Bittersweet Ecstasy (21 page)

“How can this be, Silver Hawk? When I returned to my people after I was banished, I agreed to follow Sun Cloud after my father.”

Silver Hawk eyed the warrior across from him, his dark hair still short from his recent
coup.
He could tell that Bright Arrow was wavering, in doubt and in hope. “You agreed before you knew the truth, my brother. Sun Cloud is young and he is not ready to be your chief. He will know this to be true, and he will yield to your higher rank. Perhaps it is the will of the Great Spirit for Sun Cloud to follow you as chief, unless Singing Wind gives you a son,” he added slyly, knowing how important a son was to a warrior, especially to a chief. He saw Bright Arrow’s eyes gleam with anticipation at his last words.

Bright Arrow responded, “Sun Cloud will be chief one day, for my father saw it in his vision, but perhaps it is meant to be after me. If this is so, the Great Spirit will guide us to the right path.”

“Perhaps your father had a dream, my brother, which he mistakes for a vision,” the Blackfeet warrior suggested. “We must seek a vision together to see if the Great Spirit will give us answers. There are evil days ahead, and we must take the time to seek His will for us and our people. Will you come to the sweat lodge with me to begin our journey to the truth? We must find it, for the sun approaches when both our tribes will choose new chiefs. If it is our duty to lead our peoples, we must be ready and willing to face all who think otherwise, and perhaps battle any who go against the will of the Great Spirit.”

“You speak wisely, Silver Hawk. If
Wakantanka
desires me to lead our people after my father, I must learn this quickly, so I can obey His call when the moment arrives.”

“Come, speak with Singing Wind while I prepare things for us.”

“I must seek
Wakantanka’s
will before I approach your sister. If she knows she is to join a chief, she will not consider me at this time.”

“I do not mean you to ask for her hand in joining this visit, but you must make your interest in her known so she can be thinking of you, or dreaming of you,” Silver Hawk teased with a mischievous grin. “Many women desire you, and she will feel honored you notice her. Spark an ember in her heart this sun, then when the time is right, kindle it into a raging flame of desire for you. Once when we spoke of you, she said you did not know she lived as a woman. She thinks you still mourn for Wahea and wish no woman to take her place. Her eyes danced with fire and light as she spoke
of you. She can be yours, my brother.”

As Singing Wind’s image came to mind, Bright Arrow smiled. She was a beautiful and desirable female, and young enough to bear children. Too, she had spirit and strength, which many often confused with defiance. Perhaps Silver Hawk was right, he mused; perhaps his life was taking the path he was meant to walk…

While Silver Hawk went to see the ceremonial chief to ask his help with their joint visionquest, Bright Arrow walked around camp, as if visiting others while he secretly sought his friend’s sister. He located her gathering firewood near the river. She halted and smiled genially when he approached her. “It is good to see you, Singing Wind. Your beauty increases with each season, and it brings joy to look upon it.” He glanced around, then remarked, “I am surprised there is no line of warriors trying to share a blanket with you. Surely Blackfeet braves are not blind this season,” he teased in a mellow voice.

Singing Wind laughed softly, for his expression and tone were sincere and flattering. She had always felt at ease with Bright Arrow, and they had laughed and talked countless times over the years. She jested in return, “Many think I am too wild and headstrong to please them. It is good to see your smile and to hear your laughter again; I have missed them since Wahea was taken from your side.”

Bright Arrow inhaled deeply, then slowly released the spent air. He eyed the beauty of the land and the woman before him. “It is good to want to smile and laugh again.
Wakantanka
has renewed my heart and spirit as Mother Earth renews our lands. My life with Wahea is over, and I must seek a new one. But the available women of my tribe are as undesirable as the men of your tribe are blind. Perhaps we will both be
lucky this season and find our rightful mates.”

She eyed his robust frame which was so different from the sleek body of Sun Cloud. Her gaze took in his fire-tinged hair and leafy brown eyes, so unlike the midnight shades of his younger brother’s. She liked how Sun Cloud wore his hair loose, whereas Bright Arrow wore his braided. As with his name, he wore a shiny arrow medallion around his thick neck, which was not as striking as the sun-cloud design of her love’s. Yet, he was handsome and virile like Sun Cloud. “You do not need luck, Bright Arrow, for you are a warrior who causes women to chase after you. See, I still speak too boldly.”

Between chuckles, he replied, “But the women who chase me do not appeal to me. I seek a special woman, one with strength and pride, one who is unafraid to speak her thoughts and to obey them. Let no one change you with their words, Singing Wind, for it is good to have strength and confidence, to be smart and brave. Other females only tease you because they are jealous and envious, for they wish they had the courage to be like you. And a man of real strength and honor has the courage and wisdom to realize and appreciate your value. Do not worry when others wonder why you remain unjoined, for the Great Spirit will choose a special man and send him to you.”

“This I also know, Bright Arrow; this is why I wait patiently for him. Long ago, I told myself to stop listening to and being hurt by the jests of others. Sometimes it is difficult; sometimes it is not.”

They laughed as she placed her wood in a sling and, together, they headed back to her tepee. “You have learned much about men from living in the tepee of Chief Medicine Bear.”

“Perhaps too much,” she stated with a playful grin. “I have seen them at their best and worst, and viewed
their strengths and flaws, but I pray there are a few surprises left to learn, or life will be dull.”

“There are, Singing Wind, there are,” he told her confidently.

Silver Hawk joined them, delighting in the easy rapport which he had observed. Without knowing it, this man would help him obtain all of his desires: the Blackfeet chiefs bonnet, his sister’s absence, Sun Cloud’s bring-down, Gray Eagle’s death, and Tashina. Yet, Bright Arrow would be rewarded for his unknowing aid, for he would become the next Oglala chief and he would obtain a wife to give him sons.

“All is ready, my brother, and Jumping Rabbit waits for us,” he announced happily, even sending his sister a warm smile.

“We seek a joint vision in these evil times; we need the Great Spirit’s guidance,” Bright Arrow told the girl at her look of bewilderment.

The two warriors went to the sweat lodge, which was constructed near the edge of camp and shaped like a bowl turned upside down. It was built of sturdy and flexible saplings, then covered snugly with hides to shut out light and air and to trap steam inside. This purification ceremony must be carried out before a man could seek a vision.

Silver Hawk and Bright Arrow entered, their eyes slowly adjusting to dimness. Each removed his breechcloth and moccasins, and handed them to the ceremonial chief, who placed them outside the lodge. Jumping Rabbit filled a hole in the ground with hot rocks from his fire outside the hut. He handed Silver Hawk a bag of water, then took his place near the entrance to continue his duty when necessary. He began to chant for the Great Spirit to aid the men’s search for His will.

Silver Hawk poured some of the water over the
rocks, which sizzled and popped and caused steam to rise from them. He continued this process until moist clouds surrounded them and covered their nude bodies. At a special signal, Jumping Rabbit entered quickly, added more hot rocks, then left swiftly to prevent the steam from escaping. He did this several times during the sweating process, which was done to release all impurities, evil spirits, and fear from warriors. It was to prepare their bodies to be worthy of accepting a message from the Great Spirit. The men sweated profusely as they rubbed sage over their wet flesh and chanted to
Wakantanka.
They inhaled the cloudy mist, believing it to be the cleansing breath of the Great Spirit. They swayed to and fro as they sang and prayed to be worthy of this rite.

Neither talked, for words could break the spell which was being created with this first step. As it was the end of April and they did not have the aid of the scorching summer sun to beat down upon the hut which made the sweating come easier, the ceremonial chief had to heat and add more rocks than usual for the heat and humidity inside the hut to do its task. Sweat mingled with steam soaked their bodies and ran down them like tiny rivers over hard ground. Their sitting mats were drenched in less than an hour. Their hair was wet, and it clung to their necks, and to Silver Hawk’s back for his was long. As time passed, breathing became harsh and difficult, and faces grew red from their efforts to endure this ritual. Still, they sat cross-legged and chanting as if nothing were sapping their energy as they lost precious body fluids, a dangerous state for weaker men, especially when it followed a fast and preceded a Sun Dance rite.

When their required time elapsed, the ceremonial chief handed them more sage to rub over their bodies. He then removed hides from the far side of the hut and
allowed cooler air to revive the men while they dressed, to head from camp to seek privacy for their visionquest.

Seeking a lofty place which put them in full view of the Great Spirit, as was their custom, the two warriors dismounted and followed the ceremonial chief to the place which he had chosen for them. As silence was commanded throughout the entire ritual, neither had spoken since just before entering the sweat lodge. The area in which they were to sit and wait was staked off, a small post representing each direction of the medicine wheel. A rawhide rope was strung from post to post; from which, Jumping Rabbit suspended bunches of sweet grass, sage, and sacred tokens. Two sitting mats were placed inside the square, and the men were instructed to take their places, facing eastward, from which enlightenment was said to come.

When they were seated, the ceremonial chief handed each man an eagle-bone whistle—used to summon the Great Spirit—and a peyote button from the mescal cactus—a powerful hallucinogen which induced sights and sounds and feelings for a “vision.” Jumping Rabbit called on the Great Spirit to guide and protect the warriors along their mystical journeys, then told them to consume their
unkcekcena taspu.

Both men placed the cactus buttons in their mouths, but Silver Hawk only pretended to chew and swallow his; instead, he placed it beneath his tongue. They nodded to Jumping Rabbit and he left them alone, to wait with the horses. Both closed their eyes, began to sway back and forth, and blew on their whistles. Silver Hawk had pushed his peyote button near his cheek, to await its removal when it was safe.

For a spring day, it grew hot beneath the sun, and more sweat glistened on their bodies and faces. No warrior, not even a foe, was allowed to disturb a man
on a visionquest, for it was considered bad medicine, a curse from their god. But because of the constant threat from their white enemies these days, they were not required to spend four days and nights at the mercy of the elements before using their peyote buttons, which usually lasted for a couple of hours.

Soon, Bright Arrow succumbed to the powerful drug, for the peyote was strong and quick. Colorful lights and fuzzy images flickered in his mind, and strange music filled his ears, and curious sensations roamed his body. From the mental merging of deepest dreams, darkest desires, countless experiences, and varied thoughts…hallucinations began to form. First, he saw Rebecca Kenny standing before him, holding out her arms in beckoning, her eyes filled with sadness and accusation, as if she was mutely begging him to find her and charging him with the betrayal of their love and vows. Then, her voice seemed to fill his ears as she repeated words he had said to her long ago: “No matter what power says otherwise, you are mine. No matter where our bodies are, our hearts will beat as one. Whatever the future holds for us, my true heart, there can never be another love as powerful, as perfect, or as passionate as ours.” Suddenly she vanished, as if called to another place by a force greater than him.

Silver Hawk buried his peyote button and looked at Bright Arrow, realizing he was deep in a trance. As in the sweat lodge, his thoughts were not on good or guidance; his thoughts were on obtaining his desires, in any way necessary. He did not fear the wrath of
Napi,
as the Blackfeet called the Great Spirit, for if
Napi
was as powerful and perfect as all claimed, his people would not be losing their battle to the whites and he would be chief.
Napi
had not rewarded him for his prowess and deeds; he had rewarded himself. Life in their territory was perilous, harsh, and often brief. If he wanted his
days filled with the objects of his desires, it was up to him to obtain them. He would no longer wait for
Napi
to answer his prayers, to punish his foes, to return his rightful rank, and to help his people; he must handle those matters himself. Either
Napi
lacked the greater power or He had deserted his people. He was allowing them to suffer, to be defeated by their foes, to be replaced by the white-eyes. If
Napi
could punish him, He would have done so by now, for Silver Hawk had committed many evils. He was no longer afraid of
Napi’s
power or punishment, and he would only pretend to honor and to follow Him. He leaned slightly toward Bright Arrow and whispered words into his ear to control his “vision.”

Bright Arrow witnessed a terrible battle with the soldiers. He saw his father lying upon a death scaffold, and he was vowing revenge, wearing the Oglala chief’s bonnet. He saw Silver Hawk approach him, wearing the Blackfeet chief’s bonnet, and he saw Tashina at his friend’s side. He saw the flap to his tepee tossed aside, for the face of Singing Wind to greet him as he walked into her arms. He saw Singing Wind remove the blanket from their first child, a son. He saw his brother refuse to obey the Great Spirit’s commands. He saw himself stand against his brother, for Sun Cloud fiercely battled the truth. He saw his brother try to take everything that was rightfully his. He saw victory and peace for his people under his leadership…