Better Than Okay (13 page)

And now here she was, vying for his attention
courtesy of Loud Girl. She felt stupid. He’d lied to her. She never should’ve
gotten started with him in the first place. She shook her head and released a
breath. She couldn’t hide out in the bathroom all night. Besides, it was
starting to smell. She eyed the dirty towels crumpled in the floor and the hair
in the sink from where one of them had shaved. She’d stay for another thirty
minutes, and then she would just lie and say Gabe had texted her asking her if
she could cover the Roc D show.

She took another breath, smoothed her hair in
the mirror and exited the bathroom. She started down the hall toward the noisy
living room but felt a hand reach out and grab hers. She looked up. Brian
didn’t say anything, just pulled her quickly into his room and shut the door
again. This was getting ridiculous. She sighed and leaned against the door,
staring at him. He stared back as he always did, silently forcing her to speak.
It wasn’t working this time. She had nothing to say to him. A few long seconds
passed, then a few more.

“Did you yank me back here so you could stare
at me, or do you actually have something to say?” she said finally, kicking
herself for breaking her resolve.

“This is so stupid,” he said emphatically,
shaking his head.

“Yes, it is, so let’s stop it now before we get
in any deeper.”
 
She pushed herself
off of the door and turned to open it.

He quickly crossed the room, placing his hands
on either side of her shoulders. “I wasn’t talking about us, I’m talking about
this as a whole,” he clarified.

She could feel his presence against her back,
his breath warm on her neck.
 
She
shook her head and turned to face him.
 
She felt like she was in the middle of an episode of
The Young and the Restless
.

“This is why I don’t like getting involved and
why I especially didn’t want to do this with you, Brian,” she said, keeping her
voice low. “It’s too much freaking drama, and hesitation, and tension, and
jealousy, and confusion and just… shit.”

She stared at him accusingly.

“How long have you been seeing her, Brian?
You’ve only been here like a week! And why in the hell would you let me come
over here and then, like, say all of that stuff to me when you knew she was
going to be here too? Are you feeding your ego? I mean, I know you and Dorian
get your kicks from being man-whores but you didn’t have to involve me in your
games. You’re a liar and…”

 
“Stop it,” he said forcefully,
interrupting her, his voice low and severe. The muscles in his jaw were working
and she knew him well enough to know he was really trying to control his
temper.

 
She
blinked, her heart beating fast as he inched closer to her.

“You know me, Destiny,” he said, his tone dark.
“Don’t act like I’m some random guy. I shouldn’t have to defend myself to you
of all people.”

His eyes were furious, but she noticed that
beneath the anger were traces of vulnerability.

“Then why were you on the phone with her? Why
does she have your number? Why are you talking to her?”

He shook his head and dropped his arms. She
still didn’t move.

“Amber called Dorian, Tiffany got on the phone
to give Dorian dinner suggestions and Dorian put it on speaker. We barely said
two words to each other.”

She stared at him. She did believe him. But
this was still too much. They’d been involved as non-friends for all of three
days and they’d already had two arguments.

“This is still too much, Brian,” she said
aloud, shaking her head. “You know she wants you.”

“And I told you who I want,” he said irritably.
“I want you.” He paused. “But that’s not enough for you, right? You’re too
scared to even try to give this a legitimate chance.”

 
“But she…”

“Who cares about that girl?” he interrupted
again, angrily.
 
He released a quick
breath and ran his hand over his head.

“You can barely even admit you’re attracted to me,
let alone talk for real about a relationship with me. You’re the one who wants
us to keep pretending like we’re ‘buddies’.”

He met her eyes, waiting for her to deny it,
but she couldn’t. He shook his head and looked at the floor. When he looked up
again his eyes were angry.

“But then you get mad that some girl flirts
with me? What did you expect me to do, Destiny? Tell her to stop it because she
possibly, might be offending my
home girl
?”

She shrugged, glaring at him. “You should’ve
figured something out.”

“You can be really immature sometimes,” he said
flatly.
 

“Immature?” she repeated, her voice rising.
“How do you think it makes me feel to have to watch that?”

“Like I said, what was I supposed to say or do?
You don’t want me to claim you in private, let alone in public. How can I tell
anyone else how I feel about you when you don’t even want to hear it?”

“That’s not true,” she said stubbornly.

“It is true, Destiny. You should see your face
sometimes. You’re not ready to hear me say that when I’m around you I have to
physically keep myself from touching you because practically everything you do
and say turns me on. Or how sexy it is that you don’t even know how sexy you
are. Or how cool it is that you actually say what’s on your mind, even when you
don’t mean to. Or how adorable it is that you actually still blush. You’re not
ready to hear me say that I think about you practically every second of the day
to the point where I wonder if I’m going crazy because I know that being so
immersed in someone can’t be normal.”

She stared at him. Stunned.

“I’m in love with you, okay? I love you. But
you’re not ready for that either. Are you?”

The air had evaporated from her lungs and she
forgot how to breathe. He stared at her, his eyes full of anger and longing.

“Exactly,” he muttered, turning around and
pacing to the other side of the room away from her.

She looked at him, finally able to push out a
shaky breath. He was right. She wasn’t ready for that admission. It scared her
to death. She shifted her weight, wishing she could disappear into the floor.

“I have to… I should probably go,” she said
softly, not meeting his eyes.

“Then go,” he said, his voice expressionless.

 
She
looked up. He’d seated himself on the edge of his bed. His arms were on his
knees and he was studying the floor. She slipped quietly out of the room.

Chapter
8

She felt like crap. She was making her way to
the deck where she’d parked her car, absorbed in thought. Brian told her he
loved her, no that he was
in
love
with her, and she ran away. Again. She released a breath and picked up the
pace. There was a group of guys about twenty-feet in front of her who had
already reached their car. She wasn’t interested in hanging out on the street
alone.

It was already ten when she left Dorian’s. The
Roc D excuse had come in handy after all. But once she was in her car, she
couldn’t stand the thought of actually going home to be alone with her
thoughts, so she’d driven to the venue where he was performing.

She honestly had no idea if the show had been
good or not. She’d taken pictures for Gabe’s beloved snapshot section, but she
couldn’t concentrate. Brian’s words kept running through her head, and even
more, the look on his face when she hadn’t responded to his admission that he
was in love with her. She never wanted to see that look on his face again. And
knowing that she was the one who had put the look there made her feel worse
than she’d ever felt before.

She entered the empty parking deck and walked
quickly to her car. She knew she needed to talk to him. She’d promised that she
wouldn’t disappear on him again. She reached her car and popped the trunk so
she could throw her bag inside and felt in her pocket to pull her phone out and
send him a text.

“I’m too
old to be frontin’ what I’m feelin’/ Denzel-in’ actin’ like you ain’t appealin’
when you are.”

She smiled and shut the trunk.

Then the right side of her head exploded.

Or it felt like it did. She blinked and
automatically started to grab her head but something slammed into her rib cage,
knocking all of the air out of her lungs.

She stumbled and fell, pain piercing her right
side like an icepick.

Then she was being dragged.

She could feel the asphalt on her calf and
thighs, cold and hard, scraping violently against her skin. She couldn’t
breathe. There was a hand over her mouth and nose and she couldn’t breathe.

She was on her back now, in front of her parked
car and he was on top of her, pushing her purple sundress up, growling for her
to shut the fuck up. She kicked and twisted and tried to scream but his hand
was over her mouth again, and it came out muffled and gargled.

 
He
was on top of her now, prying her legs apart with his free hand.

She looked up into brown eyes. Devil’s eyes.
Familiar eyes. His fist came down again.

 
Then nothing.

Chapter
9

“They caught him…
parking lot… couple of guys…”

Destiny slowly opened her eyes. They were
heavy. Like a ton of sticky glue had been poured on them and her eyelashes were
stuck together. She rolled her tongue around in her mouth and frowned at the
metallic taste. Her head was screaming.

“Don’t know… think she
did…”

It was Brian’s voice. She tried to sit up so
that she could listen better and make out what he was saying, but it was
muffled and her limbs were heavy. If she could just get her eyes to stay
open... She blinked again, squinting against the light in the room. It felt
like it was beaming down directly into her head, making it throb. She groaned
audibly. The door at the far end of the room flung open and Brian was at her
side. His eyes were beet-red. Why were his eyes so red?

“Hey,” he said. His voice was so strained and
weak it was practically unrecognizable to her.

“Where…?” she whispered, trying to figure out
why her voice wasn’t working. She licked her dry lips.

“They ran a CAT scan and you have a concussion,
but you’re okay,” he said, grabbing her hand, causing her to notice for the
first time that she had an IV. Why did she have an IV?

“Do you know…” he started then stopped, looking
away. He looked at her again, his expression anguished. “Do you remember what
happened?”

What happened? What happ…she closed her eyes,
her breath constricting in her chest.
His
hands were on her knees, prying them apart, his breath hot in her ear as he
licked the side of her face.
No. No. No. No. No. No.

She jerked, pain piercing her right side. She
had to get up. She had to wash her face. She needed to wash her face.

“Destiny…baby, you have to breathe,” Brian was
saying, trying to hold her as she jerked again wildly, her chest tightening,
and her stomach churning violently. She couldn’t get enough air into her lungs.
She tried to inhale gulps of it, but it wouldn’t go down.
His fist was crashing against her face and she tried to turn her head,
tried to squirm away but he was too strong.

“No, no, no, no,” she shook her head, repeating
the word over and over, the word that she couldn’t utter when he held her face
against the asphalt, bearing his weight on her.

“No, no, no, no, no,” she wasn’t even aware of
the words leaving her lips. She had to get up. Why wasn’t Brian letting her up?
She needed to shower. She had to shower!
 

“Honey, you have to calm down.” It was a
woman’s voice now, speaking to her in gentle tones. “You’re safe now, honey.
Just breathe. You’re safe. Just be calm now.”

She looked up, her eyes wide, her chest heaving
uncontrollably. “I have to take a shower,” she breathed, frantically.

“You’ll get a shower, honey. You’re safe now.
Just be calm.”

She pushed her gently but firmly back onto the
bed and wiped her head with a cool rag. Her chest was still heaving in and out
in tune with her accelerated heart rate.

“I have to take a shower,” she whimpered again,
pleadingly, looking from Brian back to the nurse. Brian met her eyes briefly.
His were tormented and he turned around, pacing to the other side of the room.

“You’ll get one, okay? I promise.” The woman
kept wiping her head gently with the cool rag.

Destiny nodded. She felt sick to her stomach
and she hurt everywhere.
 

“My name is Francine and I’ll be looking after
you,” she said, her tone calm.

She continued to soothingly rub her head,
softly whispering that she was going to be okay. Brian remained at the far end
of the room, out of her direct line of vision.

“Dr. Stoke is going to come see you,” the nurse
explained once her breathing was regulated. “And Officer Cohle is outside as
well. He’s going to talk to you, okay?”

Destiny nodded, trying to keep herself in
check. She felt like this was some surreal nightmare and she was trapped inside
of it, looking down at herself, observing everything but unable to escape. She
just wanted to escape. She closed her eyes but all she could see was his eyes,
all she could feel was him, so she opened them. Her stomach tightened again and
she clutched the stark white sheet with her free hand, forcing herself to be
calm.

“Do you want me to be in here with you while
they talk to you?” Nurse Francine was asking, dabbing her head again.

She nodded again.

“I’ll come back in when they’re ready.”

The nurse exited the room after a few moments
and Brian came and stood beside her again.

“Your mom is on her way here,” he said finally,
his voice strained.
 
He sat down
soundlessly in the chair next to her bed. “Dorian will pick her up at the
airport in a few hours.”

She nodded again and winced at the pain that
shot through her. Her head was pounding and it felt like closing her eyes might
ease some of the pain, or at least block out the hospital light that was boring
relentlessly into her brain. But she couldn’t close her eyes. He would be there
and that was worse than the pain. She clutched at the sheet again. She was
relieved her mom was on the way. More than relieved. She needed her here. She
needed her now. Brian ran a hand over his head.

“Where is Dorian?” she managed.

“He’s here. He’s in the waiting room, talking
to your mom on the phone.”

She tried to nod, but it hurt too much so she
just remained still.

“They caught him,” Brian said quietly after a
few long minutes. “Some guys saw…” he cleared his throat. “They tackled him and
held him until the cops and ambulance got there.”

She thought of the guys who were getting into
their car as she was walking toward the parking deck. Then she thought of him,
her stomach knotting again. She didn’t know how to process this new reality
when it still seemed so much like a bad nightmare that she was going to wake up
from any minute. They caught him. He was caught. Which made him real. Which
made this real. But this couldn’t be real. She clutched the sheet so tight her
nails were digging into her palms.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Brian whispered, his eyes
tortured. “I shouldn’t have let you go.”

She stared up at him wide eyed and shook her
head, ready to protest, but he wouldn’t let her speak.

“I shouldn’t have let you go,” he was saying it
over and over again as he held her hand with the IV and buried his face there.

She closed her eyes again then opened them
immediately as the torturous images filled her mind. She stared at her
partially opened hospital door, wondering how just a few minutes could change
her entire existence. In just a few horrible minutes he’d stolen her peace. Her
body. Her comfort. And her virginity.