Between a Wok and a Hard Place (31 page)

"But you know," I said, thinking aloud, which is a very foolish habit, "it didn't make a lick of sense for you guys to

leave Flower's body at the intersection of North Main and Elm. Why didn't you just leave her in the Festiva?"

"The Amish boys," she hissed. "Flower left us a message on the windshield of our car telling us to meet her

downtown at midnight. She thought it would be safer there."

“Little did she know,” I said sadly. Hernia doesn't roll up its sidewalks at dark, it keeps them permanently rolled up.

"Angus had just - well, you know what."

"Strangled her," I hissed. "He strangled her with pantyhose. Were they yours?"

"They were my best pair!" she wailed. "Guaranteed not to run, but they did."

"You poor dear. Go on."

"Well, anyway, those stupid boys came along. There wasn't time to put her back in the car. I had to jump in that

damn car and drive it away myself. I don't drive a stick shift, and it about gave me whiplash."

"Remind me to cry, dear."

"It wasn't easy catching up with the boys after that, but we lucked out Tuesday night and followed them up here.

They have one of those Smiley Faces on the back of the buggy. I didn't think they were allowed."

"Teenagers are given more latitude," I said, and then regretted having opened my big mouth. She didn't deserve an

explanation.

"They were smoking cigarettes and drinking beer! Can you imagine that?" Her free hand tugged at her tube top,

which apparently was too tight.

Her self-righteous attitude infuriated me. One boy was dead, the other had nearly died, both thanks to her, and she

begrudged them a moment of teenage rebellion?

"You two-faced - "

"Get out of the car!" I could hear the safety click off.

I opened the door. I would like to say that I flung it open so fast that Dorothy didn't have a chance to get out of the

way. But I had nothing to do with knocking her down. The truth is, I owed it all to Dr. Brack.

When the gun discharged, the bullet hit a metal support in the brace I was wearing, ricocheted, and then grazed

Dorothy's left temple. She fell like a ton of Freni's pound cakes. Except for a sore rib and a throbbing headache due to the

noise, I was virtually unscathed.

The diabolical duo were not professional criminals, and the gun I picked up from the ground was the only one they

had. When he heard the misfired shot, Angus came running and was within range before he realized it. What Angus didn't

know is that I could no more have pulled that trigger than shared a bed with Aaron Jr. one more night. Some things are

just not right - killing another human being and illicit sex rank right up there at the top.

Dorothy was shinned, but didn't even have the courtesy to pass out. Restraining both Dixons would have been too

much even for me, so I did the only thing I could. I hopped back in my car, and with the door still open drove it straight at

Angus. He threw himself to the ground, as I knew he would, but it wasn't a comfortable landing, and the last time I saw

him - at the arraignment - he was still limping.

Samuel Kauffman was alive and lying in the backseat of the Dixonmobile. Dorothy had done a pretty good job of

tying him up with hospital adhesive tape during their getaway ride. In fact, had she not been in the backseat, trussing him

like a turkey, I doubt if they would even have noticed me following them. Needless to say, Samuel was frightened, but

otherwise unharmed. In fact, his overall condition had improved so much that after a quick once-over by the doctor, he

was reunited to the loving bosom of his family.

As for the terrible twosome, the state police picked them up on the turnpike less than an hour later. All three children

had been left behind at the PennDutch. It was perhaps the nicest thing the Dixons had done for their children in ages.

28

It was a small family gathering, just Freni, Susannah, and I. Of course given the fact that Susannah was my sister, and

Freni our double second cousin, and each of us was our own cousin, as well as a cousin to each other's cousins, it was a

crowded table after all.

"So," Freni said, helping herself to another banana boat, my favorite comfort food, "you really are closing the inn for a

week."

"I have to," I said, trying hard not to crack a smile, "I have no cook. You quit, remember?"

"Ach," Freni said,"I was mad. I'm over it now."

I patted her arm fondly, nearly causing the banana to fall in her lap. "I need a break anyway. I finally got through to

London, and she said she understood. The truth is, she was thinking about canceling anyway. Wills has his first polo

match Thursday, and Harry gets his braces off the next day. She sounded happy to stay home."

"Ach," Freni said, "those English and their children."

"Mags, how come you didn't tell me she was coming?" Susannah whined.

"So, they are going to put the children in foster care?" Freni asked as she tore open a packet of saltine crackers.

"She would never do that!" Susannah gasped.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Not her," I said. "Freni was talking about the Dixons. They're in temporary foster care, but

I think there's an aunt somewhere that might come into the picture."

"Yah," Freni said with satisfaction. "Blood is thicker."

"Than what?" Susannah asked.

I turned to Freni. Sometimes the Christian thing is just to ignore my sister. "You'll be happy to know that Shirley

Pearson's company is going to make a bid on the Miller farm. There might not be a Wal-Mart there after all."

"No. Wal-Mart?" Susannah wailed. "But they sell the cutest little lace panties!"

"Yah, the farm will be good news," Freni said. She blushed. "Did you speak to the doctor?"

I patted her arm, and a slice of chocolate-covered banana flew across the room. Freni didn't notice, and I pretended

not to, either.

"Of course, dear. Dr. Brack will be mailing a custom-made brace to you within a week."

Susannah howled with laughter. Shnookums howled, too, until I gently prodded my sister in the bosom with a fork.

"Shhh," I whispered.

"It isn't that, Mags," Susannah said, only slightly subdued. "It's the two of you and those stupid braces. You make it

sound like there's something to them after all."

"One of those braces saved my life," I said hotly. "In fact, Terry Slock was so impressed with it that he's abandoned

his idea of beginning a new religious cult and is going to do TV ads for Dr. Brack."

"Ugh," Susannah groaned, "what a waste."

"Religion might have done him some good," I said. "He dabbled in pornographic films, you know."

Freni looked lost.

Susannah clapped her hands to her cheeks. "You're kidding!"

"I'm afraid not."

"Like what?"

I glanced at Freni. She was discreetly glancing away. There was no reason not to tell Susannah, since we were all

girls, just having a bit of girl talk.

"Her Cup Runneth Over."

"Oh, that."

"You saw it?"

"No, but Melvin did. At a bachelor party. He said it was boring."

I supposed that was good news. "Well, anyway, Terry said that in his brief excursion through that end of the

business, he came across some of Angus Dixon's filthy work. He tried to tell me the day of the flash flood, but he said I

wouldn't listen.

"So, what else is new?" Freni and Susannah chorused. I glared pleasantly at them in turn.

"I sort of miss the young man. I hope he has a brilliant new career selling braces."

"TV ads with his shirt off," Susannah drooled. "The man is a hunk."

"He's an aging baby-boomer, for pete's sake. Besides, you already have a boyfriend. You shouldn't be lusting after

anyone else."

Freni read the pain in my voice. "Ach," she said sympathetically, "it hurts about your Aaron, doesn't it?"

"Only a stabbing pain in the gut whenever I think about it. I felt relieved this morning when I finally put Pops on the

plane. Maybe now I can start putting that all behind me and concentrate on the future."

"To new beginnings," Susannah said and raised her water glass.

I obliged her by clinking my glass against hers. "I new beginnings."

"Yah," Freni said and took a bite of banana.

"To my marriage to Melvin," Susannah said, and the process knocked my socks off.

Shnookums howled mournfully.