Between My Thighs: An Urban Erotic Tale (17 page)

I was content. The rest of my group therapies for the month were cancelled.

I’d played so heavily into my psychotic state that at times I wasn’t even sure if I was pretending. Realistically, Kevin did have a stronger case than I originally thought. There were times when I experienced symptoms of depression, mood swings, insomnia, panic attacks, visual hallucinations, eating disorders, and extended migraines, all of which were warning signs for dissociative disorder.

Chapter 18|

It was my second month in the mental ward, and I really felt deranged, cramped in my little eight-by-ten cell.

Luckily, I was able to sit out in the courtyard under supervision, thanks to Kevin. He’d arranged for me to have two hours of free time in the yard daily as part of my treatment. I spent the day inhaling fresh air, listening to birds chirp, and writing in my journal. I could hear the faint sound of water flowing in a nearby creek, which relaxed me.

It was good to be outside, away from the green concrete walls and smelly corridors of the institution. The place was designed to foster craziness.

I’d been thinking about going to trial. Initially, it frightened me, imagining the several different outcomes. Overall, I felt like my defense was strong. There was no evidence of premeditation, and I was confident in the ability of Kevin and his team. I just hoped the jury would be sympathetic.

The next day would be my first appearance in court where I was formally notified of the charges against me—voluntary manslaughter.

Earlier in the week, Kevin introduced me to my lawyer, Shonnel Jamison, who had more than fifteen years experience working in forensic psychology and criminal law.

When we appeared in front of the judge, the preliminary hearing was waived since it was clear I’d committed the crime, and the date was set for pre-trial in three weeks.

“If we can resolve your case in a pre-trial conference you may not have to stand trial. It will ultimately depend on if we can strike a deal with the prosecutor. If not, we’ll move forward to either a bench or jury trial depending on availability of jurors or direction of the judge,” Shonnel said.

“What are the advantages of going before the judge versus the jury?” I asked.

“Often, the judge is more sympathetic than jurors. It can also be a faster process. Now, it may be difficult to afford you a jury of your peers as it may not be in your best interest. Instead, we should select women who are going to identify with your experiences versus individuals who feel you should not have been able to lose control given your history in dealing with these types of circumstances,” she said before we departed.

The drive back was short. Kevin was waiting at the facility when I returned.

“I’ll take her from here,” he told the guard. “How are you doing, Raquel?”

“Hi. I’m not sure. Some days are better than others. I’ve been struggling with the notion that I may not get out of this place, Kevin.”

“You shouldn’t think so negatively. You have to stay strong. How was it in court today?”

“We are set for pre-trial in three weeks. I’m just not sure killing them was worth this, Kevin.”

“Listen, you hang in there. If it makes you feel better, I got a corporate apartment here in the city so I can be closer to you and make sure you’re getting the treatment you need so we can get you out of here.” Kevin smiled. “I also went by your place today, got your mail, and checked to make sure your apartment had been restored. They did a decent job cleaning the catastrophe.”

“Stop being a worrywart. Things are fine at the office. Kapri is holding it down just like you hired her to do. Everyone misses you, but you have a great support system. I want you to plan on going to trial, Raquel. The motion for a pre-trial is just a technicality. Usually, prosecution and defense don’t come to agreements in this stage. Especially in unique cases like yours. Just be ready to go all the way,” he said.

“Like someone who suffers from temporary insanity. We’ll introduce your progress when it’s favorable. Until then, get some rest. Let me work the outside for you. I have a few people in my pocket.” Kevin replied before he left.

• • •

I’d been visiting the chapel praying for redemption. It was the only thing I could do to gain the strength that was needed to survive my predicament. Unexpectedly, my inner voice kicked in and I felt comfort, like things were going to work out.

During my third month in the medical center, I finally had my day in court. Kevin had brought one of my suits from home. After spending the morning meditating and preparing my mental state, I dressed and waited for him and my lawyer.

“The prosecuting attorney is going to try and control your responses and reactions. Don’t allow them to get next to you,” Shonnel said. “We’re ready for any angle they come from. Just remain relaxed and confident, and you’ll be fine.”

I hadn’t expected to see the families of the victims present when we entered the courtroom. My mother was by my side. I quickly recognized Cynthia and Joslyn, Troy’s baby mamas, and Melina, Dallas’s mother sitting opposite of us. I acknowledged them with a wicked stare before taking my seat.

Everyone stood as the bailiff announced the entrance of the judge. “The case of the People versus Howard. Is the prosecution ready?”

The proceedings continued with the swearing in of the jury. I don’t know how my legal team did it, but the jury pool consisted primarily of women, all of whom were minority.

The prosecution began with its opening statement. “Ladies and gentleman, we are here to do one thing today and that is to make sure justice is served. Dr. Raquel Howard is guilty of murdering not one but two innocent individuals in a gruesome act, which the defense would have you believe is a crime of passion. To add insult to injury, Dr. Howard has pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity. This is an attempt to ridicule the justice system as Dr. Howard has an extensive background as a clinical psychologist. She would have us believe she wasn’t able to distinguish right from wrong when she violently shot two people in the head, instantly killing them. Dr. Howard is a vicious individual who had every intention on committing this crime and using her expertise in the field of psychology as her defense. Dr. Howard waited four days with the bodies, planning and rehearsing her argument before she was found by the police. We cannot allow this atrocity to go unpunished, and you are here today to make sure she is convicted as such.”

“Ms. Jamison, do you have an opening statement?” the judge asked.

Shonnel was a savvy sister. She was dressed in a sharp Dolce and Gabbana crepe suit and radiated with sophistication and poise. She wasn’t intimidated at all by the prosecution and proceeded with her opening remarks.

“Yes, your honor. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, don’t be fooled by the efforts of the prosecution to sway you into believing that this professional woman of stature is not capable of possessing one of the most humanistic traits known—emotion. The prosecutor brought up an interesting point when he mentioned Dr. Howard dwelling for four days with two dead bodies, yet suggested her mental state wasn’t impaired. Only someone with mental disease could endure such a horrific scene. What the prosecution didn’t mention was how Dr. Howard was soiled in feces, urine, and blood when she was found. She was in shock and had dissociated herself from what had taken place. Imagine returning home from a long day of work to find your fiancé in bed with one of your friends and then being attacked by the lady. This is enough to trigger an emotional imbalance. Dr. Howard didn’t plan to kill these people. Instead, she acted with an irresistible impulse upon being subjected to the traumatic event. Sure, Dr. Howard has a background in clinical psychology. She also has a history of mental illness, which stems from years of abuse. Dr. Howard has experienced a number of devastating obstacles. She was engaged to a man who physically, mentally, and verbally assaulted her. The loss of their unborn child ignited a whole new dimension of depression and anxiety. These events sent her over the edge, temporarily hindering her ability to think logically and control her urge. My client experienced a psychotic meltdown and suffered from dissociative disorder, which altered her perception, surroundings, identity, and ultimately her consciousness.”

“Will the prosecution call its first witness?” the judge asked.

The prosecutor searched for his key witness who apparently slipped out of the court room without his knowledge. “Our witness is not available, sir,” the prosecution replied.

There was a rumble of noise coming from the galley. I glanced at Kevin who didn’t seem at all surprised, then looked at Shonnel who was staring at the prosecuting attorney in disbelief.

“Does the defense wish to call any witnesses?” the judge said.

“Yes, your honor. We call Officer Linda Chapman to the witness stand.”

Officer Chapman was the female officer who found me in my bedroom. Kevin and Shonnel thought it was good to allow her testimony since she could further support my mental state.

“My partner and I arrived at the defendant’s residence. When I walked into her bedroom, the defendant was in a catatonic state. I couldn’t tell if she was injured or not, she was soaked in so much blood. I attempted to gain a response from her with no success. Based on her appearance, I requested someone from psych.”

“The defendant appeared to be mentally challenged. After asking her a series of questions and analyzing her condition, she just seemed like she’d snapped.”

“Your honor, I object. What kind of badgering is the prosecution up to? The witness is an officer of the law. She has no reason to sympathize with Dr. Howard,” Shonnel interrupted.

“Sustained. Get on with your questioning and make sure it’s relevant to this case. The officer has no affinity with the defendant. Therefore, is not capable of sympathizing as you’ve implied,” the judge stated.

“Your honor, Officer Chapman has a history of battered woman syndrome and may have inadvertently felt compassion for Dr. Howard,” the prosecutor replied.

“You’re pressing your luck with me. Officer Chapman is not on trial here. Either get to the point or sit down,” the judge demanded.

“No further questions.”

“Your honor, we call Dr. Kevin Frazier to the witness stand,” Shonnel said. After Kevin was sworn in, questioning began. “Dr. Frazier, can you explain to the jury the details of your diagnosis for Dr. Howard?”

“Sure. Dr. Howard suffered from a disorder that causes a person to mentally break away from reality. It’s a defense mechanism that surfaces in victims of abuse. It doesn’t matter at what stage the maltreatment occurs. Typically, we treat the disease with hypnotherapy and other psychotherapies to allow the patient to relive the traumatic events, essentially allowing them to escape and cope with their past.”

“Yes, your honor. Dr. Frazier, how can you sit here and give expert testimony on behalf of the defendant when you have a personal relationship with her?”

“Your honor, Dr. Frazier has not provided expert testimony,” Shonnel objected. “I move the court to dismiss this case on the ground that the prosecution has not provided evidence to support that our defendant was not mentally impaired. Dr. Howard has undergone several months of psychiatric treatment under some of the finest and most respected doctors in the field. She has been confined to a mental asylum where she has shown dramatic improvement. The prosecution has come here today unprepared. Clearly, this wasn’t a serious matter for them as they didn’t even take the time to call witnesses to the stand.”

“Your honor, we’d like to call Dr. Raquel Howard to the stand,” the prosecutor blurted out unexpectedly.