body quieted, we were still in that intimate embrace, our
bodies spooning, his front glued to my back, our legs entwined and his heavy
breath still panting in my ear. Slowly, his breathing evened out and only when
he twitched did I realize he had dozed off. But when he woke, his whole body
stiffened immediately as he pulled out, got up and disposed of the condom. When
he came back to bed I couldn’t read his expression, but it wasn’t a good one.
Unlike his typical staring, he averted his eyes, turned his back and sat on the
edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

I had no idea what changed in the span of a few minutes, but I sure
wasn’t going to lie there in the hopes that he’d share. I got up, once again
mentally chastising myself for letting my guard down and opening myself up to a
man, this man. I didn’t know how other women did it, but obviously I just
couldn’t handle sex. Or intimacy. Or whatever this was.

“Stephanie.” He said flatly and I didn’t even turn to look at him. When
he repeated my name with a little more force only then did I look over my
shoulder as I slid my pants on.

“What?” I stood there with my hands on my hips, naked from the waist
up, so even though my posture was one of defiance, it was obviously muted by my
attire, or lack thereof.

“It’s not you…” he started, but I interrupted.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re going to give me the ‘it’s not
you, it’s me’ line? Jesus. Do I look like that much of a sap?”

He looked so pained, but I didn’t care. I was hurt too, not that I’d
let him see that. I’d already given him too much, I wasn’t going to give him
that.

“You told me you thought I was a prick but not a liar. What happened to
that?”

“Obviously, sometimes my judgment isn’t always spot on.” I searched for
my bra and top and when I found them I was relieved that I was almost out of
there. I bent down to pick them up and was startled when he was standing behind
me. “Jesus! What is wrong with you?”