BFF Breakup (23 page)

I
N A WAY, SEEING BROOKE MADE ME SADDER
than ever. I was so worried that she hated me deep down that I couldn't get to sleep that night. I'd put the things I'd said to her out of my mind—especially about her mom—but after seeing her at the creek, they came rushing back to me, forcing me to remember what I'd done.

Another part of me was ecstatic to be seeing her again. I'd missed her more than I let myself believe. Hanging out with Susanna and the girls
was always fun—I liked being part of a group—but it was never the same as hanging out with Brooke. It's not even that we did anything special when we hung out; it was more of the familiarity of being with someone I knew so well, and who knew everything about me.

I didn't want to tell them about seeing Brooke at the creek. I wasn't sure how they'd take it, and I wasn't anxious to find out. After all the things I'd said about Brooke to them, and all the things I let them say about her to me, I knew they wouldn't understand my wanting to be friends with her again.

When I saw Brooke at the locker before first period, I checked the halls for Susanna. No sign of her.

“Morning,” I said to Brooke.

She looked up at me and smiled. “Hey, there.”

“Hey. Um, you want to have lunch together? It's a pretty day and I thought we could eat out in the courtyard.”

She didn't look at me. She kept her eyes down while she organized her books and folders in her arms. “Yeah. Sure. I brought my lunch so that sounds good.”

“Great,” I said, feeling a little buzz go through me. But just as suddenly as it shot through me, I saw Susanna approaching and it faded. “I'll see you out there, then.” I quickly grabbed what I needed and left, heading off toward Susanna before she got to my locker.

“What are you rushing for?” she asked when I cut her off halfway down the hall. We started walking in the opposite direction, toward our drama class.

“I'm not,” I said, slowing my pace.

“Hey, you want to go see that movie this weekend, the animated one about alley cats?” Susanna asked.

I tensed up when she mentioned that. I was going to try to get up the nerve to ask Brooke if she wanted to go see it with me. We'd seen every single animated movie together since we were eight. We'd never missed a single one; it was our thing. I didn't want to mess that up just as we were starting to talk again.

“Actually, I think I have to go to my mom's. She's trying to get me to spend the night.” That was more of a half-truth than a lie. Mom said she wanted me to sleep over in my “new room,” but that there was no pressure.

“Which night are you going over? She's not making you spend the whole weekend there, is she?”

We arrived at our drama class, and Susanna and I took our seats near the window on the side. There was no assigned seating, but after the first couple of days everyone committed to the seats they'd chosen and no one had moved from them. “Not sure. I'll let you know.”

“Even if it's Sunday night, that's cool. We can go to
the theater over in Woodland Lawn and see it in 3-D. How fun would that be?”

“Awesome,” I said, trying to fake enthusiasm as we got ready for class. “I'll let you know.”

Just before the classroom silence took over, I leaned across to Susanna and said, “Oh, forgot to tell you. Don't wait for me at lunch. I'm going to the library to study for a history test I totally forgot about.”

She furrowed her brows and kind of laughed. “Seriously? Studying at lunch?”

I shrugged, and looked back to the front. I hoped she didn't see me and Brooke eating in the courtyard. Maybe we should move it to the athletic field, just to be sure.

The day was overcast and a bit windy. I was glad I'd brought my jacket. Even though I'd told Brooke it would be a great day for eating outside, it really wasn't. I didn't have a backup plan if it started to rain either. Obviously we could go into the caf, but since I'd already told Susanna I would be studying . . .

I saw Brooke coming down the hall that leads to the courtyard. I tried to read her expression but couldn't. Mostly, though, I was relieved she showed.

Being around Brooke made me feel anxious, uncomfortable, and hopeful all at the same time. I knew
we just needed time to hang out together to get past all those awkward feelings, and I was ready to do that. It's one of the reasons I wanted to go to the movies with her this weekend.

She looked through the tinted glass doors up at the sky. “Looks like rain.”

“Nah,” I said. “It won't rain. It's nice out.” She didn't look convinced, but followed me outside.

Because of the cool weather, we were the only ones eating outside. Brooke pulled her jacket tighter around her; my hands were cold but I didn't say anything.

“Are you ready for the history test today?” I asked her.

“Not really. I sort of studied last night but couldn't really concentrate.”

I wondered if that was because of me. Then I realized that was sort of egotistical.

“Listen,” I said. “That new animated movie comes out this weekend. You want to go see it together?” I held my breath, waiting out the seconds it took for her to respond, wondering how she would react.

“Um, yeah. Sure. Sounds fun.”

“Cool.” I tried to be casual.

Brooke took a bite of her sandwich, and pulled a stray hair out of her mouth that the wind had blown in.

“I'm nervous about the test today.” I felt the need to
talk to fill the awkward silence, something we'd never had to worry about before. “Mrs. Stratford loves putting questions on tests from the footnotes, but who has time to memorize all that stuff, too? She makes it impossible.”

“I know,” Brooke said. “I heard that this test mainly has questions from—”

She stopped cold, a petrified look on her face. I followed her gaze and saw her friend Corrine coming out of the caf, walking through the courtyard toward us. My heart raced, wondering if Corrine was going to say something to me or maybe to Brooke. I waited, but she walked right past us.

We sat still for a moment. Brooke looked down at the sandwich in her hand, then chucked it into her paper lunch bag, crinkling the whole thing up. She tossed it toward the trash a few feet away, missing it. She didn't make an attempt to go get it.

“Okay?” I asked.

“Grand.”

“Sure?”

She looked at me and forced a smile. “Totally.”

I realized then that it was the first time in weeks that we'd had one of our meaningful one-word conversations. I guess all wasn't lost after all.

O
H, LILY! WHY DIDN'T SHE REMIND ME IN
class
—
the class
right before lunch
—that today was her birthday, and her mom was having pizza and cupcakes brought in for us to celebrate? Lily wasn't exactly the type to remind you that something was happening for her, but I wished she had. This was bad. So very, very bad.

The only time I'd seen that look on Corrine's face was the day she walked up to Susanna in the cafeteria after the necklace incident. I remember thinking then
that I never wanted to be on the receiving end of that look.

I raced the halls to Lily's locker first. She and Corrine were there, and I was both glad and full of dread that I was going to have to apologize to them at the same time. Maybe Lily would help lessen the blow from Corrine.

“You guys.” I was out of breath when I got there. “Hey. Listen . . . “

“Brooke, where were you today?” Lily asked. “I was worried you were sick in the nurse's office or something.”

Lily crushed me. She stood there worried about me while Corrine shot laser beams of hate toward me.

“I am so, so, so sorry. Seriously. I don't know how I forgot, but I completely spaced. Please forgive me, Lils.”

“Gosh, it's okay, Brooke,” Lily said. “It's not that big of a deal. I'm just glad you're not sick. Where were you?”

“Yeah, Brooke,” Corrine said. “Where were you?”

“Corrine, come on,” I said.

“What's going on?” Lily asked, looking between us.

“I had lunch with Madeline in the courtyard,” I said. “I'm sorry, Lily. I just forgot about you.” I cringed hearing myself say that.

“Oh.” The light expression left her face.

“I promise I'll make it up to you.”

She took some books out of her locker and by the time she turned toward me, her expression was coming back
to its usual Lily-ness. “It's okay. Don't worry about it.” I didn't believe her, but I decided to take what I could get and try to make it up to her later.

Corrine looked at me like she hated my guts. I couldn't deal with anymore tension, between me and anyone, so I said, “Go ahead, Corrine. Get it out. I deserve it, so just get it out now and be done with it.”

She barely hesitated. “Fine. We're talking about
Madeline
here, the girl who totally dissed you. She treated you like dirt for no good reason and then, just like that, you're friends with her again
and
ditching Lily's birthday lunch? Honestly, I don't get it, Brooke.”

“I didn't mean to miss Lily's lunch.”

“I just need to know,” Corrine said. “Were you just using us until your fight with her blew over?”

“No!” I said. “I can't believe you would think that.”

“I don't think that,” Lily said.

“It just sort of feels like you ditched us the first chance you got. You and what's-her-face started talking two days ago and you're already choosing her over us. What else am I supposed to think?”

“Please, you guys,” I said, feeling like begging, like I needed to. “I promise that's not it at all.” The sixth period bell rang, but none of us moved. “Don't hate me. I have no idea what's going on in my head but I know Madeline
was my best friend until this school year, and all the things she's done are totally out of character with the friend I've had since I was eight. I can't just
not
be friends with her. Maybe we've grown apart or something, I don't know. But I have to figure it out. I wasn't using you guys and I didn't mean to ditch you today. I'm just,” I said, my throat clamping up, and tears threatening to show themselves, “trying to figure it all out.”

“Oh, poor Brooke,” Lily said, hugging me from the side. I wrapped my arm around her waist and put my head on her shoulder. I was so confused and just wanted someone to rely on. “I get it. She's your best friend. It's hard to let that go. And maybe you won't have to!”

I looked at Corrine. Her face had softened. “Okay. I get it. If something happened between me and Lily, I guess I'd have a hard time believing it, too.”

“Nothing would ever happen between us!” Lily said.

Corrine laughed. “Okay. I'm sorry I got mad at you, Brooke. I said it last night but this time I mean it. I totally support you. I'm not sure I like Madeline just yet, but I promise to give her a chance. But one wrong move from her . . . ”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” I said. “Thanks, guys. You're the best.”

“And don't you forget it,” Corrine said.

J
UGGLING MY RENEWED FRIENDSHIP WITH
Brooke with my old friendship with Susanna and the girls was hard at first—running away from Brooke when someone approached wasn't exactly cool. It turned out that Brooke was doing the same thing to me, which made me wonder if we could really be friends again. I had thought the only thing left to do after we started talking was to just try to be friends again. Turns out we had to try to
learn
to be friends again.

Whatever little fight Brooke and Corrine got in on Monday after she saw us at lunch must have blown over quickly, because by the end of the day they were hanging out like nothing had happened. I didn't have to wait long to wonder if Brooke told them about me; after school, while I was waiting for my dad to pick me up, she and Corrine and Lily came out the front door and passed me. To my surprise, Brooke stopped and said hi. After the necklace incident, I thought Corrine might start yelling at me. She definitely had a funny look on her face, like she was amused by me, and I don't mean in a funny way.