Bittersweet Ecstasy (15 page)

Sun Cloud furtively observed Silver Hawk as he talked with Bright Arrow. The Blackfeet warriors had rejected the invitation to stay another night in the Oglala camp. He had watched Silver Hawk all morning, and was dismayed by his interest in Tashina. He did not like the way Silver Hawk’s eyes stripped away Tashina’s garments, or the wicked look on the warrior’s face when he mentally mated with his brother’s child. He did not trust or like Silver Hawk, and wondered how his brother could be friends with this particular man. To his relief, Tashina displayed no interest in the offensive warrior.

Sun Cloud was right. Tashina could not believe what she had thought and how she had behaved last night. She did not know what had come over her. She had been in a dangerously inquisitive mood, and she had felt an enormous need to be comforted and desired. She had wanted to study a man’s words and behavior, masculine emotions where a woman was concerned. She had wanted to learn how, and if, another man affected her. Such conduct was a perilous sport, a wicked use of another person. She loved Soul-ofThunder. She could never take Silver Hawk or any warrior in his place. She must find a way to discourage Silver Hawk and to win Soul-of-Thunder. She prayed no one had observed her wanton behavior last night, which would not be repeated. She was glad Silver Hawk was leaving this very minute, for his stares in the bright sunlight did not have the same effect as they had in the soft moonlight; they made her nervous
and panicky.

When Tashina heard that her father was to ride as the messenger to the Cheyenne, her heart leapt with joy and suspense. If she could see her love, she could reveal the truth to him and discover his feelings. Perhaps he would play the flute for her, which was said to convey a lover’s desire for his chosen one. It was known that flute music was used as signals between lovers: certain songs spoke of love, others of caution, and others still of secret meetings to be shared.

How wonderful it would be if Soul-of-Thunder lived in her camp and could romance her each night. Most men were so timid when it came to revealing their affections. She had seen many an ardent young brave seek ways to meet
accidentally
with his beloved while she fetched wood or water. How Tashina wished she could share blanket meetings with her love. As privacy was hard to find, in her village and others, when a young brave came to call, the girl would stand before her family’s tepee and cover them with a blanket so they could whisper, and sometimes steal a kiss. As was the custom, everyone would pretend they did not see them. Sometimes, if a girl was highly desired, braves might stand in line to share a blanket with her while she decided which one to select for romancing. So far, Tashina had refused to share a blanket.

Among her people, a young girl’s purity was guarded carefully by her family and herself, and she was taught she must not give away her future husband’s treasure. Females were reared to become wives and mothers, and usually did so as soon as they came of age around seventeen. Even a girl’s toys were designed to educate her to her role in life: small tepees, travois, dolls, and wooden horses. Joinings were normally arranged by a girl’s father, but usually he tried to respect her wishes and choice. As with the white culture, it was up to the
man or his family to broach the joining subject first, so a girl had to let a certain male know of her interest immediately, and hope he felt the same. Even when a proposed union did not suit the girl, she tried to accept her father’s choice and obey his wishes. If the choice was truly bad in the girl’s eyes, she eloped with her true love; they could spend several weeks in hiding, then return and join publicly, and eventually everyone forgave them and accepted their wishes. It was rare for a warrior to pursue a female who made her dislike for him known publicly, just as it was practically unknown for a man to hold on to a wife who wished to leave him for any reason. In some tribes, all a woman had to do for her freedom was to pack her belongings and leave her mate or toss his belongings out of the tepee which was her property. No man with any pride would return to her or beg her to return to him.

Yet, there were many unfair practices in marriage. A man could seek out another woman or take one to his mats or on the forest ground and it was acceptable; but if a married woman did the same, she was beaten and banished for her wicked behavior! A man could take many women or mates; a woman was allowed only one! A man could take a white or enemy slave to his mat, but a woman could not! For a woman, nothing was worse than giving your body and love to a foe.

The whites did not understand the Indian courting process. Many thought the man purchased the woman. True, the man did give the female’s family gifts, usually horses or furs or weapons, but he was not paying for her. The kinds of gifts and their amounts revealed the man’s depth of love and desire for a particular female, and proved he had the prowess to be a good protector and provider for her.

As for multiple wives, Tashina felt as her grandmother, father, and the whites: a man should have only
one wife. Yes, life on the Plains was dangerous, and there were more females than males for many reasons, and the Indian female’s life was hard, and there was a need for a warrior to have as many children as possible; but not where she was concerned. She wanted her husband all to herself. If she needed help, her husband could buy or capture her a slave or two.

In most tribes, as well as her own, a girl became a woman when she had her first monthly flow, which was usually at age fifteen or sixteen. It was an occasion for a feast and special ceremony, certainly if she was a chiefs or a high-ranking warrior’s daughter. Despite a girl’s modesty, everyone was told of the wonderful news of her arrival at the flap to womanhood. Yet, men feared and were awed by a female during her monthly; some tribes treated or viewed her as if she became an evil spirit once a month. In many, a bleeding female was forced to remain in a separate tepee during this time, to prevent the spread of her evil and to prevent her from touching anything that belonged to a warrior and thereby allowing her evil spirit to steal his power and magic. During this brief exile, a young girl spent time with her mother, grandmother, or an older female being educated on female tasks, responsibilities, and such.

At her feast following her first menstrual period, she was told of her duties and destiny by the shaman and was given a fluffy white eagle breath-feather to reveal her new status. The shaman prayed for her to be blessed by
Whope’,
the sacred White Buffalo Calf Woman, whose touch, Indian legend and religion said, possessed the power to heal and whose sharp eyes could pierce the shadows which concealed the future. It was said that
Whope’
was involved in the creation of the Lakota people and she was the divine spirit who had birthed the sacred pipe ritual. During this part of a
girl’s ceremony into womanhood, to honor
Whope’
a beautiful white shield was used, one with a white buffalo head on a white hoop which bore white designs and displayed eight white eagle feathers: white, for the purity of the soul and body involved, which told a young girl how important chastity was.

Tashina had earned her eagle plume last summer, and braves had quickly taken notice of her marriageable status. She had pretended not to notice them or her rank, but when she was near Soul-of-Thunder, she forgot the importance placed on virtue. He stirred feelings to life within her which she knew must be a mating fever. She wanted him to hold her tightly, to kiss her feverishly, to fuse their bodies as one. Perhaps it was wicked of her to think and to feel—and especially to encourage—such behavior and emotions, but she could not help herself, and she could not believe such beautiful feelings were evil or wrong.

Bright Arrow returned to their tepee to gather a few belongings for his hasty trip. Tashina eagerly asked to go with him.

“I ride swiftly, daughter. You must prepare to break camp.” He did not want to frighten her with what he had learned at the fort, but he knew terrible times were ahead for them. He could not risk placing her life in peril for a visit to her Blackfeet friends. If there was trouble along the way, she could endanger him and Flaming Star.

She coaxed, “It will be many suns-before I can visit again. Please, Father, take me with you. All is done but dismantling the tepee.”

“Remain and help your grandmother. Her hands and body do not work as they used to. There is no time to ride slowly for a female.”

She knew it was useless and rude to plead or protest. “Will you take this to Soul-of-Thunder? The beading
came loose and I repaired it.”

Bright Arrow accepted the knife sheath and smiled. “You are kind to your friends and your fingers are skilled. I cannot see where it was damaged or repaired. Windrider’s son will be pleased.”

Tashina felt guilty about lying to her father. That was a new flaw in her character, one perhaps born from the mating of love and desperation. She had asked Soul-of-Thunder if she could keep his sheath for a while to learn to make one for her father. She had fulfilled her intention, which was to bead it with his symbol: the ghostly shape of a man in white, clasping black thunderbolts in his hands and holding them above his head to reveal his power and magic. She was proud of her work and hoped he liked it and guessed the love with which it had been done.

Yet, when her father returned to camp, she learned that her love had sent only a polite thank you for her gift! It was their custom for a special gift to be given in return, but her love had ignored it. She had been hoping he would send her one of his colorfully etched armbands with which she could make a wristlet to wear with pride and joy. She helplessly wondered if his action was meant to tell her something, something which she did not wish to admit to herself.

Two days later, it was time to break camp. Early that morning, Shalee saddled her horse and used his strength to pull out the two largest tepee support poles to construct her travois. Two feet from the top ends, she crossed the poles above the animal’s withers and lashed them together, being careful not to catch the animal’s mane in her tight knots, as it could be yanked out during movement. Positioning the lower ends five feet apart, she secured them in place with wide strips of rawhide which ran from pole to pole beneath and over the horse, just behind his forelegs and before his
hindlegs. The strips which encircled the helpful beast were lined with fur to prevent chaffing and discomfort when the weight of the travois pulled on the makeshift straps. As with the warriors, the women took the best of care with their horses, for their work load and survival depended upon the loyal beasts.

Next, Shalee fashioned a shelf with widths of rawhide and sturdy saplings to carry their home and belongings. Blankets had been placed over the animal’s back and flanks to prevent the poles from rubbing against his hide, and two thick buffalo skins were tossed over the poles for Shalee’s comfort while riding him. Items which she needed to reach quickly or to use during the day were placed inside a large double-sided parfleche and tossed over the horse’s croup like saddlebags. As if the first step in dismantling the chiefs tepee had been taken as a sign, all others had begun the same task on their conical abodes.

Shalee worked skillfully and diligently, having performed this task twice yearly since meeting Gray Eagle. The tepee lining was taken down, folded, and set outside near the travois. The buffalo skin beddings were rolled and bound tightly, and placed with it, as were all other possessions until the tepee was empty. Wooden pins which held together the one unstitched seam were removed to allow the
tipi
to slide down the remaining poles to the ground, where it could be folded and secured first to the travois. Two backrests were lashed to the makeshift cart, along with Shalee’s sewing pouch and assorted parfleches which contained the family’s possessions and their provisions for the impending journey. As with the other males, Gray Eagle and Sun Cloud strapped their weapons and sacred belongings in place; women were not supposed to handle them, and guards, hunters, and scouts could not be encumbered while carrying out their vital assignments
during the trek.

Within a short time, all tepees were down, the horses and travois were loaded, and everyone was ready to leave the winter encampment. As nothing was wasted, the remaining poles were stacked aside to be used for firewood another day. Children were loaded last. Each family was given an assigned place for the long trek, and was expected to keep to it each day so a man could locate his family easily when they halted for a rest or for the night.

Sun Cloud helped his mother to mount her horse. In tepees where there was more than one wife, one guided the horse, either by hand or by riding him, and the other or others took turns walking beside or riding upon the travois, unless it was filled with small children. Sometimes women carried babies in cradleboards or in their arms. If or when necessary, others gave help to the ill or injured or overburdened or widowed so the trip would not be slowed.

The man packed nothing except his weapons and sacred items; for the division of labor was strict, and men were never to do anything which was, or appeared, menial or feminine. Men were appointed to one of several groups during the trek: hunter, guard, or scout. Guards rode before, beside, and behind the long line of women and children to protect them from perils and to make certain nothing and no one delayed their progress; they could halt the long procession if a need—such as childbirth or illness or injury—arose or to prevent stragglers from being left behind. Others hunted for game which was shared amongst all the families. Others scouted ahead of the main group for dangers, campsites, and fresh game. Loyalty and duty were vital for the safety and survival of the tribe, and each man was expected to do his part, willingly and efficiently.

As the large group headed toward the Plains, Shalee remembered how many times she had performed this task. She recalled the first time, when she had not known what to do or how to do it. She recalled the year of 1782 when Leah Winston was in their lives, and she had been plagued with amnesia. Yet, with Turtle Woman’s help and kindness, she had dismantled Gray Eagle’s tepee and packed their belongings. What joy and excitement she had experienced that day when her labors had been so richly rewarded. That was one time when Bright Arrow and Gray Eagle had helped her with the chores, and had ignored the prohibition against men doing demeaning “woman’s work.”