Between Darkness and Light Trilogy (16 page)

“He had me help with the mental
interrogation. He said that since I was so new to Lumina,
unenlightened as I am, I would have a better chance of reaching
her. He said he would protect me but he didn’t! She… she… shared
her recent pain with me as though it was my own, made it my only,
inescapable reality and then… she tore from me my most treasured
memories!”

Those memories flood my mind again, of
growing up with William, of my first search for love… or at least
companionship, of the beauty and joy I experienced on Shiral, of
riding Zah-Ha’Gor as she plummeted near an almost impossibly high
waterfall. So many things that had meant the world to me; my most
precious memories, torn from me one by one. With the ninth and most
precious, of dancing with Mathair the last time before she was
taken away, everything stopped. Torture was no longer my reality,
and my beautiful memories were once again a part of me. I remember
her words, almost incredulous, ‘You are but a child.’

“When she finally stopped she said that I
had violated her, and she wanted me to know how that felt. She said
she was only letting me go because I was so young and
inexperienced. By that time I didn’t care what her reason was, I
just wanted her to stop! The contact was broken, and I was back in
the torture chamber. I didn’t manage to say a word, but apparently
I didn’t need to. I can still hear his voice. “So she really was
telling the truth.” Then he turned and walked out. No thanks, not
even an ‘are you alright’? I paid a lot for that information, and
the bastard didn't care. He said he would protect me!!! I hate him
– I’ll hate him until the end of time!”

Casanova looks down on me with mixed horror
and incredulity, “And after all that, you wandered the corridors
until I came across you… you are strong, Shi'ahn. I know it doesn’t
feel like it now, but you are. That reckless bastard! The Emperor
should know of this, Lucian should be held accountable.”

“No! I don’t want to give him the pleasure
of knowing how much pain he allowed me to experience – and I don’t
want to warn him as to how much I despise him.”

“Oh Shi'ahn, you are so young and innocent
of the ways of this family… I hate to see you enter into the game
so unprepared.”

“Then help me prepare! If nothing else, help
me understand how to safeguard my mind.” He doesn’t look
particularly happy with my request, but he nods after a moment.

“I am not the most skilled in that area, but
I can and will help you. After you have eaten and rested.”

My mind floods with panic, “I don’t want to
be alone so soon!” He smiles warmly.

“Food first. Then, if you wish it, I will
stay with you while you sleep.” He holds his hands up and to either
side, “You will be perfectly safe from me… I will only watch over
you and keep you safe, that I swear. Then, when you are refreshed,
I will teach you what I can.” The breakfast that had been delivered
to my rooms before… well, before, still remains in stasis. He takes
me to the table and I eat every morsel. Sated, I fall asleep in his
arms.

***

Holding a ravishing, innocent young woman in
his arms while she sleeps and not taking advantage of the situation
runs completely counter to all that Casanova is, and yet for some
reason he feels at peace. Being here for her, in her time of pain
and great need, is frankly the most erotic thing he has ever
experienced. Who would have known that so much pleasure could be
had in such a simple act? Staying absolutely true to his word he
never takes his eyes off his sweet angel, he watches over her and
keeps her safe until she eventually wakes. What he does not manage
to keep safe, is his heart.

***

I awaken to the smell of more food.

“I thought that might catch your attention.”
I stiffen in confusion, a man – I lie in a mans arms? That's right,
yes; I lie in Casanova’s arms, still fully clothed. “See, I
promised you would be safe.”

I smile, and enjoy a very nice meal.
Afterward he keeps his word and teaches me more than I had ever
known about mental protection. As he speaks of techniques, memories
of my time in Lydia’s mind flood my thoughts. I remember her images
of vast empty plains, and of an impregnable fortress. It is as
though she had followed a time-honored strategy to protect her true
self from my presence. I had felt sorrow for her, and did all I
could to heal her pain. She did not care for my help, and even less
for my presence, so when it became apparent that I would not stop,
she trapped me. When Casanova describes trapping an intruder in a
terrible memory or scenario, I can’t help but tremble – that’s
exactly what she did to me; she made her torture my experience, my
inescapable prison. Then she tore away the memories I tried to
cling to for comfort; it was terrible, as though they were stolen
from me, never to be returned. That isn’t true, though. The
memories weren’t stolen, my ability to access them was blocked. And
then she had reversed much of what she had done. I don’t understand
why she backed away from her revenge, but something tells me that I
can’t count on others’ mercy in the future.

“Casanova, what you have shown me…” His look
of mild displeasure breaks my concentration, “What, am I not
allowed to ask questions?” He laughs,

“Of course you are! It’s just… I’ve never
found fault with my name before, but on your lips it sounds all
wrong; a strong beginning that peters out in needless syllables
that add nothing to the meaning. And, worst of all, it brings
visions of Novanus to my mind.” It’s my turn to laugh.

“Now that is truly unfortunate! Is there
anything else you would prefer I call you?”

“Something of your own choosing, I think,
you are the mistress of sound after all; name me. Choose anything
you like.”

Several things jump to mind, though none are
particularly complementary. I cast them aside as inappropriate,
even if well earned. I’ve never been asked to come up with a name
for someone before… it’s actually rather a special feeling.
Unexpected warmth floods my mind. “Cas?”

He smiles, “Cas. It is unusually simple, and
yet from your lips I rather like it. You know, for a moment there I
thought you might choose something… not particularly kind.”

“For a moment there, I nearly did. But that
didn’t feel right. I like Cas.”

“Then I shall be your Cas. Now, you had a
question for me?”

“Yes, I was wondering what I should do if
all you have taught me fails.” He sighs deeply.

“This is where the training becomes
unpleasant, but I suppose it is necessary. Surround yourself with a
thought or emotion of yours that is very true, but unrelated to
what the attacker is seeking. Immerse yourself in it, so that it is
all that they can sense in you. Can you think of something that you
can truly immerse yourself in, but should not provide pertinent
information to your attacker?”

I think for a moment, then nod, “Yes, Cas, I
think I can.”

“Then let’s give it a try. Lets say I want
to know… here’s a popular one, who your parents are. You don’t want
me to know, so fill your mind with your distracting thought. Let
that become your only reality. Ready? Now I’ll try to find your
parents.” He places his hand on my arm and falls silent.

I flood my mind with my feelings of
loneliness, with the feeling of utter devastation at having been
left to raise myself and my brother alone. I sense him encounter it
and try to push beyond, but he fails. I let the memories progress,
I grow far past the age of consent, past the age of marriage, but
still no man will share my bed. I feel like an empty husk of a
person, wanting desperately to be loved, but never finding
fulfillment. Suddenly I feel the emotion echoed back to me. He is
lonely too – terribly lonely. He wants to love and be loved, but he
can’t; it’s always fleeting. He doesn’t wish it but it keeps
happening, love always ends and life has become a hell of recurring
loss. Together… together we could end the loneliness, end the
isolation. Yes! I want the loneliness to end, I want to be… loved.
Our lips meet, then our tongues. It is a dance I have only tasted
fleetingly before, but this! Our embrace becomes heated, I feel his
hands wander where only one man had briefly gone before; his lips
encircle one breast while his hand thrills the other… shudders of
ecstasy wrack my body. Music floods my soul, triumphant music
unlike I have ever projected before. Casanova hears it; I feel his
surprise, then his pleasure. Something changes in him, his touch
becomes… reverent? His thoughts caress me, ‘You I could love for a
very, very long time, Shi'ahn.’ My own thoughts explode in my mind,
this could finally, truly be it! I won’t be alone any longer. My
song
joins in the ecstatic joy of my anticipation…”

His touch, his warmth is suddenly gone!
“Cas?” I open my eyes and see a terrible figure looming over me; it
holds Cas with one hand, dangling him in the air.

A thunderous voice exclaims, “She is not for
you!” Cas is tossed to the side and disappears. The figure shrinks
to a normal size and demeanor, and I recognize…

“Cailli? What have you done, why are you
here?”

“I’ll not have you used and cast aside by
the likes of him! You need love, yes, but he can only offer you
temporary infatuation. He is incapable of true, enduring love,
which is why he understands loneliness. Pity him, befriend him if
you must, but do not fall under his spell.” She looks at me
speculatively before she continues, “You seem to need a
distraction. Come, I’ll provide you one.” She puts her arm around
me and I feel warmth unlike what Casanova gave me, and yet it is
more complete and fulfilling. All the excruciating echoes of
torture that Lydia forced upon me recede into a disconnected
memory, which, unless I purposely reach for it, drops away as
though it never existed. We then become surrounded by sparkles of
light, and appear within Cailli’s tower. “I have something that I
think you would enjoy. Yes, this is perfect for you.”

She holds out a beautiful, captivating ring.
It has a seemingly black gem that, as I look at it, I see actually
contains all colors, but it keeps them within itself instead of
radiating them out, as though it collects light. Not a gem, it is
another crystal. She places it on my right index finger.

“Light isn’t all it collects. Figuring this
out should provide you with a great deal of entertainment. Just be
careful what you touch it to.”

Suddenly I’m alone in my rooms again, and
yet… I don’t feel alone at all. I do, however, feel as though I
could use a bath. I haven’t had one since before… well, since last
night. I disrobe and note that the Crystal Cailli gave me still
clings in its place. I glance in the mirror and see that visibly,
there appears to be nothing there. My eyes and mind wander. For the
first time in quite a while I carefully look at myself. I check
every angle I can and there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with
me physically; I’m certain I’m not ugly. So what is wrong with me;
why can’t most men see me as a woman? Pain floods my heart, I have
to force my mind away from such thoughts, they serve no purpose.
Think of my current situation.

It is strange to be without the spell ring
Mathair gave me so long ago, lost now within Aurora’s crystal. The
ring Cailli just gave me does look nice, though. I unconsciously
bring that hand up and lightly caress the breast that so recently
felt such pleasure… the cool caress of the ring sends a tingling
thrill through me and I let my mind flood once again with the
ecstasy of that moment. The ring isn’t, in my mind, a fair trade;
but I will try to make the best of it I can. After I bathe.

Chapter
11

Making New Connections

I truly enjoy my leisurely bath, but all
good things must come to an end. I wonder how long I have left to
sleep? Wait, why am I concerned about time - there really isn’t any
reason for me to stay here. I begin to concentrate on my crystal,
but a thought nags at the back of my mind. Why would I leave so
soon? I should stay where I belong – but… that doesn’t make sense,
I can get so much more accomplished by returning to Shiral, where I
can spend days inspecting my new ring while only ninebreaths will
have passed here. I force the odd thought to the back of my mind
and concentrate again on my crystal, thinking only of Shiral and
her beautiful moons, and when I can hear the waves upon the shore,
will myself through. This time I head straight to the cottage and
my bed.

In the morning after a nice breakfast, I get
down to work. I choose my most comfortable chair and think
carefully about my new ring. Cailli said it collects things, more
than just light. What else would something that feels so
fascinating, collect? Sound, perhaps? Like the recording devices of
the technologists? I listen to the waves out on the lake, and will
the ring to collect the beautiful sounds. Nothing happens, and I
get another of those feelings in the back of my mind, this isn't
right, collecting sound is not a function of the ring. Then what?
Power? If I were an object of Lumina that collected power, how
would I do it? I concentrate on the ring, trying to connect with
whatever ‘it’ is, then think of a nearby item of power; the stone
circle not far from our cottage. I see nothing, but I sense a
tendril rise from the black jewel. It moves in the direction of the
stone circle. I try to follow it with my mind and it’s like having
another eye, I sense all that exists between the cottage and the
stone circle, but differently than with my eyes – this experience
is… like swimming through the background energies of the physical
world, seeking out the bright spark of power. I’m glad I’m here in
most familiar surroundings this first time! There is a flash of
magical power in my mind when the tendril touches the nearest
stone, and my mind snaps back - I’m in my cottage, and the jewel
has a tiny spark of light within it. That was fascinating!
Existence experienced on an entirely different level. A person
could get addicted to this.