Bittersweet Ecstasy (7 page)

Powchutu concurred with his half brother’s decisions. He would live as Eagle’s Arm, half brother to Chief Gray Eagle. He would tell no one of his deceased wife Shalee, who had been born half-white and halfBlackfeet. But with the discovery of his true identity, a reality had filled his mind: his children were threefourths Indian. It did not matter to Powchutu, but the truth was his son Stede carried more Indian blood and a higher birthright rank than either of Gray Eagle’s sons. He must find a way to send a letter to Stede and Alisha to let them know he was safe and well, and to, perhaps, tell them of their true heritage. He was not
embittered by the fact Gray Eagle was living, and had lived, in his rightful place; yet, he could not help but wonder what his life would have been like if he had been raised as Running Wolf’s first-born son and Gray Eagle’s brother.

“Come,” Gray Eagle suggested, “we must speak with White Arrow before my sons return and your story must be told again.”

Shalee watched the two men enter White Arrow’s tepee, and she could imagine the scene taking place. An hour later, she was heading for the stream to fetch water when the Cheyenne war chief Windrider and his eldest son Soul-of-Thunder galloped into the Oglala camp, with her son Bright Arrow riding between them. She smiled as she envisioned her granddaughter Tashina’s reaction to her father’s visitors, one in particular.

The moment Shalee returned from the stream, Tashina rushed inside Gray Eagle’s tepee and nervously disclosed, “Grandmother, Father brought Windrider and Soul-of-Thunder to visit and I have no fruit pones and berry wine to offer them. Father is too generous at times, for he has given away most of our winter supplies. I am glad spring is here and I can soon collect more food for us and our guests. What must I do and say?” she asked anxiously, for hospitality was important in the Indian culture, just as charity was. But presently, all Tashina could think about was that she had no refreshments to serve their company.

Even as her seventeen-year-old granddaughter softly scolded her kindhearted father, Shalee knew the girl loved and respected Bright Arrow deeply and would never complain within his hearing. She was aware that her son’s hand opened freely to those in need, and that quality warmed her heart. Yet, she knew that Bright Arrow must learn it was not his duty to care for all
those in need. As his father aged, Bright Arrow had taken on certain responsibilities of a good chief to lighten Gray Eagle’s load. The same was true of Sun Cloud, who often hunted all day to provide game for those who had no husband or son or father. She was proud of her two sons and of their sensitivity.

Shalee realized the young girl knew these facts and was flustered only because of one particular visitor. “Do not fret, Granddaughter. I will give you all the fruit pones your men can stuff into their mouths and all the berry wine they can drink. You must calm yourself, little one, or they will wonder why Tashina’s cheeks glow like the evening sun and why her hands shake and her voice quivers when she speaks.”

Tashina laughed and teased, “You have more eyes than two, Grandmother, and you see all things. I do not understand why he causes my heart to race so wildly and my face to burn so brightly when he is near, and I try to halt such silly behavior. I do not want him to think badly of me for running out of supplies before the new growing season appears. Father worries more about the mouths of others than of those in his tepee. Perhaps I should hide our new supplies from his giving hands next season,” she hinted mirthfully, knowing she would not.

“Perhaps you will not live and work in your father’s tepee next season,” Shalee retorted mischievously as she embraced Tashina.

Tashina’s smile faded. “He fills my heart with worry, Grandmother. He will not face the truth of mother’s death. He must look for another mate to fill his heart and life. I would risk all perils to return Mother to his side, but the Great Spirit has taken her from us. If Mother still lived, she would have returned to us by now or she would have found a way to send a message of her survival and location. I do not wish Father to
join another, but he needs peace and help before I leave his side. He must face the truth; Mother is lost to us forever.”

Shalee advised solemnly, “Do not burden your heart and shoulders caring for your father, little one. When he is ready, he will cast his eyes upon another. Do not live your life as his. You are beautiful and your time for choosing a mate draws near. Perhaps your father would make his choice sooner if he did not have you to help him.” The moment Shalee said those words, she regretted them. She felt she must be honest, so she revealed, “I understand why he hesitates, little one; he does not believe Wahea is dead and lost to him forever, as I do not believe this to be true. No one has seen her or heard words about her since she vanished from our forest as Mother Earth renewed her face before this past winter. I do not understand why she was lost to us, but I pray for her safety and return. She is strong and brave; she will battle this defeat to be reunited with her loved ones. If only she had taken others with her to gather the medicine herbs so far from camp, then we would know what enemy captured her and we would know where to seek her, but we do not. It is as if Mother Earth opened her mouth and swallowed Wahea, for no trace or clue was found. A full span of seasons has passed since she was lost, but do not give up hope. Perhaps she will return as mysteriously as she vanished. Let Bright Arrow wait for your mother a while longer, but do not lose your dreams while he sleeps restlessly.”

“I am glad you spoke such brave words, Grandmother. The words in Tashina’s mouth do not agree with those in her heart. I fear if I chase my new life, Father will lose hope in a tepee alone and he will also pursue a new one for himself. I must not fail Mother and Father during this time of separation. Some braves
and warriors have come to me to seek a joining, but none who stir my heart and body to accept.”

“What of the son of Windrider? Is he not the one who brings that sparkle to your eyes? He is a good man like his father, and it is unwise to lead a rare man on a chase too long. Does his heart race and his eyes glow when he looks at Tashina?” the older woman asked seriously.

Tashina flushed and lowered her lashes. “I do not know, Grandmother. Is it wrong to say, I hope your words are true?”

Shalee’s green eyes softened with understanding and affection. “No, little one, that is how it should be between two special people. Go, serve them berry wine and fruit pones, then return and we will prepare the evening meal together. First, send your father to me. There is something I must tell him.”

A look of worry filled the young girl’s eyes. “Is there danger in the wind, Grandmother?” she asked as she watched Shalee intently.

Shalee smiled encouragingly. “No, little one. I have happy news which must be shared with my son before others. Stay with your guests until he returns to his tepee. I will tell you all while we cook.”

Tashina accepted the bag of wine and pouch of fruit pones, smiled, and left her grandmother’s tepee. Shalee sat down and waited for her eldest son. News of the man who had once almost ruined his life should come from her. How she wished Rebecca were here to meet this man whom her mother had loved so long ago, whose child she could have been. Again, she prayed for Rebecca’s safe and speedy return. If only this dark mystery did not surround Rebecca’s disappearance last spring… if only there were clues to inspire hope or to lead them to her… Bright Arrow needed his lost love, and Tashina needed her mother’s guidance during this period in her life. Things were changing so rapidly
these days, and Shalee could not imagine what the new sun would bring.

During the evening meal in the tepee of Gray Eagle, Powchutu was introduced as his half brother Eagle’s Arm. The men talked while Shalee and Tashina served the meal they had prepared, the five men eating first as was the Indian custom. Gray Eagle told them, “On the new sun, we will feast my brother’s return and we will make plans to break winter camp. Stay, my friends, and share this happy time.”

Soul-of-Thunder and Tashina exchanged smiles at the thought of having more time together, but only Shalee noticed. She sighed happily, for she could think of no one more suited to her granddaughter than the son of Windrider, best friend to her son Bright Arrow. Their union would forge a bond between friends and allied tribes. She was glad her son understood about Powchutu and accepted him as part of their family. She knew the same would be true of Sun Cloud when he was enlightened.

The meal passed leisurely, and the men lit their pipes and slipped into genial conversation. When the talk shifted to news or concerns over the soldiers’ actions, Shalee innocently and slyly asked Tashina if she would fetch water, and if Soul-of-Thunder would go along to protect her in the darkness. The two rose quietly and left. She was not overly concerned with Sun Cloud’s absence, as Gray Eagle had explained his mission, and she knew her son always obeyed his father’s orders.

At the stream, Tashina filled the water skins. Moonlight danced off her dark brown hair which had an auburn cast in the sunlight and was always wildly disobedient when wet or when the air was filled with moisture before a rain. She turned to find Soul-of-Thunder
watching her.

Tashina straightened and returned his probing gaze. For a time, they seemed spellbound, as if content to do nothing more than look at each other, or more so as if that was all they could do. Her golden brown eyes softened, as did his darker brown ones. Lips parted, but neither spoke. A sensual heaviness seemed to surround them. It was as if each was waiting for the other to say or to do something.

Moonlight filtered through the trees, casting shadows upon their faces and bodies, creating an aura of sensuality and mystery. Sweet smells of wildflowers and heady pine filled the air around them. It suddenly seemed warm and peaceful near the stream. Their breathing heightened, and still they did nothing more than stare at each other, as if each was afraid that moving or speaking would break the romantic spell which encased them in a private world, or as if each was the only one caught up in the magic of this moment.

Soul-of-Thunder wanted to reach out and snatch Tashina into his arms, to cover her lips with kisses. He wondered if this was the time to make his manly desires known. They had been friends for so many years, but she was consumed by her father’s life these days. They had met when he was three and she was less than two, and they had shared many childhood adventures because their fathers were best friends. But since her mother had vanished last year, she had seemed to think of nothing and no one except her father and his pain. Perhaps he should give her more time to accept the loss of her mother, more time to give her hints of his feelings for her as a man. If only her father would find another mate and would release her from her sense of duty to him, he could approach her and reveal his love. They had had so little time together during the last year, and he wondered if she had missed him as he had missed
her. So many braves and warriors from her tribe, and others, desired her, for Bright Arrow had told Windrider of the many offers he had received for her. Why, Soul-of-Thunder worried, would she select a nineteen-year-old warrior who had not yet submitted himself to the Sun Dance, and who carried the careless scar from an enemy’s knife across his right shoulder, over famed and seasoned warriors who had much to offer for her and to her? If she felt only friendship and sisterly affection for him, it could spoil their relationship if he exposed deeper feelings and desires for her. Every time they held hands or embraced, his body burst into fiery need for a union with hers. He could not seem to look at her or be with her enough. He asked himself what she would do if he covered her mouth with his.

Tashina watched Soul-of-Thunder as he watched her. She wondered if he realized how much his gaze and nearness affected her, for her body was trembling and tingling. This last year had demanded a great deal from both of them; her with her father, him with their white foes. So many maidens hungered for him and trailed him like she-wolves with the mating fever! His father had trained him to be a superior hunter and fighter, and any female would be honored and overjoyed to call him her mate. They had spent so much time together while reaching these ages, but a strangeness had fallen over their relationship during the past two winters. They spoke less and seemed to be secretive. They watched each other slyly and curiously. Maybe he was confused and alarmed by her new behavior toward him. She tried to comprehend why he seemed so nervous and reserved around her each time they were alone. She fretted apprehensively. Did he fear she would throw herself at him or try to entrap him with girlish wiles?

Tashina could not help but think of her white blood, enemy blood. Even if she wanted to deny it existed, it was impossible, for her colorings and features made it known. She hated the word “half-breed,” but she had been called that many times in secret by other children. To her, all that mattered was she was Indian, Oglala, in heart and life. Her sister Little Feet was lucky, for she passed as Indian and she had won the heart of Racesthe-Buffalo, chief of the Sisseton tribe.

Many braves and warriors had asked for her hand in joining, but why? Because she was a chief’s granddaughter? Or because she was Tashina? Besides, the only man she wanted was standing before her, and she dreaded how her white blood and looks might affect his feelings. He was willing and eager to be her friend, but would he become more? If only he would view her in the same light in which she viewed him. If only she dared to make her feelings known, but that meant risking their closeness…

Soul-of-Thunder and Tashina simultaneously took a few steps toward each other, but each was only aware of his or her advance. Just as they reached for each other, a rider noisily approached the stream. Both reacted as if caught doing something naughty and moved away from each other. They watched Sun Cloud dismount and let his horse drink after the long ride. They could tell he was distracted, for it was a few minutes before he looked at them and spoke.