Bird Song (45 page)

Graham held the cafeteria door open for me as we walked out.
 
The hallway was nearly empty; the bell was just about ready to ring.
 
“I suppose you’re right.
 
She was always paranoid about missing curfew, always worried that if she didn’t check in, her parents would ground her or something.
 
I told her that she’s eighteen, she can do what she wants, but she would tell me that ‘Korean daughters don’t act that way’ and that she had to be a ‘dutiful daughter’.
 
I just hope that this isn’t the case.”

Our pace didn’t pick up, despite the bell ringing, and we kept walking slowly towards our classes.
 
“Why not?” I wondered.

“Because part of the reason why she dated me was to defy her parents and look at how well that turned out.”

“
Ahh
,” I realized.
 
“She was testing the waters with you, and her parents didn’t flip out.”

A broad grin stretched across his face as he nodded.
 
“Yeah.
 
Her brothers did, though.
 
All five of them.”

My biology class was up first and I looked at the door with trepidation.
 
“I’m up.”

“Are you gonna be okay?”

“Yeah,” I said with a half-smile.
 
“I’ll be fine.
 
What about you?”

His smile faded a bit as he answered with the same reserved tone that I had just used.
 
“Me, too.
 
Wait for me here after class, okay?
 
I’ll walk you over to English.”

“Alright,” I agreed, and walked into the classroom.

***

School ended without any real fanfare.
 
As I had expected, Robert wasn’t in class.
 
Graham had apparently expected it too, because he was there waiting for me as I walked past the double doors.
 
“You need a lift home?”

“Yeah.”

The two of us walked through the school corridors like nothing had happened these past eight months, nothing had changed between us.
 
He nodded his goodbyes to some of the kids that called out to him, bumped fists with some of his football buddies, while I stood beside him quietly.

When the entrance to the school was far behind us and we were both in his car heading home, Graham finally asked me the question that I had been dreading because I knew that I would have to lie to him.

“Did she leave because of me?”

I had planned what I was going to say as soon as Robert had informed me four days ago that Lark had left, laying down the words and rehearsing them so that when today actually happened, I’d be able to say them without faltering and giving away the lie.

Instead, all I could do was stare at him with my mouth open, unable and unwilling to deny the truth that we both knew but didn’t want to admit.
 
It had been so much easier and less complicated to lie to Stacy, and I almost hated myself as I wished for that to be true for Graham as well.

But how could I tell him that Lark had indeed left because of him?
 
He’d ask me why and I had no answer.
 
I couldn’t very well explain to him that she wasn’t quite human and that for some reason unknown to me, she couldn’t admit to anyone—especially herself—that she was in love with him.

The path to falling in love with an angel was a straight one—I knew that as soon as I accepted that I was in love with Robert—but it was paved with broken glass that you tread on barefooted.
 
I had already shed my blood on it but I had done so willingly.
 
Graham was in love with Lark the person.
 
He knew nothing of Lark the angel, and I could only guess that this was the side of herself that Lark didn’t want Graham to know about.

Of course, speculating did nothing to help either of us, and since Robert was far too angry with me to even bother explaining, speculation was all I had.
 
And I was all alone with my theories since I couldn’t very well discuss this with Stacy either.
 
The vacation lie was so simple and convenient, and it fell out of my mouth so quickly and smoothly, Stacy had believed it without question which meant that I couldn’t even hint at the root cause being boy trouble anymore.

“Grace?”

“Hmm?”

“You didn’t answer my question.
 
Did she leave early because of me?”

“I-I don’t know, Graham,” I managed to utter before my mouth shut down on me again.
 

His head jerked once, acknowledging my answer, but the promise of a more thorough inquisition lurked just beyond the woeful cast in his eyes.

“Did you want me to drop you off at practice?” he asked as we pulled up to the curb fronting his house.
 
“I can do it on the way to work if you want, but I won’t be able to pick you up.”

“No.
 
I don’t think I’ll be going today.
 
I don’t feel like getting my butt kicked by eight-year-olds.”

This seemed to amuse him as he started to chuckle softly.
 
“I’d actually like to see that.
 
It might be worth calling in sick just for that reason alone.”

I immediately protested against the idea.
 
“You’ll get into trouble with Robert, and I can’t lie to him if he were to ask me if you were really sick.”

The laughter faded, but my words hung like stale air around us in the car.
 
Without intending to do so, and despite the current state of our relationship, I had just admitted to Graham that my loyalty belonged to Robert first.
 

“Wow.
 
That’s a reality check.”

“Look, Graham, I didn’t really mean it that way,” I tried to explain but he brushed it off.

“No, no, Grace.
 
You know what?
 
If I were in your shoes, I’d feel the same way.
 
I guess I was just hoping that I wouldn’t have to deal with this for a little while longer…you know, like until you had your first kid or something.”

We exited the car and walked towards my house.
 
Graham stopped halfway up the walkway, his gaze directed towards his house.
 
The blinds had been drawn back—the first time in over two months—and the chaotic mess that made up the living room could be seen from the outside.
 
Graham seemed fixed to the ground beneath him, but I could tell that he was as curious as he was concerned.

“Do you want to go and check on him?” I asked him.
 
When he didn’t answer I didn’t press the issue.

We walked through my front door and Graham groaned.
 
“She’s making tofu casserole again.
 
That’s it, I’m eating at work.”

I grimaced as well.
 
The aroma of cabbage and bean curd masked any pleasant odor that might have been detectable had we had anything but tofu and veggie-based faux meat products for the past few weeks.
 
Our only saving grace was turkey bacon at breakfast.

“Is that you, kids?” I heard Janice call out from the kitchen.

“Yeah, Janice, we’re home,” I replied as I held my hand over my face.

Graham wrinkled his nose and shook his head.
 
“You know, it always smelled like tofu and cabbage at Stacy’s house, too, but at least her mom uses actual meat in her dishes.
 
I didn’t know that when I agreed to stay here that your future step-mom would try to turn me into a rabbit,” he whispered to me as we walked towards the kitchen.

“
Shh
,” I hissed.
 
“Hey, Janice, what are you making?”

Janice was chopping vegetables for what I could only assume was yet another salad.
 
Her large belly kept her at a distance from the actual counter, causing her to lean forward uncomfortably, but she still wore a fairly pleased smile.
 
“I’ve got a Tempe and vegetable lasagna with cabbage noodles baking in the oven, I’m chopping up some bell peppers for a wild rice salad, and in about thirty minutes, I’ll pop in a pan of organic whole wheat brownies for dessert.
 
So, how was your day at school, kids?”

I turned to look at Graham, who was too busy looking green to answer, and sighed.
 
“School was fine.
 
We’re going upstairs to do some homework before Graham has to go to work, so if you need anything…”

Janice waved her hand in the air, the kitchen light glinting off the blade.
 
“Alright.”

I grabbed Graham’s arm and pulled him towards the stairs.
 
We climbed up to my room and heaved a sigh of relief that the odor from downstairs hadn’t made its way upstairs, too.
 
“When is she going to start eating normal food again?” Graham asked as he threw himself onto my bed facedown.

I placed my backpack on the floor by the dresser and shrugged my shoulders.
 
“I don’t know.
 
I hope that after the baby is born she at least lets me start cooking more than once a week.”

“Yeah,” Graham agreed.
 
“At this rate, I’ll be thinner than you by graduation.”

“Hey, you know you at least get to eat out when you’re at work.
 
I’m the one stuck here every night eating tofu and bean sprouts while you’re stuffing your face with pizza and hot dogs.”

Graham threw a hand negligently into the air, his finger pointing at me.
 
“Your fault.
 
You could always tell your boyfriend to bring you something to eat, or take you out once in a while.”

To that I said nothing.
 
I unzipped my backpack and pulled out my binder to go over my homework, ignoring the photographs and notes that framed my dresser mirror.
 
Grabbing a pencil from my bag, I sat down on the floor beside my bed and stared blankly at the French assignment from this morning.

“Hey, Grace?”

“
Mmm
?” I said, the pencil in my mouth preventing any articulate sounds coming out.

“Are you gonna tell me the truth about what’s going on between you and Robert?”

I pulled the pencil from between my lips.
 
“What do you mean?”

The bed began to shift behind me, the springs moving loudly as Graham hefted himself off and sat down beside me, our backs pressed up uncomfortably against the metal bar of the bed frame.

“I mean, there’s something wrong between you two, and I don’t care how many times you say that everything is fine and how it has nothing to do with Lark, because I can tell that everything is not fine, and that this probably does have something to do with Lark.”
 
He grabbed the binder from out of my hands and tossed it a few feet in front of us, soon followed by my pencil.
 
“I’m your best friend, Grace, remember?
 
If you can’t talk to me about it, who can you talk to?”

I giggled nervously, the idea that I could talk to Graham about what had happened between Robert and I seeming so much more like a fantasy than the reality of Robert and Lark being angels we had both fallen for.

“Grace?”

I looked into Graham’s eyes and I could see that there was genuine concern in them.
 
He grabbed my hand and squeezed it reassuringly, something a best friend would do.

“We had a fight,” I said, finally.

“About…?”

I looked at him and there was no mistaking what the reason was in my face.
 
He put his head down.
 
“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” I said with a downhearted laugh.

“But why?
 
What’s so wrong with me loving his sister?
 
I mean, besides the fact that I’m obviously not good enough for her and that I was pretty big jerk to you?
 
That shouldn’t be reason for him to take this out on you,” Graham argued, his free hand flailing around to emphasize each point.

“He thinks that I was plotting to get the two of you together,” I admitted.
 
Though not the whole truth, it wasn’t a lie either and that was enough to save my conscience.

“Well, I only wish that were the case.
 
You helped me out when I needed you, but you never pushed me towards Lark.
 
You never tried to get me to break up with Stacy, even though you knew how I felt about her.
 
You were being my friend, and he can’t get mad at you for that.
 
Not again.”

I shook my head at Graham’s reasoning.
 
“You don’t understand, Graham.
 
When he accused me of these things, I got upset because I know that you’re good enough for Lark; maybe too good.
 
I know that you would make Lark very happy, and I told him, but I was so angry…I said some things I shouldn’t have said.”

Graham looked at me with surprise.
 
“Like what?”

I turned my face away and whispered my reply.