Biker Faith (19 page)

“She’s worth
waitin’ for. Mark my words, she’ll come to you when she’s ready,” I look at Pope and wonder when the hell he started speaking so much.

“I hope so brother
.”

And I hope it’s fucking soon.

Chapter Nineteen

Bonnie...

Living in Lost Souls property made me feel safer because of the amount of locks on the doors and the windows. However, after Sparky told me yesterday that they were on their way to track Joe down I went the extra mile and pushed the kitchen chairs under the front and back door handles as an extra precaution. I managed to grab a few hours’ sleep last night but every little noise outside had me jumping out my skin. I know I told Sparky I’
ll be fine here and part of me agrees I will be but there’s that small part that still goes numb in fear that Joe or Tommy will turn up and try to take me back. I understand Sparky’s frustration with me when I keep pushing him away but he doesn’t realise how hard it is for me to do that. I do want him and I would love nothing more than to be with him and have him by my side like a real man, but I also want to feel that burst of freedom and the knowledge that I can do as I please for once. He has made it clear he wants to look out for me financially and how easy would that be, not having to work day in day out. Strangely though, I want to. I want to earn my own money. I want to be able to go grocery shopping and pay with cash I made, not cash that I had to steal or that has been thrown at me because I so happen to be carrying his baby. I haven’t told him I have fallen in love with him because I want to know it’s him I really love, not just because I latched onto him because he was the first man to be nice to me. I mean, he hasn’t told me he loves me. I know he feels something for me and he acts like he does love me but then I think is it because I am pushing him away that he chases me so much? I know it sounds crazy as I am having his baby and we are going to be a part of each other’s lives forever through our baby but I’m sick of living my life to make other people happy.

So today, I will get washed and dressed. I will eat my breakfast and make my way to the small solicitor’s office and go throug
h the motions of being normal and needing a job.

Standing on the sidewalk I am shaking. Shaking with joy. I can’t stop smiling. I done it.

The interview went well and I was hired. He knows about my pregnancy and it works out well because by the time I leave to have my baby, the original secretary will be back from maternity leave. I knew it was a part time o
ffer and I took it regardless. From now on I have a purpose.

Alannah is waiting outside my house when I arrive back waiting to hear if I got the job or not.

“So, how did it go?” she asks, getting out of her car.

“I got it
,” I tell her, leading the way up the path to the door.

“Congratulations Bon, I knew you’d be fine
so I brought us something to celebrate with,” she says, holding a large box of chocolates in her hands.

“It’s hardly tequila but these work too
,” she beams, following me inside.

I sit telling her about
my new role, explaining how perfect the position is because I’ll be sitting most of the time dealing with paperwork. I don’t want to fall from my high but I have been dying to know how Sparky got on yesterday. He said he would drop by when he got back so unless he thought better of it and didn’t bother, I have to assume they haven’t returned.

“I was wondering when you were going to ask
” she chuckles.

“So they’re not back yet?”

“No, Cas called this morning but he didn’t say anything about your brother. He was only checking in with me, making sure I was okay. He said they’ll be back sometime today.”

“Sparky said he’d drop by.
I told him about my interview and he wasn’t happy about it.”

“I bet he wasn’t
,” she laughs. “Don’t be too hard on him, he’s only doing what he thinks he should be. You should go easy on him and let him look after you, not completely, but a little.”

That is easier said than done. W
ould I be strong enough to let him in a little without letting him in completely? Until I know the answer to that I have to keep him away.

“Tell me
, what’s going on with you?” I say, changing the conversation.

“Cas and I are looking for our own house away from the club. We can’t agree on a place we both like at the moment but we’re looking
.”

“Are you looking here in town?” I ask.

“Not as such. The only good memory I have about the cabin is I liked the peace and privacy. Cas isn’t agreeing to anything too far from the club and I don’t want to move that far either but all the places I like are far out.”

Our conversation cou
ldn’t go any further as the low rumble of bikes outside had us looking through the window to see how many there were. Looks like Sparky’s back to argue it up with me again today.

Alannah was already
out of the door greeting Cas as he got off his bike. The rest of the brothers remained seated and didn’t cut their engines apart from Sparky, who was already parked up and heading inside.

Here we go I thought
, bracing myself for his let-me-look-after-you speech again. He leant against the doorframe and waited for Alannah to leave as she had come back in to get her bag and keys off the table.

“I’m
going to follow the guys back. Are you going to be okay?” she asks.

“She’ll be fine Barbs, quit
worryin’,” Sparky grunts.

“I’ll speak to you later
,” I tell her, my smile falling once the door closes behind her.

“Come on then, get it over with
,” I say, clearing the coffee mugs off the small lounge table.

“Why is it such a bad thing for me to want to look out for you?
” he asks.

“Because I want t
o look after myself. I don’t need your money for me. If you want to help with baby stuff then go ahead but when it comes to me, back off.”

I don’t know w
hy I can’t I take Alannah’s advice and let him look after me?

“I take it you got the job then?”

“I did,” I smile, not trying to hide my happiness just because he isn’t happy about it.

“You were sick to the point you were in hospital a few weeks ago and now you’re
gonna put yourself in a situation you don’t have to.”

Just because he is speaking in a calm voice doesn’t fool me, I know he is seething underneath.

“I’m fine now. It’s mostly sit down work and besides, many women still work while they’re pregnant. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal when it’s my woman
,” he grunts.

“I’m not your woman
,” I say through gritted teeth.

“That’
s your opinion and I’m not goin’ over this again, I’m too fuckin’ tired. You want me as much as I want you. When you’re done being so fuckin’ stubborn, call me. Until then, I’m tellin’ you this, I want to know everything that happens with the baby and I will be paying for everything it needs.”

I don’t know what to say so I say nothing. I slip onto the couch and put the mugs back on the table.

“I won’t apologize for wanting to help you. The last thing I want you to feel is like I’m tryin’ to control you but you gotta to see it from where I’m standing. You’re the first woman I’ve wanted this way and every time we get somewhere, I lose you again and again. Now you’re havin’ our baby and it isn’t workin’ out like I imagined it would.”

“
And you have got to see it from my where I’m standing. I’m not going to come running just because you want me. We have to find some sort of compromise, this going round in circles isn’t good for either of us. I’m not playing games with you and I’m not asking you to wait for me. You’re right, I do want you but at the moment I want my own life more. It probably sounds selfish to someone like you but the last few weeks here have been amazing for me and now I have this job. I’m building myself up from the bottom and I like who I’m becoming,” I say, trying to explain the confusing thoughts that swarm my mind on a daily basis.

We sit in sile
nce while he thinks what to say. I’ve said all I have to say on the matter and if he pushes on then I don’t know where we go from here.

“I hear you.
I’ll compromise with you but not today. I haven’t slept since yesterday and I can’t fuckin’ think straight. Before I go, I should tell you that we didn’t find Joe. The phones we tracked were dumped in a bar and by the time we got there he was long gone. So please, will you make sure you’re safe when I’m not around.”

“I will
,” I promise.

“I’ll call you tomorrow and we’ll sort this out
,” he says, standing up.

After I nod he leaves without any more arguing. I don’t stop to think too much about
it. I pick up the mugs for a second time and take them through to the kitchen. I have my own space and as of tomorrow I have my own little job. I plan on concentrating on me for a while and whatever happens in the future happens but I know that I will be making the decisions, not abiding by them because I’m told to.

Chapter
Twenty

Bonnie...

Life is as good as it can be right now. I daren’t say it out loud or even think it too much but I can honestly say I am happy, the happiest I’ve ever been.

I rub my eight and a half month swollen stomach as I look around my home. I could squeal in delight calling it my home. It has taken a few months but I have finally put my stamp on it. I love every inch of this house.

The independence of living on my own is exhilarating. I do what I like when I like. That isn’t to say I don’t miss Sparky to the point I cry myself to sleep some nights be
cause I do. Sparky is my downfall but other than that, life is perfect.

The temporary job at the solicitor’s office has been great, the sense of independence is exhilarating. Each time I receive my pay check
it strengthens me to know I am useful after all and that I am valued. Sparky stills thinks I should let him support me and for the last six months, he shows up once a month and throws me too much money and begs me to quit. It always results in him walking out as usual after a shouting match between us.

Sometimes at night, I think I hear a bike engine ride past the house. It comforts me to think he checks up on me, but then I worry it is Joe or Tommy. By morning I forget about it and carry on with life.

A few times Sparky has tried talking me into giving it another go. It is horrible being without him but as it’s twice as horrible when he hurts me, so I remain with the lesser devil and hurt alone.

The day we had a scan I was caught up in the joy of finding out we are having a boy and
that he was healthy, so I relented and let Sparky talk me into going to the club to celebrate.

Of cou
rse everyone was happy for us. The drinks began flowing and then it all went downhill from there.

My hormones were magnifying every emotion I had and I was starting to think maybe Sparky had changed,
that we could make it work without any more secrets between us. I watched him from across the bar lean against a pool table and pull one of the whores against him and nuzzle into her neck.

At least it wasn’t
Jilly this time.

He caught me looking and smiled. I quickly said goodbye to Alannah and left only to have him follow me out and catch me up just as I got to my car.

“If you want me Bon, just say and I’ll let her go. No one but you,” he said.

“My
next check-up is in three weeks. I’ll see you then Sparky,” I told him, completely ignoring his growl at my persistence of keeping him away. His plan to make me jealous totally backfired.

I drove away hating the fact he gets to me so much.

Now, he has taken to calling me every day as we near the due date to make sure I am okay. The calls are always full of unspoken words and it drives me crazy. Although he hasn’t called me yet today and I leave for work soon so hopefully I can put him off till tomorrow?

Washing my breakfast bowl and coffee mug up, I get ready for work. I’m just about ready when the doorbell goes.

No wonder he hasn’t called me yet, he is here in person.

I pull open the door ready to give him a piece of my mind to find Joe bouncing from foot to foot.

Months it has taken me to build my confidence and strength up, and then in one second it feels like I’ve reverted to the old weak, defenceless Bonnie.

He doesn’t say anything. H
e just walks straight past me and eyes everything in his sight.

“What are you doing here Joe?” I ask.

“I’ve been thinking about everything, and I’ve decided you need to come home, even if you are carryin’ that cunt’s kid. It’s still my niece or nephew.”

What? My child will never know he has an uncle. Where the hell is all this coming from? I haven’t seen Joe in months.

“Are you high?” I ask.

He certainly looks it
. His eyes are bugging and he can’t stand still and if he keeps scratching himself, I’m worried he is going to leave fleas.

“Things aren’t good Bon.
I need my family back,” he says.

“I am not going with you, this is my home now. If I go back Tommy will kill me, you know that don’t you Joe?”

“Tommy can’t do shit. He’s dead Bonnie, has been for months. I reckon it was your man, the bald tattooed one. Got no proof though,” he says.

“Tommy’s gone?”

“As if you didn’t know,” Joe snaps, bringing me out of my shock. “Did the Lost Souls have anything to do with it?”

“I don’t know
,” I tell him. “But I’m surprised you didn’t retaliate.”

“Yeah, well, no proof. Don’t know how they got him but they done a number on him. Only knew it was him because of his cut on his burnt corpse
,”

I feel sick. Tommy deserves everything he got but I’d rather not talk or think about it.
And since when did my brother ever need proof for revenge? 

“Last time, come home Bonnie
,” he says firmly.

“No
.”

“Then you’re my enemy
.”

“Always have been, I’m used to it. What’s really going on Joe, why are you really here? Because you don’t care about me, you never have. You only look out for yourself
.”

His face is unreadable. He walks to the back door and unlocks it.

“Goodbye sis.”

No reply or explanation, just goodbye. I laugh into an empty kitchen. I can
’t believe that just happened. He wants me to come home, always referring to me as sister. The whole thing leaves me laughing instead of trembling with fear like usual.

Looking at the clock, he has made me five minutes late. Slipping into my shoes, I lock the back door again and leave through the front.
Wrapped up in my thoughts as to what games Joe’s playing and the fact that Tommy is dead, I misjudge the three steps down to the path and stumble flat on my stomach and face.

The knock to my head leaves me dizzy and is soon joined by shooting pains in my stomach.

Panicking I have hurt the baby, I call Sparky to come and get me and take me to hospital. I cry out in pain as his phone rings and rings. No answer. Shit.

I end the call and dial nine-one-one.

Feeling wetness slowly creep down between my legs, I gingerly touch myself and find my fingers red with blood when I look at them. I’ve killed my baby I think, as I begin to scream out for help.

Sparky...

Another fucking day, another fucking headache. Reaching for my smokes off the floor, I light one up and inhale deeply.

“Morning baby.”

I look down and see
Jilly has woken up.

“I’m not your baby
,” I grunt, throwing my legs off the side of the bed.

For months I tried to show Bonnie she was all I wanted, but
following knock back after knock back, I gave up. Jilly was more than happy to oblige and I might not be happy about it but at least I’m not going without pussy anymore. It’s getting harder and harder to stay away from Bonnie. I want to grab hold of her and make her see I’m all she needs because I sure as shit know she wants me. She has come a long way from the soft, do as she’s told, broken woman to the strong, fucking stubborn woman she is today. I know if I’m too much with her she will leave, she has promised she won’t but I know she will.

Fucking
Jilly and the other women mean absolutely nothing to me these days. They don’t feel right, they barely turn me on enough to get my dick hard. Remembering being with Bonnie is what gets me rock hard. I need to be with her and fucking soon or I’m going to end up a quibbling fucking mess.

“Get dressed and be gone by the time I get back
,” I tell Jilly.

I can’t find my phone. It’s already gone nine, Bonnie would have left for that fucking job of hers a half hour ago. We’ve only got two weeks left till my son arrives and
I hate that she is on her own. Anything could happen to her, one simple phone call is all I can get away with without her complaining about it. She won’t answer now till her lunch at one o’clock.

I open the door as a prospect is about to knock.

“Possible trouble. Cas wants you downstairs,” he says, taking a step back out of my space.

I follow him down to
find Cas barking orders and half the club leaving.

“What’s
goin’ on?” I ask Cas, coming up beside him.

“Joe’s been spotted
ridin’ out of town. Nothing other than that.”

“Remind me why that fucker is still breathing?” I snap.

“Because he vanished into thin fuckin’ air after you took out his VP.”

Oh yeah. Well, he’s
shown his face now, he can’t have got that far.

“Here, picked
ya phone up last night after you left it on the bar. You might wanna call Bonnie, see if her brother made an appearance at hers.”

I take my phone and see one missed call
. I click on it to see it was Bonnie forty minutes ago. Shit!

“She tried
callin’. We gotta get over there. If he’s laid one hand on her, we’re goin’ huntin’ tonight.”

“Ricky, find out if Joe had anyone with him
,” Cas orders.

And we are on our way out.

Slade and Pope ride with us. It’s the longest half hour ride into town in my life. We turn off our bikes and walk up to her door, halfway up the path there is a blood stain.

“Joe was on his own. S
he has to be here or at work,” Cas says, reading a message on his phone.

She wouldn’t give me a spare key i
n case I abused it, so right now I have no alternative but to kick down her door, because Slade is getting no answer. I move away from the blood stain as Bonnie’s pensioner neighbour comes out.

“
Hey, biker boys,” she calls out.

Cas
raises his eyebrows at me. I shrug and smile. We’ve been called worse. I jog over after she makes no move to come to us.

“You looking for t
hat sweet young girl, Bonnie?” she asks.

“Yes, do you know where she is?” I ask.

“Of course I do, she fell down those steps. I’ve told her to be careful. She might have a small bump on her but I’d be surprised if she could see her feet. Anyway, she fell down and started bleeding out. The ambulance came and took her to the hospital.”

The relief Joe hadn’t hurt her wa
s soon replaced with a new fear, Bonnie herself and my son.

“Thanks ma’am
.”

“That babe of hers is coming. By the end of the
day she’ll be holding that baby in her arms,” she croons on.

“Thanks again, I better get to the hospital
,” I tell her and join my brothers.

“She’s at the hospital, took a fall down the steps
.”

“Let’s go
,” Cas says, already going to his bike.

By the time we made it to the hospital and tracked her down. I was informed she was in theatre. Due to a slight concussion and the bleeding, they didn’t want to wait. They took her in for an emergency caesarean.

The nurse assures me I can see her when she is in recovery but waiting in the hall for any news is sending me crazy. I never thought I could lose her t
o having a baby, although I worried about Tommy or her brother taking her out. Slipping down three fucking steps was never in the equation. Alannah comes rushing down the hall, Cas jumps up in front of me and saves me from the ear bashing I can see written all over her face.

I s
it on one of the plastic chairs and hang my head in my hands. This is it, my son is about to be born and the only woman I have loved is being ripped open, and I am stuck out here. I went to every appointment with her, every plan we made for the birth, all gone to shit.

It isn’t happening again. W
hen we take our son home, we will be leaving as a family.

An agonising thirty minutes later, a nurse comes around the corner and calls my name.

“That’s me,” I say, quickly getting to my feet.

She comes over and my brothers and Barbie stand behind me.

“How is Bonnie? Is she okay?”

Barbie puts her hand on my arm to calm me and I take a deep breath. The nurse chuckles and smiles.

“Bonnie is doing well. She is in recovery now, she’s been asking for you. If you would like to follow me I’ll show you where she is,” she says.

“What about the baby?”

“All I can say is you have a beautiful baby boy. He’s a little early and had a bit of a shock in the fall but he is perfectly fine,” she smiles.

“You hear that brother. H
e’s perfectly fine,” Cas cheers.

“Go on daddy
,” Barbie laughs, nudging me forward.