Bittersweet Revenge (11 page)

            “I know we do, there are things I have to tell you, that you need to know. But for now can you please just trust me. I care about you more than anything. There’s just so much going on right now.” He says pained. I smile, deciding to give him a chance. We all make mistakes, and were human so I shouldn’t expect anything different. I may have patched things up with Rex for now; but I’m close to losing my best friend, and my arch enemies are out to get us and it feels like World War 3 is about to start. Who will be the next to drop the bomb?

Officially Official

Two weeks has passed, and though I would love to say I’m glad that it’s out that Rex and I are together, I’m not. If anything I’ve painted a bright red X on my back. I’ve made things ten times worse for myself than need be. After accusing Mimi for lying, it took a week for me to get her to talk to me again. Even though, I don’t feel I can trust those around me completely, I need to work on not being so paranoid, or at least I tell myself. That’s why when I walk into the ladies bathroom to do my lady business and hear Angela’s annoyingly screechy voice I rethink the whole paranoid aspect.

“I can't believe he actually went through with being with that little hoe bag.” Angela sneers; hate for whom I’m assuming is me.

I peek between the little holes in the doors to see who she's talking to. Marie’s big head shows in the mirror and I cringe. The last two people I want to be pushed into a corner with. 

“Yeah, I totally thought he was going to follow through with Corey’s plan to use her. I mean come on her mom has all but torn your family apart.” Marie says applying yet another coat of lipstick that does nothing for her looks. What is she talking about, my mom hasn’t done anything. I’m about to burst out of the door until I hear what Angela has to say next.

“I know right, just because you work together doesn’t mean you have to fuck each other. You cannot imagine what my mom is going through with this affair, Jenna’s moms’ a slut and so is Jenna. Mother like daughter.” I bite my lip, the metallic taste of blood filling my mouth. I want to scream out, but at the same time I was total silence.  I feel like I’m lost with no direction on where to go.

“Rex told me, he’s only going to date her for a little while, and then make a huge scene in front of everyone when he breaks up with her.” I hold in the gasp that wants to release, and the tears that I feel pricking to the surface, this can’t be true. It has to be some kind of lie. They’re just trying to get under my skin and make things worse for me. I keep telling myself these things, and then Ryder’s words pop into my head and for a fraction of a second I think it could be true.

“I know Corey said he would help set everything up, make sure everyone was there to see it. I can’t wait to see the look on her face, when she realizes she's been duped. I’ve wanted to wipe that stupid smile off her face for days. Pretty sure it will be back to her regular ugly look face, and she’ll be back where she belongs. At the bottom like the garbage she is.”

Her words don’t affect me, nor do her feelings about me. I could care less what she has to say. Rex, oh God no, Rex. I feel myself gasping for air. The hurt is radiating, my heart cracks just at the thought. It has to be a lie, it has to be. I feel the acid in my stomach and all its contents sloshing around inside. The bile rises slowing and the second they walk out the door I can’t help but puke everything out. I take the back of my sleeve and wipe it across my face, not even caring that I have puke on my sweater.

I feel like everything has been a lie, and that asking him for the truth will just confirm it even more. I make my way to the lockers, grab my books and exit the school going straight to my truck to go home. I’m going to ask the one person I know can’t lie to me to confirm it. My mother.

***

By the time I get home I've cried to at least two of Taylor Swift’s songs. My heart is breaking in a way that I can’t even explain, the pieces splintering into tinier pieces. I keep telling myself that it’ll all be a lie, and that I’ll wake up tomorrow and it’ll be a bad dream.

My mom’s car is in the driveway and I throw my truck into park leaving the keys in the ignition. I care about nothing but getting answers, confirming what I already know is true.

“Hello.” My mom’s voice echoes around the house. She’s not expecting me home, so this will probably come as a shock.

“How could you? Do you realize how much shit I have been going through. How mean and horrible everyone has been to me because of you.” I can’t stop the words from coming. The anger was long overdue to erupt. A confused look shows on her face, but a deep rooted fear shows in her eyes.

“I know. God do I know… how could you!!” I scream pounding my fist on the island. Nothing can fix this, nothing can make this better.

“We didn’t mean for this to happen Jenna.” I cut her off, not even caring to hear what she has to say. All of this is because of her, because she couldn’t keep her hands off a married man. They tortured me, because my mother ruined their family.

“You’re stupid, so stupid. You didn’t mean for this to happen? Do you hear yourself? You’ve ruined my life Mom. You’ve crushed everything, you’ve destroyed it.”

“Oh stop being so dramatic your life is not ruined, just because of a boy.” Her words remind me of how deep the hurt, and pain really is.  The woman before me doesn’t even care that she’s caused me all these problems. This isn’t even about Rex. It’s about the fact that she’s been slutting away while I’ve been treated like dirt, called names, and hated on. I’ve taken the brunt for her actions.

“It’s not about a boy, it’s about how I needed you as a mother and you were never there for me. You never had time for me, but you had time to lay with a married man. I took the fault for your actions, this is a small town and I go to school with his kids. Corey and Angela have made every day of my life for the last year a living hell and now I know why. You.” I can’t hold the tears back anymore. They fall from my eyes, sobs rake my body and I’m not even sure what makes me sadder, the fact that I’ve been betrayed by my own family or the fact that the last year could’ve been prevented.

“Stop it! You're being beyond immature right now. You need to grow up and learn to deal with these things. If you can’t handle them now you never will be able to.” She acts as if this whole thing is nothing but an inconvenience to her.

“Wow, this is… this is unfuckingbelieveable. I’m immature? What does it make you for sleeping with a married man? You know what… you’re the one that has the growing up to do. So grow up and start being a mom.” I yell unable to hold anything else in. My give- a- shit was busted a long time ago.

“How dare you speak to your mother that way?” She says her throat clogged with emotion. Oh, now she’s going to act as if she cares.

“If you acted like a mother than maybe I would talk to you like one.” I say in a flat whisper. My thoughts are meshed together, and I don’t know where to go from here.

“I’m not the only one at fault here. He wanted to be with me as much as I did him.” My mother pipes in, trying to come up with an excuse for her actions. You see, and that’s the problem here, everyone’s going to think that they have or had a reason to do something. No one thinks about the innocent bystanders that get taken out in the process. In a way, I now understand why Corey’s hate stems so deep, why someone like him would come after me.

“You’re selfish. Both of you are, you never thought to think of the consequences of your actions. The everlasting effect it would have on people.” I say unaffected by her fake crying. I could care less if she’s crying right now. I feel heartless, I feel like someone’s ripped a part of my soul out. This is what ultimate betrayal feels like.

“Jenna, you're my daughter and I love you, we didn’t mean to hurt you or anyone else. He was leaving his wife anyway.” She says, with her fake pitiful crying ringing in my ears. All I hear is excuse, excuse, excuse and I just can’t take it anymore.

“STOP! It’s always an excuse. Just stop, excuses, excuses. Shut up!” I roar. My throat feels raw, and I’m fresh out of tears. If anything, this proved one last thing I ever wanted to hear to be true was that Rex lied to me, and now I want to know why.

***

I go to the school. I know the day has ended. Time has done nothing to calm the raging inferno inside of me, if anything its fueled it more. I park my truck next to Mimi’s jeep and wait for the last bell to ring. I contemplate leaving so many times afraid to hear the truth, but afraid not to.

Mimi walks out with a smile showing on her face. I remember once upon a time when I accused her of lying to me, and she made a big deal about it. Now I know that won't ring true because I’m all but positive the whole school knew about my mom sleeping with Corey’s dad.

“How long have you known?” I ask flatly. The smile from her face dissipates and for a moment she looks confused, and then it’s as if heaven’s light has shown down on her. A fear similar to my mom’s appears on her face and I know she knew.

“Don’t lie to me Mimi, I’m pretty sure everyone's been doing that to me the whole time. It would’ve been nice to at the very fucking least have my best friend on my side.”

Her lips look like they’re moving but I’m just not hearing what she’s saying. Something else has grabbed my attention and is holding it. Rex. The guy I thought I wanted, the guy I thought I could love and seeing him happy, causes a deep internal pain.

“Jenna, I wanted to tell you I swear. I just knew if you knew, this would happen. I didn’t want to cause you anymore pain.” I hear her words, but it’s as if they bounce right off of me. In the end it’s not her I really came here to pay homage to .

She turns around, peeking at Rex over her shoulder. I know she’s going to tell me to stop, I know she’s going to tell me to calm down. I mean after all if I was in her shoes I would do the same thing; but I don’t care, I don’t care what anyone says.

He finally takes notice of us, and makes his way over to our cars. It’s taking everything in me to stay cemented to my spot. I want to lash out so badly.

“Hey babe!” Rex says, smiling down on me. The second he notices the hate in my eyes his smile falls. I’m not sure if he knows I know, but like I said I don’t care.

            “Why? That’s all I want to know, and then you can break up with me in front of the whole damn school if you want to. I’m past giving a shit, BUT I want to know why you used me.”  His eyes dilate, and glaze over, it looks as if he’s going to cry and then he blinks, and I’m left wondering if I even saw it.

            “Uh what are you talking about babe?” He says jokingly looking between Mimi and I as if one of us is messing with him. I’m sizzling like a hot pan. He thinks this is a joke, he thinks this is funny. I’ll show him funny.

            “What am I talking about? The better question would be is, what am I not talking about? I trusted you, you promised me. You swore if I gave you time you would be different, you swore you would never hurt me, and look where we are now.” Sobs rack me, as I try to breathe through the words, the wetness on my cheeks a welcoming feeling.

            I watch his body change, the guy before me slowly slumps a defeated, heartbroken look, and I just don’t understand how he can think he’s the heartbroken one. To be heartbroken you have to care, and I’m not sure he ever did.

            A feeling of brokenness falls upon us. His eyes pierce mine and it’s as if I’m looking right through him… seeing him for the person he has been this whole time.

            “I wanted to tell you… I did…” His voice is begging and as a crowd grows around us I know he’s getting exactly what he and Corey wanted.

            “No you didn’t. If you wanted to tell me you would have. If you wanted to be with me you would have. If you cared you would have. None of those things are true. NONE. Because you didn’t.” My voice takes on a dark quietness and I’m not even sure I’m the same person anymore. I don’t feel like the old Jenna, I feel a rage of empowerment, a rage to know and make things right.

            “Awe and she finally finds out. This is excellent; please do continue on with emotional drama.” Corey says clapping his hands together, as if to say bravo; everyone around gets quiet as if waiting for the next person to make their move. It’s at this point that I know the difference between these people and me. They crave for that moment when you're down, they crave to hear about your struggle, they laugh at your downfalls, and they make it impossible to pick yourself up at the end of the day. That’s not me, and it never will be. These people are pathetic, and the fact they’re standing here watching this, proves it.

            “How nice of you to join in Corey, did you get the revenge you so badly wanted on me? I hope it was bittersweet, I hope it made you happy. I hope it was everything you ever wanted because I can promise you that you will never, ever bring me down again.” There isn’t an ounce of fear in my voice, courage, and determination take root. This ends now.

            “Actually it has been bittersweet to watch you fall for yet another guy. It’s absolutely bittersweet to watch your heart break into a million pieces over, and over again. I wanted you to understand the pain I feel every night that I listen to my mother cry herself to sleep.” His words make me ache, I know what it’s like to stay up all night shaking, crying, and feeling more alone than anyone. I can understand why he would feel that he would need to avenge for his mother, but not because of me.

            “I’m sorry Corey, but it wasn’t me who tore your family apart. It wasn’t me who did any of those things. To take your hate out on me, well it just doesn’t justify anything. How can it make you feel good to hurt someone who’s been innocent the whole time?” I feel myself growing weak. The strength I had before drains from me as if someone pulled the plug.

            “But that’s what you don't get Jenna, someone had to pay for doing what your mom did, and the only one to do that was you. It’s a sad world we live in, but if I had to be unhappy well so did you.” What he says speaks volumes about the person he is. I’m surrounded by a bunch of monsters.