Beyond the Cliffs of Kerry (31 page)

A ladder led up to the loft where several of the older children slept, and Darcy's eyes rested on the badly scorched brass bed warmer standing by the fireplace. Until she came to the Colonies she had never seen such an implement, and she thought putting hot coals in it and running it between the covers before bedtime was a most ingenious way to make cold nights more palatable. Darcy was nervous about her first winter in the northern colonies. She had heard that they were brutal and long, and she had never experienced deep snow.

"I have something I want to discuss with you, Darcy," said Adrianna wiping her hands on her apron.” She turned to Deirdre and asked, "Would you go watch the fat to make sure it does not burn?”

“We will read later, Deirdre,” Darcy assured her, and the girl smiled. Darcy liked her and did not want to see her spend her entire youth just trying to stay alive. This was the reason she taught this tall gentle girl to read. Books could whisk her away from the endless struggle, and her imagination could set her free. It satisfied something deep within Darcy to be near a family again.

When Deirdre left the cabin, Adrianna sat down at the table with Darcy. "I don't know how to say this, but I'm going back to
Ireland
before the winter sets in, Darcy."

"What?" she cried, jumping up. "No! Don't do this, Adrianna!"

"I know. I know. I'm sorry," she apologized, her eyes filling with tears. "But I fear that I cannot survive alone out here with the children."

"I can't believe what I am hearing. You just rebuilt a cabin and furnished it, and now you make this impetuous decision to return home," said Darcy, still astonished.

"Without John there is no reason to stay. This was his dream, not mine. I was so caught up in his death and then the flurry of rebuilding that it wasn't until I could sit down and think that it all became clear. I feel so dreadfully guilty abandoning you and Moses after all your hard work, but I cannot--"

"No," said Darcy softly as she walked to the fireplace, "You cannot let obligation make your decisions for you. You would resent us in the end."

Darcy felt discouraged and tired as she sat down heavily in the chair. There were few women on the frontier and to lose all the children as well felt unbearable. She wished that she could convince her friend to stay. With one last effort, she said, "What about remarrying? There are dozens of healthy, capable men out here and several have been showing interest in you, Adrianna."

"No," she said shaking her head. "I cannot marry out of desperation. I've seen too many women wither and die because they endure men that they don't love. Just like--" and she stopped.

Darcy sat up straight. "Like who, Adrianna? Like me? Go ahead. Say it."

  
"All right I'll say it, like you, Darcy," and taking her friend's hand, she continued. "You are a perfect example of a woman trapped and slowly dying of loneliness."

“How dare you say such a thing!" said Darcy jumping up. “May I point out that you are the one running back to
Ireland
?"

"You're right, Darcy. I
am
scared and lonely," she said as large tears rolled down her face. "I miss John so much. I shall never see him again."

Darcy forgot her anger and hugged, Adrianna. She was right. She shouldn't have to marry someone just to survive, yet out here on the frontier, it seemed to be the only way.

Adrianna dried her eyes on her apron and said, "Heed my words, Darcy. Don't be afraid. You still have a chance to be with the one you love. My chance is gone forever."

"What?"

"Find, Jean Michel!" Adrianna said, and she grabbed Darcy by the arms shaking her. "Find him! Leave, Nathan! Run away from him as far as you can. He has stolen your self-respect. He has stolen who you are."

"Adrianna, you know that I am a convict!” she said, jumping up and pacing. “I cannot just run away. Besides you are wrong. I could never love him." Suddenly, she exclaimed, "Why is this conversation about me?"

"Because I must say it before I leave. What I've been thinking all along. Look at me, Darcy," Adrianna demanded.

Darcy pursed her lips and looked up.

"If you were set free today, tell me you wouldn't stay with, Colonel Lawrence. You would stay with him because he is safe. You can't be hurt by someone you don't love."

"I'll listen to no more of this insanity," snapped Darcy. She turned and left the cabin, slamming the door behind her.

Deirdre was just outside the door. The girl had heard too much. Darcy was sorry that she had promised a lesson. She took a deep breath and said, "I'll take the fat from the fire, and you get your hornbook. We'll have our lesson now."

They sat on the grass, and the crisp autumn wind blew their hair and ruffled their aprons, as they worked together in the sunshine. Darcy felt herself unwind, and when the lesson was over she went back into the cabin to speak with Adrianna. She was bending over the hearth and looked up at her with a red, tear-stained face.

"I thought that you had gone," she exclaimed.

"No, I was outside doing a reading lesson with Deirdre” Darcy took Adrianna’s hand and led her to the table. "When are you leaving?"

"Before the month is up," she said quietly.” I have spent four winters here and I know the snows come early. We must be in
Boston
by November."

Darcy sighed at sat down at the table. A month was not very long. "Is there anyone who may want the homestead?" she asked.

"No one yet,” replied Adrianna. “But this area will attract more settlers now that there is a fort."

"You'll see
Ireland
again, Adrianna," said Darcy smiling wistfully with her chin on her hand. "I miss it so much. Every night when I sleep, I dream that I am back at the abbey on the bluff.

"I want to leave knowing that you are happy."

"Oh, Adrianna, I am all right," she reassured. "I will be a free woman in a little more than six years. I will return to
Ireland
and stand once again on the abbey bluff, ready to start life anew."

*
      
*
     
*

The month flew by quickly, as Darcy helped Adrianna make final preparations. The air took on a sharp edge, and the skies turned an endless gray. The leaves abandoned the trees, leaving their naked branches stretching desperately into the sky.

The McDermotts were scheduled to travel to
Boston
on All Hallows Eve with a company from the fort which Colonel Lawrence had released for the winter. He was happy not to have to provide them with rations during the lean months, and since there was no threat of attack during the snow, they were not needed and could return in the spring.

Tears rolled down the cheeks of Adrianna and the children as they assembled on the parade ground, ready to make their departure. To the children, they were leaving the only home they'd ever known, and it was very difficult for Adrianna to leave the remains of her husband. She knew that she would never return to the colonies, and he would sleep forever on the other side of the world.

Leaves swirled around the ankles of the women as they embraced. Adrianna urged, "Bare is the companionless shoulder, Darcy."

"Don't worry about me. Think of me on the abbey bluff at home again someday in
our
Ireland
, Adrianna." She handed her a loaf of bread, with a sign of the cross cut into it, and said, "Here is some boxty for your journey. After all, it is All Hallows Eve."

"So it is, Darcy. I hope that travelling this day is not a bad omen."

"That is why you must eat the bread."

Darcy turned and presented Deirdre with the copy of
Don Quixote,
which Nathan had bought for her in
Providence
and told the girl never to give up on her dreams. Darcy lived vicariously through Deirdre. She was innocent and eager, setting out with a thousand dreams yet to be fulfilled. She too had been optimistic once and filled with hopes and dreams.

The company was assembled and ready to depart. The smaller children rode on a cart while Adrianna and the others walked between two formations of regulars. Taking nothing but a few personal articles, they set off on their journey to
Boston
and to the green hills of
Ireland
beyond.

Darcy watched and waved to them as she stood on the south battery. They circled through the valley and were eventually swallowed up in the endless wilderness. As she watched them go a group of geese flew over her head, and she observed that they too were in formation. She could hear them honking their warning to leave the northland before it was too late.

Everyone seemed to be abandoning Darcy in this frontier outpost, and she felt trapped. She listened to the melancholy honking of the geese in the distance, and she was overcome with a deep sense of foreboding.

Chapter 24

Darcy tried to keep busy throughout November. The food and supplies had not yet arrived, and she found herself worrying constantly about the upcoming winter. It brought back terrible memories.

She resumed her routine of visiting Moses after her work was completed each day, but she knew that she would be unable to get down to see him once the deep snows started. On several occasions she visited the McDermott homestead, wishing that she could live with Shenanigan in the cozy cabin. She knew that it was a pipe dream though; Nathan continued to demand her attention every night in his quarters.

Lately his taste in pleasure had taken a more licentious turn, and Darcy was growing uncomfortable with these new avenues. He was never cruel to her though, and she was grateful for his tolerant attitude regarding her daily outings.

Darcy found great comfort in her visits with Moses. She would sit by the fire and read to him from the Bible, or they would simply share the news of the day over a supper she had prepared. She enjoyed making him venison stews or chicken puddings, and on one occasion she surprised him with a small queen’s cake tart.

Darcy inspected his food stores and assessed that he had enough for the winter, but she did not tell him that food was growing alarmingly low at the fort. She knew that Moses would insist on giving her meat, and he had just enough to keep himself alive.

Darcy worried about Moses getting lonely during the wintertime. For many, many months he would have no company, and one day she suggested, "Why don't you take Shenanigan for the winter?"

"Why? He's your dog. He should be with you."

"When it gets cold, I couldn't bear to have him sleep outside, and Nathan won't allow him in the commanding officers' quarters."

He reached out, and Shenanigan got up to meet his hand. "Well, I do like the old boy, and he would be company for me," Moses said, petting the dog affectionately.

"Oh, thank you, Moses!" Darcy said feeling relieved.

As Moses sat smoking his pipe in front of the fire, Darcy decided to ask a question which had been nagging her for some time. "Moses," she asked returning the Bible to the mantle and sitting down in a chair beside him, "What do you know of Jean Michel Lupe'?"

He let out a puff of sweet-smelling smoke and said, "Hmm, very little, but I knew his father well. We trapped for years together up north. Everyone called him 'The Wolf"

“Why?"

"Well, I guess
Lupe
' means
wolf
. The Wolf married a pretty, little English girl and built her a fancy house just down south of here on the
Piscataqua
River
. That's where she raised their two boys. He had a good-sized French trading post near
Quebec
so he wasn't around much."