Beyond Reason (16 page)

Unfortunately this visit had got off to a bad start and it was clear Josiah did not want them to stay. His lack of hospitality only increased Eliza’s determination and her temper. During the arguments which followed Janet’s exit, Josiah realized that Eliza fully expected to move into Crillion Keep and take over completely at the first sign of his health deteriorating. He had no fear of death but he had an unwelcome vision of being under Eliza’s command. He had not the slightest doubt she would overlook the loyalty and good services of his workers and replace them with those who would do her bidding irrespective of his own needs or wishes. The prospect filled him with horror. He had always known she was greedy and bossy but until this outburst he had not realized the full extent of her ambitions.

Janet helped Mrs McLauchlan prepare the luncheon in the kitchens but she begged to be excused from dining with Josiah and his guests. She trembled at the thought of having to eat with Mrs Ross’s gimlet eyes fixed upon her.

‘The lassie isna feeling so well, sir,’ Maggie said in a low voice when she took in the soup. ‘She asks to be excused. All of a tremble, she is.’

‘Very well, Mrs McLauchlan, I understand her nerves may be upset by her fall.’ He nodded. ‘See that she eats something nourishing in the kitchen then, please.’

‘That’s where she should be eating, if there was any need for her to be here at all,’ Eliza snapped, fully intending Maggie should overhear. Josiah’s mouth tightened and a new determination to deal with his personal affairs hardened. He could not afford to delay. No man knew what tomorrow might bring and his health had always been precarious.

Maggie McLauchlan had been surprised herself when Josiah first insisted Janet should dine with him each day even though she knew he preferred informality, except on the rare occasions when he had guests. He said he wanted to make sure Janet ate
decent meals and built up her strength, but Janet was intelligent and eager to learn and it had soon become clear that he enjoyed her youthful company. Conversation between them flowed easily. Sometimes Maggie heard him talking about books he had read, or quoting poems, and occasionally he laughed out loud. It occurred to Maggie that there had never been much laughter at Crillion Keep and it cheered her to hear it. She mentioned this to Fingal on his next visit but he scowled and didn’t seem as pleased as she had expected. She knew he had no reason to be jealous of Janet because he had often been invited to dine with Mr Saunders himself when he came home on a visit from university, and sometimes since he had been training as a lawyer’s clerk. They also shared a love of books and discussed things well beyond her own understanding.

The day of Eliza’s visit, Josiah had gone straight to bed as soon as they had left. Their discussions had been extremely heated and he had felt his heart racing, and sometimes it appeared not to beat at all, leaving him breathless. He felt drained of energy and completely exhausted the following day and he was thankful he had forbidden them to stay, but he still did some serious thinking. He decided he must make a will without delay. On the Saturday morning, he asked Maggie McLauchlan whether Janet showed any signs of being with child.

‘She isna sick in the mornings as many women are,’ Maggie said slowly, ‘and she doesna have strange whims when it comes to food either but….’ She faltered into silence, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. She had never talked to a man, even her own husband, about the ways of women and their monthly courses. It was beyond her to explain such things to Josiah Saunders.

‘You are still uncertain?’

‘Aye, I am. Her woman’s rhythms have not returned to normal.’

She had mentioned the subject to Janet for the second time, asking her if she needed cloths for her monthly times.

‘No thank you, Mrs McLauchlan,’ Janet had been matter of fact.

‘Did you have cloths to wash when you were at Braeheights, lassie?’ Maggie persisted anxiously.

‘Yes.’ She blushed, remembering how Mr Foster had seemed to know when she started the horrid monthly bleeding. ‘Mrs Foster
explained it was women’s business but it was difficult with so many boys and Mr Foster in the house,’ she added.

‘But you have not needed them since you came here?’

‘No.’ She grimaced. ‘I don’t like that part of being a woman.’

‘Did Mrs Foster tell ye they stopped when she was expecting a baby?’

‘Molly told me. That’s how she knew as soon as her mother was having another baby. It made her sad.’ Janet looked so sad herself at the mention of Molly that Maggie felt bound to change the subject. She discussed the subject with Peggy.

‘Maybe Janet needs to regain her strength before her monthly cycle returns,’ Peggy suggested, ‘but I will ask Donald if he can explain about such things to Mr Saunders. She is growing into a beautiful young woman,’ Peggy smiled. ‘I hope she does not cause Fingal too much heartache. Young love can be a painful experience and he has always had a special tenderness for Janet.’

‘It will be a heartache for everybody if Janet is carrying a bairn sired by Wull Foster, and she may not even realize it.’

Peggy mentioned the subject to Donald. ‘I imagine Janet must understand about the birds and bees after living at Braeheights,’ was his opinion. ‘Mr Saunders certainly knows about such things, Peggy. He reads books. I expect he’s concerned for Janet’s future and she does seem incredibly innocent still, I must confess. None of us would like to see her going out into the world if she’s expecting a bairn with no man to support her.’

‘It would be terrible,’ Peggy agreed, ‘but I canna see what Mr Saunders can do. Even if he could help her, we all know he doesna expect to live a long life. What would happen to Janet if he wasn’t here?’

‘It will be heaven help all of us if Mrs Ross and her miserable, rat-faced son take over,’ Donald declared grimly.

‘Aye, it would,’ Peggy said with a shudder.

On Sunday morning, Josiah came into the small dining room dressed for church.

‘Do you feel well enough to accompany us today, Janet? We shall all be going, Fingal too, though he intends to continue back to his own lodgings afterwards.’

‘I would like to go. It is a long time since I have been to the kirk. Perhaps I shall see my mother if her health has improved.’

Josiah shook his head and opened his mouth to reply, but he said nothing when Janet continued wistfully, ‘She has not replied to my letter but perhaps she did not know of anyone coming this way to deliver it.’

Janet expected to sit with Maggie McLachlan and Peggy so she was surprised when Mr Saunders took her arm and escorted her to his own pew, beckoning Fingal to sit with them. She was pleased she had worn the green dress and matching cloak which Mr Cole had delivered and she blushed shyly when she caught Fingal’s admiring gaze. Although she had little opportunity to speak with him, he stood close beside her and she could feel the warmth of his arm against her own and she loved the sound of his rich tenor voice when they sang the hymns they had both learned as children and sang in her grandfather’s school as well as in church. She looked across and was relieved to see a different dominie in the pew where her family used to sit. There was no sign of the horrible Dominie Todd. She was disappointed to see her mother was not there, but she thought perhaps Mrs Cole could not be left alone. She tried to look further back for any sign of the Fosters and she felt a pang of relief to see Mr Foster was not there. She felt Fingal’s hand brush her arm and realized her attention had wandered and everyone else had bowed their heads in prayer.

When the service was over, Fingal did not seem in any hurry to lead them from the pew and Janet wished she could read the unspoken message in his dark-brown eyes.

Then Josiah leaned forward and spoke quietly. ‘I would like a word with the Reverend Drummond and Mr Cole, Fingal. Perhaps you would see Janet to my coach and wait with her until I come, please?’

‘Yes, of course, sir.’

Josiah nodded his head and smiled. ‘How many times must I tell you, Fingal, there is no call to address me with such deference. You are an educated young man with a good position in the town. We all look forward to your visits and I am happy to count you among my friends.’

‘I, yes, sir … I mean yes, Mr Saunders.’ Fingal murmured.

‘I look forward to you visiting your mother too, Fingal,’ Janet said softly.

‘Do you, Janet? I thought perhaps you had forgotten me when you never replied to my letters while you were at Braeheights.’

‘Letters?’ Her eyes clouded and she frowned. ‘I did not receive any letters. But I could not have replied. I tried to send a letter to the Reverend Drummond once, but Mr Foster snatched it and threw it in the fire. He took away the ink and my quill.’

‘He is a bully and a brute. I left the letters with Mrs Foster’s mother, who lives near the village. She promised to give them to her grandson to take to you. I expect Foster discovered them and destroyed them too.’

‘I sent a letter to Mama with Mr Cole but she has not replied. I so hoped to see her today at church.’

‘You thought she would be here, Janet?’ Fingal stared at her in dismay. ‘Did Mr Saunders, or my mother, not tell you how ill she is?’

‘I thought she would be getting better and she always liked going to church. Perhaps she could not leave Mrs Cole?’

‘Dear Janet,’ Fingal frowned and drew her hand from her muff so that he could hold it in both of his. ‘Your mother … she is more in need of nursing than Mrs Cole herself. Mr Cole can’t bear the thought of asking her to leave his house because she has nowhere to go, except the poorhouse.’

Janet gasped.

‘He is a good man but he was at his wits’ end to know what to do the last time I saw him. He has great respect for your mother and your grandfather was his friend. He is hoping Mr Saunders might help him find a solution.’

‘Oh, Fingal! Can this be true?’ Janet stared up at him in horror, her blue eyes, so darkly fringed and so like his dearest friend, Andrew’s. He longed to take her in his arms and comfort her, but already people were watching them curiously.

‘If only I had enough money to rent a house of my own,’ he groaned. ‘If only I could offer you a place to bring your mother so that we might care for her together.’

Janet looked into his face and saw the distress and sincerity there. ‘Dear Fingal, I know you would help if you could but you did so much for Andrew, I cannot ask for more. It is my place to care for my own mother.’ She put a hand over her eyes to brush away the tears, wondering what she could do. She shivered. Watching the shadows chase across her expressive face it took all Fingal’s control not to draw her close and comfort her, but he saw Mr Saunders striding towards them, a half-smile lifting the corners of his mouth as though his talk with the Reverend Drummond had given him satisfaction. Fingal sighed and drew away, straightening his shoulders, preparing to say goodbye. He needed to take charge of his horse, which Donald was holding ready for him while trying to soothe the coach horses.

Josiah Saunders looked shrewdly at Janet. Her eyes, wide with anxiety, seemed to swamp her small face. He was sure she was paler than when they had set out for church earlier that morning.

‘Has attendance at church tired you out, Janet? Perhaps you are not yet so strong as we thought. After all, you were very ill, and so long without food.’

‘Please do not be concerned. I am well enough, thank you, sir. I-I do not wish to be more of a trouble than I have been already.’

As they ate their luncheon together, he broached the subject again after watching Janet toying absently with her soup instead of enjoying it with her usual relish.

‘Is the soup not to your liking today, my dear?’

‘Oh yes, yes, thank you. It is delicious as it always is.’

‘Then may I ask what troubles you? Maybe I can help?’

‘No one can help and you have been kind and generous already.’ Her eyes filled with unexpected tears and she swiped them away impatiently. ‘I did not mean to take advantage of your kindness, but I don’t know where I shall find work and a place to live until the Hiring Fairs. I have a card for the savings bank but I earned so little money and I ran away without my wages. It is two months until the Hiring Fairs. I can’t wait so long.’

‘Are you so desperate to leave Crillion Keep, Janet? I thought you were beginning to enjoy living here amongst your friends and having books to read again and an opportunity to continue
learning. There are many subjects I would like to share with you, things your grandfather would have taught you.’

‘I do love reading your books. I have been so happy here, but I do not want to be a burden or cause more trouble between you and your family or—’

‘Don’t you think you should let me deal with my family?’

‘Well yes, I suppose so but—’

‘Then let me assure you I have already made my plans for Eliza and her son, well almost. The Reverend Drummond will be calling tomorrow to sign some papers for me. They will make my wishes very clear to Eliza and Henry.’

‘I am glad if you have managed to make peace,’ Janet said quietly.

‘Ah, I did not say that exactly. Eliza does not understand the meaning of peace. Wherever she is there is strife, but forget about that. You have troubles of your own?’ he asked gently, thinking she might tell him she was with child.

‘Yes.’ Her voice was barely more than a whisper. Josiah waited patiently. ‘I hoped to see my mother today. Fingal knew. He – he told me the truth, that she is – is dying. I need to help her, to be with her. I want to care for her but I don’t see how I can manage.’ She pressed her fingers to her temples. ‘I can’t think what to do. Fingal said he would help me if he could, but he is working hard to become a lawyer. He says he sometimes thinks he should become a dominie instead, as Grandfather hoped he would.’

‘There is always a way, Janet. Do not despair, my dear. Fingal is a good man and sincere, but he is young, no more than twenty years, I believe.’

‘He and Andrew were the same age, four years older than I am.’

‘I had intended waiting for the Reverend Drummond’s arrival tomorrow. I thought he would offer you some reassurance but I think we must have a serious talk now. If you are finished eating, my dear, we shall adjourn to the library and talk without interruption. I have a suggestion to make, which I hope you will consider carefully. I had hoped to give you time to get used to me and to being in my home, but I fear the situation requires urgent action,
for your mother’s sake and for Mr Cole’s.’ His face looked grave and strained and Janet’s heart raced with anxiety.