Bird Song (57 page)

“And then you came along and everything changed; I learned that you never set foot on any path until your first child is born, that the time you spend before that was simply you preparing for the journey.
 
And I have to admit that I didn’t expect to be so enamored of you and this path of fatherhood that you took me on, and yet you had me hooked from day one.

“When your mother died, I thought ‘that’s it, my life is over’, and then I learned that you were alright and I knew that my life, though wonderful and full with your mother, wasn’t tied to her.
 
It was tied to you.
 
You’re what keeps me going.

“So no, Grace, Janice isn’t giving me a whole new life because I already have you.
 
She’s simply adding to it, and when Matthew is born, he’ll make this life that much richer.
 
I just wanted you to know that after the wedding, I’m still going to be your dad, and I’m still going to love you and your mom.
 
None of that is ever going to change.”

I blinked back my tears.
 
“Thank you.
 
And I love you, too.”

“Well,” he said, blinking back his own set of tears, “I think you know that Janice cares for you very much.”

“She told me so this morning.”

He smiled and squeezed my hands.
 
“Your mother would be very proud of you, you know that?”

I shook my head.
 
“I don’t know what she’d think, honestly.
 
I try to, but I don’t remember much about her.
 
Stacy’s always talking about what having a Korean mother is like, but I don’t remember anything like that, and what I do remember is limited to a few smiles and a few conversations that have very little to do with what I’m going through now.”

“Well, trust me when I say that she would definitely be proud of you.
 
I imagine her thinking about what a beautiful young lady you’ve grown up to be, and how thankful she would be, knowing that you have wonderful friends in your life who care about you and appreciate you for who you are and not what they want you to be.
 
And…I think she would even approve of Robert.
 
She might even go so far as to call him ‘handsome’.”
 
Dad managed to choke out that last part and I giggled at the absurdity of Dad calling anyone handsome.

“I know that you might think this callous of me, Grace, but there are moments when I am glad that she’s not here.
 
If she were, I don’t think you’d have grown up to be so much like her.”

I stared at him, speechless.
 
It took me a few minutes to finally arrange the words in my head so that they’d make sense.
 
“Are you trying to say that if Mom hadn’t died, I’d have ended up more like you and that there’s something wrong with that?”

Dad nodded his head and laughed.
 
“Yes.
 
I’ve always said that your mother was more than just my better half, she was the saint I’d never be, and I knew when you were born that if you ended up half as wonderful as your mother was, you’d be three times a better person than me.
 
I was wrong, of course.
 
You’ve actually exceeded your mother in greatness—Abby didn’t exactly have a great sense of humor.”

“Dad,” I groaned.

He laughed louder.
 
“See?
 
Abby would have thought that was funny.
 
You know a bad joke when you hear it.”

He sat there laughing in the quiet while I watched him, glad that he’d had Mom to laugh at his bad jokes and listen to his weird CDs, and thankful that he now had Janice to do these things for him.

Suddenly the quiet became too…quiet.

“Grace…”

I frowned at the tone in his voice, the quick change in his demeanor worrisome.

“Grace, why didn’t you tell me about Mr. Frey?”

I stumbled for an answer, something that wouldn’t sound as absurd and ridiculous as Robert was Death incarnate who’d received Mr. Frey’s confession just hours before his death, and then snuck into my room to share what he had learned with me by sending his thoughts and visions into my own mind by intimately pressing his forehead against mine.

“Because I didn’t know anything for sure, and I didn’t want to get your hopes up again,” I finally said, the words almost convincing enough to fool myself.

“Grace, I’m your father.
 
I don’t need anything but your trust,” he insisted.

“Dad, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you, and I’m sorry that you had to find out the way that you did, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t trust you—that I don’t trust you.
 
It’s just that I don’t trust myself.
 
Being wrong about this cost Mr.
Branke
his reputation.
 
It doesn’t matter that I was wrong, or that Mr. Frey confessed.
 
All anyone ever remembers is that first accusation.”

Dad seemed to grasp what I was trying to say when he nodded, his hand raising to rub his forehead.
 
“I just don’t want you to think that you can’t tell me everything, that I won’t understand, because I will.
 
I may not be the hippest dad-”

“Dad, I’m not into the trends and whatnot, but even I know that the kids my age don’t use the word ‘hippest’”

Dad smiled at my interruption.
 
“Okay, I may not be the most
trend
-following dad, but I do love you, and want you to know that you can trust me, Grace, even with yourself.”

“Thanks, Dad.
 
I appreciate hearing that, I do.”

“So…”

I looked at him and saw the wearied look return.
 
“What, Dad?”

“Are you going to tell me?”

Puzzled, I asked him what he was talking about.
 
“Grace, yesterday, Graham referred to Robert as Matthew’s brother-in-law-”

My jaw dropped as I finally realized what he was so worried about.
 
“Oh dear bananas, Dad!
 
No, no-no-no-no-no!
 
Graham was being a dork!
 
Oh God, I’m gonna kill him,” I moaned, closing my eyes, mortified.

“It’s okay, Grace.
 
If you and Robert have already made a commitment, I’m alright with it—okay, maybe not exactly alright with it—but if this makes you happy, if Robert is the one you see spending the rest of your life with, I’ll support your decision.
 
You are an adult now, after all,” Dad affirmed.

I removed my hands from his to hold my head—it was now pounding a rhythm that sounded way too much like Wagner’s Wedding March—and I groaned.
 
“Dad, I have no plans on getting married any, I repeat
any
time soon.
 
I’m still in high school, for crying out loud!
 
How crazy would I have to be to even consider something like that?”

“Oh, well, that’s good then!
 
Phew!”

My head popped up and I looked at him through hooded eyes.
 
“Was all that you just said a lie?
 
Were you only saying it because you thought I was engaged to Robert?”

Dad shook his head, his hands waving in front of him in emphasis.
 
“No, no Grace.
 
I meant it.
 
It’s just…well, judging by your reaction, even
you
find the idea of getting married so young to be a pretty bad idea.
 
I was merely saying that if you were to decide on it, I’d support you.”

I placed my head back into the cradle of my hands and sighed.
 
“Dad, I love Robert.
 
Do I see myself spending the rest of my life with him?
 
Yes, but marriage?
 
Dad, the only wedding I want to think about right now—and for a long, long,
long
time afterwards—is yours.”

Dad sighed in relief and I couldn’t help but laugh.
 
“Grace, remind me the next time I see your best friend to put him in a headlock for aging this old man sooner than necessary.”

“After I get through with him, you can do whatever you want.
 
I promise, Dad.”

“Grace?”

“Yes?”

“I think Robert would make an excellent son-in-law, just for future reference.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“Love you, kiddo.”

“Love you, back.”

The morning of the wedding, I woke up feeling strangely sad.
 
Things were happening so quickly and it felt like if I blinked, I’d miss it all.
 
Robert had left long before the sun had come up, his call demanding more and more of his time, and so I didn’t have him to help figure out what exactly it was that was bugging me.

I stared up at the ceiling, wondering how long I’d have before I had to start getting ready, and what it was that I was expected to do.
 
Googling
the responsibilities of a maid-of-honor hadn’t given me much useful information.
 
I was supposed to help her get dressed—how was I supposed to do that when I needed help getting into a dress myself?
 
I was supposed to help her keep her make-up and hair from getting mussed, but I couldn’t even keep a pony-tail from turning into a tumbleweed.
 

The only task that didn’t seem so daunting was holding her bouquet during the exchanging of rings, although I was fairly certain that if I were given enough room, I’d manage to screw that up, too.

My eyes traveled to the closet where my dress hung, hidden away behind doors and a vinyl bag lining.
 
I hadn’t bothered opening the closet door since I had placed the dress in there, and there were no urges to peek now.

“I wonder if anyone would notice if I wear jeans underneath,” I said to myself.

“Grace, are you awake?”

I rolled over and sighed.
 
“Yeah, Janice.”

The door opened and Janice, her hair in rollers, a layer of green gunk completely covering her face, walked in.
 
“My sister Katie is here and she’s offered to do your hair and make-up, if you don’t mind.”
 
She handed me a white box and smiled.

“Well, since I’m pretty hopeless when it comes to doing any of that, I guess I don’t mind,” I replied, taking the box from her.
 
“What’s this?”

“I forgot to give those to you the other day.
 
Those are the shoes for the dress.
 
I borrowed one of those sandals that Robert had bought you and took it with me when I picked those up—just to get the right size, mind you.”

I removed the lid of the box and pushed aside the tissue that covered the mystery footwear.
 
Beneath a double layer of tissue and several useless packets of desiccant, I found the burgundy peep-toe pumps.
 
I pulled them out to inspect them and to my dismay, saw that the heels were much higher than anything I was used to, which was nothing at all.

“Thank you, Janice,” I managed to say with a smile.

“You’re welcome.
 
Now, I know that I’ve kept you out of the loop as far as the wedding details go, but that’s only because I know that all of this would probably bore you half to death.
 
But I think I should let you know that the wedding starts at noon.
 
You, Katie and I will be driving to the
Bellegarde
Family Retreat in about an hour and we’ll be getting ready there.”

My head cocked to the side as I took in what she had just told me.
 
“The wedding is being held there?”

She nodded gleefully.
 
“Yes,
Ameila
offered your father and me full use of the grounds at Christmas and we accepted.
 
She offered to set up two tents and seating for the ceremony and reception, as well as one for getting ready which saved us an incredible amount of money, I cannot even begin to tell you, Grace.”

My mind rushed rapidly through the hope that if
Ameila
was here, setting things up for Dad and Janice’s wedding, perhaps Lark was with her as well.
 
“Well, I’m glad that
Ameila
was generous enough to do this for you, Janice.
 
Wait,” I paused and looked at her carefully, “you didn’t tell her she could cater the wedding, too did you?”

She shuddered and shook her head.
 
“Oh no.
 
Your father had only one request when I was planning the wedding, and that was that he choose the caterer—I guess he thought I’d be too nice to say no to
Ameila
had she offered.”

“So she didn’t offer,” I asked.

Laughing, Janice shook her head once again.
 
“No, she didn’t offer at all, which was great, because that meant I didn’t have to turn her down.
 
Robert has a wonderful mother.”

I bobbed my head in agreement.
 
“Yes, he does.”

Janice’s eyes flicked to the clock on my dresser and then gasped.
 
“Oh goodness, you’d better get in the shower, Grace.
 
Katie is downstairs putting some stuff in the car.
 
You can meet her when you’re done.”