Between Dreams (11 page)

Chapter Nine

New Again

I woke up and immediately reached for Ray.
The spot where he should have been was cold. Panicking, I quickly sat up and scanned the room. I had imbibed quite a bit last night and I prayed our previous engagement wasn’t some kind of drunken hallucination. I let out a sigh of relief upon spotting his wallet and cell phone resting on the nightstand next to his side of the bed. Knowing that Ray was still here, my worries subsided.

Then in an instant, the memories of my wild dream flashed before my eyes. This dream was different from the last. And, unlike that tantalizing first dream, I remembered almost every detail of this one. Every word that was spoken burned into my memory, but their faces were still just a hazy recollection.

I flung the covers off and snatched my bathrobe off the closet door. Wrapping it around my naked body, I quickly headed over to the laptop that rested on top of the desk. Sitting down, I began typing like a madwoman.

I sat back and stared at the screen full of words. That was it. I couldn’t recall any more details other than what I had written.

Everyone knows the story of Adam and Eve and I was pretty sure that I had just dreamt the most confounding version of the oldest bible story.

The story I had grown to love narrated how God created Adam from dirt and then decreed that Adam needed a helpmate, and so he created Eve from Adam’s rib cage. They both lived in blissful ignorance together in the garden and could do anything their hearts desired, except of course, to eat from the Tree of Knowledge.

As biblical history related it, one day Eve met a serpent under the tree who was really Lucifer, a fallen Angel cursed by God for attempting to destroy Him. On this particular day, Lucifer was up to his old tricks and talked Eve into eating the forbidden fruit, lifting the veil of ignorance. She quickly ran to Adam to share with him her discovery. Adam too ate from the Tree of Knowledge and in that moment plunged the entire human race into sin.

Of course, God found out about their betrayal and cast them out of Eden into the world condemning all of humanity. Since we are all descendants of Adam and Eve we are all paying for their sin by living in this violent world now filled with death and destruction. The former location of the Garden of Eden is now said to be in southern Iraq in between the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, but spiritually, the gates are forever locked.

When I was a young child, Granny would read stories to me from the bible every night. Of course, my favorite one was ‘The Garden of Eden
.
’ As an imaginative kid, the Garden sounded so magical and I just knew that if I tried hard enough, maybe I could find that beautiful Paradise and live within the gates as peacefully as Adam and Eve once did.

It always angered me that Adam and Eve couldn’t obey God’s one and only rule and instead got kicked out of the garden, ruining it for the rest of us. But then Granny would wisely remind me that God had never intended for Adam and Eve to procreate and so there never was a chance of me seeing the Garden of Eden, anyway.

No longer that gullible child, I began to realize that this God my granny spoke so highly of was pretty relentless. To make all the rest of us suffer damnation for the sin of another didn’t seem like an all loving God to me. Of course, had I been Adam or Eve, I begrudgingly admit I would have done the same thing.

Upon further scrutiny, I also began to wonder how Samael played into this new version of the tale being woven to life during my subconscious state. From the sounds of the dream, it seemed as if Samael’s father would play the part of God and Adam and Eve would portray themselves. But in my dream, there was no forbidden fruit anywhere.

Was Samael simply a metaphor for the forbidden fruit? Was it Eve’s infidelity that got her and Adam cast out of the garden? She gave in to the temptation of another man, rather than the temptation to eat something as miniscule as an apple, or whatever it was there. I sat there in awe with my sudden revelation as I entwined my necklace in my fingers.

The sound of my bedroom door opening turned my thoughts away from the story. It was clear that my dream was based on the old bible story but there was an additional character now involved. Another man who loved Eve, and from my viewpoint, seemed destined to be with her. I quickly saved my file and slammed the laptop shut as Ray entered the room. His tan body was sensually speckled with drops of water and all he was wearing was a towel. Our eyes met and I smiled at him.

“I hope your new boyfriend didn’t give you that god awful thing,” Ray teased, nodding toward my necklace that I was holding. I smiled and released the heavy piece of jewelry, allowing it to rest upon my chest as I shook my head. “I only have one boyfriend and he’s standing half naked in front of me. Did you bring any clothes with you?”

He shook his head and made his way to the nightstand. Picking up his phone, he began dialing some numbers. “Hey little sister, you wanna do me a solid?”

I reasoned he must have been calling home. I sat at the computer desk while he asked his sister to drop some of his old clothes off at my house. She agreed and he ended the call.

“Melody’s bringing over some clothes.”

He walked over to the desk and wrapped his arms around me, “What do you wanna do while we’re waiting?” he playfully asked while tugging on my robe and kissing my shoulder. I turned around and brought my face to his.

A little bothered by Ray’s earlier insult, I began to explain, “This necklace belonged to my mother. Chrissy and I found it when we cleaned out Granny’s closet.”

Ray lifted his eyebrows in surprise as he gripped the bronze chain and began to give the necklace a more thorough inspection. Shrugging, he released the pendant and replied, “It’s still ugly. I’ll buy you a prettier one next time I’m down—a sapphire, maybe.”

His phone rang, interrupting his verbal insensitivity. His mother’s loud voice sounded out of the receiver. Melody had made the announcement to her family that big brother was home and now his mother was demanding we all attend Sunday Mass.

“Okay, Ma. I love you too. See you in five minutes.” He hung up the phone and looked at me apologetically. I jumped up and headed towards my closet, wondering what the heck I would wear and how I was going to get ready in
five
minutes. I quickly snatched up the first dress I saw and ran to the bathroom.

“I’m jumping in the shower. Meet you downstairs in a few,” I shouted at Ray as I flew by him like a tornado. He gripped my arm, stopping me in my tracks.

“Hey, did you say that nurse downstairs hates me?”

I smiled and nodded my head. “She gets to hear me complain about you all the time, so her opinion has already been formed. Sorry it’s not positive, but with Lilly and all…” I let him hang on those words for a minute.

“I don’t handle media sites anymore,” he explained. “Rene got some intern at the label to take over all our pages, so if Lilly and I are friends on some stupid social media site, I don’t know it.”

I smiled and planted a big kiss on his sensual mouth. “You don’t need to explain anything to me, Ray. We’re good now. It’s Nouri whose mind you’ll have to change,” I challenged as I pranced towards the bathroom.

Ray casually shrugged his shoulders and shouted after me, “She’s Filipina, right? Give me five minutes and she’ll melt like butter in my hand.”

I whirled around, wearing an incredulous look on my face.

He laughed at my response. “What? I’ll go downstairs and sing some karaoke with her. We’ll be best friends by the time you get out of the shower.”

***

As I frantically poured shampoo into my hair I not only scrubbed the smell of smoke out of it, I attempted to wash away all traces of Adrian too. I was preparing to spend the morning with my boyfriend’s family so I needed to emotionally focus on them. I still couldn’t believe it had only been since last night that I’d been with my beautiful new friend. It had seemed like a lifetime had passed in the last ten hours. I had gotten Ray back, but it felt that I had now lost Adrian in the process.

Turning off the water, I stepped out of the shower and dried my body with the towel. It took me no more than ten minutes to dress and make myself presentable. I had set a speed record here.

Walking down the green carpeted steps, I clutched the white rail, making sure I didn’t tumble down the stairs in my heels. Thankfully they were nowhere near as tall as the shoes Chrissy had leant me that first day in the mansion, but a girl still had to be careful. As I got closer to the bottom, I could hear the sound of a piano being played. I glanced in the formal living room and saw that Ray was seated at the piano capturing his audience. Nouri, Ray’s two sisters, and his parents were all spellbound as he played the tunes. I entered the room and the music stopped.

Ray looked me up and down and forced a smile to conceal his disappointment. I had forgotten that he hated the garment I was wearing. It was a simple pale blue A-line dress that I thought looked absolutely stunning when I paired it with a pink, skinny belt and matching heels. It had a layer of silver-tinged lace over the top part of the blue material. Ray thought that it looked more like a nightgown than outerwear.

“Sidney!” Nouri shrieked, as she trotted over to me embracing me in a hug. “You look so beautiful this morning! And Ray, he such a nice young man and sing so lovely!” she gushed.

I tried to contain my laughter as I met Ray’s eyes as he mouthed the words, “Told you so.”

I took Nouri’s hand and brought her over to Ray’s family. “Nouri, this is Ray’s mother, Teresa, and his father, Raymond Senior.” They shook hands. “And these are Ray’s two younger sisters, Kendall and Melody.”

Both the younger girls were completely engrossed in their phones and hardly acknowledged Nouri. They seemed to wish they could be anywhere but there. Ray may have been some famous musician to his fans but to them, he was still their annoying brother who never stopped stealing their spotlight.

Once everyone was introduced, Ray’s mom, Teresa, started organizing everyone. She was a mighty mite, even with the help of her black high heels she was still barely over five feet tall. “Sidney honey, I brought over two garbage bags full of Ray’s crap. I hope you don’t mind but I just don’t have the room. Not with these two girls at each other’s throats. Now that Ray’s gone, they don’t understand why they still need to share a room and quite frankly, I don’t blame them.”

Her hands were flying in all sorts of directions as the highly energetic woman continued. “So like I said, the bags are here and you and Ray can decide what needs to be done with them because I’m not his personal storage unit.”

I nodded my head as I glanced over at the bags full of clothes. I wasn’t sure what she expected me to do with them but I guess this was her way of saying that Ray’s room was being given to one of his sisters
.

I’d always liked Teresa. Despite her outspokenness, she was a great person to be around. She was an intensely loving person and had the gift of making any stranger welcome in her home. She was a tiny little Italian woman that looked nothing like her son. The only physical asset that Ray got from her was the ability to tan nicely in the summertime. Apart from than that, he was his father’s clone; tall with blond hair and sparkling blue eyes.

After twenty minutes of small talk, we all decided to ride together in the family Suburban to the church. As everyone began to pile into the SUV, I lingered on the porch, saying goodbye to Nouri and wishing I could switch her places for the morning.

I just hated attending church on Sundays. “I’ll see you later this afternoon, Nouri, and I want to apologize if Ray and I woke you last night with our yelling.” I looked at her apologetically.

The Filipina shook her head from side to side. “Oh no, Sidney. The most passionate romances have the deepest fights. They are the ones worth fighting for.” I took a step back and questioned her. “I thought you hated Ray. Now you say I should fight for him?”

Nouri took my hands and stared deep into my eyes. “Go to L.A. with Ray, Sidney. He your true love. I stay and take care of Granny. I call you if she wake up. You be with Ray.”

I didn’t know what to say. I just stood in front of Nouri in disbelief as tears filled my eyes. I grasped her plump body and gave her a hug. “Thank you so much Nouri, I love you.”

She laughed and returned the hug, “I love you too, Sidney. Now go.”

I quickly kissed Nouri’s cheek, turned, and with those damn heels of mine leading the way, I shakily tip-toed down the wooden stairs of the old house and into the family SUV.

Chapter Ten

Devil Beside You

The longest hour of my life always took place on the Sundays when Ray was home. From 10:00 a.m. to 11:00 it was allotted for Ray and me to attend church with his God-fearing family. Although Ray was raised Catholic, he was an avid reader and studied many books of various religions.

Upon doing so, he sort of compiled a list of his own beliefs to live by. At one point, he studied the Mormon religion and became enchanted with one of their silly beliefs about having zero tolerance for tobacco.

He loved to opine, “Supposedly, somewhere in the bible it quotes God as saying; “
And again, tobacco is not for the body, neither for the belly, and is not good for man, but is an herb for bruises and all sick cattle, to be used with judgment and skill
,” which basically breaks down to don’t smoke.

So now, somewhere in Ray’s hypocritical mind, he’s managed to rationalize that God needs him to stay away from cigarettes, yet the practice of premarital sex and infidelity was perfectly acceptable. I’d pretty much come to the conclusion that Ray delved into religion so he could use it to hide behind while patronizing others. After all, he hadn’t even met Adrian but he had already concluded he didn’t like him because he smoked. Well that, and the whole jealousy thing.

Although I attended Mass with Granny every Sunday as a child, I was never baptized in the Catholic faith. As a baby, my mother was very adamant that I was not to be baptized. She insisted that the door to religion be left open, allowing me to choose when I was older and mentally competent enough to form my
own
opinion. I was actually surprised Granny honored her request knowing how she felt about my mother.

Ever since Granny had gotten sick I no longer attended church. The only time I did find myself inside of St. Catherine’s Cathedral was when Ray was home. As much as his family pressured me I still wasn’t sure about giving myself over to the church and becoming “God’s child,” as they called it.

Ray had been baptized Catholic and his parents continued to push for me to do the same, especially Teresa. “Sidney, honey, how do you and Ray ever expect to have a big church wedding if you’re not baptized?” she whispered as we walked into the chilly cathedral.

“I didn’t realize Ray and I were supposed to be planning a wedding,” I replied back, sneaking a glance at Ray. His hands were sheepishly stuffed in his pockets as he pretended not to hear our conversation.

Every time we saw Teresa, she pushed about marriage and children. She and her husband, Raymond Sr., were just eighteen years old when they married and they have continuously pushed Ray and me toward that same fate. Of course they were both oblivious to Ray’s
other
life down in L.A.

As we took our places in the wooden pews, Teresa went on, “All I’m saying is that if you and Ray decide to live together, I think the wedding should be done right away. Marriage first, then you play house, not the other way around. That’s why the world’s becoming so immoral these days. Today’s kids are being brought up by sacrilegious animals, heathens, and role models with no rules.”

Raymond Sr. placed his hand on his wife’s knee, signaling for her to give it a rest. It didn’t work. She rattled on, “I want you to talk with Father Renley after the service today. Maybe we can get a date on the calendar for your baptism.”

Shaking her head, she added, “If only your mother had baptized you as a baby, this would all would be so much easier.”

I responded with more than a tinge of sarcasm, “Well, my mother was a little busy getting run over by a train and all. I don’t really see where she would have had the time to plan my baptism.”

“Oh Jesus, Sidney. Try not to be so morbid.”

Ray took my hand and scooted me over to his side, away from his vocal mother. I sat in silence thinking about Teresa’s insistence on my baptism. I suppose it was a small price to pay to please my future mother-in-law. I could talk to Father Renley after the service, but truthfully, I just wasn’t ready and I didn’t know if I ever would be. I didn’t feel I needed to be baptized to prove my faith. I spoke to God in my own way and didn’t need to make a spectacle out of myself in doing so. Sitting on this hard pew, which caused my behind to ache, was not proving anything to anyone.

Stand up, sit down. That’s all we ever did in here. Once I counted how many times we actually had to stand and sit within an hour session and I counted thirty-two times. This whole process was utterly ridiculous. Is it church we are attending or an exercise workout?

I looked at Ray, showing him the boredom on my face. He narrowed his eyes at me, giving me a look of disapproval. He looked so much older when he did that. It made me giggle until I received a withering look from the entire Ryker clan. I turned my head toward the front of the altar and listened to Father Renley. The singing was coming to an end and the priest, wearing his forest green robe, took his place at the front of the chapel sitting in his wooden chair that looked more like a throne. I wondered if his chair was as uncomfortable as mine.

Doubtful.

“In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit; may the Lord be with you.”

“And the Lord with you.” The church responded like preprogrammed robots.

I held onto the bible the church had provided in the back of every pew, reading the prayers the congregation was reciting together. In doing so, I began to lose myself in thought, as I often did on Sunday mornings with the Rykers. There was something about taking away the sins of the world and begging to have mercy on us that didn’t sit well with me. I didn’t understand why
we
had to beg for mercy every Sunday to some invisible Dictator in the sky. What am I apologizing for? Was it for the sins of random human beings who committed crimes a thousand years ago? Or was I sorry for the sin of Adam and Eve? What did any of those people have to do with me and my soul? I was pretty confident that I lived my life reasonably well and I didn’t understand why I had to repeatedly ask God for forgiveness.

I snuck a glance at Ray, his blonde hair combed back nicely, thick with a gel that almost turned it a chestnut brown color. He was wearing his long-sleeved, black-collared shirt and khaki slacks. His blue eyes focused at the front of the church and I wondered if that was the same black shirt he had worn the night of his birthday when he was with Lilly.

He had sins to repent for.

I looked around at the church and at all of the other attendees.

Yes, you probably all have sins you’re repenting for. That’s why you all feel the need to come here. If you were innocent you wouldn’t feel the desire to seek refuge in God’s house.

This was all a crock, I concluded.

Again, the church broke out in to song, singing ‘Hallelujah.’ The priest repeated his offer that the Lord be with us and then broke into scripture. Today he was lecturing us about being a good host and always taking the lowest place, waiting for someone to ask that you move up to the head of the table. This way, the one who humbles himself will be exalted. Okay, so the moral of the story is to always be humble. Again, maybe Ray needed to take some lessons in humility. With his inflated ego due to his successful rock band, I finally began to see the benefit that church may have for a person…like Ray.

The service finally ended and we all assembled into a line, waiting to shake Father Renley’s hand and praise him for what a great job he did in delivering the sermon. I was already feeling the pain of my new pink heels as we stood in the slow moving line. Finally it was our turn to shake the reverend’s hand.

The padre’s aging eyes lit up when he saw me. “Sidney. It’s been a long time. Please tell me, how is your grandmother?”

He took my hand and held it very gingerly. “She’s the same, Father. There hasn’t been much progress since her stroke.”

He tilted his head to the side and squeezed my hands. “Then we shall pray. We cannot lose our faith at a time like this, Sidney. I’ve noticed that you’ve withdrawn from the church. Now, more than ever, is the time that you need God in your life. He will answer your prayers if you listen, Sidney.”

I immediately felt uncomfortable.

I pulled my hands away from him. “Thank you, Father.” I headed towards the exit door but heard Teresa’s loud voice.

“You know, Father Renley, Sidney and I were discussing the possibility of her baptism. Ray will be back home in June, why don’t we do it sometime that month?”

I looked at Ray, silently pleading to get me out of this but I knew there was nothing he could do.

Father Renley turned and looked at me in surprise. “Is that true, Sidney?”

I lied beautifully. “Sure. We can set the date next Sunday after Mass,” knowing full well Ray wouldn’t be here and I could ditch the service.

Teresa clapped her hands together in an attempt to conceal her excitement. “Oh thank you, Father. This is such great news.”

***

In the parking lot, the girls began arguing about Ray’s bedroom and the fact that some of his stuff was still in there, cluttering it up. Ray and I had planned to walk back to the house together but now Melody wanted Ray to come back to their house and remove the rest of his junk.

“Please, Ray, I can’t sleep another night in the same room as Kendall. She plays her stupid music all night long and I can’t get one ounce of sleep,” Melody begged.

“Okay, okay,” Ray answered, unable to say no to his younger sister.

He turned to me. “You wanna go to my house for a little bit while I clean out my room?”

I shook my head. I loved Teresa but I could only take her in small doses. I’d had enough of her to last me until June. “I think I’ll just head home, change out of these clothes, and then go for a run.”

He smiled. “Okay. I shouldn’t be gone too long. See you back at the house in a couple of hours?”

“When do you have to go back to L.A.?”

Ray flashed me a sneaky smile. “Not until Friday. I lied and told everyone my grandpa’s in the hospital.”

I shook my head and laughed. “Hey, I almost forgot to tell you, Nouri wants me to go back to L.A. with you. She says she’ll stay and take care of Granny.”

His reaction wasn’t what I’d expected. He looked happy but the surprise outweighed it. “Okay, so you don’t want to wait here until I come back in June?”

I shrugged. “I could. It’s only for a few months,” I said, thinking about my new friend and how staying here wouldn’t be that bad after all.

As if reading my mind, Ray shook his head. “On second thought, I better take you back with me where I’ll be able to keep an eye on you.”

My response dripped with sarcasm. “Yeah, because I’m the one who needs to be watched.”

The horn to the Suburban began to wail. “Come on, Ray. Hurry it up already!” Kendall yelled out of the back window.

We kissed goodbye and Ray was off. I watched the tail lights of the Chevy fade away down the street and I couldn’t help but wonder.

Maybe he doesn’t want me to go back to L.A. with him. Maybe he hasn’t ended things with Lilly after all.

I blew a loose hair out from in front of my face and slowly started for home.

Am I ever going to be able to trust this man again?

It was only 11:30 in the morning and I could feel the sun scorching down on me. I was hot and sweaty and my feet ached. The weatherman had reported on last night’s news forecast that we could expect the temperature to get into the triple digits today. I was willing to bet a hundred dollars that it was already at least 90 degrees out here. I wished I had brought my own truck today. Better yet, I wished I was still in bed. I hated giving in to Ray and subjecting myself to this crap about religion. In fact, it always seemed like I was the one giving in to him. Where was the balance? What did he ever do for me?

My thoughts were interrupted by the roar of an engine behind me. I turned around and couldn’t believe my eyes.

It was him. Instantly, I became nervous and keenly aware of the fact I was sweating. And, wearing a dress. At that moment, I had really wished I was wearing something else, like a pair of Nikes to provide me with a quick escape.

He pulled up next to me in a ‘72 gray primer Firebird.

“Do you want some candy, little girl?” Adrian mocked.

“My granny told me never to stop and talk to strangers.” I played along as I looked straight ahead and kept walking.

He laughed. “It’s pretty hot outside and I bet you could use a ride.”

I looked into that old bucket of bolts and replied, “Yeah, but it looks even hotter inside that old car.”

He smiled. “Only because you’d be lucky enough to sit next to me. I give off a lot of heat, you know.”

He pretended to lick his finger and put it on his arm, making a sizzling sound like he was smoldering.

That made me laugh.

He warmly smiled. “All joking aside, I just happened to spot a girl in a pretty dress and I had to meet her—turns out I already have.”