Beyond the Sea (33 page)

“
Brian!”

Relief, happiness, and dread combined, zapping him with nervous energy. Brian gripped the leather shaving kit, waiting in the vestibule. The door closed behind Troy, shutting out the ambient sounds of the lobby. There was only silence now in the glass rectangle as they stared at each other.

“
Are you seriously leaving without saying goodbye?” Troy’s curls were wet, his tanned skin somehow pallid in the too-bright lighting.

“
You were busy. I didn’t want to bother you.” It was hollow and inadequate to Brian’s own ears, and Troy stared at him incredulously.

“
You didn’t want to
bother
me? Are you serious right now? After…after everything? That’s it?”

“
I have to get back.”

“
To
what
?”

Brian hesitated. “My job. Interviews with the company, the safety board.”

“
You don’t have to run away in the middle of the night!”

Brian was very aware of the desk clerks and the doorman watching them from both sides. He didn’t think they could hear them talking, but if Troy kept shouting, they would. “Lower your voice.”

“
No!”

“
We’re not alone.”

“
I—” Troy’s nostrils flared, and he glanced left and right. The clerks jerked their heads back to their computers, and the doorman moved to the far end of the front entry, standing near a waiting taxi. Clenching his jaw, Troy spoke quietly. “You don’t have to go. You sure as hell don’t have to go
right now
.”

“
I need to get to Auckland.”

His brows drew together. “Auckland?”

“
Paula’s parents live there. George and Maia.” His smile was brittle, about to shatter. “I finally know their names.”

Softening, Troy sighed. “It doesn’t have to be right this second, does it?

“
The company’s sent a jet for me. I have to see them right away. I have to tell them…” He shook his head. “I don’t know what to tell them, but I owe them an explanation.”

“
Okay. Then what?”

All Brian could do was force his shoulders into a shrug.

“
We just got back. I thought we’d…”

Aching all over, Brian swallowed thickly. “What? Troy, it’s like you said. We’re back. This is all real again. Real lives, waiting to pick up where they left off. Your family and your band. Your girlfriend.”

Troy’s voice rose. “She’s not my girlfriend. I told you, I broke up with her before I left Sydney. I’m not—” He exhaled and whispered, “I didn’t sleep with her tonight.” He took a step closer. “Is that what you think? Is that why you’re doing this? It’s over with Savannah.”

Brian shouldn’t have felt the rush of relief, but it flowed through him sweetly.
It doesn’t change anything. One of us has to be realistic.
“No. That’s not why. I told you, I have to see Paula’s parents.”

“
Don’t use that as an excuse.” Troy’s eyes glistened. “There’s still so much we need to talk about.”

Brian yearned to take Troy in his arms and banish his tears. But he remained rooted to the spot, the gleaming marble tiles under his new flip-flops. “What is there to say? We’re back. It’s over. You have your life, and I have mine.”

“
And that’s it? Separate ways, like it was all…nothing?”

Brian managed to keep his voice even. “I live in Sydney. You live in LA.”

“
You don’t have to live there! I don’t have to live in LA! We can do anything we want.”

“
Troy, you have so much to go back to. What did you expect would change?”

“
Everything’s changed! And I expected you to still be my friend!” He took a shuddering breath. “If nothing else, I expected that.”

Brian knew his protest was feeble. “I am. I’ll always care—”

“
Stop. Just don’t.” Troy crossed his arms over his stomach protectively. “I get it. You don’t want…this. Me.”

Brian’s feet moved closer, but he stopped just out of reach. “Listen to yourself,” he murmured. “Think about your family and your career. Why would you want to be stuck with a washed-up, screwed-up pilot pushing forty? You’re a rock star, remember? Even if you don’t like that label, it doesn’t make it less true. And now that we’re rescued, we’re not stuck together. We were the only two people there. Of course we bonded. It was a remarkable, extreme circumstance, and it’s over. We have to be realistic about who we are.” He lowered his voice even more. “It’s not like we’re gay now.” He tried to laugh dismissively. “We were horny.”

It’s what’s best for him. I owe him this. I owe him his life back.

Troy only stared, hurt emanating from his dark eyes. Before he could respond, camera flashes exploded to life outside, and they blinked in the glare as the doorman attempted to wrangle the paparazzi, who must have been tipped off. Troy closed his eyes, his shoulders lifting and lowering as he breathed deeply.

When he opened his eyes, he plastered a smile on his face, so bright and fake it was painful. He stuck out his hand. “Well, thanks for everything. Have a good life.”

The flashes were still popping in the night, and Brian had no choice but to take Troy’s hand, squeezing his palm. The lump in his throat was choking him, and he couldn’t speak. He managed a nod, and then Troy was gone, disappearing toward the elevator bank, his stride forceful.

Tearing his gaze away, Brian escaped into the humid night and a waiting taxi, nodding at the doorman’s profuse apologies, flashes still blinding him. At least he had an excuse for blinking away tears as he thought of the last time they’d kissed with hot sand between their toes, not knowing it was the end.

“
What do you mean he’s gone?” Lara’s voice shot up in concert with her sculpted eyebrows. She nudged Troy’s auntie with a tight smile and sidestepped the bed. There were far too many people crammed into Troy’s hotel room. All he’d wanted to do was sleep, but it was past noon and his time was up.

“
Why aren’t you in a suite?” Joe demanded. “Patty, call the desk. We need a bigger room for Troy.”

Along with his family and Savannah, who was puffy-eyed and uncharacteristically quiet, the band’s “people” had arrived. Joe was their middle-aged manager, and he’d given Troy a tearful bear hug, followed by Lara the PR director, Patty the assistant, and Steve and Carlos, whose jobs Troy didn’t even know.

Troy appreciated everyone’s concern and obviously sincere happiness in seeing him, but now he was backed up near the window, the blinds still tightly shut. He just wanted them to go away. “I don’t need a suite. I’m going home tonight.”

Lara turned to Joe. “I thought we’d agreed on tomorrow? Give us some time to strategize.”

Troy spoke up before Joe could answer. “I booked my own flight. Well, Savannah booked it for me and my mom.” The flight hadn’t had enough seats left for his whole family, but he’d made sure they could get back ASAP and that it would be charged to his credit card. “I need to see my brother. A two-minute phone call isn’t enough. Ty needs me, and he needs to stay in rehab, so I’m going to him.”

Lara smiled tightly. “Of course. We all want the very best for him. For both of you.” Her power suit looked impeccable, a blue scarf knotted perfectly at her neck and complementing her golden hair. “Now what’s this about Brian Sinclair leaving?”

“
He left,” Troy replied flatly.

“
Is he coming back?”

Mouth dry, Troy gulped from a bottle of water. “No.”

“
But…he can’t just
leave
.” Lara smiled again. “We have a press conference to do. Can you call him?”

Troy realized with a horrible burst of nausea that he didn’t even have Brian’s number. “He left.”

“
But there are so many questions the world wants answered, and it’s really best if we control the message and you two are a united front.”

Troy’s mother squeezed in beside Lara. “The world will have to go jump in the river. Troy’s coming home.”

“
I’m not doing a press conference. Sorry.” He shrugged.

Lara glanced down at her tightly gripped phone as if there would be some answer there. Then she met his gaze with calm, practiced understanding. “I know you’ve been through an ordeal we can’t imagine. But we want you to help us understand. There is so much love for you out there, you have no idea. This is a miracle! Let us celebrate you.”

In the past, he never would have argued. He’d have gone along with whatever they wanted, carried away in their current. If he flat out refused, he wouldn’t have any peace. “I’ll give a statement outside the hotel. But no press conference.”

“
All right,” Lara smoothly agreed after a glance with Joe. “Patty?” With a nod to her minion, she turned back to Troy. “We’ll craft something for you and have it ready by—”

“
I don’t need that. I’ll figure out what to say.”

“
Speaking off the cuff is never a good idea, especially when you’ve been under strain,” Lara insisted. “You need—”

“
I need everyone to leave me the fuck alone!”

In the sudden hush, Troy’s heart thumped hollowly. His mother stared at him with wide eyes, and he waited for her admonishment to apologize and not be rude. But instead, she clapped her hands together sharply.

“
You heard him. Leave.” As the band’s people filed out first, she spoke to the family in rapid-fire Tagalog. Troy only knew as much as a child—questions about being hungry, thirsty, tired, happy—and usually answered in English. She turned back to him, giving his arms a squeeze. “We’ll let you rest, Bongbong.”

“
No, you don’t have to go. I’m sorry. I was dying to see you all for so long. I’m just…” He rubbed his face. “I’m sorry.”

Savannah spoke from the door. “I’ll handle Lara and Joe. Don’t worry.” She disappeared before he could thank her.

His aunties and uncles followed. “We’ll go to the pool,” Uncle Jojo joked, patting his broad belly. “Work on our tans.” They all smiled and waved and acted like Troy wasn’t an enormous asshole.

“
You need more rest,” his mother said, going for the room phone. “I’ll order you food, and then you sleep.”

“
It’s okay. I’m fine, Mom.”

She clucked her tongue. “Fine? You were dead, Bongbong.” Shaking her head, she muttered to herself, “Okay, let’s see if they have anything halfway decent.”

Troy didn’t argue as she called for room service, ordering far too much. Her voice was even, but when she turned, he could see the tears she refused to let fall. Reaching out, he hugged her. She clung to him, and neither of them said anything for a minute.

When she stepped back, she sniffled loudly. “All right, I’ll leave you alone now.”

“
No. Stay, Mom. Please? We can watch TV. I haven’t seen TV in months.” He managed a smile. “And you can help me eat all that food.”

“
All right, if you want.”

They settled side-by-side on the bed, leaning against the pillows. It was strange to handle a remote control again, and Troy cycled through the channels almost as if he was seeing television for the first time. It seemed too bright and loud. Then he spotted his own face, and his thumb froze over the button.

“
Who cares what they’re saying?” His mom reached for the remote. “Let’s find a nice movie.”

Troy held the remote away, his eyes glued to the screen. “Wait.”

There was Brian’s picture now, smiling and handsome in his pilot’s uniform. No dimples in his cheeks, which meant it wasn’t a real smile. Then there he was in the grainy footage of his first crash, diving out the cockpit window as fire tore through the plane.

His mother tsked. “I’m so glad he was with you, Bongbong. Superman, eh? So brave! We’re so grateful. And of course that poor woman. How awful for you.”

Troy watched the news anchors talking, not hearing the words. There was a new picture now, and his heart skipped. It was from last night, he and Brian downstairs in the glass vestibule, shaking hands, a smile painted on Troy’s face. Brian held his shaving kit in his other hand, and Troy thought of the scrape of the blade and the concentration on Brian’s face, his breath puffing over Troy’s skin.

Brian kissing him, rutting against him, touching him, fucking him. Making him feel more precious and wanted than a million fans ever could. Leaving him without a last kiss.

“
He’s a very good man, hmm?”

Troy didn’t trust himself to speak. He nodded, flipping the channel with pushes of his thumb until he found a
Full House
rerun. The food arrived soon after, and he picked at a too-rich and greasy burger and fries, barely tasting it even when he threw it up later that afternoon.