'A few things — Gus, for one.'
'Oh?'
'He called me to see how I was and he was really nice.'
Judy paused. 'Oh!'
'It doesn't mean anything Dana assured her.
Judy turned on the taps and rinsed Dana's hair. 'How do you know?'
'I just do. We're past the anger and hate, that's all. Now we're trying to be civilized. I suppose divorce is the next step.'
'Is that what you want?' Judy wrapped a towel around Dana's hair and helped her up from where she was kneeling at the side of the bath.
'I don't know.' Dana walked through to the bedroom and sat down at her dressing table.
Judy stood behind her and dried her hair. 'Liar. You want him back, admit it.'
Dana met Judy's eyes in the mirror. 'But what I want and what I can have are two entirely different things.'
'So Ryan is just a fling, then?'
Dana sighed. 'I wish he wasn't. He is everything you could want in a man, and more.'
'But you don't love him.'
'No.'
'So what are you going to do?' Judy asked, fetching the hairdryer and plugging it in.
'I'm going to have a nice afternoon with my best friend.'
Over lunch in a sushi bar in the city centre, Judy asked Dana how she was getting on with Ed.
'Better,' Dana admitted. 'I realize I've been very selfish and self-obsessed. Ed had to deal with our mother's death too. It was a difficult time for us both. I realize now that he never knowingly did anything to hurt me.'
Judy smiled. 'That must give you a lot of consolation.'
'Yes. Yes, it does.'
'How long is he staying?'
'He said he'd stay until my cast came off/ Dana told her. 'So I suppose that means I'll be on my own again in a few days.'
Judy looked concerned. 'I don't like the idea of that.'
'I'll miss him but I'll be fine.'
'Really?'
Dana nodded. 'Really. Now I've finished the book, the pressure's off. Also, I've been working on something else.'
Judy's eyes lit up with curiosity. 'That's great. What is it? Another romance?'
'My autobiography,' Dana told her.
'No!' Judy's eyes widened.
Dana laughed. "I know. I can't quite believe it either. It's hard going but it's proving quite therapeutic.'
'You're not going to publish it, are you?'
'Probably not. Why, do you think it would be a mistake?'
'Well, if it's a completely honest version of events—'
'It is.'
'It would rock a lot of boats. How do you think Ed and Gus would react?'
Dana rolled her eyes. 'It's hard to say.'
'You'd have to tell them everything up front.'
'I think it's about time that I did that anyway, don't you?'
Judy reached over to take her hand. 'I think you're doing the right thing.'
'Well, what's the worst that can happen? I won't see Ed for another twenty years and Gus won't talk to me ever again.' Dana smiled but there were tears in her eyes. 'That's probably going to happen anyway.'
'I'm sure it will all be fine. But whatever happens, I'm not going anywhere. Remember that.'
Dana tightened her grip on her friend's hand. 'You've no idea how much I'm depending on that, Judy.'
Ed woke late in the afternoon, feeling only marginally rested. His dreams had been abstract and distressing, making him toss and turn. He finally woke in a sweat. Going into his bathroom, he splashed cold water on to his chest, neck and face and dried himself roughly with a towel. Throwing on a T-shirt and sweat pants, he went downstairs barefoot to find a note propped up on the kitchen table.
Ed,
Gone out for the day. Don't know when we'll be back.
Dana, Judy x
PS Enjoy your weekend off.
Deciding to take advantage of having the house to himself, Ed made a pot of coffee and some toast. He ate the snack quickly and then took his mug into his sister's office. Taking care not to move anything around on the desk, Ed crouched over Dana's laptop and opened the file. There wasn't a lot left to read and he only hoped he could find the answers he was looking for. His time was running out. Dana's cast was due to come off next week and she would probably want him out as soon as she was able to use her hand again. Still, he felt, despite her protestations, she had grown used to having him around. There were times when she forgot to be angry and actually seemed to enjoy his company.
He searched through the file looking for where he'd left off. Then he settled himself more comfortably and started to read.
After I had fallen into Judy's arms and told her what had happened, my dear friend led me up to her spare bedroom. Making sure I had everything I needed, she hugged me tightly and left. I lay awake long into the night, replaying the image of my brother handling my father with such obvious love and tenderness. I felt excluded, cheated and furious on my mother's behalf. If they were going to make their peace, why hadn't they done it when she was alive? How happy it would have made her. I could imagine the joyous phone call I would have received, begging me to come home to complete the perfect, reunited family. I sat up in bed, shaking, overcome with hate and fury at their joint treachery. My beautiful, kind and wonderful mother had done nothing to deserve the heartache that was her life. And whereas, before, my father had been the focus of all my anger, now I felt an almost equal fury at Ed. If he could find it in his heart
to forgive Father, why had he not done it years earlier?
I was angry and hurt but also disappointed. This was not the brother I'd known and loved.
Ed gasped and pushed the chair back from the desk. He could feel the hurt emanating from the screen and he could completely understand it. My God, the poor girl had only been nineteen or twenty when she'd gone through all of this. She must have been distraught. Gus was right; it was time to tell Dana the truth. It wouldn't bring their mother back, but maybe it would help her to understand the rest of it.
He turned back to the screen and skimmed quickly through the rest of the chapter that dealt with the funeral. It was pretty much how he remembered it. They'd had tea and sandwiches afterwards in a hotel near the graveyard, and his father had sat in a chair in the corner and spoken to no one. Ed had gone around the room speaking to neighbours and friends and thanking them for coming, which was something else that had obviously irritated Dana. She had sat in another corner — as far away from her father as possible — flanked by Judy and her family. As soon as the first mourners began to drift away, she had left. When he'd gone in search of her, Judy had fixed him with a glare and informed him that she'd gone back to Dublin.
The chapters that followed were hard to read. They detailed Dana's misery afterwards, and how she had been devastated that her brother had made no attempt to contact her since the funeral. She had dropped out of college and turned to drink for comfort, but she had continued writing. The first book had been completed and she was working on the second. Judy had tried to keep in touch but Dana shut her out too, pleading heavy coursework and study. But despite everything, Dana met her deadline, and received what would have been in those days a generous sum. This she used to put a deposit on a small flat nearer the university and, after a lot of grovelling, she was allowed to return and complete her degree.
Ed realized he was on the last page, although it obviously wasn't the end of the story.
Shortly after the first anniversary of my mother's death, my first book,
Silent Rapture,
was published in the US. I had received a dozen complimentary copies in the post, and I sat in my flat surrounded by them. It should have been a very special moment but I felt nothing. Other than Judy, no one knew about my writing. I sent her a copy of the book but I still avoided her calls. I was too raw to talk. The only way to get through this was to put everything behind me. It was my only chance of survival.
I hoped that somehow, somewhere, my mother knew of my success. I hoped she'd be proud of me. I knew she'd forgive me for leaving Wexford behind. She had been the one to urge me to leave in the first place and make a new life. And that's what I planned to do. And yet, I would
have loved to pick lip the phone to my brother and tell him my news. Despite everything, I knew in my heart Ed would be pleased for me, and proud. But I couldn't call him, not now. When I thought of him, I thought of my father. Ed had changed sides and that hurt too much. In a way, I wished he'd never come back.
Ed sat staring at the screen for some time. Finally, realizing that it was late and that Dana could arrive back at any moment, he closed the laptop and took his empty mug out to the kitchen. He paced the room feeling tired and drained, and yet, he knew, sleep was not an option. His brain was full of pain and memories and he needed to do something that would require his full concentration and distract him totally. Going in search of his camera bag, he put on a heavy jacket and went out into the sanctuary of the garden.
Ian and Sylvie sat in the pub on Sunday afternoon eating a late lunch. While Ian was wolfing down his food, Sylvie was playing with her cottage pie.
'I thought we'd agreed that you'd start eating properly?' Ian said, not taking his eyes off the flat screen on the wall that was showing the Sunday game.
Sylvie rolled her eyes. 'I do eat properly, I'm just not a fan of stodge.'
'Good plain home cooking.'
'Yeah, straight off a production line. If anyone eats badly in this relationship, it's you. Have you any idea of the amount of E numbers you must consume?'
He turned to look at her. 'What is wrong, Sylvie? Are you worried that you're going to lose your job?'
She nodded, her face glum. 'It's not a good time for me to be out of work. Mum's not been well lately and it's looking more and more likely that Dad will need another operation.'
'Then you need to do something new and I know just the thing.'
'Oh?' Sylvie eyed him doubtfully. Ian was always full of ideas and optimism, but that wasn't enough to put food on the table.
'You can be a virtual PA.'
'A what?'
'It's basically what you're currently doing for Dana,' he explained, 'but instead of having a boss, you just have lots of clients. A lot of people that work from home need someone to do their admin work, take their calls, update their sites, that sort of thing. They can't afford to hire full-time employees and, even if they could, they wouldn't have anywhere to put them. So instead they rent the services of a virtual PA by the hour or for a specific job. I've already checked it out online. There are people doing it in the UK, and already a couple of companies here in Ireland. All you need to do is set up a seriously professional website and you're in business.'
'It's that simple?'
He nodded. 'Pretty much. And there's nothing to stop you doing it straight away. Even if Dana wants to keep you on, she's not going to have much for you to do for a while, is she?'
'No, but she always pays me anyway.'
'Better again. You get paid twice and work the hours that suit you. And by the way, I'd like to be your first customer.'
She laughed. 'We're in the same room, there's nothing virtual about that.'
'No, but I could use some help,' he said seriously. 'I'm thinking of expanding the business and, to do that, I need to portray a professional image.'
'I don't need charity,' she warned him.
'I had hoped we'd got past comments like that,' he said, looking hurt. 'You know how I feel about you, Sylvie, but that's a completely different matter. I need a PA and I'd prefer to work with someone I know and trust than give my hard-earned euros to a stranger who might be crap.'
She smiled and leaned over to kiss his cheek. 'I'm sorry, Ian. Sometimes I don't know why you put up with me.'
He smiled. 'I think you do. Now, let's go.'
'Where?'
'To see Dana.'
'What!'
'You won't be able to relax until you know where you stand.' He stood up and held out his hand. 'Coming?'
She hesitated for a moment then put her hand in his. 'Coming.'
Ed and Dana had just waved Judy off and retreated to the kitchen to clear up after their extended lunch, when the buzzer went.
'She must have forgotten something. I'll go,' Dana said, and she hurried back out into the hall. She picked up the receiver and pressed the buzzer at the same time. 'What did you forget, you silly woman?'
'Dana?'
'Sylvie? Come on in.' Dana stuck her head back into the kitchen to explain to Ed.
'The things you do to get out of the washing-up,' he drawled.
She smiled and went back outside to open the hall door. She had no idea what Sylvie and Ian were doing here but she was grateful for the interruption. It had been a lovely weekend, but she felt slightly uncomfortable being alone again with her brother. There was so much left unsaid between them.
She smiled as Ian parked the car and the two of them got out. 'This is a nice surprise.' She reached up to kiss Ian's cheek and then gave Sylvie an impulsive hug.
Sylvie looked slightly shell-shocked. 'Hi.'
'How are you, Dana?' Ian asked politely.
'Good,' she said and led them towards the kitchen. 'Come and meet my brother.'
'Sorry for coming on a Sunday—' Sylvie started.
'No problem.' Dana pushed open the kitchen door. 'Ed, meet my PA, Sylvie Parker, and publicity guru, Ian Wilson.'
Ed wiped his hands on a tea towel and came forward, smiling, to shake their hands. 'Nice to meet you. Drink?'
Sylvie shook her head. 'Oh, no, we don't want to interrupt—'
'You're not interrupting anything. We've just finished lunch and now Ed is going outside to photograph clouds and rain, or something equally depressing.'
Ed smiled. 'So, what will it be? Wine? beer?'
'Wine, please.'
'Beer for me, thanks,' Ian said. 'So you've been minding the patient, then. How is the arm, Dana?'
'Much better, thanks. I'm getting the cast off on Tuesday.'