Bittersweet Trust (2 page)

“Just because it’s not healthy doesn’t mean it’s not good. The best things in life eventually kill you.”

I find a bag of chips only to discover they’re actually a bag of veggie “chips”. How dare chip makers try to impersonate such a deliciously perfect salty snack? Jenna must see the disgusted look on my face because she starts laughing at me.

“This isn’t funny, Jenna. Shouldn’t I be able to have, I don’t know, something that tastes halfway decent to eat?” I pout, taking my fake chips and plopping myself on the couch.

“Those are delicious, and you’re not only feeding yourself anymore. You need to be cautious about what you eat. Caffeine and excessive amounts of salt aren’t healthy while you’re pregnant. You should know these things since you’re majoring in women’s health,” Jenna haughtily reminds me. Little does she know that I went to the dean’s office and changed my academic future. I’m now a proud undecided college student. Well, not really, but it’s easier to be undecided in the wake of things changing so quickly.

“Your point? It’s not like the teachers show you what it’s like to be pregnant. They just tell you how to deal with it and shit. Believe me, being pregnant and being told about pregnancy are two very different things.”

I open the chips, throwing one of the veggie straw things in my mouth. I chew it and decide the flavor isn’t so bad.

Jenna makes her way over to me. A deep sadness wrinkles her face, and I force a smile. Without one complaint, she has been here every day doing what Corey should be doing, so I suppose I shouldn’t be giving her so much attitude.

“I’m sorry you’re doing this alone. I thought for sure Corey would get it, that he would understand by now. I know it’s difficult to absorb all this while your emotions are all whacked out, but I believe he will come back eventually. His behavior is unacceptable, but I think he just needs time after everything he went through with his parents… I just… I believe in him.” I merely blink at her comment. It’s not the first time I’ve heard her say this. She believes in him more than I ever will again. The girl who was bullied and tortured by this very man, believes in him. Un-fucking-believable.

“I felt sorry for him too, Jenna. I really did, but you can only use that shitty excuse so many times before it loses effect. My mom’s a snotty bitch and my dad a filthy rich asshole, but that doesn’t give me the right to be shitty. Your circumstances only define you as long as you allow them to.” She looks at me, raising an eyebrow.

“What?” I ask, clearly not getting what she’s saying. If she wants me to feel badly for him, that’s not going to happen.

“Maybe you should take your own advice then. Your situation, being pregnant and alone, will pass, Mimi. Corey will get his shit together, and you will have your happily ever after. I promise.” I roll my eyes at her. I love her and love that she’s trying, but that’s about as far as I will allow it to go.

“Happily ever after’s are overrated and full of bullshit. No girl ever gets Prince Charming to sweep her off her feet, and if she does, it’s only a false sense of hope. This isn’t a movie or book; this is real life. No guy is going to want some girl who’s knocked up and as round as a damn volleyball.”

I avert my eyes from hers and look into the bag of chips realizing I have eaten all of them. My stomach rumbles in protest, and I stand up to find something else to eat. I know, I know. I will get more chips and make you happy.

“We both know that’s a bunch of crap,” she responds, blocking me from entering the kitchen.

“I care about you, and I will be here until Corey gets his shit together and realizes what he did. Until then, you will have to deal with me being Mother Hen.”

I smile as I bypass her to look through some more bags.

“Right. But if you keep teasing me with veggie chips, I’m going to kick you out. If you’re going to buy chips, at least make them real.”

Corey

The nightmares of my past never leave me. No matter what I do, I feel as if the past is chasing me. I take one step forward only to end up taking twenty back.

“Corey… Corey…” my mother cried out. Her cries always sounded real. Her harsh breathing and the tears that fell down her cheeks reminded me of the hurt that my father inflicted on our family.

“I hate him. I hate him for leaving this family cold and broken,” she repeatedly said over and over again every night as I rocked her back in forth in her bed. My mother never knew it, but as I was holding her together, I was struggling to hold myself together, fighting to fuse the pieces of me that turned black the minute my father walked out on us.

I told her I would make things better, that I would get revenge for her and our family. I did, or so I thought. I regretted my promise of revenge because it turned me into the exact thing I never wanted to be: my father. I was a fuck up, and even in my dreams, I couldn’t make amends with my past. I couldn’t escape the way I hurt Jenna, the heartache and sorrow I caused her. Then I ripped Mimi’s heart out and have hated myself more than anyone could ever hate me.

I shoot up out of a dead sleep, a cold sweat soaking me. I am getting really sick and tired of my subconscious finding its way into my dreams. I gaze at the clock on the dresser. It is only six a.m. I have another two hours before I have my first class of the day, before I have to see Mimi as I do every day, before I have to ignore the fact that I let my future go.

I get out of bed lazily, realizing if I try to go back to sleep, I will just be assaulted by my own thoughts. I really don’t want to hear any more about how big of a fuck up I am. Believe me, I already know.

I grab clothes out of the laundry basket at the foot of my bed and head for the shower. Going from living with Mimi to living with my friend Justin is, well, different. There is never a wait for the bathroom in the morning; however, there is also never any co-showering done either. At least for me there isn’t.

“Sorry if my girl was too loud last night. I told her you were staying and she just completely ignored me,” Justin explains as I head for the bathroom.

“No worries, man,” I respond, closing the door. I am grateful for Justin. Did I have to move out of my and Mimi’s apartment? No. But I didn’t want to stay where I wasn’t wanted. I hurt her, broke her, and there is nothing that I can do to make her whole again. Walking away from her is the hardest thing I have ever done, but staying when I know I can’t be who she wants me to be would have been even more difficult.

I jump in the shower, hoping to wash away the ugliness that spirals within me. I stand in there for what seems like hours until the water runs as cold as my heart. I don’t want to face another day where I have to put on a mask and pretend all is okay when it isn’t. I hate having to watch her from afar, looking, but never touching.

Pull yourself together, asshole… You did this to yourself. That I did. I dry off and throw on a pair of dark-washed jeans and a Henley. I am over trying to look good. I used to try for one thing: sex. Honestly, I don’t need any more of that in my life.

“You ready for class, dude, or are you going to curl your hair?” Justin jokes from the other side of the door. I open it, running my fingers through my hair.

“How’s it look, babe?” I ask in a girly voice, grinning at him.

He laughs harder than needed and says, “Never do that again. Alright?” I smile, nodding. It is horrible how I have to pretend to be okay when I am not.

***

I walk into class like I do every morning, forcing myself to avoid searching the auditorium for Mimi. However, today I am not nearly as strong as I am most days, and it probably has to do with the fact that there is a guy talking to her.

I feel an odd burn of jealously flow through my veins. Forcing myself to sit down and face forward, I clench my jaw and fists, wanting desperately to say something. She was mine. WAS being the keyword. It will be stupid of me to lash out at some guy who is obviously very interested in someone I let go. I can’t be jealous of something that I have caused myself, can I?

I hear her quiet laughter throughout the hour and a half of class, and I’ll be damned. It doesn’t do a fucking thing to calm my nerves to know that she is happy and content with a guy she hardly knows. On top of it, she is pregnant with my baby, our baby. All I can think about is getting up and throwing her over my shoulder like a cave man. The only thing holding me back is the fact that I don’t deserve her or our baby.

Papers shuffle, and I hear some guy clear his throat as a stack of documents lands in front of me.

“Are you going to pass those out, Mr. Winchester?” The professor questions, an eyebrow raised at me. He knows very well that I am not paying a dime of attention to him, clearly caught up in my own shitty thoughts.

“Uh, yeah,” I reply modestly, grabbing the stack of papers. I hand them out starting at the first row and have the other students pass them down. As I go higher in the seats, I grow closer and closer to where Mimi and the mystery guy are sitting.

As I come to their row, I hand out the papers but not before taking notice of the way the guy stares at me. He watches me intently then whispers something in her ear, causing her eyes to perk up and meet mine. There’s a fire in her eyes as I take her in. She’s more beautiful than ever as a glow radiates from her already tan skin, and her eyes shine dark green back at mine.

I drag my eyes away from her to shoot a dirty look at the guy. I’m going to find out who he is and ruin his life. The second I get back to my seat, I realize what I am thinking, and it hits me—as much as I want to wipe the floor with that guy, I no longer have any claim on her, and that’s just how it is. I have no one to blame but myself.

“What the fuck? Were you daydreaming again?” Justin asks as I take my seat. I shake my head, laughing silently.

“No, asshole, I wasn’t.” Class chugs along at a slow pace. I can practically feel Mimi’s eyes burning a hole in the back of my head, not that I blame her one bit. I should be the one caring for her, but I’m not because I pushed her away.

“Alright, class, for the next project I have paired each of you with a randomly chosen partner. This project is about learning to get along and grow as individuals. Diversity is something you will see for the rest of your lives, and there is no better time to get a grasp on that than now.”

Everyone in class sighs and starts yammering as he starts calling out names. I’m too busy listening to the blonde bimbo’s gossip next to me that I don’t hear my name being called.

“Now that’s funny shit,” Justin says amusingly. I scowl at him, completely confused by his statement. What the fuck is he talking about?

“What’s funny shit?” He gives me a bewildered look.

“Daydreaming again are we? Professor just announced your partner. Looks like God’s not on your side because you’re paired up with Mimi.”

The second the words are out of his mouth and registering in my brain is the second the panic starts to take over. We cannot work together, let alone work on being nice to each other, to save our lives. I refuse to be around her, but not because I don’t want to be, because I know if I am… I know that if I am, I will want to tell her how much I love her again, confess to all of my darkest sins, and beg her to take me back.

I turn around, my mind panicking when I don’t spot her. Fuck. Where the hell did she go? I stand abruptly to search the room. I hear Justin asking me what the problem is, but I don’t even know where to start. I head quickly for the door and leave the auditorium with an urgent need to talk to her.

I see her brown curls blowing in the wind as she runs away. I repeatedly yell for her to stop, not even caring that I’m making a bunch of excess noise. I’m not surprised when she ignores me and keeps running, just like I do to her.

Mimi

I stay in bed for two whole days not caring that I am missing classes or that I desperately need to take a shower. I refuse to be partners with Corey; I refuse to look at him or even talk to him. To say I was shocked when I found out he tried to hunt me down is an understatement. His actions were a little more than I could handle at that moment, so I retreated to the safety and security of my bed. Declan has texted me for the past two days demanding that I come to class and telling me that some douche can’t control me. He has no idea.

A knock at the door startles me, pulling me from my Netflix binge of The Vampire Diaries. I reluctantly drag myself from my bed and slip my feet into my slippers. My hair is an unruly mess, and my eyes have two day old eyeliner on them. I look like a wreck, but not an ounce of me gives a shit.

I unlock the door, opening it slowly until I see Jenna’s face on the other side. I open it all the way, allowing her to come in. I know why she’s here. I haven’t been to class in two days, and I’m sure Rex, and even Ryder, have stopped by while I was refusing to answer the door. So, of fucking course they resort to sending in reinforcements.

“You realize you have missed classes for two fucking days? You also haven’t answered anyone’s texts or the door when people came by to check on you. You’re an adult, Mimi, and I shouldn’t have to send people to check on you, but I do because I’m your friend, and I’m worried. However, I can’t hold your hand forever, so no better time to grow up than now,” she scolds me, gesturing to my belly which is slowly starting to stick out.