Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered (9 page)

But I didn’t stay to find out what her explanation was. In despair I turned and fled, sobbing as I went. I was heartbroken and embarrassed and betrayed and I couldn’t bear it. Crying great big wrenching sobs – I don’t think I’ve ever cried like that before or since – I shut myself in my room and threw some bits in a bag. Then when my tears had finally subsided, I went downstairs to find Mum.

She was sitting at the kitchen table, cup of tea at her elbow, looking white and worried.

‘Can I have a lift to Inverness?’ I said.

‘Esme, darling, I just want you to understand what I was doing…’

But I didn’t want to hear her excuses. I felt sick just thinking about it.

‘I can’t talk about it, Mum,’ I said. ‘I’m going to see Harry.’ I hadn’t spoken to Harry but I knew she wouldn’t turn me away. We were good friends back then, despite the age difference.

Mum knew when she was beaten. She got up and picked up her car keys.

‘I’ll take you to the station,’ she said. ‘But we need to talk about this. I have to explain.’

I shook my head.

‘No,’ I almost shouted. ‘I won’t listen.’

I waved my hand over my head. Pink sparks showered down on my shoulders and Mum looked shocked.

She moved her mouth but it sounded like my ears were full of cotton wool.

‘I can’t hear you,’ I said. ‘I can’t hear anything you’re saying. I can cast spells too.’

We drove to Inverness in silence – I could hear everything except Mum’s voice – and I went to Harry’s. But, like I said, she let me down too. And so, feeling alone and sad and betrayed, I rang my dad – I was a bit of a Daddy’s girl back then, still am I guess, and I always turned to him in a crisis – and asked if I could stay with him for a while.

‘Actually Ez,’ he said. ‘I’ve been thinking about that. We’re friendly with a chap here, I
play cricket with him, who’s headmaster of a school nearby. It’s a good school, with lots of academic success.’

‘OK,’ I said. I couldn’t understand why Dad’s social life had anything to do with me and I didn’t care less about the cricket team.

‘There’s a place there for you if you want it,’ he said. ‘You can board during the week and come home to Olivia and me at weekends. I think it would be good for you, Esme.’

Suddenly it all seemed easy. I would leave Claddach and go to Cheltenham. Leave behind Mum and Suky, Harry, and – I could barely even think of him – Jamie. Poor Jamie who would no doubt have found himself a much more suitable girlfriend if Mum hadn’t stuck her nose in and forced him to kiss me instead. If I was out of the picture, he’d be free to move on.

After that, things moved quickly. Dad called Mum and they talked about the logistics. I could tell from Mum’s face that she was upset when Dad explained, but though my spell was wearing off it hadn’t gone completely and I was still finding it pretty hard to hear her. I met up with Chloé and told her what had happened and where I was going. She was upset of course, but she was totally in love with Frankie and was a bit distracted.

And Jamie. That was the tricky bit. He didn’t have long before school started – I had longer because the English schools went back later, but I wanted to get to Cheltenham as soon as possible. I couldn’t bear to be in Claddach for a second longer than I had to be. I’d avoided Jamie for the rest of the weekend while I’d been at Harry’s – it was the days before mobile phones so it wasn’t as though I was easily contactable – but I knew I had to face him and tell him I was going.

Except I didn’t. Instead I wrote him a letter telling him I was off to school in England and that I thought we should call things off. Of course I didn’t mention that my mum had cast a love spell and now I would never know if he’d have fallen for me without it. Instead I wrote a lot of guff about moving on and devoting ourselves to our studies. I made an empty promise to keep in touch ‘as friends’ but I didn’t put Dad’s address on the top, and I didn’t even hand deliver it. I posted it. How terrible is that? Even now, a decade later, I feel ashamed when I think about how shabbily I handled our break up and how cowardly I was.

Despite my attempts to disappear Jamie got my new address –at school and at Dad’s – from Mum I assume. He wrote a few times, but I didn’t reply and eventually his contact ceased. I was relieved when his letters stopped, but sad as well, and I often thought about the fun we’d had on that last weekend we’d spent together. How much fun we’d had that whole summer, really. I suppose things always look sunkissed and idyllic when you’re looking back, but Jamie and I had the most perfect romance that summer. We sat on the beach and talked for hours, we hung out with Chloé and Frankie, we went on days out together – one particularly hilarious trip ended with Jamie plunging into a river after he tried to clamber out of our hired canoe and ended up with his arms on the bank and his feet in the boat. He stretched out like a cartoon character, and then gave up and dived into
the murky – freezing – water. I laughed until I cried. The whole summer was like that. We were just really, really happy. Until Mum stuck her nose in and it all went wrong.

Chapter 15

I looked at the photo in my hand. Jamie would be twenty-eight now, too. I wondered what he’d be like. Very grown up I imagined. He was a doctor now. I couldn’t even imagine it. Chloé – who’d gone to Edinburgh University with him – had a few mutual friends, so she’d filled me in on a few snippets of information about him every now and then. In fact, the last thing she’d told me was that he’d got engaged to another doctor. I touched his sixteen-year-old face in the photograph gently, wondering if our paths would cross while I was in Claddach. It seemed inevitable if he was looking after Suky and I felt a bit sick just thinking about it. What would I say to him?

Carefully I pinned the photo back where it had been and replaced the drawer just as my phone rang, startling me out of my memories. It was Dom.

‘Hello, sweetheart,’ he said. ‘How’s things?’

Pleased to hear from him, I filled him on Suky’s treatment and what Chloé was up to. He told me about some office politics that were annoying him and mentioned he’d been out drinking on Friday night.

‘Who was there?’ I asked. I wasn’t really interested but thought I should pretend.

‘Oh you know, the usual,’ Dom said airily. ‘Liz, Mike, Patrick,’ he named some lawyers from his department, then added overly-casually, ‘Oh that new trainee was there too, Vicky I think her name is.’

I knew Vicky. She was young and ambitious and it seemed she’d certainly caught Dom’s attention. He mentioned her at least another three times in our short conversation – apparently Vicky had seen some West End show that everyone was talking about, and she’d been amazing in a meeting, and she’d told some funny story…

We chatted some more and then I hung up. Hating myself for feeling suspicious, I pondered Dom’s manner when he mentioned Vicky. He was hiding something, I thought, and not hiding it very well. They’d obviously been spending time together. Perhaps she’d made a move on him or maybe he thought she was hot; she was a pretty girl with a great figure that was certain. I looked at myself in the mirror as I brushed my hair. And she was at least five years younger than me, I thought miserably. And I was five years younger than Rebecca, a voice whispered in the back of my mind.

I didn’t trust Dom, I suddenly realised, sweeping my hair up into a ponytail. And that wasn’t too surprising considering I knew for a fact he was a cheat. The thought made me shudder.

Chapter 16

I wiped down the table gloomily. It was 8am on Monday morning and the café was deserted. Rain lashed at the windows and I would rather have been snuggled up in my Take That duvet than squirting Flash on to tables. Behind me Nell, the café’s waitress, was arranging cakes precisely on the counter. I glanced at her in admiration. I wouldn’t have been so eager to give my free periods up when I was sixteen.

‘I need the money,’ Nell said, reading my mind. ‘And I like working here.’ She positioned a slice of carrot cake neatly with her long skinny fingers and smiled at me broadly.

‘Eva has been very good to me,’ she said. ‘I had a bit of trouble at school and stuff and she got Suky to give me a tonic to help me get my confidence back.”

Another ‘tonic’. I smiled half-heartedly. I couldn’t imagine how Nell had lost her confidence –she was gorgeous with floppy dark hair down to her shoulders. She was wearing a baggy jumper that slunk artfully off one shoulder, a very short denim skirt, bare legs (it was freezing!) and cowboy boots. She looked great. I was in skinny jeans that were already a bit snug thanks to too many muffins (it was hard being in a café all day without nibbling) and a jumper I’d borrowed from Mum. I felt scruffy and out of sorts.

Behind me the café door opened, tinkling the bell that had hung over the hinges for years. I ignored it. Let Nell deal with customers. It was much more her forte than mine and besides, it was far too early for me to be making small talk.

‘Morning, Doc,’ Nell called. “You’re up and about early.’

‘House calls,’ a voice replied. A shiver ran down my spine and I froze, damp cloth in hand. If I just stand very still and stay here, I thought, maybe he won’t notice me.

‘Esme,’ Nell said cheerfully. ‘Come and meet our local lifesaver.’

I swore under my breath and fixed a smile to my face. Then I turned round and walked, very slowly, past the empty tables to where he stood.

‘Dr James Brodie,’ Nell said. ‘Meet Esme McLeod. She’s Tess’s daughter.’

He was older, of course, but he hadn’t changed that much. He’d filled out and his brown eyes had thin lines around them. But his hair was still tousled like a little boy’s and he had the same crooked smile.

Jamie stared straight at me and held out his hand politely.

‘It’s a pleasure to meet you,’ he said.

My stomach was filled with butterflies, all flapping their wings madly.

‘We’ve met,’ I said softly, looking at my feet.

Nell laughed delightedly. ‘Of course! You must be about the same age. Did you go to school together?’ she said. Neither of us answered her. She looked from me to Jamie and frowned.

‘Do you remember Esme?’ she asked Jamie.

‘Not really.’ Jamie watched me carefully. I stared back, determined not to react.

Nell looked puzzled. She glanced at me and I shook my head gently, hoping she’d get the message. She did. ‘I’d, er, better get on,’ she said and scurried into the kitchen.

I cleared my throat.

‘What can I get you?’ I said brightly. ‘Tea with no sugar is it?’

Jamie ignored my question. ‘You came home then?’ he said. ‘After all this time.’

I nodded.

‘It’s been a while,’ I said nervously.

‘A while? ‘ Jamie sat down on one of the café’s wooden chairs and stared at me. It made me feel very uncomfortable. I pulled out a chair and sat down opposite him, feeling like I was in a job interview.

‘So you’ve taken over from your dad,’ I began. I pleated the damp dishcloth between my fingers and waited for Jamie to reply. He didn’t.

Wrinkling my nose, I took a deep breath and started again, hoping I could melt his steely heart. ‘Anyway. I heard you didn’t stick around either.’

‘Been keeping tabs on me, have you?’ he asked. I looked up at him, hoping he was smiling, but he wasn’t.

I blushed.

‘Chloé mentions you, every now and then,’ I said.. ‘I was surprised to hear you were back, I thought you’d be off saving the world somewhere.’

Jamie nodded.

‘Tried it,’ he said with a sheepish smile. ‘Didn’t really like it. Decided I could save the world just as well from here.’

‘So now you’re home,’ I said.

‘And so are you,’ Jamie pointed out. He sounded resigned, as though my being in Claddach at the same time as him was the worst possible scenario. He probably had a point.

‘It’s not permanent,’ I said quickly. I didn’t want him thinking I was back for good. ‘But yes, for now, I’m home.’ I shook out my dishcloth and began folding it into a square.

‘So, cup of tea was it?’

As I made Jamie’s tea I fought the urge to shake him and shout, ‘it wasn’t my fault!’ I had no clue that he’d still be so upset about it all, ten years on, and I felt cross at Mum all over again for putting me in such an awkward position. Again.

I sneaked a look at him as he sat waiting for his cuppa. He was still good-looking. I wondered where his fiancée was. Probably performing open-heart surgery while cooking a gourmet meal and running a marathon. That was the sort of girl he’d always deserved – not a loser witch with unruly hair and a problem with commitment like me.

I gave him his tea and he handed over the money.

‘Oh there’s no need,’ I began but he waved me away.

‘Thank you,’ he said in an uber-polite fashion. ‘See you around.’

He turned and left. I watched him go, wondering if things would always be odd between us. Probably. If I’d been in his position, I wouldn’t want to forgive and forget either.

I was startled out of my reverie by a group of hikers who arrived to pick up a packed lunch. Nell sorted it out with impressive speed and sent them on their way with a cheery wave.

As the door shut behind them, I looked at her.

‘That was the most customers I’ve seen in here since I came back,’ I said.

She sat down on one of the sofas by the window.

‘I know,’ she said. ‘Things are not good.’

‘Do you know why?’

‘I’ve got an idea,’ she said, watching me closely. ‘Do you know why?’

‘I’ve got an idea,’ I said.

We stared at each other for a minute. I didn’t know if she knew the truth about Mum, Suky and Eva and I cursed myself for not thinking to check with Mum before I’d started
my shift.

Nell looked around her. I didn’t know why she bothered; the café was deserted.

‘Promise you won’t say anything to Suky?’

I nodded.

‘I think she made some mistakes,’ Nell said. Her pretty face was grave. ‘I think she gave out some tonics that didn’t work and now I think some people are talking.’

It was so exactly what Suky had said that I almost gasped.