Between Us: Sex on the Beach (14 page)

I digested that. After hearing bits and pieces of his life, I hadn’t even considered the fact that he’d had siblings. Stupid, really. Why wouldn’t he? “Wow.”

“Yeah. But it’s true. She’s more like my child at this point. I’m a dad to a teenager. Let that sink in.” He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at me, his face impassively cool. “She’s sixteen, but I’ve been her guardian since she was fourteen. Ever since my father blew his brains out in front of her.” Austin laughed uneasily, not meeting my eyes. “Yeah, you heard that right. But he took a few shots at her first. Tried to take her down with him. Good thing he was too high to see clearly.”

“Oh my God…” I swallowed the bile rising to my throat. I knew his father had killed himself, but in front of his own child? And he’d tried to kill her, too? That was horrible. No wonder he didn’t want to talk about it. “I’m so sorry.”

He cocked his head. “Why do people apologize for something they didn’t do? I never got that. You weren’t the one who wasn’t there to save her from him. That was all me.
I
was the one who failed her.
I
was the one who wasn’t there to save her from his fucking selfishness. Not you.”

“You couldn’t have known—”

He held up a hand. “Oh, trust me. I knew how much of an asshole he was. It’s why I left in the first place. I’d been beaten, broken, and abused more times than I could count before I turned fourteen. That’s when I started fighting back. That’s when I ran away, too. I should have stolen her and taken her with me. That was my biggest mistake, and I’ll never make up for the fact that I left her behind.”

I blinked back tears, my throat throbbing. “Was she with him when you left?”

“No, she was living with my mom at that point. But then she left…and I didn’t go back to save Rachel from my dad.” He shook his head, his face scrunched up as he remembered. “I failed her.”

I wanted to take it all away. Make it all better, but I also knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t save him from his demons, no matter how much I wanted to. “Austin.”

“I tried to pretend she was fine back in Florida when I was in California trying to get signed at a record label,” he said, meeting my eyes. “I lived in denial for a long time. I tried to live in my own fucking bubble, promising myself that when I made it big, she would come out with me. I’d treat her like a princess.” He placed a hand over his heart. “That guilt is on
me
. That is who I am—the jerk who ran away from his own sister.”

“No.” I shook my head and went up to him, cupping his face. Tears filled my eyes, but I tried to blink them back. “This wasn’t your fault. You were too young to comprehend the consequences of your actions. When you were an adult, you came back. You take care of her now, and that’s all that matters.”

“Pretty words from a pretty girl.” His lips twisted. “But it was my fault. I was the one who was in L.A. recording a fucking demo, with big dreams and aspirations. If I’d have stayed with her—” He broke off, then gripped my hands so tight it almost hurt. “I wasn’t there, Mackenzie. I failed her. And I’m going to fail you, too. Just wait and see.”

I rose on tiptoe and pressed a kiss to his jaw. “No, you’re not. There won’t be enough time to fail me,” I joked, trying to lighten the mood. I kissed his dimple. If only kisses made it all better, like when I’d been a child. “I leave soon, remember?”

“Don’t remind me,” he groaned. “I’m no good for you, but fuck if I don’t want to be.” He turned his face into mine. “I’m a selfish bastard, and I don’t want to let you go yet.”

He’d had a horrible life. A hard life.

I wanted to make his future brighter in any way I could, for what little time we had together, but I couldn’t keep making him talk about stuff. I lifted up on tiptoe, and he framed my face with his hands. And then he kissed me.

And what a kiss it was.

Stars burst in front of my eyes at the force of his mouth on mine. I wrapped my hands behind his neck, yanking him even closer, and he swung me into his arms effortlessly. We’d kissed before, plenty of times. But this time it felt different.

This was warm and sweet and full of promise.

He walked to my bed, laying me down on it gently. He stood back, his gaze skimming over my body. I wished I was wearing something more seductive than a countrified plaid shirt and a pair of shorts, but that’s who I was. A country girl at heart.

And he was the bad boy who’d come to rescue me. Who needed a prince when men like Austin existed? Prince Charming was
so
overrated.

Give me a man like Austin any day.

“We barely know each other.” He crawled up my body. “But I’ve told you more about myself in one fucking day than I have anyone else ever. Just wanted to mention that. You’re special to me. You have been since the moment you walked into my bar.”

My throat threatened to close up on me. Knowing that he felt the same way I did was insane. I didn’t believe in love at first sight. Heck, I barely believed love was real. But for the second time in as many days, the same thought crossed my mind. With him I could totally see it happening. I could believe in it.

I could write a song about it.

He closed his mouth over my nipple, and even through the fabric of my shirt and bra, I felt his heat. I squirmed and buried my hands in his hair. Parts of me wanted to simply take what he had given me, and lose myself in his touch.

But he’d opened up to me. Shouldn’t I do the same for him?

I wanted to give him more of myself than I’d ever given anyone else—just like he had with me. Even the playing ground, so to speak. “I…I want to tell you something, too. Something I haven’t told anyone else. Not even my best friends, who know
every
thing about me.”

He lifted his head, his smoky eyes meeting mine. “What’s that?”

“My mom didn’t just divorce my dad and try to keep me in her custody. She was a drug addict. Cocaine. She snorted half my bank account up her nose, and then wanted more. We managed to keep it a secret from the media, but I’m not sure how.” I took a deep breath, not dropping his gaze. “I haven’t heard from her in years. I hate her for what she did to me. I hate her for what she did to herself, too. But mostly…I just hate her.”

Holy crap. I hadn’t ever admitted that last part to anyone.

Not even myself.

I
HELD
my breath, unable to believe the sweet country princess of America had uttered those words to me. That she could hate, when all I’d seen out of her was happiness and sunshine, for the most part. Or maybe it just seemed that way, since she made me feel so fucking alive. But either way, I couldn’t believe it.

“I had no idea,” I finally managed to say. “My dad was all about heroin, not cocaine. He had a thing for getting so wasted he couldn’t even talk, let alone stand up straight. And then the hallucinations. He thought my sister was a cop. That’s why he tried to shoot her.”

“I think my mom had those, too.” She reached out and smoothed my hair off my forehead. I closed my eyes, enjoying her tender touch. If she let me, I could lose myself in Mackenzie and never come back out. “She never tried to shoot us, but she was acting all kinds of crazy during the court hearings. Accusing us of all kinds of insane stuff.”

I let out a breath. “Sounds like we had similar lives.”

And the weird thing was…we did.

She might be rich and famous now, but she had gone through the same fucked-up childhood I had. Hers had just ended happy while mine hadn’t. That was the only difference between us. “A little bit, yeah,” she said.

“We’re either really good for each other,” I kissed her gently, making sure not to linger for too long, “or we’re going to fuck each other up even more than we already are.”

She trailed her hands down my back. It felt so fucking good it was stupid. “We only have a couple of days to do our damage, one way or the other.”

That was the third time she’d said as much in the space of a few minutes. Was she reminding me of that, or herself? I wasn’t going to beg her to stay, if that’s what she was worried about. When it came time to say goodbye, I’d fucking say goodbye and walk away. End of story. I could only imagine she would do the same.

“So your sister…does she listen to my music?”

I chuckled. “Yeah. She idolizes you. I took her to one of your concerts last year.”

“Wow. If I had seen you then...” She skimmed her fingers up my back, keeping close to my spine. “This would’ve happened a year earlier, I bet.”

“Or not.” I clenched my hands on her ass, rolling my hips against her. I had no experience with virgins and how they might feel after two rounds of sex. “I would’ve had my sister with me, after all.”

“It wouldn’t have mattered. I’d have found a way to woo you into my bed.”

“Speaking of which…” I nibbled on her neck, my pulse racing. Fuck, I wanted her naked
now
. And more than sex, I wanted her
.
That might not make much sense, but to me it did. “Are you too sore for me to fuck you again?”

“Nope.” She wrapped her legs around my waist. “Even if I was, I wouldn’t care. We don’t have enough time to worry about sore body parts.”

“There’s never enough time,” I agreed, capturing her lips. “Not when it comes to this.”

And it was true.

There would never be a time where I’d have enough of her. I knew it to the bottom of my blackened soul. I kissed her, letting my hands roam over her body. Sometimes, I swore I already knew all the hills and valleys of her curves.

I knew she liked it when I hooked my arm under her knee and thrust into her deep and hard. I knew she went crazy when I bit her neck. And I knew that when she came, she always let out the same adorable little moan. And I knew no matter how many times I said it, what we had going on between us was more than just sex.

I just didn’t want to admit it.

She called to me in a way I’d never felt before. As if she’d been meant for me and only me. The real kicker was I couldn’t have her. Even if we decided to make a go of it, which she hadn’t given any indication whatsoever of wanting to do, we would never work out.

She would go back to Chicago and jet across the country. And I’d be here. She’d be out partying and smiling at the cameras. And, once again, I’d be
here
.

The end of every scenario of her fabulous life ended with me staying here with Rachel. And that was fine. It’s what I’d signed on for when I took over Rachel’s guardianship. But it didn’t make saying goodbye any easier.

The whole time I made love to Mac, all I could think about was this one fucking detail: Even if we hadn’t separated, it was already over.

We’d never work.