Better Than Perfect (34 page)

“You have school.” She was stalling. Looking for excuses.

“Go without me.”

“Really?” She smiled at him. “It’s that important to you, you’d have me go to spring training without you?”

“Well, yeah.” Why was she making such a big deal about this? “I mean, if you guys get married we’ll be able to go down there anytime.”

“What if this is Johnny’s last season?”

He hadn’t thought about that.

“No big deal.” He shrugged. If it was, then it would just mean Johnny would need a reason to stay in San Francisco. She needed to give him a reason to stay.

19

Johnny checked into his hotel room and collapsed on the bed after a long, hot shower. He slept a full eight hours and woke feeling refreshed and eager to start the season.

Zach had texted him a few times. He was up to something. Trying to make sure Johnny didn’t forget about them. But Johnny was proud of the boy. His son. The concept was becoming more and more real, and more and more satisfying as the days went by. He couldn’t wait to get the official confirmation.

Bryce Baxter had also been in touch. He’d come down early, to report along with the pitchers and catchers and injured players. He was staying in the same hotel and had even arranged to get a room on the same floor. Johnny was actually glad to have a friend around to keep him loose. And after the way he’d convinced that reporter to back off on his relationship with Zach, Johnny figured he owed him one. They’d planned on meeting for dinner and a couple of beers on their last night of the offseason.

Having an extra day meant Johnny could take a leisurely swim before lunch and a light workout. He’d checked his phone several times, but still hadn’t received the email confirming the test results. If he didn’t get it today, he’d have to go the whole weekend not knowing.

Really, it didn’t matter. Just a formality. He knew without a doubt that Zach was his son.

Maybe with the official results, he’d finally be able to forgive Mel for taking Alice away from him. He could forgive him now, but he would’ve liked to thank him for taking care of his son. The fact that Zach was happy, healthy and so well-adjusted was a testament to the kind of early childhood he’d been able to have, thanks to Mel.

It also helped him let go of his jealousy of Mel’s relationship with Alice now that he realized she hadn’t been able to get over Johnny any more than he’d been able to forget her.

He repeated his mantra in an effort to clear his head. To focus on the job ahead of him.

This was going to be a good season. His best ever. He could feel it. Deep in his core. This was the year he’d finally prove to himself that he was for real. That the awards he’d won weren’t a fluke. That he hadn’t just been lucky—or worse, everyone felt sorry for him so they let him win. Yeah, they let him win one hundred and forty-five times, versus a hundred and twenty-two losses.

He was feeling so optimistic about the upcoming season, he almost wanted to ask Bryce to invite his reporter friend along to dinner with them. Almost.

Johnny grabbed his phone, but didn’t check for messages as he headed down to the hotel’s restaurant where he would meet Bryce. An early meal, and hopefully another good night’s sleep would be all he needed to be ready to report for duty first thing tomorrow.

“Yo, Johnny.” Bryce was seated at the bar, already working on a beer when Johnny arrived. “Glad you could make it.”

“Me, too.” Johnny slid onto the barstool next to Bryce and indicated to the bartender that he’d take whatever Bryce was having.

“Man, can you feel it? This year is going to be something special.” Bryce tried to pay for Johnny’s drink, but Johnny shook him off. He reached for his wallet and tossed his phone on the bar next to it.

There was an email. Just waiting for him to open it.

He took a long pull on his beer before clicking on the icon.

He read the report. Blinked. Twice. And read it again.

It couldn’t be. But there it was in PDF form. The results of the DNA test were negative.

Negative.

Zach wasn’t his son after all.

The air sucked out of his lungs like he’d been sucker punched. His vision clouded and he worried he might be sick right there on the bar.

He gulped down the rest of his beer and then knocked over the bottle in his attempt to set in on the bar. He stood, a little wobbly, as if he’d had several drinks instead of just the one. He staggered toward the men’s room.

Once there, he had no idea why he didn’t just bolt for his room. The wave of nausea passed and he splashed cold water on his face.

“Hey, bro. What’s the matter?” Bryce had followed him.

Johnny couldn’t decide if he was grateful or pissed that he wasn’t alone right now.

“I’m fine.” Johnny got himself under control.
Focus. Breathe. Let it go.

“Okay. Let’s eat, then.” Bryce patted him on the shoulder and kept his hand there as they walked back to the restaurant.

“Right.” Whether Zach was his kid or not, Johnny needed to keep his strength up. He had a job to do. And once again, that was all he had.

“So is everything alright at home?” Bryce unfolded his menu and scanned the options.

“For the next six weeks, this is my home.” Johnny barely glanced at the menu. He’d order the usual. Steak. Salad. Baked potato.

“You got some news. Something to do with Alice. Or the kid?”

“He’s not my kid.” Johnny closed the menu and placed it on the edge of the table. “That’s the news.”

“No way.” Bryce turned the menu to the next page. “I’m sorry, man.”

“Yeah. Well, it’s probably for the best, right?” Johnny sipped his water and wished the waitress would return with their drinks. “I don’t know a damn thing about being a father.”

“You can still be there for the kid.” Bryce was trying to be helpful. “You just won’t be related.”

“No. It’s better if I step away. From both of them.” All the old emotions came flooding back. The resentment. The jealousy. Mel was Zach’s father. And in a way, it was worse after believing the kid could have been his. That Alice and Zach could’ve been the family he’d secretly longed for his whole life.

Only to have that hope once again crushed. Like a two-out, two-strike homer in the bottom of the ninth that would have broken up his perfect game.

Right now Johnny was too hurt to trust himself to be around them. To be able to look at Zach and not see his father’s betrayal. It was like getting the wedding announcement in the mail all over again, serving as a reminder of what he’d lost.

“If you say so.” Bryce finally closed his menu when the waitress returned with their beers. She took their orders, and they finished the meal talking about baseball and movies and music. Anything but the subject that was so painful for Johnny.

“Any dessert?” The waitress smiled first at Johnny, then turned her attention to Bryce when it was clear he wasn’t interested.

“No. Just the bill. Thanks.” Bryce gave her a polite smile. Very different from his usual charming grin.

“Look, if you’re interested, don’t let me stop you.” Johnny could care less if his friend wanted to get laid.

“Nah. I’m a little worn out.” Bryce leaned back in his chair, a satisfied smile on his face.

“Rachel Parker?” Johnny had a feeling there was more going on between those two than just a one-time thing.

Bryce beamed like a love-struck teenager.

“I wish I’d never met her.” Johnny couldn’t help but place some of the blame on her. “Wish she’d never conjured up the story that Zach might be my kid. Now every time I see her, I’ll be reminded of dragging him down to that clinic. Having a discussion on whether or not he should call me ‘Dad.’ Then going out for ice cream afterward.”

“Oh man, I’m sorry you had to go through all that.” Bryce grabbed the bill.

Johnny was too defeated to fight him for it.

“Look, if you want me to stop seeing her, I will.” Bryce scrawled his signature across the credit card slip. “She’s becoming a distraction anyway, and it’s time to get my head in the game.”

“I know what you mean. Nothing but baseball from now until October.”

“Yeah. I need your help to stay focused.” Bryce walked with him to the elevators. “I need to be more monk-like.”

“Maybe I should try to be more like you.” Johnny couldn’t see it. “Try and score with some of the hot babes down here.”

Bryce chuckled and clapped him on the back.

“I like you, Johnny. You’re a good guy. I’ve got a six-pack in my room. You want to come up and help me drink it?”

“I’m just going to go to bed.” Johnny shook his head.

“Will you sleep?” Bryce wasn’t going to let him off the hook so easily.

“Probably not.”

“Then have a beer with me. We could hang out. Watch a movie. Keep me from slipping into my old ways. That waitress was pretty fine…” He craned his neck as if he was searching for her.

“Sure. Why not?” He wasn’t going to sleep, so he might as well keep Bryce out of trouble.

Johnny followed Bryce to his room, which happened to be across the hall from his. He might as well get used to having Baxter around.

* * * *

“Hey Mom, have you heard from Johnny?” Zach kept checking his phone, but shoving it back into his pocket with a disappointed look on his face.

“I know he made it to Arizona. But he’s busy, you know.” She hated to see her son so dependent on just a word from Johnny. “He’s started his workouts and I’m sure there’s a lot going on. He’ll be in touch when he gets a chance.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Zach started to pull his phone out of his pocket but then thought better of it. “I suppose I’m being a pest.”

She wasn’t going to say anything, but she was a little frustrated with Johnny for not getting back to either of them. She also had unreturned texts. And she’d expected to get the results from the paternity test by now.

He was probably busy with his workouts and getting to know his teammates. He was the new guy, and she had a feeling he was concerned about his age and whether or not he still had what it takes. She imagined he’d work harder and longer than the rest of the team, leaving little time for anything else.

Still, it would be nice if he sent a text or two acknowledging his family.

It had been over a week. And Alice was getting tired of having to distract Zach. She was tempted to take his phone, but he’d gotten a few texts from a girl at school. Just a friend, according to Zach, but the way he grinned when he heard from her meant it might not stay that way for long.

Oh, she wasn’t ready for girls. But Zach was getting there.

And she wished Johnny was here to help them through this stage.

She waited until Zach was in bed before making one more phone call. This time Johnny answered.

“Finally.” She didn’t even try to hide her exasperation. “I was starting to wonder if you’d been kidnapped by aliens.”

“No. Just busy.” Johnny’s voice was tight. He was avoiding them.

“Too busy to acknowledge your son.” She wanted him to know how Zach felt about being ignored.

“He’s not my son.”

She must have heard him wrong. His voice was barely audible.

“I got the results last Friday. They were negative.”

“That can’t be.” She was so sure after seeing the two of them together these last two weeks. “There must be some kind of mistake.”

“There’s no mistake.” Johnny’s voice was completely devoid of emotion. “They took two samples from each of us. Placed them in a sealed container. Zach is not my son.”

“Oh, Johnny. I’m so sorry.” She felt a wave of nausea and she lowered herself to a chair.

“Yeah. Me too. He’s a great kid.” Johnny had all his defenses up. He sounded so calm. So controlled. “But I don’t think I can deal with playing dad right now. I have to go.”

He hung up before she could say anything else. Before she could break through his monk-like trance. He was hurting. He’d wanted to be Zach’s father. Wanted it more than he’d admitted even to himself, and was devastated to find out he wasn’t.