BeyondAddiction (28 page)

“I’m finally beginning to accept that. Though I’ve still
been waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know? And all Claire will say—or
Jack Torres, for that matter—is, ‘Don’t worry about it. It’s handled.’ I don’t
even know what that means.” She leaned forward. “I know you’ve spoken with both
of them. They’re as bad as surrogate parents hovering like shadows. Do you know
what they’re talking about?”

“First of all,” Ted corrected, “I can assure you they don’t
consider themselves in any parental position. Just very good friends. And their
concern is for both you
and
Cord. I share no confidences with them and I
break no trusts.”

“But?” she asked. “I know there’s a ‘but’.”

“But I’m asking you to afford them similar trust, and just
believe me when I say that Jack Torres is very well connected and has put up a
roadblock Brian Willoughby won’t be able to get past.”

Fallon sat back in the warm leather chair and blew out a
breath. “Am I ever going to find out anything?”

“Of course.” Ted smiled at her again. “When you’re ready. And
that’s probably sooner rather than later.”

“When you and everyone else agree that I’m stable enough.”

Now he laughed. “Fallon, you might have come in here with
extreme problems but you’re still one of the most stable individuals I’ve
treated. And you’ve come a very long way. You are finally your own person. You
had some heavy baggage that dragged down your life and took it in a bad
direction. We’ve been getting rid of it one suitcase at a time.”

“I feel like we’re down to the last piece of luggage,” she
told him.

“And perhaps we are. One of the things that pleases me most
about these sessions is I believe you truly understand now the difference
between embracing submission and feeling completely worthless.”

“I do,” she agreed. “I realize it was the kind of discipline
that brought pleasure that I loved so much. Brian got inside my head and turned
me into a mindless object. With Cord, I discovered what I really wanted but
Brian was still inside my head, screwing it up. It feels good to have moved
past that.”

“Do you feel ready to have any contact with Cord yet?” he
asked.

She chewed her lip thoughtfully. “Not—in person. Not yet.
But maybe, I don’t know…something else.”

“Okay. Then I think you should pass that along to Claire.”
He crossed his legs. “Keep in mind, after we unpack that baggage there will
still be odds and ends trailing after you. I’m going to recommend that we
continue our sessions once a week.”

“Until I heal?”

“Fallon, none of us are ever really healed. We all have
baggage we drag around. No, call this a maintenance process, until you’re
secure enough in yourself to go to Cord without reservation. To live your life
without fear.”

She thought about it for a moment then nodded her head.
“Fair enough. So shall we get to the unpacking?”

* * * * *

“I can only pass along what she gives me permission to tell
you,” Claire told Cord. They were sitting at Starbucks, where they’d been
meeting three times a week. Despite her busy schedule, she always made time for
him, knowing how much he was hurting and how desperate he was for any
information.

He took a swallow of his Café Americano. “I feel like a
starving dog sniffing for crumbs.”

“Have faith. Please. It’s all good. But she needed to come
to the realization of who and what she is herself. So she can finally come back
to you with no reservations.”

Cord shook his head. “I hope it happens before I lose my
mind. How’s her therapy coming?”

“Very well. Extremely well. I should have insisted she do
this when I dragged her out of that house the first time.”

Cord shook his head. “She had to want to do it. This time
she did.”

Claire trailed her finger around the rim of her coffee cup.
“Jack made an excellent choice when he recommended Ted Widener. In fact, I just
dropped her off after her latest session. Fallon relates to him and has really
opened herself up so he can help.”

“Thank god for that.” He tossed back the rest of his coffee.
“Are you… Can you tell her…”

Claire smiled. “She knows you’re waiting for her, Cord.
That’s a lot of what keeps her going. Believe me.”

“I don’t suppose I could get your permission for a phone
call, Mom, could I?”

“
Mom
.” She snorted. “And sorry, but no phone calls.
Not yet. Fallon doesn’t think she’s ready.
But
,” she leaned forward, “I
think she’d be really happy if she got a text from you.” She reached into her
purse and pulled out a slip of paper. “Here. I got her a new cell phone. Only
two people have her number. Ted Widener and me. And now you. I think she’s
ready for this.”

He took the piece of paper and stared at it as if it were a lifeline.

Claire chuckled. “You can keep it. You don’t have to
memorize it.”

He folded it and put it in his shirt pocket. “Thanks.” He
fiddled with his empty coffee cup. “Let me ask you something. She still has all
her things at my house. She’s never asked for them, nor have you. Why not?”

“I think,” Claire mused, “because she wants them right where
they are. I shopped with her for a few things when she was finally able to get
out, but Cord? I truly believe she has every intention of returning to Comanche
Pass Ranch. If you want her.”

“If I want her?” He had to stop himself from shouting. “Of
course I want her! I just—”

“I know. So have a little patience. Also, let me remind you,
the Emersons’ barbecue is coming up. You’re going, right?”

“Pretty much have to. Part of the public relations bit.” His
eyes lit with interest. “Why? Do you think you can get her to go with you?”

Claire shrugged. “I don’t know, but I’m going to mention it.
She hasn’t been out in crowds since—since she moved into my house. I think it might
help her, and I know she wants to resume her business soon. I’ll check with Ted
Widener just to be sure.”

“Let me know.”

“Definitely.” She rose from her chair, gathering her litter.
“And now I need to get going. I promised Fallon I’d bring her a scone before I
head to my office. You go on back to the ranch. Work hard. And send a text.
Okay?”

“I owe you a lot,” he said after a moment. “If not for you,
I would have gone insane.”

“If I thought this was bad for Fallon, I would have told you
so. But you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to her. She’ll come back to
you. And she’ll be a whole person when she does.”

* * * * *

Fallon reclined in the chaise lounge, a wide-brimmed hat
shading her from the late-afternoon sun, and stared at the cell phone in her
hand. She’d been staring at it for the better part of the day, fingers
trembling as they hovered over the message icon.

I miss you. I want to tie you to my bed forever.

She smiled, wondering how many people would actually know
that was an intensely emotional message. She closed her eyes and conjured an
image of Cord, naked, standing before her with his cock hard. In one hand he
held a pair of handcuffs, in the other a blindfold. Her breath caught in her
throat at the picture. Tremors raced through her pussy and liquid soaked the
crotch of her thong.

Clutching the cell to her chest, she took in a deep breath
and let it out slowly. For the first time since that terrible afternoon at the
Frontier and the nightmare at Brian’s house, she felt an honest-to-god pure
sexual response. To Cord. Without any reservations or any questions in her
mind. And without Brian’s face suddenly superimposed over everything.

“Is that thing welded to your hand?” Claire’s laughing voice
sounded behind her. “You’ve been holding it since before I left for the office
this morning. I brought you something to distract you.”

Fallon sat up and swung her legs over the side of the
chaise. Claire had changed from her office attire to a pair of shorts and a
t-shirt and was carrying two glasses of white wine out to the patio.

“I’m not sure if I should answer it or not,” she said,
reaching for one of the glasses.

“Do you want to?” Claire dropped into a patio chair, draping
her legs over one curled wrought iron arm.

Fallon let out a little sigh. “More than I can tell you.
More than I thought I would.”

Claire shrugged. “Then maybe you should.” She studied Fallon
over the rim of her glass. “Are you sure you’re ready to see him? What does Ted
say?”

“That I’m ready to take steps. To move forward.” She took a
healthy sip of the wine, waiting while the chilled liquid trickled down her
throat. “Ted says I’m ready to test the waters. Baby steps, but steps all the
same. That at this point it’s up to me.” She smiled. “He says I’ve slayed my
demons and accepted that I am what I am without reservation. That I need to get
unstuck now.”

“There you go. That’s what you should do.”

Fallon rubbed her thumb along the side of the cell. “What if
he’s tired of waiting after all this time? Or if he expects something I can’t
give him?”

“Jesus, Fallon, you sound like you’re getting ready for a
high school date.” She smiled. “I can tell you with great certainty that
whatever you can give him will be more than enough for Cord. You said baby
steps. He’ll understand that.” She took another sip of wine. “So what did he
say? Are you ever going to tell me?”

Fallon smiled but shook her head. “No. I think not.”

“Ohmigod, you’re blushing.” Claire hooted with laughter. “I
can’t believe it.”

“If you’re going to act like an ass then I won’t tell you
anything.” She pushed herself off the chaise and headed toward the house, then
stopped abruptly. She turned back to Claire with a sigh. “I’m sorry. You’ve
been nothing but kind support and comfort all these weeks. I don’t know what I
would have done without you. And I’m sure Cord feels the same way. I just…
Everything feels so new to me, like I’m starting over.”

“You are, kiddo. A fresh start. Go on, send him a text. He’s
probably worn the face off his phone pulling it out of his pocket all day to
check.”

Fallon sat in one of the chairs at the table and thought a
moment, then typed before she could change her mind.

I’d like to be there, too.

She hit send before she could change her mind then tucked
the phone into a pocket of her shorts.

She fiddled with her glass. “But I feel funny just calling
him up and saying, ‘Hi, can we have a sleepover?’”

Claire choked on a mouthful of wine. “I don’t think that’s
exactly what the plan should be, sweetie.” She wiped the splashes of liquid
from her chin with the back of her hand. “But I do have an idea. A way to dip
your toes in the water, so to speak.”

“And what would that be?”

“The Emersons are having a barbecue in three weeks. Their
annual Fourth of July shindig. You passed on it last year, remember?”

Fallon shrugged. “I was just getting back into the world
again. I felt strange accepting an invitation from people I didn’t even know. I
think they only asked me because I was your friend, anyway.”

“Oh shoot. They invite everyone whether they know them or
not.” Her mouth curved in a sly grin. “I happen to know Cord’s also invited.
You could, you know, just sort of bump into him there. See what happens.”

Fallon chewed her lip, her nerves suddenly doing a dance
beneath every surface of her skin. “I don’t know, Claire.”

“Think about it. Okay? We’ll go together. Maybe even shop
for some new duds.” She winked. “A snazzy outfit.”

“I’m just not sure—”

“How about this. We’ll go, spend a little time. The minute
you want to leave, we’re out of there.”

“But that means inconveniencing you,” Fallon protested.
“What if you want to stay longer?”

“Sweetie, I can always bring you home and go back if it’s
that important to me. But it’s not.
You
are.”

Fallon stared into her wineglass, twirling it in her
fingers. “Cord will be there?”

Claire nodded. “I expect so. He’s becoming what you’d call a
notable in the area. That event center has really taken off.”

“Oh, I’m so glad.” She dipped her head, hiding her sudden
embarrassment. “I should have been there for all of that. Helping. Promoting
it.”

”No more of that, Fallon.” Claire grasped her hand on the
table. “You gave it a great launch. Helped him hire a top-notch director. And
if things work out the way I think they will, you’ll be involved again. Don’t
do this to yourself, okay?” Claire leaned toward her. “Yes, Cord will be at the
barbecue. I definitely think it would be great for the two of you to run into
each other and take it from there.”

Fallon laughed, an unfamiliar sound to her ears. She hadn’t
had much to laugh about in a long time. “You are so sneaky. But okay. Maybe
you’re right. Seeing him for the first time in a crowd would be easier for me.”

Then she lowered her gaze and took a sip of wine, fortifying
herself before she asked the next question. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to
hear the answer. “What if he decides he can’t forgive me after all?”

“Enough. The man is completely hung up on you. Trust me. I
can verify that.”

“Even with, you know—”

“Even with. He’s been waiting not so patiently for just this
opportunity. And like I said, the minute you feel uncomfortable, we’re out of
there.” She pulled her cell out of her pocket. “I’m going to call him, okay?”

After only a moment’s hesitation, Fallon nodded. “Yes. All
right.”

A nervous shiver slid over her skin as she watched Claire
hit the speed-dial button for Cord. Was he really waiting for her? Did he
really mean what he’d said in his text?

Only one way to find out.

Red, white and blue lanterns lined the driveway at the
Emersons and the walk around to the back of the enormous ranch house. Music
floating on the air mingled with the sound of dozens of voices. Fallon walked
tentatively with Claire from the shoulder of the driveway where they’d parked,
nervous butterflies beating a frenzied rhythm in her stomach.

She’d barely slept the night before, imagining over and over
how this first meeting with Cord might play out. Despite Claire’s many
assurances regarding Cord’s feelings, Fallon still couldn’t scrub her memory of
the look on his face that last awful afternoon.

Since Claire had convinced her to come to the barbecue,
Fallon had thought of little else. Seeing Cord after all this time, after what
had happened, had every nerve in her body firing. Could he
really
still
want her just as much? Still have the same feelings for her? She’d betrayed him
so badly. Was forgiveness truly possible?

Get it together, girl. This is the new you.

And a hopefully much-improved version.

She was glad Claire had dragged her out for a shopping trip.
They’d gone to the Tanger Outlet in San Marcos, a very unlikely place to run
into Brian, so she could shop feeling safe and secure. Now in her new wedge
sandals, embroidered jeans and tight tank top, with a gauzy blouse knotted just
beneath her breasts, she actually felt like a new person.

As they rounded the corner of the house, she took a deep
breath and followed her friend through the gate, suddenly assaulted by a mass
of people, colors, sounds. For a moment she had an almost overwhelming urge to
turn and run back to the car.

“Easy,” Claire murmured. “It’s going to be fine. Look.
Here’s Lorna Emerson.”

A tall, well-endowed woman in jeans and a
rhinestone-studded, red, white and blue Western shirt strode toward them, hand
out.

“Well, Claire, I’m sure glad y’all made it!” She shook
Claire’s hand then pulled her into a hug. “This is about the only time I get to
see you.”

“You know I wouldn’t miss it.” Claire extricated herself
gently. “Lorna, this is my very good friend Fallon Crowe. She’s the—”

“Really talented lady responsible for the success of the
Comanche Pass event center. Hal and I were at the opening party but we didn’t
get a chance to meet then. What with the big crowd you had and all.”

Her hand was warm, her handshake firm and her smile
welcoming. The butterflies in Fallon’s stomach began to slow the beating of
their wings. “Thank you for inviting me.”

“Let’s get you over to the bar. This is very thirsty weather
today.”

Keeping Fallon’s hand firmly in hers, she wound her way
through the crowd, towing Fallon behind, speaking to everyone along the way
without a hitch in her breath or her step.

“Now.” She stopped at the long bar that had been set up.
“Name your poison. Whatever it is, I’m sure we’ve got it.” She leaned closer so
her words were just for Fallon. “When you’re ready, there’s a bunch of folks I
want you to meet. They want to talk to you about promotion.” She stepped back.
“Y’all have fun, okay?”

Fallon turned to Claire, shoulders tense. “Did you say
anything to her? About where I’ve been? Or what—”

“No. She didn’t.”

The deep voice behind her slipped over Fallon like warm
molasses. She turned and nearly bumped into Cord standing intimately close.

“I’ve had a lot of people ask who handled the promotion for
the event center. I told them you’ve been ill but as soon as you were back in
the office, you’d be open for business.”

“H-Hello, Cord.” Her voice shook.

God. Considering her heightened nerves, his nearness was
almost overwhelming. She searched his face desperately for any trace of the
anger and loathing she’d seen that last afternoon. But all she saw was need and
maybe a touch of his own anxiety.

“Fallon. You’re looking—wonderful.” His smile was enough to
ease her nervousness a bit and warm her deep down inside. “Delectable, as a
matter of fact.”

“Thank you.” Her lips curved in a tiny smile. “You look
pretty damn good yourself.”

She had been so afraid of this first meeting but suddenly,
as if a magic wand had been waved, everything felt easy. Okay. There was no
anger in his eyes, only desire. And something else, something she was afraid to
identify just yet.

“You don’t have to be uneasy around me.” He brushed his
knuckles against her cheek in a familiar gesture. “It’s all good. I promise.
I’ve been waiting for this for weeks.”

“I, uh—me too.” God, she sounded like a first-class idiot.
This wasn’t at all how she’d planned to act. She had assured both Ted and
Claire that she was strong now. Ready to see Cord. Ready to see if they still
had something between them. She tried to swallow but her mouth was dry.

“A glass of wine?”

“Y-Yes. Please.”

He turned to the bartender and ordered their drinks. Fallon
was vaguely aware that Claire had blended back into the crowd.

“How about if we wander over to that shady spot under the
trees, away from the mob scene?” Without waiting for her answer, Cord placed
his hand at her elbow and steered her in that direction.

In the sheltering canopy of ancient oak trees, the sounds of
the crowd faded, giving the illusion it was just the two of them. Fallon took a
fortifying sip of wine, searching for something to say. It just felt so right,
being with him, but she had so much to atone for. So much to say to convince
him of her feelings. More than anything, she wanted to throw herself in his
arms and beg forgiveness but despite Claire’s assurances, she was still
uncertain of his feelings.

As if reading her thoughts, he cupped her cheek with his
free hand, fingers warm on her skin. “I’ve missed you every single day, Fallon.
Every minute of every day and night.”

She searched his eyes as if seeking an answer. When she saw
the hunger, the need, the heat, the butterflies in her stomach settled even
more.

“I-I’m so very sorry for what I did.” He shook his head but
she needed to get it out. “No, let me say this. Ted Widener has made me see a
lot of things about myself. Helped me to understand why I couldn’t break free
of Brian, despite what you and I had.” She took a deep breath and let it out
slowly. “But that’s all past, Cord. Every bit of it.”

“Hush. I know that. I’ve been keeping up with your progress,
remember?” He rubbed his thumb over her bottom lip.

Heat sizzled through her, a flutter of happiness following.
It was still there! The connection! The feeling she’d only ever felt with Cord.
Did he feel it too? Was that what the look in his eyes was?

“I—” She wet her lips, unable to get out the words she
wanted.

“You don’t have to say anything right now, girl.”

It thrilled her to hear him use that form of address. “I
just want you to know—I want to be with you, Sir.” There. She’d gotten it out.

He was so close to her now that she could feel the soft
breeze of his breath on her cheek.

“I will always be your Sir. We’ll take this as slow as you
need to, but be assured I’m not going anywhere.” He touched her lip again then
took a step back. “How about if we do a little socializing? As much or as
little as you want. Then we go from there.”

“I-I’d like that.”

“Another glass of wine?”

She shook her head. She didn’t want to drink too much today
and she already had a little buzz going just from anticipation. She desperately
needed Cord’s complete acceptance and desire and she didn’t want to do anything
to screw it up. Instead, when Cord asked for a refill for himself, she ordered
a soft drink.

They were standing to the side again, sipping their drinks,
when the arrival of two people caught her eye and her stomach instantly
knotted.

Tall and imposing in his perfectly tailored Western clothes,
Brian Willoughby was moving through the crowd, stopping occasionally to speak
to someone. She knew there were people who would always be afraid to ignore
him. But she also noted that neither of the Emersons greeted him.

What
really
captured her attention, however, was the
woman walking behind him, a thin wraith of a female with a total attitude of
subservience. She stood behind Brian when he chatted with someone, never saying
a word, never moving until he told her to.

Was this someone new who had taken her place? Someone he’d
thoroughly broken down in barely more than a few months?

Impossible. This woman had been completely drained of life.
That couldn’t have happened so quickly. Could it?

Cord’s arm circled her protectively and he put his mouth
close to her ear.

“Look at me and smile, girl. Don’t acknowledge him or react
to what I’m going to tell you.”

“What—”

“Jack said he’d had a sub living with him for six months
before you…went to his house that day. Apparently he planned to keep you both.”

Nausea crawled up into her throat. “Both of us?”

“Polyamorous households are a small part of the lifestyle,
but usually it’s all consensual. She doesn’t look to me like she has any will
left to consent or not.”

She turned her head into his shoulder. “That could be me
there with him.”

“No. Not anymore. It’s over and done.” His arm tightened.
“You’re out of it, of your own choice. Okay, he’s coming this way. Keep
smiling.”

Fallon forced herself to take deep, slow breaths as Brian
forged through the crowd to where they were standing, the woman stopping
obediently just behind.

“She has nothing to say to you,” Cord drawled.

“That’s not your choice.” Brian’s voice was filled with
menace.

“It’s
her
choice.”

Fallon was so busy swallowing back the bile that rose in her
throat and trying to keep her face expressionless that she hadn’t even noticed
Jack Torres move up to stand beside them. Brian’s eyes glittered with hatred as
he looked at the attorney.

“You’d better be done sticking your nose in my business,
Torres.”

“And you’d better be paying attention to everything going on
in your business, Willoughby. Things can change when you least expect them to.”
His words were dripping with contempt. “The Emersons kept you on their guest
list, but Frank’s a state officer in the SRT. His company operates worldwide,
just as your does. You never know when the two of you might butt heads.”

“You guys think you’re so fucking smart.” Rage dripped from
his words. “You don’t know who you’re screwing with!”

Jack actually laughed. “Oh yeah. We do. And you’d best keep
that in mind.” Effortlessly he nudged Cord and Fallon away from the spot and
into the crowd. “Don’t look back at him, Fallon. That’s what he’s waiting for.”

She could sense his piercing gaze like an arrow in her back
but she wrapped her arm around Cord, tilted her chin a bit higher and kept
moving. She managed to walk on slightly unsteady legs, but with each step, she
felt Cord’s strength seep into her. She absorbed the power of his touch, his
nearness, his body pressed close, steadying her own.

He can’t hurt me anymore. I’m done with him.
Done
with
him. Finished.

And strangely, as she moved farther away from where Brian
was standing, it became fact. Not just a wish. She hadn’t felt any of the
addictive hunger that had plagued her for so long. Any of that invisible draw.
The tug and pull. Not even his voice had affected her.

Ted Widener’s voice echoed in her brain.
You are your own
person.

Apparently, against what she thought were terrible odds, she
really was.

When they had reached the far side of the crowded back yard,
Jack stepped away.

“You guys relax,” he told them. “We’ve got this handled.”

“I owe you.” Cord’s voice was tight, rimmed with barely
suppressed anger.

“No you don’t. That’s what friends are for, right?” He
slapped Cord on the back. “Enjoy yourself. I’m going to make sure Willoughby
decides to leave early.”

Fallon realized they were standing near the buffet table.
Nerves made her stomach dance as the aroma of food tickled her nose.

“I don’t think I can eat right now,” she told Cord.

“Do you want to leave?” His eyes when he studied her face
were filled with kindness. And concern.

“Fallon?” Now Claire had come to stand beside her, concern
written on her face. “Want me to take you home?”

Weak. That was how they still saw her. Claire worried that
coming here was a mistake. Cord was apprehensive about the effect Brian’s
appearance had on her. And suddenly she didn’t want them to see her that way.
As a victim, whether due to her own failings or someone else’s. She’d worked
very hard with Ted Widener to get past all that and she wasn’t about to let
Brian destroy it again. She drew in a deep breath and let it out very slowly,
settling herself.

“No. No, I don’t want to leave. Thanks anyway, Claire.” She
looked at Cord. “But can we get away from the food for a little while?”

“No problem.”

“I’ll check back with you in a bit,” Claire told her, worry
still etched on her face.

“I’m fine,” Fallon insisted. “I went through hell just to
break Brian’s hold on me. I have to show him—you, everyone…myself—that I’m past
that and can move on with my life.” She looked at Cord. “I’d like to go sit in
that little gazebo over there.” She pointed and smiled. “Sir.”

Cord’s answering grin warmed her. “No problem.”

“Take care of her,” Claire said.

“That’s a given,” he replied. He bent his head to Fallon.
“I’ll always take care of my girl.”

“Okay. Um, I’ll just be hanging out having a drink with
Jack.”

Fallon raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Is there something you’d like
to share with us?”

To her surprise, Claire actually blushed. “Can’t I have a
drink with a good-looking man if I want to?”