Between You and I (7 page)

Chapter Eleven

Hunter skated around the rink, watching as Madeline lined up her puck and fired it toward the goal. When it went into the net, she let out a little squeal and threw him a big smile. Her dark eyes sparkled and his breath caught in his chest. Love hammered in his heart and he couldn’t wait till Valentine’s Day, when he planned to tell her his feelings.

“Excellent!” he called out.

Madeline skated over toward him and held up her hand for a high five. “Pretty soon I can join your team.”

“You’d be a wonderfully distracting addition,” he said. “Especially when I couldn’t stop kissing you.”

She giggled and skated away toward the goal to get the puck.

“By the way, I made dinner reservations.”

Madeline looked over her shoulders. “When?”

“Saturday night.”

She stopped and turned around. A frown creased her brow. “Isn’t that Valentine’s Day?”

“Yes.”

He watched the emotions flit over her face, and none of them were happy. One thing he had learned about Madeline Shaul was that nothing was ever simple with her. She kept her emotions reined in tight. One day he hoped to crack her shell, but she was one beautiful enigma who constantly kept him guessing.

“You know, Valentine’s Day is nothing but a way for the greeting card industry to make a lot of money.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, but it’s also a day not to forget that romance is the heart of any relationship.”

“It’s also a day where every menu price is inflated.”

“I’m okay with paying inflated prices, as long as we can have a nice dinner.”

She ran a hand through her hair. “Long lines. No parking. Really, we can do without Valentine’s Day.”

Somehow, he had expected this reaction from her. The way she’d been a few weeks ago when she’d practically disappeared for a week. That had scared him. It had been the one time that he hadn’t been sure of where they were headed.

“Well, can I tempt you with a nice steak dinner? Lobster tail? A Barbaresco wine from the Old Country?”

Madeline blinked, and he could see he’d piqued her interest. “Chocolate cake for dessert?”

“Of course.”

“You’ve got a deal.”

He looked around. “Are we on a game show?”

“Well, you made the right negotiation, Hunter.”

“I know, right? Who can resist steak?”

“And lobster.”

She licked her lips and he knew he had her. Once more. Although he wondered how long he could keep her this time. She seemed to pull away at random moments, and those periodic incidents scared him.

Saturday night had to be perfect.

****

When Hunter appeared at her door Saturday night, he was ever the perfect Valentine Day beaux—sharp suit, chocolates, and even flowers with one of those meaningless little cards. Madeline didn’t have a vase for them and had to scramble to find something to put them in. She wound up leaving them leaning awkwardly in the coffee pot, the only container she could find with a wide enough mouth

His choice in restaurants was equally Valentine’s Day perfect—violinist performing in one corner, candlelight dancing from the centerpiece of every table, and wine glasses clinking. Cupid’s arrow couldn’t target a more perfect spot for public intimacy. All the romance was giving her hives.

“You are so beautiful,” he said, holding out his hand.

Madeline scratched her arm before linking their fingers together. “Thank you. This is all so … special.”

He smiled. “What’s wrong? You look uncomfortable.”

“I’m sorry,” she replied. “I guess the whole Valentine’s Day thing isn’t really my scene.”

“Why?”

“I think I’m too practical,” she said.

“That sounds really sad, Madeline. Everyone deserves one night of being romantically lavished.”

She cocked her head. “Even you?”

“Of course. It’s how couples keep the spark alive.” He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. “We can get so wrapped up in the hum drum of life that we forget how to enjoy the simple things. Like having dinner with our favorite person.”

Madeline smiled in spite of her cynicism. “Oh, so I’m your favorite person?”

“Of course you are,” he murmured. “I love you.”

Madeline froze, her brain shutting down to everything but those three little words. This was what she’d been afraid of because she didn’t deserve to be loved. Bad enough she was uncomfortable being out with him on this particular day, but to hear him express himself? She wanted to run away. Scream. Do something. But she did nothing, except to say, “No, you don’t.”

She pulled her hand out of his.

He frowned. “What?”

“No, you don’t love me,” she declared. “You can’t love me. What we … we can’t be that. Our thing, it’s fun. We’re light!”

“Fun?” he asked, sounding perplexed. “What the fuck does
light
mean?”

“It means we’re having a great time together.”

He settled back in his chair and folded his arms over his chest. “But?”

“But no commitment.” She gestured between them. “No talk of love and happy ever after. We have fun for what we do today without plans of tomorrow.”

“We’ve been dating, Madeline.”

“No,” she corrected. “We’ve been making plans to have fun.”

He narrowed his eyes as he studied her, and the intense scrutiny made her feel like a bug under a microscope.

“I love you.”

“Stop it,” she ordered.

“I
love
you.”

“I said stop it!” she yelled, hitting the table top with her fist. The wine glass tipped over and clanged against the dish. People around them turned to stare and embarrassed heat slammed through her. She leaned in so she could whisper angrily. “No, you
don’t
love me.”

“Tell me, right now, what’s standing between you and I that makes you scared of that word,” he demanded. “Why are you so afraid of love?”

“Because I don’t love you back,” she said, a bit desperately. “And if you say you love me, then this has to end. Right now.”

He blinked. No longer scrutinizing her, he looked around the room as if searching for a way to receive this news. “You don’t mean that.”

She hated herself in that moment because she knew she was hurting him. But she couldn’t see any other way out. “I do, Hunter.”

“You don’t love me?”

The question almost brought her to her knees. She wanted to take it back, just erase every word she said and give him a great big hug, but they echoed around them like a pinball bouncing back and forth. Besides, she was practical above everything else. Hunter was only thirty-three. In time, he’d forget all about her and find a younger woman who could give him everything he wanted and needed in life.

Madeline took a deep breath and stared at him in the eyes. “I don’t love you,” she repeated, forcing the words out. They burned like acid on her tongue. “What we have is a good time and great sex, but that’s all I can give you, Hunter.”

Something fundamental changed over his features. Like a kid finding out there really wasn’t a Santa Claus. The light that always seemed to radiate from his eyes faded. His features turned hard, cold, and the look he gave her made her heart break right in two.

“Then I’m sorry for wasting your time,” he said stiffly. “I thought we were on the same page, Madeline. That we both desired the same thing.

“Hunter—”

She went to touch his arm, but he jerked away from her.

“As you wish, Madeline.” He stood, reached into his pocket, and withdrew his wallet. She didn’t say a word as he threw down a stack of twenties without counting.

Madeline’s heart broke in two. She didn’t even care that the people around murmured and stared at her. Tears welled in her eyes, in her soul… She should have never started an affair with him because she wasn’t the kind of girl who was able to separate desire from love. She had loved Kevin, but now she realized that emotion had come from a young girl’s naïve perspective of the world. What she felt for Hunter was with a woman’s heart. She’d always suspected he had the power to rip her to pieces.

Guess I did the ripping first.

Chapter Twelve

Madeline arrived at home and dropped her keys on the foyer table before wandering into the kitchen to pour herself a large glass of wine. It’d been a while since she last used it and it had begun to vinegar. But she didn’t care. The bitter flavor was somewhat fitting.

Letting Portia out of her cage, the dog was a small balm to her bruised soul as she wagged her tail and danced around her in an excited burst of energy. Madeline let her out the back door to stretch her legs and go to the bathroom. Meandering into the living room, she walked over to the bookcase where she searched for the one movie she wanted to watch. It was stuffed in the back, covered in dust. As she stared at the cover, she wondered if she had opened it since Kevin left her.

“Oh, God. What have I done?”

As she struggled with the grief, she stuck the movie into the player and let the FBI warnings roll through as she went into her bedroom to change. She left the dress in a heap on the floor, not caring about it at all. On came the sweatpants and t-shirt. With her glass of wine, she settled on the couch to stare at the television screen, not really comprehending the film. It was the movie she’d played over and over when Kevin had left her, so she’d thought it was the perfect remedy for a break-up. It was just a sappy love story with a fantasy happy ever after that she thought she needed, but oddly enough, it wasn’t as comforting now as it had been back then.

Of course, she wasn’t really paying attention. She was trying to figure how the argument between her and Hunter had escalated so quickly. What had
happened
? One minute they’d been eating dinner, having a good conversation, and then … then … it was over. Her brain had been curiously blank as she had watched him stride away, the stiff set of his shoulders the only outward telltale sign of his anger. Or hurt.

Oh God. What
had
she done?

She’d given Hunter an ultimatum. Like a fucking fool, she’d forced his hand, and he’d responded the only he could. The terrible words she’d said still echoed in her head, and the video byplay made her cringe. The manic desperation brimming through her voice had been nothing but sheer craziness on her part. How could she blame him for walking away?

Highway to Hell
suddenly blasted out of her cell phone and she glanced at the window plate to see Lacey’s smiling face. Did she want to talk? Not really, so she let it go to voice mail. However, her persistent friend wouldn’t let up, calling over and over. A text came through.

Answer the fucking phone!

When it rang again, Madeline picked it up and hit talk.

“What did you do?” Lacey snarled through the line.

A dull pain throbbed through her head and Madeline pulled the phone away to rub her temple.

“How did you find out so quickly?”

“Did you not think I’d be monitoring the situation?”

Madeline snorted. “The three Js are worse than a gaggle of girls. Can’t keep a damn secret.”

“Maddy!”

Madeline winced at the tone. “What?”

“What did you do?”

“You’ll have to be more specific,” Madeline said a bit waspishly. Oh, she knew exactly what Lacey was talking about, but she’d be damned if she wanted to make it easy. Maybe she
was
a masochist at heart.

“Don’t do this, Madeline,” Lacey implored. “You’re happy with Hunter.”

Madeline sighed. Yes, she’d been happy. And that was the problem.

“Don’t, Lacey,” she said. “Just leave it be.”

“I won’t leave it be because you’re my best friend, and I want you to be happy.”

“I was happy before Hunter and I’ll be happy without him.”

Lacey snorted. “Bullshit. I may not be able to see you, but I bet you’re curled up on the couch watching
Pretty Woman
on DVD.”

“Did you know it was supposed to be titled
Three Thousand Dollars
?” Madeline asked, her voice breaking.

“I rest my case,” Lacey said. “I’ll let you wallow today, but you can’t hide from Hunter forever. You own him some type of explanation.”

“He’s better off without me.” All she had to do was remember his age. “He doesn’t understand.”

“
I
don’t understand!” Lacey snapped.

“Don’t. Just … please don’t. Hunter will get it one day.”

“Get what? That nonsense of you not loving him? You’re a fucking coward, Madeline.”

The call abruptly disconnected. Madeline sat her phone down on the nightstand, picked up the remote and hit play. For the rest of the night she watched Julia Roberts get her happy ever after again and again and again.

****

Hunter stared into the foaming amber sitting in his glass. He wondered if he looked long enough he’d find the answers to life. No doubt many a man had done the exact same thing, and over the same reason. A woman.

He’d grown up with parents who loved each other completely. Who were perfect for each other. They’d set the bar extremely high, and he’d always known that one day he’d meet the woman who was perfect for
him
. And then there she’d been. Madeline. So beautiful she’d stolen his breath. It hadn’t been love at first sight, but it was an instant attraction that had only grown deeper and had morphed into a forever love. Everything about her turned him on, from her gorgeous cascade of hair, to her sharp mind, to her strength and independence. He knew she had trust issues, but he hadn’t known they’d be an atom bomb obliterating his happiness.

The fact that she didn’t trust him hurt the most. The tiny amount of knowledge he had about her past mocked him, but he had no idea how to breach the wall she erected around herself. How could he possibly overcome her guarded heart if she wouldn’t even talk to him?

His cell phone buzzed, interrupting his morose thoughts, and he glanced down to see John’s picture flash up on the caller ID.

To answer or not to answer, that is the question.

He answered. “Yeah?”

“Where are you?” John asked. Muted music trickled through connection.

“Why?”

“You were supposed to come play darts with me, Jason, and Jake.”

“Shit,” he muttered. “Forgot. I’m at Lucky’s trying to get drunk.”

“Oh. By the sober sound of your voice I assume you’re not trying too hard.”

“Actually, I’ve just started. Still on my first beer.”

“Well, hurry up,” John ordered. “Get sloshed. Then come over here and play darts.”

“You do realize you’re telling me to drive drunk?”

“Okay, get over here first and
then
drink. Jason or Jake can drive you home.”

Hunter wished he felt up to being surrounded by his friends, but truth be told, he just wanted to stare into his beer and wallow in self-pity for a bit. Tomorrow he’d have to shake things off and be normal at work, but right then … well, Madeline’s ghost was good enough company.

“Can I take a rain check?”

“I hear ya, bro. Later. Call if you need us.”

The call disconnected and Hunter slipped his phone back in his pocket. And even though he didn’t want to hang out with the Js and play darts, he suddenly didn’t feel like getting drunk either. What he wanted was to talk to Madeline because as adamant as she’d been, he got the feeling there was something else going on. Some dot he was missing with the connection and he didn’t understand why she couldn’t talk to him. Or, more specifically, why she
wouldn’t
talk to him. Perhaps she needed time. Space.

Perhaps she really meant it when she said she didn’t love him.

His gut instinct told him that she was running from something. Or hiding. Maybe both. There’d been love in her eyes several times and the connection he felt between them ran deep. He’d give her all the space and time she needed, and he’d be patient for now.

He’d just finished his beer when the door to Lucky’s was thrown open with the force of a hurricane. The blinding flash of sunlight disoriented him for a moment, until it closed behind the body of a petite woman who stared at him with determination.

Lacey.

“I take it John told you where I was?” he asked, knowing it was rhetorical. She’d all but marched up to his side.

“Listen, Mister,” she said, pointing at him. “Being here cost me the heel of one shoe, a hot date with John, and the perfect plan of never getting wrinkles because of frowning. But I blame my migraine on Madeline.”

A little bubble of hope swelled inside him. “Did she send you?”

“No,” she replied. The bubble popped. “Lord knows I want to knock some sense into her, but as the best friend I can only do so much. Loyalty and all that bullshit.”

“What do you want, Lacey?”

“There’s a reason why she did what she did.”

He gestured to the bar keep for another beer. “What is it?”

Lacey sighed dramatically. “I can’t
tell
you what it is. That breaks the friendship code.”

The bartender gave him a frosty mug filled with amber forgetfulness and he picked it to sip, enjoying the cold taste.

“Again I ask, what the hell do you want, Lacey?”

“I want you to be at my house tonight.”

Was she crazy? He shook his head. “I don’t want to date you.”

She snorted. “Ego much? I’m not inviting you over for some kinky sexcapade, thank you very much. I want you to listen to what Madeline has to say.”

“If Madeline has anything to say, she knows my number.”

Lacey leaned over and thumped him in the forehead. He scowled as he swatted her hand away.

“You have no clue about women, obviously,” she snapped. “Madeline is never going to tell you because what she has to say is too painful, but you’ve got to hear it.”

“Painful?” he asked. He sat his new beer down with a sharp click. “Is she okay?”

Lacey waved him off. “I’m not talking life threatening, Hunter. But you know she was once engaged, right?”

“Yeah,” he said. “She told me. The asshole didn’t beat her, did he?”

“It probably would’ve been less painful if he had,” Lacey replied softly. “Look, I know you’re angry and confused, but I also know you need to understand the real truth behind why Madeline is fearful of commitment. I’ll leave it in your hands to reveal yourself or not, but please, just listen to what she has to say.”

He looked back into his beer. He had planned on giving her times and space, but maybe Lacey was right. Maybe confronting her was the better plan. And with him hiding, she would be completely open. No more skirting the truth.

“Okay.”

Lacey let out a relieved breath. “Good. I was afraid I was going to have to knock you out with slipping a sleeping powder into your beer, hog tie you, and somehow move your big body into the trunk of my car.”

Her detailed steps alarmed him. It must have shown on his face because she laughed and lightly punched his upper arm.

“No worries. You agreed. Okay, so I’ll text you the time. Don’t be late.”

Then she sailed out of Lucky’s as fast as she’d come in. Hurricane Lacey now snuffed out. Hunter eyed his beer warily and pushed it away.