Beyond Eighteen (4 page)

I didn’t want to stay in
the Browlers’ cabin any longer than I had to so I tossed the
blood-soaked toilet paper and looked back in the mirror; there was
no leftover dried blood on my face. It’d been a hell of a long time
since I’d had a bloody nose. Or shit, since I’d gotten into a fight
that elevated to actual blows, for that matter. It was such a high
school bullshit thing.
Huh, high school.
Wilson’s gonna go back to Wesley…without me. I’ve weighed all the
consequences of not seeing her every day in class. When we get back
to California, we’ll work it out. I know I did the right
thing.

I shook those thoughts
from my head. Right then I had to get out to her and Joanie.
Shit, they must be frozen solid by now.
I rolled Wilson’s suitcase out into the bitter,
freezing air. As I crossed the front porch, Wilson was climbing the
stairs with Joanie following behind her. She stopped on the steps
as if her feet were glued to the stone. Her nose and cheeks were
rosy from the ruthless chill of Aspen. Her eyes widened as she
looked up at me and I noticed she was staring at my hands. She took
a step up toward me just as I clutched her suitcase in my arms and
started down the steps.

“
I thought I told you to
get in the car,” I growled as I walked past her.

“
What happened to your
hands?” Wilson asked from behind me.

I ignored her question.

“
Why aren’t you in the
car?” I refuted.

“
It was locked,” Joanie
volunteered sheepishly as she stood looking uncomfortable in her
own stance.

“
Where’s your suitcase?” I
demanded, looking at Joanie as I opened the trunk and loaded
Wilson’s stuff. I noticed her eyes were glued to the cuts and
gashes on my hands.

“
Over there,” she said as
she pointed at it. She stood awkwardly before she shuffled toward
the passenger’s side of the car.

“
Are you going to answer
me? What did you do to your hands?” Wilson asked from behind me. I
heard her feet clomp against the asphalt driveway.

“
Let’s just get out of
here. I’ll explain later,” I said without making eye contact. I
knew the influence she had over me and I didn’t want to lose any
control I had over my emotions by looking at her. I just needed to
get the hell away from that house.

I pressed my hands against the open trunk
lid and felt the pain drain past my knuckles, into my hands,
through my wrists, and down into my forearms. I really didn’t feel
like getting into what had gone down with Nick, while still
standing in the driveway at the Browlers’ house. I lowered one hand
and motioned for Joanie’s suitcase. She didn’t move.

“
Max?” I heard Wilson’s
trembling voice behind me.

I slammed the trunk shut
and stood motionless, my hands pushing on the back of the car, my
head lowered.
God, I wish she wouldn’t say
my name that way.
Her vulnerability bled
into every cell of my body. I wanted to tell her how much I hurt.
How much pain was ripping through my body—pain that was magnified
by mistakes she made. But I couldn’t find a way to say it. It was
easier to shut down.
If she’d just let me
work through this the best way I know how…

“
Are you going to look at
me?” she whispered.

I didn’t move. I felt the thick, heavy
moment weigh between us.

“
I just want to take you
home,” I said resolutely before I turned to face her. “Can I take
you home with me now…please?” I continued intently. I knew if I
didn’t get her away from the Browlers’ before I told her what I’d
done to Nick, she’d end up running back in there to him. And I just
couldn’t handle that.

“
I’m going to stay here,”
Joanie piped up.

My intense trance on Wilson was broken by
Joanie’s voice.

“
Wilson, I think you guys
need some time alone,” Joanie continued in a whisper as she busied
herself with the handle on her suitcase.

“
No, J, you’re coming home
with us,” Wilson insisted.

“
No, Wil, I’m not. You’ll
be fine. You both need some time alone, and I…well, it’s better if
I stay here. I’ll call you later. Promise,” Joanie muttered as she
crossed her heart with her finger before she leaned in and hugged
Wilson.

I walked around to the passenger’s side of
the car and pulled open the door before I held my hand out to
Wilson, my way of asking her to come with me.

Wilson stared at Joanie, lost to words that
wouldn’t be said between them. She walked over to me. We didn’t say
a word as she slipped into my car. After making sure she was
securely buckled in and the door was shut, I walked back to where
Joanie and her suitcase were waiting.

“
Whenever you decide to
call Wilson…don’t tell her about—Nick. Please, just…let me,” I said
in a husky tone.

“
Oh, kay,” Joanie said,
caught off guard. Worry clung to her expression.

I nodded my head and was about to walk away
when I felt the need to thank her for taking care of Wilson when I
couldn’t.

“
And, Joanie? Thanks,” I
mumbled.

“
For what?” she retorted
without missing a beat.

“
Taking care of Wilson,
when…I—”

“
I just wish I’d gotten
here sooner,” Joanie interrupted.

“
Yeah, me too. Before
Nick—” I stopped short from finishing my sentence. Then I turned
and walked away.

“
Hey…Max…you know you’re
Wilson’s everything,” Joanie choked. “Nick was a distraction from
all the pain she was in. She needed you to come for her and you
never did. You never came.” Joanie turned away from me and carried
her suitcase back into the Browlers’ cabin. When the door shut I
was left with Joanie’s echoing words ripping through my head while
Wilson waited for me in the car. In an instant, Aspen had grown
even colder.

~ Wilson ~

I sat there in the freezing car, alone,
wondering if I should just get out. I wanted to confront Max again
about those huge gashes across his knuckles. Wanted him to tell me
what he did to Nick.
Maybe it’s better I don’t know. Maybe Max
just needs some time to cool off. Besides, if Max won’t tell me
what happened, Joanie will. What the heck is up with her staying at
the Browlers’? I can’t imagine her staying there very long knowing
Cindy will be near, prodding her for details about Max and
me.

The driver’s side door flung open and the
freezing chill that was lingering and tapping on the windows found
its way in. Max plopped into the driver’s seat, preoccupied and
inattentive. He pushed the key into the starter and the engine
roared to life. Max stole a glance, his eyes dark and distant like
something beyond the problems I’d caused for us by kissing Nick. He
forced the shifter into gear and took off. The car hugged the road,
rounding curves and bends. I tried to find the courage to say
something but couldn’t. Finally, when he reached for the radio, I
said something to break the silence.

“You know, J didn’t come with us so we could
have some time to talk…alone.”

I looked over at him. His expression was
stoic as he stared at the road. The muscles in his jaw flexed, his
lips compressed tight, as his eyebrows bent heavy around his
narrowed expression. I swallowed hard, waiting for the pins and
needles to stop attacking my skin.

He looked like he wasn’t going to engage in
a conversation. His head swayed back and forth, like he was trying
to clear away unwanted thoughts. I felt the influence of the car’s
speed weigh against my chest before I felt my body sway and push
toward him. The seatbelt pulled at my shoulder and before I knew it
we were stopped on the side of a mountainous road. The sun was
dropping behind the trees as night decided to take over.

Max sat silent for a moment. His head
dropped and his damp, black hair tumbled forward. An endless break
in our lives sat squarely between us as I waited anxiously for
something to come out of his mouth. I wanted to reach over and grab
him, to tell him how much I hated that I hadn’t been there for him
earlier that day as he buried his father. I ached to tell him how
wrecked I felt knowing he’d needed me and I wasn’t there. I wanted
to annihilate the vacancy growing between us so we could just be
Wilson and Max again—a couple who’d fallen in love even when
everything screamed they shouldn’t.

Max turned to me, his emerald eyes narrow
and clouded with red as every moment of forever lingered between
us. His lips struggled to formulate the words locked in the
wreckage behind his eyes.

It was like he wanted to open up to me but
something was stopping him. I wanted to know what the hell it was.
What changed from the point where he came back for me and right
now?

Max cleared his throat before he began to
whisper the thoughts that crowded his head.

“I can
never
take back my mistake of
not coming for you; just like you can never take back kissing—” Max
choked as he dropped his eyes from mine. My heart crumbled in my
chest. My eyes stung with regret.

He continued. “Do you think we can find a
place where we can bury our mistakes and pick up where we left
off?” Max looked at me, his eyes narrow and damp as they wandered
up my body to my face. “Wilson, I am so sorry I never came for you.
I’m sorry I let you…down,” he uttered regretfully.

Silently I reached over, tangling my fingers
in the random pieces of hair that dangled in front of his eyes. I
pushed them aside as my thumb trailed against his forehead. His
skin was so soft, something I’d missed feeling. He caught my hand
and dragged it down to his lips. I felt his warm, lively breath
push against my palm, his damp soft kiss as he closed his eyes.

“I love you so much,” I answered as he
opened his eyes and leaned toward me. His jacket collar folded and
fell away from his neck, exposing a cluster of rash-like marks
across the front of his throat. Instantly, I pulled down on his
jacket collar exposing the damage that was so prevalent and yet
unnoticeable until now.

“What happened?” I gasped.

“Nothin’,” Max spat as he pulled away and
repositioned his jacket collar to cover his neck.

“That’s not
nothing
, Max. Did Nick do
this to you?” I demanded as I reached over to pull away his
collar.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s over and I’m fine.
Come on,” he tried to convince me as he clutched my hand and pushed
it away from his neck.

A chill shot down the back of my spine. His
cut up hands and bruised neck were my fault. Suddenly my ability to
breathe and think clearly vanished. The temperature in the car
became unbearably hot and every inch of my skin was drenched. I
flung the door open, hoping to find relief from the scorching,
crowded space enveloping me.

Before I could welcome the refreshing winter
freeze, Max stretched his arm across me, grabbing the door handle.
He pulled it closed and pushed down on the lock.

“What are you doing?” I asked, stunned.

“Don’t leave! You can’t walk away from me,”
Max growled. His eyes slowly traced my expression as he inhaled
heavily.

“What? I wasn’t leav—”

“I just buried my dad; I can’t handle losing
anyone else I love. I can’t lose…you. Again,” Max said
apologetically.

A simple expanding pause encompassed us
until I broke the silence.

“Then I don’t understand why you didn’t come
for me,” I carped. I knew my words were going to pierce his heart.
But I had to find out why. His earthy green eyes constricted. His
cheeks flushed while his ears burned red. He dragged his hands
across his head, pulling back on his silken hair.

I continued with my accusations, pummeling
him with every question I had. “Why didn’t you come for me? Why
didn’t you call me, or at the very least text me. I need you to
tell me why!”

“Wilson, I did. I called you but Nick
answered your phone. He told me that you’d finally fallen asleep
and that I needed to give you time. I had to believe that you were
okay and that you’d call me when you were ready,” Max steamed.

“You called?” I mumbled.

“Yes, several times. When I didn’t hear back
from you I felt myself tilt back into that spiraling mess I was in
before. Wilson, the thought of losing you…” he paused. “So I tried
one last time; I had Calvin text Nick and ask him to bring you to
my father’s funeral. I thought if it wasn’t me asking…maybe you’d
come. It was my last attempt to get you back. I waited for you to
show up. And when you never came…” his voice trailed off. He shook
his head as he lowered his eyes.

My heart melted into a puddle of complete
sadness. And to believe I didn’t think he wanted me.

“Nick never told me you called. He
never
said anything to me about your father’s funeral. If I
had known, I would have been there for you in a heartbeat,” I
cried.

I could feel the heat rush to my face as I
thought about the words Max was saying to me. If they were true,
then Nick intentionally set out to ruin my relationship with Max. I
tried to push the button to lower my window. The oxygen in the car
suddenly disappeared and I couldn’t breathe deeply enough to keep
from hyperventilating. The only thing I could do to avoid either
throwing up or passing out was to fling the door open and get out.
So that’s what I did.

The freezing evening air sliced across my
skin. I hopped out before Max could reach across to close the door
again. An ache built steadily from the back of my neck all the way
down to the soles of my feet. My body temperature plummeted. The
uneven snow under my boots shifted and I fell against the car. It
felt like the world kept going and I was left behind. Everything
was swirling around me. It wasn’t the death of my grandparents or
Frank that hurled me over the edge, but the betrayal by Nick. My
world came crashing down.