Beyond Death (5 page)

*****

Tash was sitting on Claire’s bed, crying.

‘I’m so sorry... So sorry!’ she repeated over and over and didn’t bother to wipe away her tears. After a little while she stood up and gave a mighty sigh. She ran a hand down her black dress, ensuring that it was crease free, then walked to the dressing table to check her eyes in the mirror. They were bloodshot but the waterproof mascara had done its job and hadn’t run at all. Tash returned to her own room, put on her black jacket and pinned the black fascinator to her hair. She heard a honk outside and after checking it was the taxi made her way downstairs.

Jim and Tony were outside the church and Jim’s girlfriend was inside, seated in the row behind their parents. Tony opened the door when the taxi stopped. He looked at Tash and wondered if she had meant to attend a society wedding then remembered it was his sister’s funeral and she hadn’t had time to change.

‘It’s Claire’s funeral,’ was all he managed to say and Tash frowned.

‘Yes, Tony. That’s why I’m here.’

‘Go into the church and say hello to my parents. Then sit in the pew behind them with Fiona.’ Surprised at Tony’s curtness, she asked if Jay had arrived.

‘He’s with them.’ Tony turned and re-joined his brother who was leaning against a wall, smoking a cigarette. He offered one to his twin, who accepted. Tash was surprised, as both were super fit and health freaks. She hadn’t realized that either of them smoked, Jim certainly didn’t in work. Tony had seemed odd and distant too but that was understandable she supposed, under the circumstances.

She entered the church and approached Jay and Claire’s parents. As soon as they turned to face her Tash saw the guilt on Jay’s face and, though Claire’s parents were shrouded in pain, she noticed their expressions change when they saw her. Tash knew that Jay had told them.
Shit
. She thought as she went to embrace Claire’s mother. Marion took a step back and Tash almost overbalanced. Embarrassed at the reaction she righted herself and muttered how sorry she was to both of them. Turning to Jay she said in barely a whisper.

‘Can we talk later?’ Before Jay had a chance to answer, Marion spoke.

‘You should both be ashamed of yourselves. She adored you, Jay and Tash. Claire would have trusted the both of you with her life.’

Tash ran out of the church sobbing. Other guests turned and stared, wondering about the commotion and assuming that the loss of her best friend was all too much for the poor girl. Jay looked at Graham and Marion.

‘I shouldn’t have told you. I’m so sorry. You have to believe me that it was a mistake early on in our relationship and I’ll always love Claire. I’m so, so, sorry.’ Jay put his head in his hands and sobs wracked his body. It was the second time that he’d cried since she’d died, the first when they visited her body. He wished he hadn’t told Marion about his mistake. He’d been so drunk and couldn’t even remember how he told her. Alcohol was the only thing that numbed the pain and he knew he’d relied on it too much since Claire’s death. He still couldn’t believe that he’d never see her again and he promised himself that he would stay sober on the day of her funeral, so there was nothing to numb the pain today. Graham put a supporting hand on his shoulder and Jay tried to get a grip. Graham seemed a lot more understanding than Marion, which was funny in a non-humorous way as Claire had been a Daddy’s girl and idolized by her father. Graham had given him a proper bollocking but seemed to know that it had been a one-off mistake - a stupid reaction following a horrendous argument - and was able to forgive him. He didn’t think that Marion would ever forgive him. He’d got on well with the twins up to now but assumed that Marion had told them, as they were both cold and distant. Saying that, Jay knew that the twins had loved and always tried to protect their little sister and they all had a weird sixth sense thing going on between them. They’d arranged for her to move to her flat which was only a 5-minute walk from their own. They seemed to have turned inward since she’d left, communicating almost telepathically with each other, and only talking to others as and when it was absolutely necessary. Jim was lucky that his girlfriend was so understanding. At least he had her support. Jay turned and watched Tash re-enter the church. He couldn’t forgive himself for cheating on Claire and, after going to the flat to clear out her belongings with Graham the following week, he never wanted to see Tash again.

The coffin bearers, Graham, Jay, the twins and Claire’s twin cousins placed the casket at the front of the church and the service began. It took approximately one hour for family and friends to say goodbye to the 24 year old who had had so much going for her and been taken so cruelly from this world to the next – according to the minister.
I Will Always Love You
rang out from the CD player as Claire’s casket disappeared behind curtains. It now seemed real and final to Jay and the family and Marion was inconsolable. The men tried their best to retain some composure while saying goodbye to some of the family who had to return to their homes in Yorkshire ready for work the following day, and were unable to attend the wake. The remainder of the solemn guests returned to their transport and headed for the hotel where her father was determined that they would celebrate her life, as well as grieving her death.

*****

Gobsmacked was the first word that sprang to mind as the image below blurred and the scene slowly faded away. Just when she thought that nothing could possibly make her feel any worse she’d been wrong yet again and the volcano inside her started to well up once more. So her fiancée had cheated on her with her best friend. Claire almost felt like a cliché. She could forgive her parents for holding her funeral in a church – even though she was a non-believer she understood that religion was a crutch for her mother and she might have found some comfort in it. Following her upset the realization of what Jay and Tash had done to her hit home. Claire felt as cold and hard as steel as she wondered if there was anything she could do in her current situation, to show them how much they’d hurt her.

*****

As she was pondering revenge Ron appeared, quickly followed by Gabriella, after the now customary whoosh.

Gabriella noted Claire’s changed demeanour but chose to ignore it for the time being. ‘I need you to listen, without interruption, and you can ask any questions once I’ve finished. Understand?’ She didn’t wait for them to answer. ‘I explained that we have to process every soul that comes here and due to the disaster we’re all very busy.’ Noting they were paying attention, she continued.

‘Death so far is probably not what you expected?’

They nodded, noting that Gabriella was very business-like.

‘You are currently in
Cherussola
. This is where your future is determined and the Committee decide whether you go upstairs or downstairs.’

‘Cherussola,’ said Claire, ‘what does that mean?’

Gabriella ignored the question so she tried again. ‘Are we in a sort of Halfway House?’

‘Yes, between heaven and hell, I think,’ Ron whispered and Claire raised her eyebrows.

‘Ron, in your fifty three years on Earth you have made a few mistakes...’

‘You bet he has,’ said Claire, recalling their demise.

‘It was predetermined,’ said Ron, ‘and out of my control if you remember what Gabriella told us.’

‘Silence!’ Her change of tone shocked them both and they straightened and looked at the angel, concerned at the consequences of non-compliance.

‘As I was saying,’ she returned to sweetness and light. ‘Ron, all in all you have been kind, considerate and giving during your last lifetime. You have learnt much from your previous lives and still have a little to learn but you have a good soul and will eventually go upstairs and experience a wonderful eternity.’

Ron wanted to ask a question but was fearful of irritating Gabriella. He raised a hand as if in a classroom.

‘Go ahead.’

‘What do you mean, ‘last lifetime’?’

‘When the Chairman and Committee are undecided about which eternity a soul should have, they send individuals back to Earth to live additional lives. Eventually the true nature of the soul will show and for those who’ve lived to your age it can be a relatively easy decision. You’ll discover more of your previous lives when I send you upstairs.’

Ron’s mind was buzzing with loads of unanswered questions and he raised his hand again.

‘My time with you is limited. Just relax for now, Ron.’ Gabriella bestowed an angelic smile and his questions disappeared. He felt at peace and was relieved that this wasn’t his final resting place. He relaxed and listened.

‘Claire, your situation is more complex.’

Claire started to worry. She thought about the time she’d broken a window and had convinced her parents that it was her brothers who’d done it. They’d been grounded for a week and lost their pocket money. Okay, so they’d locked her under the stairs the first time they babysat for her when her parents were out and told her that the spiders would kill her. Come to think of it they’d also told her that she’d been adopted because her real father was a murderer and she’d cried herself to sleep that night. But Claire reflected it wasn’t her brothers who were on trial here for their future. It was her.

She recalled other events in her life where she had not covered herself in glory. Louisa, the fat kid in her class in secondary school was a prime example. The bullies had teased and taunted Louisa and Claire had not done anything to put a stop to it. On one occasion she’d even laughed with them. Louisa left the school and Claire heard that she’d suffered from anorexia in her later teenage years. Then there was the boy who stuttered and some of the same gang used to take the mickey out of him.

She’d also pulled a cat’s tail when she was young and remembered being at a bus stop with Tash, laughing at a woman who was unaware that she had a snot hanging from her nostril.

‘Enough!’ said Gabriella and Claire looked up, wondering if she could read her thoughts.

‘Firstly, you were too young and too fickle in this life for your final location to be determined. Secondly, as I’ve already said, you were brought here purely by accident and it was not yet your time.’

Difficult as it was, Claire resisted the urge to interrupt and listened intently.

‘There are other factors in your situation, Claire, that make the Committee’s decision a difficult one. They may have to refer you to the Chairman but have decided to put your case on hold for the time being. In the meantime the many other Admin Angels and I will deal with the backlog caused by the recent disaster.’

Almost fit to burst with curiosity, Claire was finding it increasingly difficult to remain quiet. She assumed that Gabriella was aware of that as she felt as if she could almost read her soul.

‘Now you may ask questions.’

‘But that can’t be it. There must be more. What’s going to happen? What do I do?’

‘You’re right, Claire, that’s not it. For cases like yours we have a procedure.’

Most of the time since her death had not been good and Claire silently wished for a change of luck.

‘You could actually consider yourself quite lucky as you will have opportunities not given to many who pass through here. While you remain until a final decision is made you will be able to make return visits to Earth.’ Gabriella paused and pointed at Claire.

‘How you decide to make the best of your time during those visits is up to you but remember what I’ve already told you. Ron, you will keep Claire company for the time being. And this...’ She moved her arm in a sweeping motion, indicating their current home. ‘With a little practice and imagination you can make it as comfortable or uncomfortable as you wish.’

Both attempted to ask further questions but Gabriella silenced them with a look then leaned back and studied them intently. ‘You may find things a little difficult on your first visits but I’ll leave that up to you to discover. Good luck and,’ she smiled angelically, ‘remember that somebody may be watching you.’

They heard the whoosh and Gabriella disappeared. Neither spoke for a while as they contemplated the information given to them. Ron eventually broke the silence.

‘So, basically I’m babysitting you until they decide whether you’re going to heaven or hell.’ He didn’t sound too happy to Claire.

‘Actually, Ron, I think it’s the least you can do under the circumstances. And anyway, you know where you’re going to end up but how do you think I feel?’

She had a point and he moved toward her wanting to give her some comfort. It was awkward at first then he hugged her and she was grateful to him, it made her feel a bit better. She still held him partly responsible for her death but her anger toward him had diminished since they’d discovered that her arrival there had been a mistake. Claire started to feel excited too. She’d be able to visit Earth, catch up with those she loved and, hopefully, repay a few outstanding debts.

*****

Jay was waiting down the road from the flat. He didn’t want to go in until Graham arrived, having no desire to be on his own with Tash. As soon as he saw Claire’s father he rushed to meet him and the two men prepared themselves for the grizzly task of collecting and clearing all of Claire’s belongings. Tash answered the door and appeared not to want to be near Jay. She gave them a set of keys and excused herself, saying that she was meeting a friend. Both men hovered in the kitchen, wanting the task to be over, but neither really wanting to start. It was the third day since Claire’s death that Jay had been completely sober. Every morning he woke forgetting that she was no longer with him and each day was like Groundhog Day, with his heart breaking anew all over again. The only thing that numbed the pain was alcohol and Jay had come to rely on its anaesthetic qualities. Without it he had to face the stark reality of a life without the woman he loved and that was the situation he was in when he opened the door to her room, with her father standing behind him. The smell was the first thing that hit him. The faint sweet odour of her perfume still lingered and Jay felt the groan rising up within him. Claire’s dressing table was directly opposite the door and the first thing that her fiancé saw was the framed photograph of them both enjoying themselves at the Valentine’s Day party earlier that year. Jay had exactly the same photograph framed in his apartment and the memories of the night came flooding back to him. The pain was too much and he doubled over, hugging himself and trying to stop the animal-like noises that he seemed unable to control.