Bitten (Black Mountain Bears Book 2) (5 page)

Suddenly her throat closed up and she choked on her still very present shame. She couldn’t face her mother after that. Because how could she confess the loss of her own mother’s first grandchild? The loss of the one thing her race valued above all else: a new life. She and Aidan would have both been vilified if they’d told anyone what they’d done. They would have been exiled, rendered infertile, stripped of their ranks, their power.

She had another chance now, and with her entire being she ached to discover if it were possible to truly start fresh. Aidan was not the person she should do it with. They had too many old ghosts and regrets. Suddenly she hated him just a little bit for the ultimatum he’d given her. No, she would rather tear out her own heart than let go of Jasper and Gunnar. Even if it meant infertility and exile. They would understand, she had to have that much faith in them, at least.

“It isn’t fair of you to hold this over me,” she whispered. “I finally have a chance at a life. I finally chose mates after all this time. Two men who deserve more than this, Aidan.”

She stared up at him through eyes blurred by tears. It was bad enough she had to carry this old hurt inside her, but to ask her to leave behind a love she never thought she’d find?

He sat back in his chair and dug his hands into his denim-clad thighs. The dark-gold stubble on his strong, square chin glinted like copper in the firelight. That same shock of blond hair fell over his forehead, reminding her of the younger version of him she’d fallen for so many years ago. His broad chest rose and fell with a heavy sigh.

“I had a chance with Emma Stonetree. She was going to be my redemption. But then Gunnar cut in line. I thought getting you back would teach Gunnar a lesson for horning in on what was supposed to be mine.”

Autumn rose up on her knees and clutched his hands in hers. This man she used to know so well had lost his mind, if he believed his future chances were so hopeless.

She reached up and gripped that beautiful chin hard in her hand, forcing him to look at her. His gaze drifted warily to hers.

“First of all, it wasn’t Gunnar’s fault. That was all
my
idea, but it had nothing to do with you. It had
everything
to do with the fact that Jasper and his sister were dying. I’d just found a second male I knew I wanted, who made me feel the way you used to before our lives went to shit. Gunnar made it possible for Emma to be with
her
chosen mates—the ones
she
wanted, not the one your mothers chose for her.”

Aidan flinched and tried to pull away, but Autumn held on tight, refusing to give an inch.

“And for the love of Gaia,
forget
about what your mother thinks, for once! Go on a proper pilgrimage, find a human female. Any woman would be lucky to have you. Do you have any idea how wonderful you could be if you’d just stop living in that woman’s shadow? I got to see that side of you when you were out in the light. We had three amazing years together out here. You were everything I wanted then, but losing the baby broke us. Find another way to redeem yourself in your
own
eyes. Forcing me to choose you now is not the way to do that.”

She finally let him wrench himself free of her. He stood and stared down at her with a perplexing mix of despair and reverence on his face.

“We’d have been so good together,” he said softly. “But you’re right. Maybe it’s too late for us. I just don’t know how to fucking move forward. I’ve been in limbo for so long, Autumn. I’ve hoped we could reconcile ever since you left. I tried to get over it, but nothing worked.”

She let her hands fall to her thighs and watched him pace the room. Emotion welled up along with the need to confess every old hurt she’d carried with her since they’d parted.

“I never really stopped loving you, either, you know.” The confession left behind an aching hollow in her chest. “Even though I can’t be with you that way, believe me when I say I want you to be happy. But also believe me when I say I will not let your happiness come at my expense.”

Aidan turned and stared at her, about to speak, but she held up a hand, holding him off as she stood and faced him, eye-to-eye.

Her body shook with the understanding of what she needed to do next. “I will confess everything before I give in to your threat.” Tears streamed down her cheeks unchecked. “You know we’ll both lose everything. I’m not doing it to hurt you, but to prove to you that we
don’t need their approval
to find happiness.”

The fact that she was losing everything by telling him this left her utterly hollow inside. Aidan still had a chance. What he wanted with her was a fantasy—something borne of young lust and idealism. He had a chance to find real love still.

Autumn had found it, but this confession would destroy that chance for her. No male ursa would want her once she was stripped of her power, her ability to conceive.

For the first time in centuries, she had the profound need to talk to her mother, to tell her everything that she’d done.

“We go back, tell them everything, and take what they give us. They’ll exile us at the very least, probably strip us of our ranks, effectively castrate us so we can’t screw up again.”

Aidan paused his pacing to listen to her and let out a soft snort. “An infertile ursa is useless. What the fuck am I supposed to do if I can’t have kids?”

She gaped at him in exasperation. “You were willing to hold that threat over my head and now it’s not good enough for you? Maybe it’s time for us to take responsibility. You
know
it will kill me to lose this part of myself, but we’re practically immortal! I may not have other options, but you do, if you’d just let yourself stop thinking about me for five minutes.”

Aidan turned and glowered at her, then stalked to the door and shoved it open. He closed it in an oddly gentle fashion once he was outside.

Autumn smiled faintly. He’d always been so sweet and considerate. He deserved more love than he realized. He deserved what love she’d given him when they were younger, and more, if only she hadn’t lost the will to love him after they’d come home.

“I loved you once,” she whispered. “I still do, in a fashion, but I love them so much more. And I will give it all up for the baby we lost. Every fucking ounce of love I have now . . . it’s all hers. I owe it to her to speak the truth.”

Chapter Seven

A
utumn’s unmistakable scent filled Jasper’s nostrils. He hovered his nose over the path, smelling his own scent, a little bit stale, and hers slightly fresher. She’d left the waterfall that afternoon not long after he’d run from Gunnar.

Another scent mingled with hers. A male. Jasper growled low in his throat.

Beside him, Gunnar’s white furred shape shimmered and transformed into a very fit and very naked man.

Jasper averted his eyes. With the slightest bit of intention, his own body transformed. It made him a little bit dizzy and nauseous at first, and he knelt, hanging his head, worried that he’d puke.

“You’ll get used to that,” Gunnar said, kneeling beside him and resting a hand against his back.

“I suppose it could be worse. Changing is easy, but it gives me a fucking headache.” Jasper let his head hang, enjoying the feel of Gunnar’s hand stroking up and down his back. Fuck, he wanted the man, but something had happened to Autumn and they needed to find her.

He sat back on his heels and wiped his mouth. When he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, Autumn’s scent was everywhere, with that unfamiliar male scent all over it.

“There was another male with her,” he said. “Someone like you.”

“Like me?” Gunnar asked. He closed his eyes and breathed.

“It’s a kind of . . . pure quality, I guess? It’s hard to explain.”

“I know his scent,” Gunnar said. “You’re a better tracker than I am, if you can smell the quality of his blood, though. He’s Aidan Sundance, son of the Sundance clan leader. He and Autumn have a history, but that’s pretty much all I know—she never talks about it, but all I’ve heard is that she rejected him centuries ago when they’d first come of age. What I do know for certain is that he’s taken her toward the portal.”

Gunnar stood and took off through the woods in a blur, barefoot and buck-naked. Jasper followed, not sure why Gunnar hadn’t shifted again, but maintaining his own human form anyway. He’d never run naked through the woods before, and this felt amazing. He’d be turned on as hell on any other night, following that amazing ass through the woods. But tonight wasn’t the best night to enjoy a naked run.

Soon they reached the boulder with the huge tree jutting out of it.

“How do we actually get out? We had to walk for a day to get in . . . ”

“Getting out is pretty easy. We just walk through,” Gunnar said. He grabbed Jasper’s hand, but hesitated, then let out a small curse.

“What is it?” Jasper asked.

“This is it for us,” Gunnar said, staring into Jasper’s eyes. “You do this with me, and you can’t come back. If you commit to me and Autumn, we’re staying out there for the foreseeable future.”

“Why can’t I come back?” Jasper asked, a cold chill tingling down his spine at the memory of Jade’s tearful farewell. “At least once before the Equinox . . . I know about the enemy, the danger . . . But there’s still time, right?”

Gunnar’s jaw clenched. “Not for you,” he said, raising his hand and clutching the back of Jasper’s neck. “You may have shifted tonight, which was amazing, but you haven’t come of age yet. You haven’t spent enough time inside for the Sanctuary to know you as a native, and the barrier will consider you an outsider. It was miraculous enough that you survived the first time. If you leave now, coming back would kill you.”

Jasper swallowed. He held Gunnar’s gaze, thoughts of his family warring in his mind with his love for this man, and for the woman on the other side they needed to find.

“I’m going with you,” he said, positive this decision was the right one to make, and silently thanking Jade for her insistence that he go. He may have made a mistake following his cousin through the portal the first time, but this time he knew deep in his bones that he would die before letting go of the possibility of a love like Gunnar and Autumn wanted to give him. “If I don’t go with you now, I know I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

Gunnar’s lips answered, pressing against his, tasting him. Jasper opened for him, relishing the soft heat when their tongues slid together. The warmth of Gunnar’s lightly hair-dusted, muscular chest grazed against his, the thick, soft swell of his half-hard cock brushing his upper thigh.

Jasper groaned, suppressing the sudden thrum of arousal that coursed through him. They didn’t have time for this. He pushed at Gunnar’s shoulder and Gunnar leaned back, his eyes glazed.

“Autumn,” Jasper said, by way of explanation, unable to say more due to the buzz from the contact of this amazing, naked man.

“I love you,” Gunnar blurted. “Fuck, I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you, all comatose and covered in frost. Is that completely ridiculous?”

Jasper shook his head. “Not any more ridiculous than how I feel. It’s like I was missing pieces of myself until I woke up and saw the two of you. I just hope my mother forgives me for not saying goodbye.”

“We’ll have Julian and August get a message to your family when they return to the Sanctuary. I’m sure everyone will understand. Being chosen by a shaman’s daughter is an incredible honor for any male, regardless of rank. Now, are you ready?”

Gunnar held out his hand and Jasper gripped it tightly. As they walked, his bare feet began to tingle as though from cold. Gunnar paused on the path just beside the boulder, rested his hands on the stone, and murmured a low chant.

Before Jasper’s eyes, a mirage effect shimmered in the air in a large, elliptical shape. Within the shape, the darkness of the lush summer foliage faded into the stark gray of a winter’s night. A chill crept over his skin, the icy breeze drifting through.

“You’ll want to shift again for warmth,” Gunnar said. “We’re less susceptible to cold than humans are, but our human forms are still vulnerable to it.”

As they stepped beyond the rift in summer, Gunnar released his hand, falling to all fours and transforming again into a glorious, white-furred beast. Jasper’s simple intention was enough for his own body to find the shape, this time coming to him as naturally as taking a breath.

Once in his native shape, Autumn’s scent reached him again, and without a sound or a look back at Gunnar, he took off through the woods following it. The aroma of her permeated his mind, reminding him of the first twinges of icy weather at the cusp of winter, mixed with the spice of mulled cider, fresh-cut firewood, and the whiskey his dad and uncle loved to drink. Her scent embodied long-dormant memories as completely as the promise of making future memories.

Gunnar kept pace with him, and before long, Jasper knew exactly where the other male had taken her. There were few places in these mountains they could have hidden. His own house might have been an option, except that Julian and August were currently living there, and would be until their replacements arrived. The other spot was an old Forest Service cabin that hadn’t been used in years. Her scent, mixed with that of the other male, grew more potent the closer they got. Fresh wood smoke drifted to his nose, carried by the chilly air, and he stopped short, just within sight of the cabin that was nestled in a small valley near a frozen creek. It had snowed within the last few days, and half-melted snowdrifts had gathered in the shade on the north side of the cabin while icicles hung down from the eaves.

The first glimmers of dawn light cast the cabin into eerie shadows. It looked like an idyllic hideaway with the warm glow coming from inside, the firelight the only visible illumination from this distance.

Gunnar let out a deep rumble beside him when a large silhouette passed before the window. A second later, the door opened and a tall, bulky, blond-haired man stepped out, wearing only jeans and an unbuttoned flannel shirt. He shut the door gently behind him and stared down at his bare feet for the longest time.

Jasper raised his head into the air, sniffing deeply from the shadows. It was the same male whose scent he’d followed along with Autumn’s to get here. Even from this distance, he could smell her on him: the same, lusty scent she’d had the day before when he’d watched her pleasure herself by the water. It seemed odd that he could recognize that delicious fragrance now, even though he hadn’t smelled it at the time. Perhaps his senses had been aware enough, at the time, even if his mind couldn’t discern the subtleties in the air.

Underneath her scent he caught more, however. If he had to name it, he smelled shame, despair, regret, and the tiniest bit of reluctant hope on the man. None of it made him want to hate the man as much as he’d imagined he would upon finding him. He pitied him, because he understood all those emotions profoundly.

Before he could shift and approach him, however, Gunnar let out a loud growl that echoed through the cold morning air, then charged.

The man’s eyes grew wide, but he didn’t move a muscle otherwise. Jasper followed on Gunnar’s heels, wishing he had the ability to speak in his bear form instead of just growling incoherently.

“Gunn!” the man yelled. “She’s not . . . ”

The man didn’t have time to finish his sentence before Gunnar’s massive bulk smacked him against the cabin’s door and the white bear’s teeth sank into the man’s shoulder. The coppery scent of blood reached Jasper’s nostrils and made him want to retch. He couldn’t let Gunnar kill him. He ran forward and raked a claw down Gunnar’s white-furred flank, just hard enough to draw blood, but not injure him severely.

It was enough. Jasper shifted, his chest heaving from their run. A second later, Gunnar stood before him in his human shape.

“You clawed my ass!” Gunnar said, twisting around and staring down at the parallel stripes that graced his perfect backside, red droplets welling up and dripping on the white snow under his feet.

Jasper grinned. “Didn’t plan it that way, but I like it.”

Gunnar glowered at him for a second before turning and hauling the other male up by the collar of his shirt.

“What the fuck did you do with Autumn, Aidan?”

The cabin door opened and Jasper’s lungs suddenly had trouble taking in air.

Autumn stood in the doorway, wearing nothing more than a short, peach-colored sundress. Her red-gold hair spilled over her pale shoulders in messy waves, a stark contrast to her pristine alabaster skin. Jasper didn’t think he’d ever seen skin so perfect.

“Let him go, Gunnar,” she said. “There are a lot of things we need to talk about.”

She turned sad eyes to Jasper and looked like she was about to say something to him. Instead, she only gave him a small smile and a nod and turned to go back inside, leaving the door open behind her.